Financial support

[Dutch Uncle]

I'm in financial dire straits. But since a week or so I've taken the route to seek financial support outside my FOO.

I have discovered over the past week that it is FAR easier and INFINITELY less stressful to arrange for a debt-relief program directly with my creditors/service providers, than taking on the offer my 'dad' made to me he would financially support me. In the latter case he first said: "Fine, I promised I would, so I'll do so" only to renegade on the promise the day after and ending the conversation (after he had cut the loan in half and made it a payment in installments instead of whole-sum) with the words: "your behavior is unworthy of a father-son relationship!"
(I think I posted that already somewhere)

"Why did you ever fall in that trap?" (says the Inner Critic)
"Well, since he made you the offer. Of course you expected him to stand by it. And he did, initially. How could you say up front to your dad: 'Up yours with your loan offers, your words are not worth the saliva that comes with them! I'd rather be homeless than to turn to you and get a certain smack-in-the-head within 24 hours.' ?" says my Inner Ally, my Adult Man, my Inner Father.
My self-compassionate Me. Self-forgiving Me. And not to forget reasonable Me.
I should make a statue of those three like the Hear no evil, See no evil, Speak no evil monkeys. 

I'm posting this in "Frustrated" as I am once again reminded of the Learned Helplessness that still is being poured in my soul, rather than posting it in "Progress" because this helps to see that even total strangers who actually have a legit 'claim' on me are more kind, forgiving, compassionate and cooperative than EntitledEnablerDad.

I wish I could weep. But I'm too tired, to stressed out and too frustrated to come even near that state.

[Talisien]

I hear you!

I haven't been diagnosed PTSD as yet and new to this site today. it has been a year of physical exhaustion and loosing the feeling in my legs slowly, followed by endless tests, ending in 'nothing physical wrong must be psychological" I only relate this quickly because over that year I have had to give up working and try to find another source of income, persuade the benefits system to pay me, work through the dreadful stress of dealing with people that don't understand within the benefits system and even Citizen's Advice. Result - I haven't paid my rent for three months, have a ridiculous heating bill. Now can't afford to heat my home and I eat every other day.

Constantly cold and hungry and fearing to hear from the landlord every day...