hello, from selfcompassion

[selfcompassion]

Hello, my name is Loren, I am a 56 year old man -- married with a grown child and one granddaughter. I began to study and fight my way out of PTSD 26 years ago. It has been a long and often heartbreaking journey. I won't go into what happened to me any more than to say that both of my parents are sociopaths: cold, heartless, violent criminals who abused me every way they could. I will spare you, and myself, the reliving of any details.

I have been "through the mill" in my recovery journey, from bad doctors and pill-pushers, to those few gems of trauma doctors who were able to walk with me down a very shaky path. But even the bad doctors were a valuable learning experience on a path I had to walk, to save my life.

I cannot say that I am fully healed, even with what I have learned; but I can say that I am "good enough now." Good enough to elbow my way into the herd, and live the life I have always deserved. I realized long ago that I cannot be anyone's doctor, or counselor; all I can offer is friendship, compassion and my experiences on my journey (which continues to this day).

The path out of the enormous pain we live with is often very counterintuitive. And because of it's counterintuitive nature, help is needed. If you have a good trauma doctor, he/she will tell you things that seem impossible for you to contemplate at first. The idea that you need to have complete compassion for those who damaged you is a wild notion to many, but it is just one of the crazy things we may need to have, to fulfill our journey to having "good enough" lives.

I can share the hurdles and roadblocks, as well as the epiphanies and realizations that have been a help to me.

I hope that I also will be able to share in your stories. Learning never stops when the topic is a complex childhood trauma disorder.

Love yourself.

[Rrecovery]

Hi Loren,

I am new here.  I thought I'd read some intros before I post mine.  Yours was the first one I read.  It touched me deeply.  I'm sorry for your suffering, and I'm glad for your recovery - making it to "good enough."  That is my goal and I'm not too far from it I think.  Thanks for sharing.  I often feel different than others because of the degree of damage I am still recovery from (30 years of recovery and counting).  But reading your intro helped me experience that there are others like me, and they are people of remarkable courage and heart and depth.

I wish you everything good in every way.

Rrecovery

[Badmemories]

Welcome selfcompassion,
I hope that You find this site useful and can heal further! I also am looking forward to Your posts and answers to the posts. Your progress certainly is valuable and can help us all!  I am pretty new at my healing in CPTSD and I am trying to heal and learn all I can about it!

[Kizzie]

Hi Loren and welcome to Out of the Storm.

I must say I really like your handle as we are all about learning to be more self-compassionate here. It sounds like it has been a long and heartbreaking journey for you and I'm so sorry that like members here that is the road you had to travel. You seem to have made a lot of progress and I thank you in advance for what you will share with us about your experiences - the bumps and the wins however small - all good (or good enough as you suggest)   
I agree that learning never stops with this disorder and by putting our heads (and hearts) together we can shed more light on CPTSD and hopefully move forward.

Again, welcome and I hope you are able to find a lot of support, encouragement and information to help you with your recovery.

[Rain]

I like what Pete Walker wrote regarding the silver linings of CPTSD, and I think of that as I read your intro.    Hugs.

Grace and Healing in your Journey.

Rain