Setting boundaries

[Space Alpaca]

Hello everyone,
The other day my mom asked me, for the millionth time, if I'll go back home to visit. (I live in a different country than my original family).
Usually I lie, I said IDK, maybe, well try or something like that to soften the blow (and the reactions from it).
 But this time I could not do it. I could not betray the neglected child I once was. I answered "No." But my mom wanted a answer that would soothe her, so she then asked "But you WANT to come, right?"
Once again the immediate response I was trained to give, to always say yes, always soothe them, always protect their feelings, was not so inevitable now. Now I can say what is truth to myself. And I said it, my answer was "honestly, no."

I feel so free. And I feel so proud of myself for protecting my inner child.

My mom will ask again, eventually, and she'll try to get the answer she wants, she (and my grandma and my sister) might try to make me feel bad, or they might wait until I let my guard down to bombard me with their demands. But I know how possible it is to say what I want to say. And how good it feels to be myself.

Glad to share it with all of you.
 

[TheBigBlue]

That's such a powerful moment. 
This was a huge act of protection for your inner child. You honored your truth instead of defaulting to old survival patterns, and that's real freedom.
I'm really glad you shared this, it's inspiring to read.

[dollyvee]

Good for you for saying no. I remember being filled ovewhelmingly with guilt when I did that with my gm because she "loved" me. It was a difficult thing to go through. I hope you can hold onto this feeling and moment for those times when your guard might be down.

Sending you support,
dolly

[NarcKiddo]

Saying "no" gets easier with time. Especially as you start to realise the sky will not fall in when you say it, even if the other party does kick off. In my experience the other person starts to get a bit more careful with their demands once they know you are capable of saying "no" and meaning it, but there can be a period of adjustment first where you need to stand firm. You may even choose to soften a "no" in future, but then the decision will be yours, and not a conditioned behaviour. The first few straight-out "no"s are really tough and you were brave. Well done.

[Blueberry]

Good for you, LadyBoar, well done! 

[Ran]

Hello everyone,
The other day my mom asked me, for the millionth time, if I'll go back home to visit. (I live in a different country than my original family).
Usually I lie, I said IDK, maybe, well try or something like that to soften the blow (and the reactions from it).
 But this time I could not do it. I could not betray the neglected child I once was. I answered "No." But my mom wanted a answer that would soothe her, so she then asked "But you WANT to come, right?"
Once again the immediate response I was trained to give, to always say yes, always soothe them, always protect their feelings, was not so inevitable now. Now I can say what is truth to myself. And I said it, my answer was "honestly, no."

I feel so free. And I feel so proud of myself for protecting my inner child.

My mom will ask again, eventually, and she'll try to get the answer she wants, she (and my grandma and my sister) might try to make me feel bad, or they might wait until I let my guard down to bombard me with their demands. But I know how possible it is to say what I want to say. And how good it feels to be myself.

Glad to share it with all of you.
 

That's great. I know how hard it is to say no. I've been practicing it myself and it feels liberating.

 

[Chart]

Well done, LadyBoar!

[Desert Flower]

I'm very proud of you Ladyboar. This is a really big thing you did!
 
(I recently should have said 'no' to extra work and although I had seen the question coming, I could not do it. I had to go back later to tell them I cannot do it.)

[Kizzie]

Good on you LadyBoar, that's is such a huge step in recovery - yay!!!!