Not Alone: 2022

[Bach]

Sending strength and comfort and good thoughts to you, Not Alone 

[Not Alone]

Thank you, Bach. 

Those are both huge weights, Not Alone. Being on at work for 40 hrs a week is a lot and it is exhausting, and then to have to come home and act ok when you ARE NOT OK. No one who went through and is going through what you have gone and are going through would be ok without ample time and support as these pieces are being sorted through, understood, and healed.

But Not Alone? You don't have to act OK for H. He may want and need you to act like it's OK, but you don't need to do that. If he can't handle what happened to you and what you are going through now as these memories surface and get worked through....that is HIS problem to deal with. You get to be not OK because it is not ok.

Thank you for your affirmation, Armee. Working FT in addition to the weight of the trauma that I carry is a huge weight. For the most part I don't pretend to be okay for my H, but I still feel the weight of his hope/expectation. I mostly deal with it by staying in my room, away from him.


Being back at work today went fine.

[Not Alone]

The phone drama continues. I had to sent the phone to the company. Hopefully they can either fix it or give me a replacement. That means I'm cut off for one to two weeks. I hope it is resolved and returned very quickly.

I received my phone back from the company. It still isn't working. I just can't. . . . . . Took two xanax to get through the night.

[sanmagic7]

so frustrating, notalone.  modern medical miracles have helped me thru many a time like this.  i'm glad you had them to help yourself make it thru the day.  love and hugs

[Hope67]

Hi Not Alone,
Sending you a supportive hug,    I was sorry to hear your phone isn't working.  That's so frustrating, and I wish they'd have sorted it out for you. 

I'm glad that you got through the night with the xanax.

Hope 

[Not Alone]

Thanks, San & Hope. The xanax did help me get through the day. I have to leave for work soon. Work will probably keep me from getting too close to crazy-land. After work I'll go back to the provider store again. The tech with whom I spent over 90 minutes on chat said to do _________. I asked her three times, "What if that doesn't work?" She assured me it would. I had other techs tell me that wouldn't work, so I'm not too hopeful.  Besides being very upsetting on its own, the phone thing meshes with trauma and brought up new memories. The anxiety I feel is so high, my body feels like it is full of bees.

[paul72]

hi Not Alone
I hope your work day is going ok and your anxiety eases.
Wouldn't it be wonderful if talking with support (anywhere) felt like they had any understanding of traumatized people? Some extra training maybe?
I can't place an order at a drive-thru or over the phone without completely screwing it up every time because it causes so much anxiety to me.
You're not alone ...yes, I'm stealing your line - it's a really good one
Sending support and care and best wishes for a gentle day , as well as an easy fix for your phone after work 

[sanmagic7]

sending love and caring hugs as you muscle thru not only the problem at hand but your anxiety as well.  by the way, you're notalone in that as phil said.  my anxiety runs away with me when i have to speak to strangers on a phone, even for the simplest things.  ugh!

[rainydiary]

I hope the bees leave soon - that image was so viseral for me.

[Not Alone]

Thanks Phil, San, & Rainy.

I went to the provider store after work. They were closed. Not supposed to be closed. Inventory, I think. It was a push off of the cliff. Medicating myself through the evening.

[Bach]

Not Alone, I feel for you on the phone thing.  I've been having phone trouble too, and it's just terrible how unsettled and unsafe I feel when the dang thing isn't working the way it should. 

Many hugs   

[Armee]

Oh that's so distressing! I'm angry and sad for you right now.

[sanmagic7]

 

[Not Alone]

Bach, Armee, San, thank you for your support. Yes, the phone thing is sooo distressing and triggering.

Yesterday I went back to the provider store. Spent an hour there. Even though they were kind (none of this the fault of the clerks who work there), basically they said there was nothing that could be done.

I will go to another provider, the one my H uses. I think that I will still be able to use my phone. Two of my adult kids are on my current, difficult plan, so that adds complication. I really need this nightmare to be over.

When I get phone situation settled, the Littles who have been so triggered will need to talk to T. That has happened some. I feel like I need the phone taken care of so that I can let the Little(s) just fall apart.

[sanmagic7]