Struggling to make a decision...

[findingpeace2018]

Hi everyone,

Im really having trouble making a decision to leave my job.  Its not a bad company, but my department is INCREDIBLY dysfunctional.  I have trained my manager (she still doesnt know what her employees do after 3.5 years), and still cover for her.  I also did the previous managers job, no one knew.  Its the type of place where you only get anywhere by knowing someone high up.  Im struggling....Im being pushed to do too much work, my input is ignored and put down.  Yes, these are VERY trying times for all, but I just keep being told to "just get it done".  And of course, my manager agrees with that sentiment....and she has NO CLUE what she is asking me to do.

I am under valued and I feel under paid.  I would love to leave, but feel I am letting my family down.  I dont know that I will make this money anywhere else.  While we can survive without my income, I feel I am asking my family to give up alot for me.

I know this seems so trivial and stupid with everything going on, I just dont have any family (am no contact) and few friends.  I would appreciate any advice or thoughts on this.  Especially since this community "gets" CPTSD.

Thank you so much for reading,

Finding peace

[Three Roses]

FWIW it doesn't sound trivial at all.

When I need to make a decision, it really helps me to make a list. I draw a line down the middle of a piece of paper, & write all the "pros" on one side and all the "cons" on the other.

The end result is really clear. Not that it makes a tough decision any easier. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

I don't want to give advice but I'll say a couple of things.

I dont know that I will make this money anywhere else.

But if this job makes you feel devalued and overworked, is it worth it?

While we can survive without my income, I feel I am asking my family to give up alot for me.

If you're unhappy, the biggest thing your family is giving up is You.

[findingpeace2018]

Thank you so much for your reply Three Roses.  You are so kind, and wise.  Im going to make a list, that is a great idea!

While I wish I didnt have CPTSD, Im humbled to be part of such a supportive and caring community.  What a blessing....

[Snowdrop]

One thing that's helped me before is to imagine that I don't have my current job, then think of a typical day, and ask myself if this is a job that I'd apply for. My answer is usually illuminating!

[findingpeace2018]

Thank you Snowdrop!!  That is a fabtastic idea and not something I have thought of.  I will try this too!!!!

[brightlight]

This is a bit dramatic but sometimes I imagine if it was my last day on earth looking back at my life what is I really want to do?

My answer is always 'help people' but you may have a different answer or many different answers.

I then try and find ways I can achieve this such as find someone who can help me i.e a job couch or organisation, friend or acquaintance with knowledge of a particular subject that will help you move forward.

With CPTSD you may not get to where you want to as fast as other people without this condition but I at least feel better if I work towards where I want to be.

I had even thought of having two jobs, so if the one you were moving to doesn't work out or feel good then you have the security of the first job as a springboard for better things. Even volunteer once a week somewhere to see if this fits what you would like to do and or make working connections to help you.

It all depends where you live as to what resources are around you but I hope this helps. 

[findingpeace2018]

Thank you so much for your insight, Brightlight.  You are so spot on with almost everything you said, its uncanny.  Im so appreciative of all the input you all have given me, it makes me think and then each time I feel that I am indeed moving in the right direction.

Just an update, I am taking medical leave starting tomorrow.  I am eligible for up to 12 weeks away from work and they will hold my job.  Im hoping to increase therapy and really start figuring out what is best for me and how to proceed.

Again, thank you for reading and for the replies.  Im so grateful for the replies and ideas to help figure this out.

[Snowdrop]

 

[brightlight]