Feeling & Dealing with Our Anger & Grief

[Kizzie]

A lot of us have had to swallow/repress our anger in order to survive the trauma we endured and ended up being vulnerable to abuse because of this.  Some of us turn our anger inward on ourselves rather than outward where it belongs.

According to therapists like Pete Walker though, angering is necessary to recovery and healing because it not only defuses and quiets our Inner Critic, but re-ignites and fuels the self-protective side of our selves.  It also allows us to reach the grief and sadness that frequently lies underneath. See his article Grieving and Complex PTSD.

[LilyITV]

Very interesting article.  It really makes a lot of good points that ring so true to me.  I need to reread this a few times to fully process this. 

[Kizzie]

Enjoyed this article by Dr. Veronique Mead, herself a trauma survivor: "18 Stealthy Ways to Act Out & Heal Fight, Flight, Freeze and Disease " - https://chronicillnesstraumastudies.com/act-out/.

It resonated for me because I do often feel the need to express/release trauma other than via talk therapy and her suggestions you can do on your own (versus paying for formal therapy strategies like somatic experiencing).

Note: There is one where she talks about the joy/power of swearing and while I do enjoy turning the air blue myself from time to time, when we've allowed it here at OOTS it takes off (I guess because it does feel good), and is quite triggering for members whose abusers swore at them constantly. 

So, please feel free to swear at the top of your lungs in the shower or car but not in your posts here    Tks!

[Windflower]

Truly the most helpful and practical thing I have read to date. Thank you for sharing!

[Kizzie]

Just pinging this thread as it has some good suggestions about why we need to tap into our anger (Pete Walker's article) and how to do so in healthy ways (Dr. Mead's article).  I have been reading more about stuffing our emotions, anger in particular, and what it does to us physically and I'm even more convinced we really do need ways to release our negative feelings in safe and healthy ways to avoid illness/disease.

I'm just starting Gabor Mate's book "When the Body Says No: The HIdden Cost of Stress" , and if I wasn't convinced before, with every word I read I am more and more certain how much traumatic stress affects us physically, not just psychologically. 

Towards the end of the book (I peeked) he has a chapter "The Seven "A's" of Healing" which include: acceptance, awareness, anger, autonomy, attachment, assertion, and affirmation. There it is again, one of the main emotions as children most of us were too frightened to express so we repressed it. And that is where ill health begins and worsens over time he suggests, just as many others are saying with respect to Complex Trauma.