Not Alone: 2022

[rainydiary]

I am thinking of you Not Alone.

[Not Alone]

Thank you San, Armee & Rainy Diary.

H seems to be back in his cave. There's more I could say, but I'm too tired.

Work is going fine.

[Armee]

 

Sometimes consistency in the people we have tondeal with is helpful even if it is consistently crappy. I'm sorry, Not Alone. I wish things were better.

[sanmagic7]

 

love and a hug full of support, notalone.

[Not Alone]

I felt ambushed by H on Wednesday. As soon as I got home from work, he was asking me questions. I was so thrown. It made my head spin. Very confusing. I couldn't think clearly or answer as wisely as I would have liked. It makes it hard to process because it was so upsetting and because I can't remember clearly what was said. I remember a few points which I recorded in my journal.

My H is looking for a therapist. So far he hasn't found someone who accepts his insurance. I'm trying to keep any hope at bay.

I took me a very long time to stop guessing/imagining what my H was thinking. Now that things are unsettled, I'm finding myself even more on eggshells and trying to guess what is going on in him. I need to try and stop doing that. It isn't healthy for me.

[Armee]

That sounds really upsetting and unsettling. Keep going with what you need.

[Not Alone]

Thanks, Armee.

[CactusFlower]

Hugs in support, Not Alone.

Also, as someone who used to work in health insurance, here is some insider info. Feel free to ignore if it's not something you want to pass on to your H. He can call his health insurance and ask them to email or even mail a list of all the therapists contracted with his insurance. Sometimes, they can even filter the list if he wanted say, only male therapists, or in a certain area. He'd then have to call them and see if they're taking new patients, but that would at least answer one question in the search.  Hope it helps.

[sanmagic7]

hey, notalone,

someone once told me that i have the ability to stop the ambush process down by telling the other person to wait a minute, i have to get my thoughts together, i need some time to think about what you're asking - anything to pause such a barrage of questions.  it has helped me.  i've been thru too many ambushes, can totally relate to what you went thru, and hope it doesn't happen again. 

i'll hope for you, if that's ok.  hope he's serious, hope he keeps looking, hope he does the work needed to find someone, hope he actually goes.  whether he does or not is on him.  he needs to show you he's serious about it, that he wants to do it.

i'm very sorry you're on eggshells, notalone. have done that too many times to count, and it's a terrible feeling.  i also hope you find some relief from it very soon.  sending love and a hug filled with support and comfort.

[Blueberry]

Sending hugs of comfort and support, Notalone 

[Bach]

Thinking of you, Not Alone 

[Not Alone]

Cactus Flower, I appreciate that advice. If he brings it up again, I will mention that to him. I need to be careful not to do his work for him. (T's advice.)

San, thanks for what you shared about dealing with ambush. If it happens again, I will tell him that I want to have that discussion, but I can't now. I will talk about it _______________. Regarding him going to therapy, I hope all those things too. You're right. He needs to show me he is serious.

Thank you Blueberry. I truly appreciate your support. 

Back to you, Bach. 

[Not Alone]

Between my T being gone and dealing with the stuff with my H, the Little who showed up and had a memory, over a month ago, has been put on hold. This week she spent time with T and some really important things happened.

T got her out of the bad place that she was put into. He wanted to make sure that she knew that the place would be destroyed and she was safe from being put there again. They "hired" firemen to tear it up. The "firemen" destroyed the bad place, breaking it into very small pieces. Then they hauled the pieces away. T talked with her about a safe place where she could be. They came up with a place, which is where she is now. Some of the other Littles have visited her there.

What happened was a very big deal. Very big.

I have been sleeping a lot in the afternoons. I guess that is okay.

[Armee]

 

It's more than ok to be resting a lot. That sounds really important to take that bad place away.  Sending some safe feelings to the Littles.

[Not Alone]

Armee, thank you for the affirmation and care.