No one rescued me

[Alexandra]

Hello ; What my so-called mother did to me, was an open secret, examples ,when I screamed , the downstairs neighbors would pound on the their ceiling, my so-called mother was seeing a psychiatrist, teachers in school would tell me ,to tell my mother to change my shirt, no one did anything, it felt to me like, society, was fine with my so-called mother's  behavior, I felt like I was nothing, I felt like I was not a part of society , have others had this experience? ,would like to know, thank you

[HannahOne]

Alexandra, I was sorry to read no one rescued you, even when they heard and should have intervened. To answer your question, in my case, no one intervened either. At least one doctor was aware, but did not report, people in my school thought I was deaf or had a low IQ and sent me to an evaluation but once they figure out I could hear fine and was high IQ, that was the end of that, although my parents also changed my school every few years. I asked for help directly from a family member and was turned away.

It seems that this is not unusual, society and people don't always respond or help, they are in denial. Society undervalues children I think. I am so sorry that your cries were not responded to. You are not nothing, you are a human and you deserve to be seen and heard.

It's been helping me to imagine people coming to rescue me. I don't know if that would be helpful to you. I imagine what should have happened. When you screamed the neighbors should have come down to you and called the police to come help you and take you to a safe place. Or teachers should have reported and a social worker should have come to give you a clean shirt. Whatever healing imagery that shows what you think should  have happened or would like to have happened. Bottom line you should have been helped.

Solidarity.

[NarcKiddo]

I get quite emotional when I see news footage of rescues. It would have been hard for anyone to know anything was wrong in my family as my parents were so good at putting on a show, and I was not physically abused in a way that would leave traces. I think people are very loath to intervene - we see this a lot in the UK with the grooming gangs, where social workers and police were aware of problems but chose not to help or investigate.

[Kizzie]

Quite a few years back when my NB's children were younger and I knew there was emotional abuse going on in the family I explained the situation and asked my physician about how to report. She told me that I could but that Child and Family Services were unlikely to do nothing as even when she reported no action was taken.

I didn't do anything and regretted it. Back then emotional abuse was tough to prove and they looked like a loving, happy family.  My NB was an airline pilot and my NS-I-L was a nurse so they had creds. It was so reminiscent of my own family, how we looked to the outside and how no-one seemed to notice anything was wrong.

In any event I am so sorry no-one helped you, especially since it seems like the abuse was more visible. The silence and unwillingness to see the type of abuse children were going through was just so prevalent.  It's why we are only just recently gaining traction in breaking that silence; that is, we have come together on sites like this and have a voice now plus there are more dedicated professionals who are not willing to look away anymore.

It doesn't help us I know, but I am happy knowing that little ones like us have more of a chance at getting the protection and care they need now. That's a very good thing IMO.

[Gently]

Hi Alexandra. This is so painful. Knowing that people knew, or knew enough, and still chose not to speak up on a child's behalf, see a child's plight, come to the rescue.

Throughout my childhood, whenever the doorbell rang, I had an image of someone "coming back to rescue me". I didn't know what this feeling meant, or that it was an odd feeling. It's just how I felt, and I was very disappointed and sad when it wasn't my person. I even felt that I would recognize him when he showed up, had an idea what he looked like.

I felt like I belonged somewhere else, like I was waiting to be taken home, finally.

I, also, felt alien to the other people around me, separate, somehow. Like they couldn't actually see the real Me.

[Alexandra]

Hello thanks everyone for your support,I wanted to go live with my my aunt and uncle, on my father's side, my folks divorced when I was four, so my so-called mother only let me visit them once a year, they lived four hours away ,I loved visiting them, my aunt and uncle were warm, and welcoming ,my cousins friendly, I will never forget my aunt, I was 9, and got car sick, on the way there, my aunt was so sympathetic,and kind  she washed my clothes,and ironed them, if I got sick ,my so-called mother would beat me, I did the laundry ,including ironing my so-called mothers clothes , kindness makes such a world of difference, I have such warm feelings remembering my visits there.

[Kizzie]

kindness makes such a world of difference

Absolutely it does 

 

[Blueberry]

Hello thanks everyone for your support,I wanted to go live with my my aunt and uncle, on my father's side, my folks divorced when I was four, so my so-called mother only let me visit them once a year, they lived four hours away ,I loved visiting them, my aunt and uncle were warm, and welcoming ,my cousins friendly, I will never forget my aunt, I was 9, and got car sick, on the way there, my aunt was so sympathetic,and kind  she washed my clothes,and ironed them, if I got sick ,my so-called mother would beat me, I did the laundry ,including ironing my so-called mothers clothes , kindness makes such a world of difference, I have such warm feelings remembering my visits there.

I'm so sorry for what your so-called mother put you through and also that people knew and did nothing. The latter seems quite common unfortunately.

What has helped me somewhat is
imagining and re-imagining those instances where I did feel warmth or comfort or even just acknowledgement/ being seen by someone outside the family.

I'm more like NK, what was done to me wasn't visible. But I also think back then in the 70's and 80's people were really loathe to intervene. There were actually family members who did say something to my parents, but didn't help. I don't want to derail your thread here with that.

I also said something to both sibs in warning before my first nephew was born, about our M, but they just didn't want to know. Instead I Got blamed for upsetting the one B and by proxy his pregnant wife. So sometimes people do try to help the children but...