Newly diagnosed with cPTSD

[Wanishin]

Hello,

I posted on the sister forum (Out of the Fog):

http://www.outofthefog.net/forum/index.php?topic=54921.0

And was directed to this site for better help or at least not to feel alone when faced with certain feelings of mine.

The short of my introduction on the other website: Grew up with alcoholic parents who were abusive and neglectful and found myself in relationships that consisted of similar behaviors. I also had a difficult time with the military, no so much what I have seen, but what was done to me by the end of my service. Currently in a relationship where my partner is alcoholic, uses excessive guilt and manipulation to get their way. Unfortunately, I was an enabler in many ways as I did nothing but agree to the behavior and patterns.

Now that I have been diagnosed and pretty much reached my maximum stress capacity, I am finding the time to look back and accept what has happened. The road ahead will be difficult, as I am sure many here may sympathize and understand.

I have always felt alone, no matter who was around me. Never being able to associate with other people and their normalcy. Anyway, very glad this website exists and I look forward to reading and understanding this better.

[mourningdove]

Hi Wanishin 

I have always felt alone, no matter who was around me. Never being able to associate with other people and their normalcy.

I relate to this 100% - and to everything else you described. I also grew up in a neglectful and abusive family and later got involved with people who had similar behaviors. That's pretty normal for a lot of people with C-PTSD, as far as I can tell.

I also read your post on OOTF and, wow, you've been through so much. I hope you will find healing, and hope this site will be helpful in that.

Welcome! 

[Silverlight]

Welcome. I'm new too. I've already found this site so helpful. I hope you do too. I too can relate to growing up in an abusive, neglectful, alcoholic family and seeing that manifest in my relationship with my now ex, father if my kids. I hope, like myself, this group helps you feel less alone

[arpy1]

just adding a wee welcome too, and yep, certainly relate to the alone thing and also the repeating patterns of behaviour... hope you feel supported here 

[Three Roses]

hello Wanishin and welcome! i also relate to everything you said about feeling out of place - i always felt like others had info that i needed but didn't know where to find it. they seemed to glide so easily in normal conversation, when i would usually blurt something inappropriate. you're here now, and we understand! 

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to OOTS Wanishin 

My F was alcoholic and he, my B, H and I were all in the military so you have  a kindred spirit here.  When I first began to put the pieces together I too started at OOTF (and bless them, I realized it wasn't just the alcoholism then, it was also covert NPD that caused me to develop CPTSD). 

Once I figured my FOO out at OOTF, it was time to come here and figure out how to heal. So you are most definitely not alone any more.  I too always felt like the odd duck but not any more.  Here everyone gets it, the "it" being that we are not odd (or broken or crazy or anything of the sort), we just have a set of symptoms, one of which is that we feel alienated, rejected and abandoned by others.

So welcome and I hope you settle in and find some comfort, support and information that hlps you with recovery and healing 

[Wanishin]

Thank you for the welcomes and the relating to some of the things I wrote.

I remember for years I went in to see a therapist because of I couldn't relate to the normalcy of people -- I thought I had become so unattached to the world around me that I had no more love to give to people.

What I can't believe is having been able to take on all of this for so long. Now, I can't seem to be able to do anything without a battle; like my threshold has finally been reached and nothing can bring it down again so I can take in more. I get big surges of anxieties and the fight or flight response in many of my daily activities and I struggle very hard to keep my activities going because I don't want to slip into a dark place (which I have been before and attempted to take my life, but failed -- with prescribed pills for a neurological condition I have).

Many days I have that detachment to life still. Not so much to take it away, but like the "I don't care what happens to me" attitude. Right now, I'm having one of those bad moments. Great surges of sadness. The feeling that no one was there for me when I needed them the most - to protect me. To stand up beside me during those times and say "It'll be okay, I'm here for you".

I realize now I will have a long road to recovery.

Thank you again for all the welcomes. This is the first time I can read other people that are feeling the same thing as I do, or have or still live through what I am going through. In some ways, unfortunate, I guess because we shouldn't really be here to begin (because people harmed us), there is comfort to know there are some that can nod and say I know how you are feeling.

[Dee]

Hi,

I have just registered and your post caught my attention because of the military.  I just got out of the military and have been diagnosed with CPTSD.  I have never confronted issues because of my fear of ruining my career.  I ran until I couldn't run anymore and totally broke down.

My father was abusive, then it was compounded when I had issues in the military.  I hope the VA is taking care of you as they are me.  Anyway, I get it.