Relational Trauma and Behind Closed Doors Abuse/Neglect

[Kizzie]

I think you're right about talking about how our abuse/neglect impacted the various areas of our lives Armee - school. work/career, family/relationships, and physical health too I would suggest.   I also like the idea of including a chapter/section about the treatment challenges we face.

   

[Kizzie]

Thought I'd ping this to let other members know we have a small group proudly working on a book about relational trauma now.

 

[Hypervigilant]

I agree there should be more discussions and awareness.
I fought an fallout war in my own home, incarceration, food and water withheld and so much more the difference was I was a child and didn't have any training on how to deal with it.

[trying2c]

Hi Kizzie,

I am brand-new here,and I just had share a little bit of my personal experience with the CPTSD due to my rough childhood experiences.

I held things inside for years,as I knew that 1.) Most everyone wouldn't believe me and 2.) It would tear my large family apart ~ pulling me away from my aunt (the only one who ever seemed to love me,  in my head).

When I couldn't handle things anymore,as I fell apart, and came forward: I was right. 30 years ago ~ and I am almost completely alone now. Family believes that I'm merely dramatic and don't remember the truth.

[Kizzie]

I  saw your post in the Intro section Trying and I'm sorry coming out led to you being alone in the end.  It's the same with me - no contact with any remaining family but I do feel free. I remember sometimes what it was like to be caught up in the family and personally I'm glad to be on my own. It helps to be here and meet other survivors though.  I hope it helps you as well. 

[Blueberry]

Most everyone wouldn't believe me

We on here believe you! Most of us have been through something similar, even if just experiencing that we weren't believed as children or aren't now.

I hope you can start feeling the support on the forum

[trying2c]

Hi Kizzie,

I agree that starting a movement that becomes accepted by the general population & especially medicine would be SO helpful to us emotionally!

We have all been brushed aside by  almost everyone, (family, Dr's, and often general public). Most people either think that we're making it all up, or that our experiences weren't *that* bad (like my ex-husband). Just get over it. It was "when you were young & they were just curious... It's "normal". And "brothers and sisters fight", blah blah blah.

Like most others, I am sure, I  still have trouble with an extreme difficulty opening up to others &
trusting them with my deep pain.

It IS a big problem and deserves to be recognized.

Regarding my Intro post, I appreciate your feedback. As you can see, I have always struggled with the reality. And I really don't want to fix my family relationships anymore.

*Although, I don't know if that's "bad & unhealthy" for me.

The pain that's plagues me now (minus the SA) is my daughters relationships with my parents. They are close to my girls ~ and this part of me thinks, "Why now??

Why didn't you care about me??" That hurts. I avoid seeing and talking to my parents as much as I can. Everyone else, other than my sister, is pretty much out of my life completely. Which brings me a sense of relief to just be alone.

[trying2c]

Thank you so much, Blueberry

I wish that so many people hadn't gone through such misery! But, it is relieving to not feel misunderstood and alone anymore.

[Kizzie]

Agreed, at least we're not alone with all this. 

[Kintsugi62]

This is my issue Kizzie and because of the silence I am experiencing tremendous anger and having a hard time with it. Let me specify, internally, not acting out or anything seen. I run my own business and take care of my family and do volunteer work and attend church. In other words it all looks good...we put on a face and everyone thinks we are fine. How do we create a platform when no one wants to listen to what has happened? I recently sent my dockets to all the major papers hoping more victims would see that the abuser finally has been found guilty...no one wanted to touch the story. My daughter recently said to me "Well, at least your ok Mom."  My reply was "Exactly what part of me do you think is ok?" I should specify she went through the entire court process with me and she is 35.

[Kizzie]

That's too bad none of the papers you sent your story to wanted to take it on. There is still a tendency to turn away from child abuse because it's unthinkable, less so than in the past perhaps, but still there as a barrier for us.

What about if you start by writing an article for our blog here? Based on that I may be able to come up with some other ways of getting your story out if you're up for that. I think it's really important that any stories of holding perpetrators accountable are heard because it encourages other survivors to do the same thing and hopefully makes perpetrators think twice. It also reminds those the judicial system and society in general we are out here and we're not going to remain silent any longer.

If you don't want to post a reply here you can PM me or email me at l.herod@yahoo.ca.