Hi, I'm new here and nervous

[madebynature]

Hi, I am new to this forum, though I have known of its existence for quite some time. A few years ago I realised that I had PTSD from a long term abusive relationship. I later learned C-PTSD and about a year ago I came across OOTS, the information here about C-PSTD helped me understand what I was going through - every moment felt like a living * and I didn't know what was happening to me.

For the past year I have been working as hard as I knew how on recovery and trying to heal. Probably like many people, my story is long and I won't go into detail here, but to overview:

I had a traumatic childhood, many abusive/unsafe elements (emotional neglect, sexual molestation, poverty, alcoholic parent, immigrant family from low socio economic status). Despite this I tried very hard to provide for myself by getting educated and securing a reliable job. But at age 22 I entered a relationship, thought he was the love of my life. Turned out to be a severely abusive relationship and I now believe that my ex-spouse has NPD. He depleted just about everything I had except a little spark of my spirit - which is what I used to get out. But 13 years of that kind of abuse has left me with crippling mental health and in a place where I have to start my life over. In order to leave him, I had to move back in with my parents as I didn't have finacial means to support having my own place (yet). Whilst I am glad and very thankful that I am away from him and glad that my parents now are okay enough for me to get by living with them, it is an extremely triggering environment for me which makes healing from the ex harder.

I decided to sign up here because one thing that I struggle with is isolation - as I lost the friendships/social connections I had had from before I met my ex-partner, I am in a place where I have to restart socially. Whilst I do go out to places where the opportunity to meet new people exists and have one or two very new friendships, this is different to having people who you know love you and support you and who try to understand you. And when you've had a traumatic life, it's hard to meet new people and just start sharing your truth, that's not what people want to hear. I read something that said to recover from CPTSD one of the things you need is a support network. And so here I am.

I am so thankful to the internet for providing access to information and even the opportunity to join a support forum. So hello and thank you for reading my post

[Three Roses]

Welcome, madebynature! We are a great community for support and trading info. Thanks for joining!

[madebynature]

Thank you for the welcome Three Roses

[RecoveryRandal]

Welcome. And sending you good thoughts for your healing.

[Blueberry]

Welcome madebynature  I find it a great community here for not feeling too lonely from day to day. I hope you feel supported here.

[DecimalRocket]

Welcome! When I was socially isolated, I counted on the internet to find some companionship. It's a great first step to gaining trust with people to grow socially.

Take care, and free to explore this forum.

[Slackjaw99]

Welcome to the community! I first understood from OOTS that the cPTSD diagnosis fit me as well. I'm an example that recovery is possible if you want it badly enough. If I could share one key piece of knowledge, it would be that despite the many ways we might have suffered traumas in the past, we all share one common denominator now. That is that as a consequence of cPTSD we are unable to release the traumatic grief and energy that torments us. But with hard work and persistence you can learn to do so like I have. To borrow a phrase from AA: "keep coming back".

[walkwithme]

Hi, madebynature I hope the nervousness goes away. The people here are so kind. I'm new too (only a couple of days). It's already made so much difference. Look forward to seeing your posts!

[artemis23]

Welcome! This is a safe place, people are very kind and understanding and knowledgable. It's unique for sure.