Support responses ok - journelling

[Remberin]

I was scammed. I was led astray. My concerns were valid but they were ignored, minimized, pushed aside. I was reassured it would be ok.  Because doing that was easier than truly addressing my problems, and besides, it was hard for them to deal with my panic and CRTR responses.

But my concerns were valid. And I neededed help addressing them because my panic always prevents me from getting things done. But that's not the help I was given. I was scammed and given false promises instead. Ugh. Difficulty. People keep taking advantage of me.


Here's why I wrote this. I woke up this morning and, as per usual, my mind went into spiral mode, or something like that. After going to the bathroom, I tried to calm down and see if I could sleep some more, or at least have some calm rest. But my trauma had different ideas. I just kept having stressful feelings, mostly fear and anxiety. And I wouldn't say my thoughts were racing exactly, but I just couldn't get my head to stop thinking about the causes of those feelings

Good to get it out. There's always more inside, but that's normal for us, isn't it? More and more and more. I've had lots of things swimming around in here for so long, not knowing how to get out.

Support responses are fine. I'm not really sure how I would react if people tried more problem-sovling type responses, so please refrain from that. I'm sure people won't realize that they're leaning into what I would call problem-solving, though... so just try not to say anything that would induce more work from me, inluding emotional labor. I have plenty of things in my head to pursue for my trauma healing already.

Ugh. I thought I was done, but opening the browser to come find the website and post this led me to remembering more stressful stuff. That's one reason it's been hard to trust in the treatments that have been given to me. They say to clear your mind or let things go - there's always more stuff flooding in.

Still. Please respect my wishes regarding responses. Oh yeah, and I hope I remember to draw some of my feelings. I was thinking of drawing something involving shackles.

[Remberin]

i feel like my time is running out

the money is going away draining away

i feels inevitable that i will be broke and homeless and dead. theyre going to eat me