Emotional flashbacks

[Awb1988]

I just had a recent episode where I feel like my surroundings are unsafe that my partner is going to hurt me and I know none of it is true but my body seizes up and I freeze watching for his every movement or threatening sound. This has happened with almost every partner. I could see the hurt in his eyes because we've been together for 4 years and he's been the kindest most understanding person. But when it happens I can't help my feelings.

I don't see images just feelings. Is this considered an emotional flashback.

[NarcKiddo]

It sounds like an emotional flashback. It's quite usual to get triggered by something and then have a reaction that you can't necessarily identify as an EF until you know what they are. Because they are not (in my experience) like the physical re-living of the situation, with all the images etc. In many cases it is impossible for us to re-live the situation fully; we were either too young to have formed a full memory, or have buried/erased the full memory because it is too painful. That does not make the EF any less painful than what most people would probably think of as a flashback. I think it might make it harder because many times we don't know where this awful reaction is coming from, or why.

[Awb1988]

I've had this happen so many times but just didn't have the knowledge or understanding. I even forget I'm a grown man in my safe place and so far removed from danger. But man I feel so defenseless and small when it happens. Ty for your response.

[Kizzie]

Pete Walker calls them emotional flashbacks because when we are triggered it sends us back to the feeling state we were in when the incident happened. We feel rather than see the incident if that makes sense. He has a website with some great info here - https://www.pete-walker.com/pdf/emotionalFlashbackManagement.pdf . If you scroll down you'll see a 13 step strategy for managing emotional flashbacks (EFs).

Hope this helps.

[Tempest]

Hi, I'm new here, but this post and the replies resonate with me. I have been separated from the family for over a year and a half and I think my emotions are re-regulating and I've having EFs. It's truly terrifying because at times I don't feel anything like myself.

[TheBigBlue]

I know thus is an old thread, I was just looking for a place to move this description of my EFs:

Chiming in on EFs:

I actually have a video recording of myself having an EF, which helped me analyze what was going on because I only had fragmented memories of those 30 minutes afterward.

My abandonment wire got triggered by another person's moderate misattunement. Looking back, I think my nervous system was reacting to something old, not to the person's actual behavior.

The EF rolled in almost like a panic attack. It started with a falling feeling in my stomach, then constricted chest and breathing, tense shoulders, arms, and hands. I could still say things like, "I'm going 5-year-old" and "I'm feeling abandoned" (those parts I remembered even without the video).

What surprised me when I watched the recording was that I looked completely normal. I had a serious face, but otherwise nobody watching would have known how distressed I was.

I was speaking more slowly than usual and had trouble formulating thoughts. I could retrieve thoughts I had already thought through before (hypervigilance), but I couldn't form new complex thoughts. It felt like someone much younger than my 57-year-old self had taken over.

I could understand questions, but I couldn't process them or follow rational redirects. The other person repeatedly pointed out valid reasons why I wasn't actually being abandoned, but I couldn't take them in. Watching the video later, I felt really bad for the person, who must have said some version of "I'm not abandoning you" almost a dozen times.

I later described the state as feeling like a 5-year-old crouching under a table hidden by a tablecloth. I needed someone to lift the tablecloth and tell me I wasn't alone, the way you would reassure a frightened child that she is safe.

During those 30 minutes there were moments when I tried to express what I was feeling and became visibly distressed. I would hold my breath, exhale abruptly, get out of breath, and cry.

And then I dissociated. Suddenly I was a 57-year-old emotional zombie who didn't feel anything.

The video and the analysis afterward helped me understand my state much better. I promised myself that next time the adult me would stay present.

The next time I went 5-year-old was during a CBT session. I told my T, she said "I'm still here" and I replied as adult "me too". My T asked what the 5-year-old needed, and I said, "A hug." She asked whether I could visualize giving her one. My adult self tried. Within about 30 seconds I became overwhelmed, distressed, and dissociated again.

But I still feel like greater awareness is helping. I can recognize the state more clearly now, and that seems to create opportunities for change.

It's messy, but it feels like progress.

Does any of this resonate with anyone else?