Forging New Paths

[natureluvr]

f my neighbours knew... If my landlord knew... It's none of their business that my apt is total chaos or that I'm not capable of working atm. I know my feelings of shame don't have anything to do with them. With LL, it's more me feeling ashamed of what 'the powers that be' might say. He's the boss of the building, the way FOO mbrs were boss of the house when I was still a child and the way certain FOO mbrs are still boss of the workings of FOO and how that still affects me. Even though it probably "shouldn't". But it does. That's trauma.

It's good that you are aware that your shame about your apt being in chaos stems from your FOO. I relate to still being affected by the current workings of FOO.  These people were in charge of us for the first 18 or however many years, so I think it is only natural that it still affects us.  A term I heard in ACA (Adult Children of Alcoholics) that helps me is "progress not perfection".  I hope you are out of the EF.  Sending you gentle hugs and thoughts, if that's OK.