Labels and my progression through recovery

[Liliuokalani]

Learning about what emotional flashbacks are, even that c-ptsd exists, has been a huge improvement through my life. My therapist likes to stay away from labels. That I can understand. Labels in therapy, like a diagnosis, are often avoided, for fear that we are branding people for life and subjecting them to prejudice from people who don't understand mental illness. But I tell ya, when reading a description of an emotional flashback, I felt elated. Oh my gosh! There is a name for why I'm weirdly emotional and angry and cry for hours after someone snaps at me and no one else seems to react that way. I feel this terrible sense of anger, helplessness, and injustice, like I want to embarass or hurt this person for days after the fact. How dare they do this to me!

I'm not weird. I have just kind of wandered through this journey of finding out why life is so difficult for me. Why I am scared of the outside world. I still function in it. I'm still in medical school, I still make friends, still get boyfriends. I still wake up in the morning. But I often spend the day just fighting within myself and struggling to get anything done. It's not "just" generalized anxiety or depression. I knew there was something else going on, but no one was telling me what was going on. Until I realized. Maybe I have PTSD. But I don't get visual flashbacks. So what is wrong with me?! Alas, flashbacks come in many colors.

It's amazing, now that I know what they are, so many I pick up on that I have within a week. A lot. But as soon as I identify it, that's often enough for me to get through it and get on with my day. Instead of battling with myself and trying not to cry all day, being set off by anyone that doesn't display empathy and understanding.

What a relief.

[Sandals]

Aha, I really hear you on this!! My T also does not like labels, and like you, I understand. But it is so very helpful to be able to put a name to things, isn't it? For me, it makes me feel part of the fabric of humanity again.

I admire that you are managing through all of this while being in school and all of the other social pressures. Be gentle and loving with yourself.

[schrödinger's cat]

I can see both sides of the coin, like the two of you. Labels are hurtful. But the thing is, if we've grown up with EFs, then we've probably always been labelled for them. "Weak" or "lazy" or "weird" or "dysfunctional". So moving from those toxic labels to a label called "EF" is actually a step up.

[Liliuokalani]

Thanks for your replies. I agree, moving from bad labels to much more appropriate labels feels like a step up, for sure. Also when there's a label, to me that means, this happens to a lot of other people. So much so it's been observed, perhaps studied, and a label is placed on it. And it shows up in psychiatry books. And it's something people work on treating.

It's empowering. Now there's something I can explain to friends who see me upset and don't know what to do about it, looking at me like I have three heads. My reaction to seeing someone that way would be to approach them and ask if they would like to talk to someone. But I suppose not all of us react that way. I've noticed especially in medical school, people really don't seem to be very emotionally intelligent. I think there's a reason for that, I think in this day and age you have to be kind of dysfunctional or become that way in medical school. Ugh.