Oldie but Newbie ("Mature" Adult/Just Joined Site)

[Ciel]

Hello,
I don't really know where to begin, so I am introducing myself. My childhood was wrought with emotional and mental abuse, some physical abuse. I've tried therapy off and on for years, made SOME progress. I've never been diagnosed with CPTSD, and in fact just discovered this term this morning. I feel quite certain that this is my correct diagnosis.
I went through another traumatic experience 2.5 years ago and since then I have undergone a major upheaval in all areas of my life. Not all of the changes which have resulted from this traumatic experience have been bad, in fact most of them have been positive. However I have been experiencing much more anxiety from being unable to trust the ONE person in my life on whom I thought I could rely. I have no family I can count on, and nowhere to go, except my home, with this ONE person in particular. i am not in danger, I am not being harmed physically, not being abused so there is no reason to worry about me in this regard.
I need, among many things, to be able to move forward, not focus on past events and stop reliving past traumas/feeling past anger. I need and want to learn how to forgive and "Let Go".... Safely.
I have cut off access to some who are not willing to treat me as I deserve to be treated, and anyone who threatens my well being. However, it is not possible for me to cut everyone out of my life, nor is it necessary or prudent; this is what I mean by "safely". Some people deserve forgiveness, including myself; learning to forgive ME is one of the most difficult things.
Thanks for "listening".

[sanmagic7]

hey, ciel,

welcome - glad you're here!

i'm one of the older people on this forum (69) and just learned about c-ptsd and me within the last couple of years.  it has wreaked havoc with my life and emotions, to be sure.  as i've continued in recovery with a lot of help from the caring, kind people on this forum, i've been able to distance myself from re-living the past and moving forward in the present while looking toward a brighter future.

look around at your leisure, post when you feel ready, respond if something strikes you.  it sounds like you've already made some good progress.  it's your recovery, do what feels best for you at your pace.  things will get better.  happy to meet you.

[Three Roses]

Hi! I'm 60, diagnosed with ptsd in 2012, discovered CPTSD last year and self-diagnosed. Being treated for ptsd - not the same disorder - so we'll see how that goes.  Welcome!

[Ciel]

Thank you. I'm very happy to have found this site, this info, and to be here.
Onward and upward.