Focusing on the "healing" too much, not living ???

[johnram]

I am tired, very tired of having problems, I still have a lot of drive but recently i feel i have been consumed with "healing" work.

Being tired that things arent changing at the speed and manner i want. 

However it dawned on me, that i was focusing on the healing too much and not on living e.g. twice weekly therapy, spending time on forums, focusing on whats wrong and not recogning the work done so far, and also not doing fun activities but resorting to old habits of zoning out infront of the TV, or other negative addictive behaviours - which all loop into the negative cycle

i know at an old job, people spoke of faking it till you make it, and of course that does not work for cPTSD, developmental trauma etc, but i wonder if there is a small element of it that does work? 

anyway i am rambling maybe, just feeling a bit like i need to get up and go, but the fog is around and i want to break free

I hope there is a question or something to comment upon in there

thank you lovely people

[Three Roses]

Several times I've seen posts here that spoke of taking a break or vacation from healing. It can be a lot of work to focus constantly on inward issues and not take any pleasure from the beauty that surrounds us.

And, healing is not linear; rather it takes a winding, twisting path that includes periods where you feel as though you've regressed, or relapsed; whatever the case is for you, it's very important that you take your own time and not rush through to the "end".

JIC you haven't seen this yet, I'll post a link here to an article I found really helpful. Best wishes for your continued journey. 

https://cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=11464.msg82830#msg82830

[woodsgnome]

What seems to happen is that the thought of healing creates an excitement that whispers, hey maybe you will find the true answer. And maybe one does, but also discovers another way, then one more, and pretty soon one has all these possibilities and then there must be a logical next step that'll tie it all up in a nice recovery package.

Except, it doesn't always pan out according to those expectations. While it's still exciting to ponder the new life, frustration creeps in. Then the familiar search for the perfect way returns, and one doesn't feel whole until those options are exhausted as well.     


Nothing wrong with any of that, really; enthusiasm and curiosity is what drives one along. Getting wound up in its intensity can deflate the new hopes, though. This is where pacing comes into play. Not shrinking from trying, but taking it as it comes. This can be slow, fast, or mid-range, and can vary over time. 

Recovery is a huge project. One wants to 'do it right' and get there. But doing it right is elusive and the end point, if any, is very individualistic, it seems. Even the term recovery, with its implications of a final result and that's that, can be a bit misleading, if not overwhelming. Plus it can create a sense of failure should the goal not resemble what it was said it would be like.

Therapy, whether formal or informal, with or without a therapist, is an ongoing project, and can involve all parts of a person's life, starting with the inner realization of the need while also being open to surprises that come along in 'normal' life. It might work best to relax the intense vigilance, while still being oriented to creating a new approach to life.

As ThreeRoses pointed out, the journey does not always resemble a linear path, but more zig-zag with switchbacks and detours not uncommon. So the key in all of this, it seems, is self-compassion. For me, that's actually been the hardest part, but the learning curve to achieve it at least seems to ease the natural anxiety and desire to always see visible signs of progress.

[Elphanigh]

Hopefully this answer will make sense/be helpful. Always take what makes sense and feels right and leave the rest.

For me it was an up and down cycle, especially when I first dove into my trauma healing. I did what you described, a couple therapy sessions a week, reading books, watching videos, being involved in trauma groups. At that time I needed to dive all in, but it was draining and did take a lot out of me to do that. Healing work can be consuming, and often times I felt like I was sacrificing some of my life in order to be so consumed. (I think that is kind of what you are getting at with how you are feeling, correct me if I am wrong).

I have found, after almost 2 years of it, that it was worth feeling consumed and like healing was most of my life. That being said there is a balance and such a thing as too much. That balance is very individual, and something that I would suggest talking with your therapist about. They might have an idea as to how you might feel better about this process.


As far as the fake it until you make it. I definitely subscribed to that on some level. You can't fake it in your therapist's office but sometimes with exercises and my anxiety I would find myself faking it until it did eventually truly get better. It was a face that allowed me to keep working and keep the part of my life outside of healing still going while I was so deep into trauma work. It also sometimes meant I was faking a bit of confidence I didn't have and I think honestly I grew into it with my trauma work. So yes and no. There seems to be a piece of it that works as long as you are doing some of the background work to go with it.

Not sure that made sense or what helpful, but hope it was. Know you are not alone in those feelings/experiences at all. 

[Not Alone]

Three Roses: helpful article. Thanks for sharing it.

johnram: I can relate to what you wrote. In the beginning of my current healing journey, I was almost completely consumed. Sometimes the "fake it" is helpful to me and other times "faking it"  just feels more overwhelming. For example, tonight my husband and I will meet friends for dinner. My first instinct is that I'd rather be curled up at home with a blanket and zoned out on TV. Once I am at the restaurant, I will probably enjoy the time with friends. Right now; however, that seems to have a time limit and if it goes on too long (can't define how long that is) I start to zone out.

[saturnine]

I honestly feel the same way sometimes...these past couple years have felt like nonstop healing work, with breaks only when I can't take it anymore. But that way of doing things leads to huge burnout. My intense desire to be closer to "better, normal, healthy" etc. causes the perfectionist in me to push my way through healing. I often have to remind myself to take a break...I recently started reading a novel when all I've been reading lately are non-fiction, philosophical self-help type books. The little enjoyments in life are what make us able to keep pushing forward, otherwise we'll run on fumes.