Thoughts on relying too much on the board?

[SharpAndBlunt]

Hi all,

I would like to ask a very open question to everyone. Does anyone ever worry that they are using the board / forum too much?

I say that as I worry sometimes it might become a habit, a distraction even. I don't mind and don't think that distraction is a bad thing. But I do think I might get distracted from my own healing.

Does anyone else recognise this? How do you deal with it, if you do?

My idea that I'm working on is that when I feel bad, and /or having a mild or otherwise ef, I think the worst of myself and believe that I'm only posting for the worst of motives.

The reason I don't think like that all the time is that when I'm feeling stronger ir healthier, that thought doesn't enter my mind and I have a positive attitude. It seems so worrying to me that my outlook can veer so wildly like this, from one place to another. Maybe at such times I can think about taking a break and practising some self care.

Just wondering if anyone else can relate?

[sanmagic7]

absolutely.  there was a time when i was visiting the board 3, 4, 5 times/day, responding all over the place, or writing about myself.  i was very physically sick and quite emotionally ill - much worse than i am today.  this place was not only a distraction but a lifesaver - i used it for whatever i needed at the time.

as i continued in recovery, got a lot of physical things taken care of, became more well both in mind and body, my focus here changed as well.  there were times when i would stop responding for days, or only do spot checks of what i was interested in.  it kept changing and continues to change.  my attitude toward the forum has also changed in some ways - it's not so much a crutch now as before.  still, i'm grateful it was here and that all these wonderful people accepted me in my diverse hours and levels of need.

as far as i can see, things will continue to change with us as we continue to change in our recovery.  i know of people who were here regularly, then disappeared totally, and everything in between.  one of the beauties of this forum, to my mind, is its very openness to be whatever we need it to be for us.  like with therapy, we go thru phases, learn about ourselves, and lean on therapy and our t's differently as time goes by.  this forum is for you, s&b, for whatever, and whenever you want.  if you decide to pull back because you feel it's not right for you, that's ok, too. 

i think there were times when i needed to be distracted, but when the time came that i was more able to get into my own healing/recovery, this forum helped me with that as well.  there's my two cents' worth for you, my dear.  i have no doubt you'll be ok.  i went with the flow of my being and needs, and everything continued to fall into place.  keep taking care of you as best you can, ok?  we're here if you need us.  sending love and hugs.

[woodsgnome]

This phenomenon is indeed quite varied and individual in its effects.

On the whole, I think the board is extremely valuable for allowing participants to exercise all their thoughts, opinions, fears, knowledge, and more of their journey with cptsd -- which in itself is complicated, troubling, but also has its upbeat side that helps when lots of other things won't. The exact level of participation will likely ebb and flow, but that in itself is a valuable experience.

Yes, there are very disturbing things shared here, but sometimes there literally is no one else to share with, yet alone find someone who has any inkling of what you're talking about.

If someone's take on this is that some of what appears here can become a crutch -- lots of us need crutches. Albeit maybe not all the time, but here's hoping we can also learn to recognize where and/or whether we're overdoing it (whatever that means).

My own participation in this site has surprised me. I still find it hard to absorb, sometimes;as an extreme loner who cut all ties with FOO and other factors (still didn't save me loads of grief that never goes away),

I can't always get into the weave of some situations. But turn that around and it keeps me sane to know the depths to which this injury can take us. And also, the heights to which we can aspire and rise to; beyond the misery built into so much of this.

Back to spending too much time. I used to wonder about that, but I've been able to back off when needed. My T has seen this as an important facet of some of the improvement she sees in my being true to crafting a new life where I can truly once again feel my own and others' pain, and to share in ways and with people I don't normally run into or would be afraid to.

Learning, sharing, and being are the three most important facets I've identified for my life, and this forum helps those soul/heart-derived tasks I see for my current attempts to move past the long-standing state of shock and numbness that's characterized my life's journey with cptsd.

I see less distraction here, and more learning and sharing that, admittedly,can go up/down, positive/negative, intense and not so much. Regardless, it's a chance at life many of us never thought was there for us. In many ways, we weren't allowed to be the full human passionate selves we inwardly sensed we were deserving of.

[Regret]

I've found that mindful use of the forum has made it a very helpful tool, place or source for discovering, understanding, learning, questioning, sharing (if desired), and getting support from others, when needed, in my efforts to recover and move forward from this dreadful disorder.

[Kizzie]

I would like to ask a very open question to everyone. Does anyone ever worry that they are using the board / forum too much?  I say that as I worry sometimes it might become a habit, a distraction even. I don't mind and don't think that distraction is a bad thing. But I do think I might get distracted from my own healing.

Do you mean you feel you might be spending too much time talking here and not doing/taking what you're learning out into daily life as much as you'd like S&B? 

[SharpAndBlunt]

I would like to ask a very open question to everyone. Does anyone ever worry that they are using the board / forum too much?  I say that as I worry sometimes it might become a habit, a distraction even. I don't mind and don't think that distraction is a bad thing. But I do think I might get distracted from my own healing.

Do you mean you feel you might be spending too much time talking here and not doing/taking what you're learning out into daily life as much as you'd like S&B?

Kizzie, I worry that, because I have an addictive personality, that posting here might become the end in itself, rather than the healing that its meant to engender. (At least, that's what I hope for me, my personal view only).

I do have trouble matching up emotions with rational thought. That disconnect is worrying, sometimes. I feel that I am learning in my life, but it's really slow going. I understand a lot of what is being said here but at the same time my child part, if I can call him that, is still very scared and its hard for him to be coaxed out. So, in my daily life, I still isolate, socially, even although I am aware on some level of the dysfunctions and causes for that.

