May Be Triggering: Panic Attack This Morning

[threegirlpeaches]

This morning, I experienced a full fledged panic attack. I can't remember the last time that happened. I have a very vocal 13 y/o daughter. She has a very narcissistic personality like her father did. Her father was a very abusive...physically, emotionally, verbally, and psychologically...man. She is just like him now. She fusses and belittles everyone. She has my youngest daughter convinced that I do not love her...my 11 y/o. ASC has manipulated ALC into thinking that ASC is the only one in our family who loves ALC.

ALC is my baby. We have been through alot together. She has alot of health problems and we have been through the wringer...her and I. We have been very close because of that. Now ASC has turned her against me.

I took all three girls to school this morning and the 13 y/o (ASC) belittled me and cussed me and walked all over me the whole way. She got the 11 y/o (ALC) to agree with her. She made my 16 y/o daughter (HDC) very angry because HDC knew it was getting to me.

I almost ran over the school resource officer, who was directing school traffic, because I was fuming and didn't see him. After I rolled down my window and apologized profusely, I broke down and started bawling. I wept through the whole carline. I wept the whole way to the high school and through that line. By the time I exited the high school, I was weeping and hyperventilating. I managed to drive home where I did not get out of my vehicle for over an hour because I was weeping, hyperventilating, and shaking.

ASC showed no remorse when she got home from school. ALC was loving as that precious girl used to be. She had broke down in the carline this morning as I wept because she didn't want me to cry. ASC saw it as me having a pity party. She's just like her father. I thought the abuse died when he died, but it's still here.

[Three Roses]

 

How unfair! If they only knew how much we love them! It's such a feeling of betrayal, to have those you've given life itself turn against you.

Personally, I've received a lot of insight and healing from going to Al Anon meetings and reading books on codependency. I don't think I'd have made it this far without that. It helped me learn how to be a semi-functional adult and gave me self esteem I never knew I could have, and showed me how to stand up for myself without apology. What I didn't learn about being a grown up from my parents, I learned from books like "Codependent No More" and "The Dance Of Anger".

I'm sorry you had such a rough day. Hope tomorrow is better! You deserve it.

[threegirlpeaches]

Thank you I think God decided to pour His mercy and grace on me this morning. All three girls made the bus with no arguments or problems. This time yesterday morning, I was losing my cool and my mind. This morning, I am laying in bed beside my snoring husband while I type this.

It's the little things...