Quitting job - struggle with IC

[Cookido]

I'm doing an internship and it's soon about to end which means saying goodbye to colleagues, clients or others I've worked with during the past half year.

Saying goodbye is not my strong side and it's causing a lot of anxiety. In previous jobs I dealt with quitting by not saying anything to anyone, I just never showed up again. It's how I prefer it. But at this internship people have been very nice and likeable. My ICritic is therefore causing a lot of trouble.

On one hand it tells me that no one cares if I quit. That I'm not appreciated at work and just another colleague. On the other hand it tells me I'm selfish and mean for not saying goodbye and I will hurt people if I don't say anything, which really guilt-trip me.

I'm not sure what the best option is. Push myself to say goodbye to everyone and risk feeling emotionally exhausted and anxiety. Or I don't say goodbye, but then feeling guilt or missing out on positive feedback.

It feels like a no win situation, but maybe someone here has struggled with the same type of dilemma and found a third way I can't yet see.

I did say goodbye to one colleague yesterday and we hugged (hugs are very difficult). The whole thing felt forced and awkward.

[Rainagain]

I believe CPTSD makes us magnify things beforehand which turn out to be OK when they happen.

Its hard to realise in the build up to something tricky, I always feel surprised when something isn't a disaster.

If you try to say goodbye I think and hope it won't be as hard as you think it will.

I hope you say goodbye, and I hope it goes very well for you.

[Blueberry]

but maybe someone here has struggled with the same type of dilemma and found a third way I can't yet see.

I did say goodbye to one colleague yesterday and we hugged (hugs are very difficult). The whole thing felt forced and awkward.

The third way could be saying goodbye to the colleagues you feel most comfortable saying goodbye to, in the way you feel most comfortable with, e.g. turning a hug down.

It's OK to refuse a hug. It took me a long time to acknowledge that for myself and not dissociate slightly in order to go through with it. If you do things the way you feel comfortable, that might reduce the anxiety beforehand and emotional exhaustion afterwards. 

[Kizzie]

Cocido, I am big on respecting my needs and where I am in the moment.  If you are not OK with saying goodbye at all or directly (you could do something a little less anxiety provoking like a card or email?), that's perfectly OK imo.  FWIW taking "should" out of things often opens up space inside me and quiets my ICritic.  Perhaps allow yourself to do this type of thing when you are ready and accept that it is uncomfortable for a reason?

[Dee]

In my previous career field I had to say goodbye every two years as I went to a new location.  I couldn't do goodbye.  What I learned to do was write and leave behind thank you notes.  I didn't hand them out, I just left them with someone.  That seemed to really work for me.