Sage's Journal

[NarcKiddo]

I love that little house project. Your crochet idea sounds great, and really original.

[Armee]

I'm so glad you are feeling better and are able to keep creating! So for crocheting the house do you crochet around the frame of the house or anchor the stitches another way? Fascinating and cool idea!

[sanmagic7]

CF, i think your idea for that house is adorable, and i have no doubt it'll turn out lovely.  i get the thing about being creative - some of the things i'm making sure to pack for the move are some cross-stitch kits i've never used cuz i got too sick to work them anymore.  i'm looking forward to that side of me becoming more prominent.

glad your meds are doing well. keep taking care of you, ok?  love and hugs

[CactusFlower]

gentle hugs and thank you! I'll put some pics in the art section. The way I'm doing it, I'm crocheting panels for the sections and will be gluing those to the house form. It's progressing much faster than I thought, so I'm going to be adding details. Like, embroidering some tiny flowers under the window piece on the front panel, etc. I'll try crocheting a chimney somehow and see if it looks ok.  If it does, I have some polyfil stuffing I can use a wisp of for smoke, perhaps. I might even see if I can find a pattern for small lace edging for the eaves. Like some Victorian houses have that scalloped decoration on theirs.

Other than that, the last few days have not been pleasant. We didn't get the snowstorms a lot of the midwest USA got, but we got the wind. And of course, wind that strong and sustained puts me right back to the childhood typhoon. The wind lasted for 3 days or so, and it's breezy out still now. Plus, BFF had to go to the hospital again this morning for his issues, so my anxiety is through the roof. I have therapy this afternoon, fortunately. That's probably why I got so much crocheting done even though my hands are aching. I've been trying to focus on it and not the wind. And still no disability letter. I feel forced into a holding pattern and anxious at the same time. That means I'm dissociating a lot recently. I'll "tune back in" and find I've finished something creatively, but it's hours later than I thought it was.

I did manage to tell my ACA group about the undiagnosed OSDD, and they were so loving and accepting, I was nearly crying. There's a core group there where I can be so real and so open. It means a lot to me. Eh, I'm all over the place right now. I'll go post in art before I forget, and I'll try to post here more regularly again.

[sanmagic7]

thank the stars for support groups!  they can be just the ticket at times.  so glad you found ACA, CF.

good luck w/ the disability. we got ours back, rejected, but our advocate is going for another round.  however, that won't be for a year or so.  i don't know.  it's so wearying.  i'm with you all the way on this.

i used to knit a lot, kept my fingers busy, could concentrate on that, etc.  it's a good thing.  love and hugs

[Armee]

So much courage and vitality CF! It's hard to talk about the dissociative stuff. Your crocheted house sounds so adorable. I'm so frustrated by our disability system. I'm sorry CF.

[Hope67]

Dear Sage,
Your group sounds very supportive and caring.  I am glad you have them in your life. 

Your crocheting sounds really creative and colourful.  I hope to find where you've posted about it - and have a look.  I used to do a little bit of crocheting when I was a child, but haven't done any for years.

Anyway, I hope that your letter that you're waiting for will come sooner rather than later.  It is so frustrating to be waiting for it, and I hope it will come soon.

Hope 

[NarcKiddo]

I hate being forced into a holding pattern. Have had a few health issues myself recently and have felt the same way, so I can certainly relate. I hope you hear back with good news on the disability soon.

[CactusFlower]

Thank you, all, gentle group hug!

BFF is back from the hospital and much better, so that is a huge relief.

I realized in my ACA group today, we were talking about siblings (I have none) and I shared about how I make my inner Teenager feel better and accepted. Although I was away from my abuser before then, I was NOT popular in school.  I was the quiet nerd/weird person in the back of the classroom. Creative writing in English, hung with a couple close friends to play D&D at lunch, made fun of by the popular kids, etc. While I can't afford to dress the way my inner Teenager wants, nor do I have room for a lot of stuff, I've let her and some of the others in my head create wishlists on Amazon. It's kind of a virtual way of expressing one's self. I also let her make a playlist on Spotify, and she's the one who hosts a lot of my creativity. Due to the wide expanse of the internet which I didn't have then (high school was 1984-88), it's like she can find and read about people like her, find audiences for her creative output, feel it's OK to be "weird". If there had been such a thing as Goth/Emo back then in my town, she'd totally have been that. But just letting some of my alters express themselves in these safe ways has gone a long way to things working better in this head.

[NarcKiddo]

Wow! That Amazon Wishlist idea is fantastic. I love it. Thank you so much for sharing that.

[CactusFlower]

Ya'll, gentle group hug. I have cried today, cried with relief. I got Disability! The amount of anxiety I had over this... I think I'm still in a little shock and there are a lot of details to deal with, but that's okay. I'll be okay. 3 years. Three years to get here, and I am so, so grateful.

Just had to share something positive.

[Little2Nothing]

I'm glad you are able to get disability. Financial worry on top of everything else is disheartening. 

[Armee]

  

I am so so relieved for you that this was approved. I am so sorry that life caused you to need disability but so so so glad that you have the validation and support that comes with this. Good luck with all the paperwork!

[Hope67]

Hi Sage,
I am really happy to hear you've been approved regarding the disability.    I also wish you good luck with your paper work.
 
Hope 

[NarcKiddo]

That's really great news. I am so glad you finally heard, and that you got the right result.