Lost a friend today

[JenWest987]

I woke up this morning to a text breaking a friendship. I just explained yesterday to this person that being accepted and not rejected in friendships is what I need. But ppl are too transactional to be anything more than surface deep. I don't act. I don't play games. I'm authentic and expect it in return. I don't think that's too much to ask. But nothing u do helps me maintain friendships. Why does my inner critic always proven right. How am I supposed to disarm her when stuff like this happens.

[zen_racer]

I don't have any good answers for you. I've always had issues with making friends or keeping them. Once I learned about cptsd, that pattern in my life made more sense. But I don't have anything on how to do it differently. I've only know. About cptsd for about 2 months now, and I haven't come back around to figure anything out about why it's been so difficult. I imagine I'm at least half the problem, if not more. I think I started cutting people off when they'd do things I didn't like too easily. I'd believe that people directly acted against me, but I may have been projecting and responding to emotional flashbacks rather than what was actually going on. And some people just suck.

Ultimately, I think we probably do cause issues based on having never learned what a healthy relationship looks like, and because we started being hyper vigilant looking for problems. I think the combination often makes us seem less genuine to other people, because we are playing roles we learned were safe.

I'm sorry I don't have answers, but you're not alone in having problems.

[NarcKiddo]

I'm sorry that opening up to that person was followed so quickly by them breaking off the friendship. The one may not have caused the other but if it was a factor, remember it says more about them than you.

[Kizzie]

I have to agree with NarcKiddo; it says more about them than you. I do think that unfortunately it's common for non-survivors to be unsure about a friendship with a survivor unless they are very grounded and compassionate. At least they didn't fade away and not tell you they no longer wished to be friends. It's not much but at least you are clear about where they stand. Just my opinion but I think it's harder to be ghosted.

In any event I'm sorry this happened, it's tough to deal with I know.