hopeful for progress

[Chart]

Hey San, I'm so sorry to hear about your friend. Sending hugs and support.
 

[sanmagic7]

thank you everyone.

stress flu, too sick to respond more.  the porch sounds lovely, blueberry.  thanks.  i'm there.

[HannahOne]

Ugh, stress flu. I'm so sorry to hear. Take care of yourself, sending a steaming cup of hot tea!

[sanmagic7]

thanks, hannah1, i'll take cinnamon, please! 

finally able to take a walk outside this morning.  i've been all over the place emotionally, mentally, and physically  -  too many thoughts, too many actions, looking for something but not sure what.  i've been physically miserable this entire time, very disheartened.  couldn't even walk downstairs to do my own laundry last week.  this crapola keeps dragging me under, and every time it gets more difficult to fight my way back to the surface.  not liking my thoughts, not liking the way i've been feeling, anxiety, panic attacks, they're coming at me from all sides.  hopefully, i'm on an upside now, and will be able to get back to business.  i began knitting a scarf, haven't had the energy to even do that for an entire week.  this junk drains me of everything that pleases me.

[HannahOne]

SanMagic7, I have missed you and was concerned, so I was glad to see your post. But very saddened to hear that you've been feeling unwell physically, emotionally. Stress can certainly cause all kinds of physical responses in the body and mind. For me it looks like some days I barely get out of bed, my legs feel like molasses, or I have stomach pain, feel nauseated. These seem to be stress-related. Sometimes all you can do is take care of yourself as best you can and wait it out. I'm sorry you've been dealing with this level of physical and emotional pain and fatigue.

I was interested that you've begun to knit a scarf! Starting a craft often helps me because it brings me more into the present and gives my anxious mind something to focus on. Let us know how you get on with it, what colors you chose.

I'm so sorry you've been so drained.

[sanmagic7]

thanks, hannah1.  too drained to work on my scarf all this time, too, which also saddened me.  it's a couple skeins of different heather denim blue colors - i have a denim lined jacket i wear during the winter, wanted a big, long scarf, so that's what i'm doing. 

walked this morning.  slowly coming back.  haven't been able to lift yet.  maybe i can start a little today.  when i had to leave off this last time, i hadn't even gotten back to the level where i had to leave off a couple months ago.  having to start again when i know what progress i'd made also saps me of energy.  one foot in front of the other, i guess.  emotionally draining, too.