So, there's a danger I might end up saying something like "Oh, yes, that's dissociation or that's an ef" or whatever and then, boom, I find myself exactly in the middle of it again feeling stupid and a fraud for pretending I know what I'm talking about! That's kind of what I worry about, a bit. That it's too easy for me to get a hold of a problem, intellectually, but too hard to process and internalise.

In short, yes, maybe I do worry that I'm 'learning' too much and not putting into practice. I do appreciate that all this takes time, however.

Regret, I'm so glad to hear that this board is helpful for sharing and support, learning, and all the other positive outcomes you mentioned. I also feel that this place is completely positive in its impact. I think that mindful use is a good way to phrase what I'm talking about, if I can be more mindful I think I might not get worried so much. Mindfulness is easier when feeling ok though, at least for me.

woodsgnome, thank you so much for explaining yourself so well. I really like that you don't see this as a distraction, rather as a place where we are able to "be the full human passionate selves we inwardly sensed we were deserving of." This makes a lot of sense. I know that when I'm posting I do so because I want to engage, want to learn and want to get better, and also help in any small way, if I can. I think that when I'm in the midst of an e.f. or small emotional crisis then my own self criticism tries to negate all of those positive actions. I know that I probably wouldn't have to explain how that goes and any further to anyone who is reading this.

sanmagic, thanks so much also for your positive post. I recognise myself in the checking/posting 4/5 times a day. Sometimes I feel adrift and this place is like a safe harbour. I guess I was worried that I was maybe 'hiding' in here and maybe not applying the knowledge outside, which connects back to the question Kizzie asked me. So, yes, there's something in that.
But, I also recognise that it is so valuable to have that safe place to ask and tell my story and talk about my feelings, all things I was never really allowed to do. And the pain it brings up too, for knowing that I (probably we) was never allowed to do something so natural, so harmless, so essential to wellbeing. That pain I think, comes back and then the negative thoughts can occur etc etc.
I love that the forum has changed in your relationship to it, over the course of your healing. I find that a really positive thing to hear, so thank you very much for sharing that.

I feel I've talked enough and I can feel the ache of talking coming up again so I will leave it here. Thanks everyone, it has been very helpful. 

[Jazzy]

Hi SaB,

I have social phobia, and a lot of other social problems as well. It isn't as bad when I'm online, but it certainly still is a factor when I'm posting here. Maybe the details aren't exactly the same, but it sounds like to me this is what you are trying to deal with. Unfortunately, I don't really have anything to offer that will help. I just kind of push past all my negative feelings about what people here might think about me.

I wanted to say though, that I really relate to having a much more difficult time processing and working through a problem than just knowing about it. It is really frustrating. I take time every day to learn and share and do whatever I can, but when I get caught in an EF or dissociating, I feel so helpless. Even after it is over, I look back, and feel like I was completely unable to control myself, and I really don't know what I can do different to improve.

Anyway, the point is that you are not alone. I hope that helps out in some small way. Take care!

[Rainagain]

You might find that your participation in the forum changes over time, I did.

I posted a lot initially, I think many people do. For me I was trying to get to grips with what I was experiencing and just making sense of many different symptoms.

Over time I dont need to visit the forum as much, I visit when I cant sleep to remind myself that others are in the same place.

I post about new symptoms and about potential insights I think I might have in my efforts to sort out what I am experiencing.

I would like to think I am mostly talked out now, I have posted about the main concerns already so I just try to respond helpfully if I can, just like people did for me when I first found this forum.

I suspect my early posts were repetitive as I was a bit obsessed with thinking about the same difficulties, but people are compassionate and helpful here so it didn't seem to be a problem.

I wouldn't try to reduce your visits and posts, just see if they reduce over time.

[Anjulie]

my focus here changed as well.  there were times when i would stop responding for days, or only do spot checks of what i was interested in.  it kept changing and continues to change.  my attitude toward the forum has also changed in some ways - it's not so much a crutch now as before.  still, i'm grateful it was here and that all these wonderful people accepted me in my diverse hours and levels of need.

one of the beauties of this forum, to my mind, is its very openness to be whatever we need it to be for us.  like with therapy, we go thru phases, learn about ourselves, and lean on therapy and our t's differently as time goes by.  this forum is for you, s&b, for whatever, and whenever you want.

sanmagic7, thank you for your words. I can absolutely confirm what you say about the forum.

[SharpAndBlunt]

Thanks guys, for all your replies. I'm feeling a little disconnected so I won't say too much. I mostly want to acknowledge and thank.

Everything very encouraging and it's so great to have the encouragement and reinforcement. 

Ps jazzy it is quite possible I am dealing with social phobia, it ties with my symptoms. Thanks.

[Kizzie]

  rightbackatcha S&B 

[Three Roses]

Hi S&B, I'm late to the party (was gone this last weekend) but I want to toss in my two cents worth. Please skip this post if you're feeling a bit frazzled from communicating.   

I leaned haaaaaaard on this forum when I first joined. I was enthralled at finding others who were like me - I'd never found anyone else that had the extreme background and resultant odd behaviors that I saw in myself.

Like you, I have an addictive personality. But as time has gone on, my over-reliance bordering on obsession has been relatively easy to let go of, as my recovery grows.

I hope my comments haven't overwhelmed you, I hope you feel better, more energized soon - your insights and presence here are appreciated.