I Am

[Bach]

Hope, thank you for your reply and your encouraging words.  I think over the past few years I've sort of lost my expectation that I can change, but today I feel like I might be able to get it back and start to progress again.  That's a refreshing feeling. 

I appreciate this community and all responses to my posts!  I wish I didn't have such a hard time participating here.  I never know the "right" words, not to say to myself or to others.  I'll keep trying, or trying to try, or something. 

[Hope67]

 

[NarcKiddo]

I agree with Hope. You have listed some good progress points. It seems like progress has ben incremental and you haven't really noticed it. Your post makes it seems like you're still not fully noticing it. Or maybe it's not that you are not noticing it so much as not feeling it. I am glad you have written it down at least and hope you will soon start feeling it more.

 

[sanmagic7]

so glad for your progress, bach, be it big or small, it all counts.  and that feeling of being able to get back to more progressing is beautiful, for sure.  keep up the good work.  love and hugs

[Bach]

My mental health is fragile today.  Maybe a backlash from yesterday's good productive day.  She's right, I can't stand to feel good.  I never notice what I'm doing to undermine positive feelings until after I've done it. 

[sanmagic7]

bach, personally, i think that's a tough one to break thru.  if we weren't raised being made to feel good, we don't have experience with it, it can feel foreign, unusual, even distressing.  it takes time and practice to undo the harm done to us.  being able to recognize it, tho, to my mind, is a huge first step.  keep going, ok?  love and hugs

[Bach]

bach, personally, i think that's a tough one to break thru.  if we weren't raised being made to feel good, we don't have experience with it, it can feel foreign, unusual, even distressing.  it takes time and practice to undo the harm done to us.  being able to recognize it, tho, to my mind, is a huge first step.  keep going, ok?  love and hugs

I do feel that my increasing ability to notice myself performing that pattern is a step toward the breaking of it.  The biggest problem I have with this and everything else is that I have no patience for the process, or really for any process.  For sure I need to get a handle on that.  I do tend to ignore or discount bits of progress because they're all SO SMALL.