Maybe I just started recovery, but I already finished the chapter of abuse

[Solanin]

Hello oots members!

My name is Sophie, german, 19y old and living on my own since I just turned 18 (My "escape"). I'm really new to cptsd and even though having psychology as a main course and knowing about ptsd and cptsd I never came up with the idea of me having any relation to the topic.

With 13 I was diagnosed depression and ocd (Washing). Already then (Starting with the age of 9-10) I was thinking of an escape of the * my family life was for me. It's still strange, because I don't know when everything started and if there was an event that would mark the beginning of the downwards spiral, or to be more precise, I am just extremly confused right now. I always thought of my cptsd as a strange form of bpd: Being rather numb than emotional and calm than angry. Just yesterday my absolute genius psych stated he'd assume me being complex traumatized. At first I was shocked, in my mind I laughed at the fact. Then I did more research specifically on cptsd and it fits me to an incredibly precise level. Since then I find myself sleepless and realizing my struggles might be real (And not some "made up *" of my ill and attention seeking mind), they might be infact flashbacks and it explains my dissociations so well. I think he doesn't know I have flashbacks and I am not sure enough to tell him about on my own. Well, I'm just extremly confused right now and try to calm and get specific thoughts out of my head.

My "trauma" (if it is one) is caused by my family and would match the criteria for emotional abuse. But since it is just the emotional side that affects me now (I'm not sure about hits I got and some other physical violence - Again, everything is so confusing and I feel like going crazy atm) I feel strange, especially because I have to keep some contact to my parents since I am financial reliant on them. I really hope I will be able to do my graduation this year and achieve the grades I could get if I wasn't in the constant fog that was the first reason I decided to try another therapy. But probably I will have to go ip soon and I'm anxious about things before me and in my past.

I really hope to be able to join some interesting discussions about the topic and learn more about cptsd. Also I'm always glad to talk to people about ocd, eating disorders and dissociation in general and I assume that will be able on here too.

I would add some hobbies, but sadly I can't do most of them due to my social situation and disorders. But I love music and enjoy good mangas, movies or rarely a good written novel (Murakami anyone?). And I was an absolutely passionate photographer until some months ago.

That's it. Thank you if you made your way through my writing and have a nice day wherever you are :)

[Three Roses]

Hello and welcome! We're glad you're here. 

[Dutch Uncle]

Hi Solanin  and welcome. 

I'm glad to hear you already finished the chapter of abuse. That is a very important and useful step towards recovery. And congrats to you that after 10 years of waiting to escape the abuse, you have succeeded. I hope and wish the financial ties will wither as well at some point, and you can become even more detached from your abusers. But you are well on your way to achieve that too. 

All the things you want to share can find a safe place here, many of us share similar experiences. Have a look around and you'll see threads on these topics.

I hope this site and community will be of aid in your recovery.

Have a look at our Guidelines for All Members and Guests at some point, which are here to keep this a safe place for you and all other members.
You may want to edit out your name and location from your post, for the protection of your privacy. We appreciate your openness, but in general don't encourage members to share that level of traceable personal details.

Welcome again,

Dutch Uncle.

[Solanin]

Hi Solanin  and welcome. 

I'm glad to hear you already finished the chapter of abuse. That is a very important and useful step towards recovery. And congrats to you that after 10 years of waiting to escape the abuse, you have succeeded. I hope and wish the financial ties will wither as well at some point, and you can become even more detached from your abusers. But you are well on your way to achieve that too. 

All the things you want to share can find a safe place here, many of us share similar experiences. Have a look around and you'll see threads on these topics.

I hope this site and community will be of aid in your recovery.

Have a look at our Guidelines for All Members and Guests at some point, which are here to keep this a safe place for you and all other members.
You may want to edit out your name and location from your post, for the protection of your privacy. We appreciate your openness, but in general don't encourage members to share that level of traceable personal details.

Welcome again,

Dutch Uncle.

Hello and thank you for your kindness.   
In fact Sophie isn't my real name, but one I use as an alter ego for many years all over the internet. Most people from there don't know much about my personal life and I guess if they stumble over my post they may have a reference to the topic as well. Younger real life people / peers could read me out of my chaotic lifestyle, but I am not really motivated to hold back posting and sharing experience just because of the paranoid thought of being discovered. Luckily my fam does not know much about computers and the internet so there should not be any danger. But in fact I felt like I had to share that information since I'm used to it from other communities and it's a somehow really liberating thing to hear nobody expects me to do so and I will definetly keep that in mind now

Thank you Three Roses as well, I already read some of your threads and they were very helpful