Elpha's New Pieces

Armee · January 22, 2022, 01:29:50 PM

Aw E. I wish there were easier answers that didn't involve a restrictive diet and food diary especially given its a bit of a trigger.

I had horrible pain and IBS and had to go on an extremely restrictive diet and Abx for a year for SIBO. It really sucked. That feeling of over control...it's not a good one.

I wish you relatively pain-less days for the rest of the week and next. You've suffered quite enough and deserve some peace and a break from pain before surgery.

Not Alone · January 22, 2022, 03:01:11 PM

I'm sorry that your news wasn't more concrete and that it involves many including diet changes.

Elphanigh · January 22, 2022, 10:21:16 PM

Thank you both

I wish I had more concrete answers too. For now, I am doing a little better with it today. I can eat whatever I want (sort of) and keep a food journal. Then just wait for scheduling departments to call me Monday/Tuesday to get dates for everything else.

Today is less painful than the last few have been so I am hopeful for a few days of normalcy. I am trying to both rest and use the energy to catch up on some things

CactusFlower · January 23, 2022, 04:09:57 PM

Wishing better answers and direction for you with this. I had a thought as I was reading.... If the food journal is a little triggering, would it help to pretend it's like doing a restaurant review? Like "Spaghetti for dinner. Needed more oregano and the sauce was a bit thin. 3 out of 5 stars." It was just a thought to reframe the food with a little humor.

Elphanigh · January 23, 2022, 05:10:07 PM

That's a good idea, Cactus Flower

So far it isn't as bad as I thought it would be, which I am thankful for. Hoping to continue with it being a bit easier than expected.

Elphanigh · January 25, 2022, 02:13:22 PM

I found out yesterday that the scope of my stomach is happening early tomorrow morning. I am glad to get it done so quickly but also have had huge emotions about it.

Yet another triggering procedure to have done. It is quick and hopefully the light anesthesia will allow me to be asleep and not remember it. I'm pretty scared of the ides of being conscious of the procedure because I am not sure I could consciously let someone stick something down my throat and into my stomach. It's an unsettling and triggering thought. I have had terrible medical anxiety since that phone call and will be glad to be done so that can subside again.

Armee · January 26, 2022, 06:18:07 AM

Does it help to bring something with you that reminds you of present safe time? I know it won't get rid of that very reasonable trigger reaction but maybe something can help a little bit. I also find just being aware that something will be triggering to be helpful. Being caught off guard can be really hard.

I'll be thinking of you tonight and tomorrow and hope that whatever triggering happens is at least as gentle and short-lived as can be.

Elphanigh · January 26, 2022, 03:32:56 PM

Thank you

I am through okay and just feel tired and dried out (they give medicine to dry the mouth and airway). So lots of rest and sleep care today but it feels better to have it all done

Elphanigh · February 03, 2022, 05:00:44 PM

Well, it has been a long ish week but I am starting to do a bit better.

I had a scope and biopsy of my stomach done that came back clear. They finally set a new surgery date for me (Feb. 25th), had my pre-op instruction appointment earlier this morning. There are a lot of instructions for before and after. In addition, I started a new medication for my anxiety and panic attacks three days ago. Today is the first day I haven't been a walking zombie until like 4pm so progress, I guess. I am not generally a fan of daily medication but I needed to do something for the high levels of anxiety and frequent panic attacks that were/are hampering my functioning.

My inner children have been struggling a lot with physical touch and food because of everything that has gone on. So my partner and I have been at distance, doing zoom dates this week and I have been mostly isolating (I was doing so because of covid anyways). I adore that she is so understanding and was the one that offered to give that space but it is tough to ask it of her because I am still learning what a truly healthy relationship looks like. We do have plans for the weekend before valentines day though and I am stoked for them. Hoping that my inner children will be a little calmer about having people in my physical space by then.

I am still working from home and going minimal places because of covid. If I catch covid they cannot do my surgery so I have to be very careful for the next 3 weeks and then again after surgery until I am recovered. I don't mind it most of the time but it is tough to not see my clients in person and to try to balance what people I can and can't see sort of thing.

