Ramblings about some paranoid or thoughts of de-realization

[Hope67]

I just wanted to write these things here.
I am so relieved to see certain people actively posting here today - because last night I had some weird experiences and dreams where I was actually thinking that I had fragmented so much, that I was losing time, and I honestly wondered if maybe I had come downstairs in the middle of the night and written things that I didn't know in conscious awareness. 

Infact some entries in people's diaries lately have made me think that it 'could have been me' who wrote those things, and therefore I even wondered (in my sleep last night) whether I had somehow opened up new diaries, and was writing them!

I realise how bizarre that must sound, and indeed does sound, as in the light of day, and seeing that people are talking in the forum - I know it's not me, as I looked at the time they wrote things, and I was doing something else entirely - but that's how paranoid and fragmented I have felt over the past few days.

I feel ashamed about this - but at the same time I want to share it here, although putting it in this section keeps it out of my own diary, and therefore enables me to distance myself from it.

I think I'll be contributing to difference places to write about things that have been bothering me this past few days.  I need to get them out and share them. 

Hope 

[Tee]

Hugs hope I feel you.  I'm sorry things have been so rough lately.  I've been struggling too.  I'm anxious about school starting backup and how life is going to work this year while I'm in throws off bring broken/healing?  Though I feel like broken then healing. 

I kinda feel at this point like the kid who's bones have all been broken but never taken to the doctor so they healed and I went on living.  But the healed wrong.  ( I never broke bones that I know of) anyways so now the hurt of the past almost has to be rebroken in order to heal properly.  That's where I feel I am. I was managing ok definitely crippled in many was by the past and my cptsd but managing, but now I feel like parts have been been re broken to try to facilitate healing but as with broken bones is taking so long and feel as though it's crushing me.

I hope that makes sense and offers you something for you to think on.  I hope that things get better soon for you.  I'm here as friends to listen and care to lend a shoulder to cry on and gentle hug of encouragement.

[SharpAndBlunt]

 

[woodsgnome]

I found what you wrote about to be highly understandable, in a certain sense. That sense is that we are indeed all connected in the sorts of things we write about here.

While our experiences aren't entirely similar in details, there's a common bond in many of the topics we write about (abuse, neglect, abandonment, anger, etc.). And sometimes we can almost fit into the words we're seeing (like switching the 'costumes' we normally have on) -- even though we didn't personally write the story, we can relate, and sometimes put ourselves into the exact picture of what's going on.

It's not like we're splitting into separate fragments, but more like feeling empathy with the other person, which can possibly scramble in a dream.

Perhaps in that way we're experiencing that unity of feelings we sense and which is so hard to ever explain to others who haven't had to deal with cptsd on an almost daily basis.

[Not Alone]

Hope, glad you posted this. It is very disruptive and disorienting to feel so fragmented. You have my support and compassion.

[Jazzy]

Hope, glad you posted this. It is very disruptive and disorienting to feel so fragmented. You have my support and compassion.

Take care Hope!

[Rainagain]

Hi Hope,

I've had times my dreams have merged into waking life and I've not known what is real and what is dreamt.

Its distressing not to be sure, sorry you are going through this.

[Three Roses]

I've had something similar to what you describe happen in the dead of night - it looks different in the light of day, tho, as you say - it always seems to happen when I'm deeply shaken about something... maybe an uncovered memory, or an argument, or how I feel when I think someone disapproves of me. Sorry you're going thru this. 

[Hope67]

Thanks to everyone for what you wrote in response to my post, it is so helpful to read these - even though I am only reading them today - which is a while since I wrote it - I am thankful that I'm feeling better than I did at the time I wrote the original post, but thank you all so much 
Hope