Accepting healing

[sigiriuk]

Trauma Recovery University videos are really useful. Bobbi is a great communicator, and Athena has some magical insights, that are quite left-field, and enables Bobbi to discuss them.

Pondering on worthlessness, and shame, they explained that these were techniques to isolate me, and keep me quiet.

Feeling unworthy of love, of healing, of attention and kindness, I push these gifts away; in doing this i keep myself isolated, and quiet, because i don't have a close confiding relationship.

I can now see that I push away my therapist's attempts to reach out to me, and offer healing. Those abusers are still interfering with my life, interfering in my therapy, trying to keep me isolated from my therapist, so I don't speak out, and share whats on my mind.

I can see that shame is a BIG block now. I was blinded to it every since I was born. I did not realise that what i feel is intense shame - because i had always felt it, and thought it was normal.

I hope that these insights can help others readin this post.

Peace
Slim 

[Lingurine]

They do Slim, I find your posts very insightful and more open than you think. I also think it's a diversion tactic, to make us feel meaningless, our FOO lets us feel isolated, alone and afraid to reach out to someone. I guess we have problems with that later on in life, too.

Maybe you feel more comfortable writing all the things you want to share to your therapist and later talk about it?
Just an idea.

Lingurine

[Elphanigh]

Slim,

I am so glad you have been able to find them so helpful. I found them about the time I found this blog and it has been so changing for me. I can go to a video or two if I am truly struggling. It is brilliant.

It makes great sense to be where you are. It is so hard to accept healing, I find myself doing that too.

[sigiriuk]

Lingurine and Elphanigh - guys, I have such a dull online name compared to you

Elphanigh - thanks for pointing me in the direction of Athena and Bobbi.

Lingurine - I will try what you suggest, next week. At the moment, i use Kizzie's technique of left and right hand writing. I had never thought to share it with my therapist.

Slim

[Elphanigh]

Slim I like your name. I take my online name from a character I have always identified with in a book. I modify it a bit sometimes like her so it isn't directly her name but it represents the characters strength. She survived and became such a great human through true difficulties. I want to be much like that, to be that strong and not have what is good about me crushed by the weight of everything else.

[caseyjobs]

Hello - I'm new here.  Wanted to reply to this because your post helped me discover Trauma Recovery University.  I had no idea that existed, awesome!

And also wanted to add that I find it hard to accept healing, love, too - from anyone, even people I've known for a while.  My denial of help can become automatic after a while and it takes real work on my part to overcome that quicksand of sorts.   It's a real tough place to be and so far usually ends with some sort of emotional eruption.

Anyway, glad I joined this forum and grateful for the new youtube resources!!

[AphoticAtramentous]

Hello - I'm new here.  Wanted to reply to this because your post helped me discover Trauma Recovery University.  I had no idea that existed, awesome!

And also wanted to add that I find it hard to accept healing, love, too - from anyone, even people I've known for a while.  My denial of help can become automatic after a while and it takes real work on my part to overcome that quicksand of sorts.   It's a real tough place to be and so far usually ends with some sort of emotional eruption.

Anyway, glad I joined this forum and grateful for the new youtube resources!!

Hey there, Casey. Welcome to the forum.

[Movingon]

I find I have problems with the same thing.  It never occurred to me that someone would actually want to help me with a problem. And asking for help or sharing my struggles made me feel so ashamed and would send me down into a depression spiral. If it was in uni I would just drop out of the class rather than ask someone, especially a teaching (authority figure).

I started having a big shift in this when I was studying teaching and discovered the concept of locus of control. In order to strive and grow you need to have an internal locus of control. Meaning that you believe you are able to influence what happens in your life. However, if you have an external locus of control you feel you have no control over the events that happen in your life. It goes without saying that all people with a C-PTSD would start off with an external locus of control - having no control over the events is what causes the trauma. I did some reading in growth mindset as well. It's all a work in progress but I find knowing and learning gives me more confidence.  So having this knowledge really helped me understand what was happening in my brain and how it was holding me back to not ask for help, and that it's OK to look stupid sometimes, generally no-one will ridicule you for it. If they do, you know you should run very fast and in the opposite direction!!

The hardest part is discovering what these blocks are, once you see them they start to lose their power. The only way from here is up!

I am off to discover Trauma Recovery University. Thanks for the heads up.

[Three Roses]

  Welcome!