I do notice that having a date for my surgery helps me panic less about my physical pains because there is a hope they will go away soon. There are still nerves that it will not solve all of the abdominal symptoms I have but it should at least help with many of them. It is unlcear if there is something else going on because tests come back clear but symptoms aren't consistent with that. It is sort of a roll of the dice to hope that this takes care of most or all of it once I have recovered. I am reminded how hard it will be to work through recovery at first and allow people to help with that. Even for the first month I have a 10lb weight restriction which is a lot less than it seems like tbh. My work bags or grocery can quickly add up to that. Things like cat litter are easily over that so I will need to be more creative for a bit but if it helps it will be worth it.

Trauma stuff is definitely a background to all of this and can really not be separated because of the emotional triggers with all of this. It is an adventure to work through but is something I am doing a bit better to work through now. If I am honest, I am excited for two weeks away from work and clients. It will be tough to be away but it will be amazing at the same time. Life has been a lot recently and the break will be good. The first week will be a blur but the second week should be something I can enjoy.

Hope67 · February 12, 2022, 07:20:46 PM

Hi Elpha,
I'm glad to hear that you're starting to do a bit better. Having your new surgery date for 25th February is good, and I am relieved to hear that your scope and biopsy came back clear. It's great that you have some time away from your work and clients so you can concentrate on your well-being, and fingers crossed that all will be ok for your operation date.

Hope

CactusFlower · February 13, 2022, 04:00:05 PM

Good to hear there is direction going forward and some procedures came back clear! I too find it often helps to know more about the next steps. here's hoping this weekend was pleasant for you. gentle hugs if you want them.

Elphanigh · February 22, 2022, 05:11:15 PM

I know it has been a while since I updated. Honestly so much has happened and I don't have the time or bandwidth to update about everything.

The basic run down is taking Prozac has completely wrecked my system.. caused extreme anxiety and fear in ways that are worse than my normal. I am trying to wean off the medication to finally feel better from it. It has made so many things difficult to manage and I am ready to be done with it.

Surgery is this Friday. I am nervous but also glad to get this done so I can start the process of recovering. I get three weeks off of work so that will be helpful to my ability to resettle and heal.

My mom is coming in for my surgery to help me for about a week. However, she got sick last week. We were concerned she had clots in her lungs. Those tests came back normal and they have her on medication to treat what is potentially Long Covid. She is starting to feel better. I am nervous for her to travel here and get more sick but she is promising me that she is oaky and taking care of herself.

While she is here, she is going to meet my partner. I have said I love you to my partner at this point and grown very attached to having her in my life. I look forward to them meeting but am also nervous for it. I want them to get a long and for it to be a positive experience.

Anyways, I have tons of work to do (finishing up clients and paperwork before I go on leave for three weeks). Then of course all the other random surgery prep that needs to occur.

Hope67 · February 22, 2022, 08:13:06 PM

Hi Elpha,
I would like to wish you the best for Friday's surgery. Will think of you, and wish you the best outcome.

Hope

Elphanigh · February 22, 2022, 08:30:16 PM

Thank you Hope

Elphanigh · February 24, 2022, 02:19:35 PM

Tomorrow is the day! This time tomorrow I will likely be under anesthesia. It is honestly nerve wracking but I know it is a necessary step toward feeling better. I will be glad to be on the other side of it and in the process of recovering. My M got her yesterday and is staying with me until the 2nd (about a full week) to help me. I get her for 5 ish days after the surgery which will be a huge help. After that I am not sure if I will be home alone or if I will ask my partner to be here. Either way, I know there are people around me that are willing to help in anyway I need.

I have started to look forward to the three weeks away from work. I love my job and it will be tough to not worry about my clients but it will be nice to basically have a giant reset for myself. Life has been so intense the last several months and time away will allow me to rest and recoup from that as much as it will let me recoup from surgery.