PTSD diagnosis but CPTSD more on the mark *TW*

[SueP]

Trigger Warning

I'm going to list traumatic instances throughout my life.  Please advise on whether  or not complex trauma may be something I should ask my doctor about. I have never done very well in therapy as it seems hopeless. Maybe if I could find a therapist that had experience with complex it might be more successful. Here goes: (don't read if you fear experiencing trigger).

*abandoned by father at birth
*raised by alcoholic step-father
*remember walking on eggshells being afraid to upset him
*remember some physical abuse but mostly hearing my brother scream. My brother reports the reverse.
*remember unexpected anger outbursts that frightened me.
*remember only one incident that was inappropriate making out with step-dad-do not recall others- approximately 10 years old
*experienced ongoing visits to urologist for treatment of a medical condition. Each time I was held down and catheterized which burned as they stretched my urethra. This was medically necessary. Lasted until I was 14.
*parents divorced and mother was emotionally unstable for some time. Left during week to work and live in city while children home ages 18, 16 (me), and 13.
* after causing trouble that my mom couldn't handle, was sent to live with biological father.
*ran pretty wild as bio dad had no clue
*became pregnant at 15. Wanted to keep baby but couldn't find support. Had abortion at 4 months
*returned home but continued with previous lifestyle.
* moved again
*moved again
*became pregnant at 16 moved to live with the father and his parents.
*childs father was a cocaine addict and alcoholic.
*received phone call that he had raped a friend of mine.
*took him to treatment where they encouraged me to work with him and keep our family together. Didn't last long and we split but I didn't have access to $ for divorce.
*6 months later broke into my home, held me captive for hours, continually raping and abusing me. He was out of his mind and I thought he was going to kill me.
*i escaped but the aftermath was even worse.  The trial was well publicized and everyone in my small town knew exactly what had happened as the newspaper printed everything, all the gory details.
*at the age of 6, my daughter was diagnosed with leukemia. I was 23. Cared for her all on my own but had to quit job and go on welfare.
*continued with my education but took 8 years to get my bachelors.
*during that time, had a child with a man I thought I was in love with but he turned out to be very emotionally abusive
*the child we had together had major behavioral issues and I was not given any help
*after remarrying a great guy, thought life was improving but child,s behavioral issues increased while I was still dealing with 1st child's medical needs.
*had 3rd child and suffered major postpartum depression lasting 9 months to a year.
*had to send 2nd child away for violent behavioral issues
*this was the "straw that broke the camel's back"
*went through few years of major depression and anxiety. 2 suicide attempts. In patient and out patient hospital stays

So I have never put all of this in one place before. Add I didn't even include everything.  While one of these instances might not cause trauma disorders it seems that the continued exposure to various types is causing great difficulty for me.
Any advice on how to attack this would be helpful.

[Blueberry]

More than "enough" of the "right stuff" for CPTSD!
I've found a lot of help just reading around on the forum. There's Pete Walker's book, which I don't have, but a lot of people here do. I wouldn't have managed as far as I have without a lot of therapy. To have trauma-informed therapy is very important. If you don't, it can backfire. (Been there, done that). Sorry a bit "short" sounding, I'm sick.

[Dee]

I'm sorry you have been so much.  I think the best way to tackle it is slowly.  Maybe look at the thing you need to work on most.  For me it was boundaries.  I also had to do intense work on dealing with suicidal thoughts.  What I mean by this is what to do to challenge the thoughts and ride them out when they hit.  I hope as I keep working they will go away.  They are quieter than they use to be.

This forum helps.  Many of us post what has worked for us.  We also discuss books and other things.  Also important, is being validated and feeling not so alone. 

[Kizzie]

Hi SueP and welcome to OOTS     Please note I changed your title as the *TW* was cut off.  I also added a more visible TW to the top of your post.  It can be triggering to read a history such as yours; I can only imagine the * it must have been for you to live through.   

From all that you have listed I suspect you do belong here.  Even if you don't have an official diagnosis, all that matters though is that the symptoms resonate with you. For many of us, once we read about CPTSD all the pieces seem to fall into place finally. It can be a relief to know what we're dealing with, but scary at the same time so it helps to have others here who understand to talk with. 

Being here is a great first step to digging out from under the layers of trauma so keep reading and posting.  The other thing you might consider is locating a trauma trained and experienced therapist, preferably one who is knowledgeable about Complex PTSD (versus just PTSD).  We have some forms and links to searchable databases under "Resources" at the top of the page.

Glad you found your way here