The Silver Lining: Not much obligation felt, easy to detach myself

[Camerlenga]

I have to keep my introduction short and curt as the story of my childhood is somewhat unique so I won't go too much into that.

I hope my very personal things will suffice as an introduction: I was diagnosed with cPTSD.
That finally gave me an explanation for many years of suffering that some time ago finally became unbearable. I sought help.
And I received help. Many, many valuable hints to coherences I couldn't see for myself.
As I don't trust my own perception. Well, they trained me not to do that any more... I of course was a cheeky, an obnoxious and ingrateful brat that they had to trim and punish a lot. To his own best of course *lol* ;-)

I was raised in a family that was *.

The silver linings: Both parents never really bonded with me, so I didn't feel too much obligation except staying in line, but not caring and so it was easy to detach.

The darker side: Compassion with my sibling who had it worse than I nearly kills me. It really is very difficult for me to get out of the FOG concerning him. But I have to bc not asserting my needs makes me depressive.

A lot learned so far, lived through a lot of grief and other feelings. But still a long way to go...
I'm confident to find many valuable hints here as well.

[Rain]

Welcome, Camerlenga!

Another for you.

I'm glad you found your way here.   Please do read Kizzie's Welcome page, if you have not already.

[schrödinger's cat]

Hi Camerlenga, pleased to meet you! I hope you'll find this forum helpful. 

[Kizzie]

Welcome Carmelenga!   

[Camerlenga]

Thank you everyone for your warm welcome.

I'm sure I'll learn a lot here.

Presently I'm reading Pete Walker's "Tao of Fully Feeling".

I must say: One of the most important books in my life, definitely one I would take with me to the proverbial island if I only could take one.

It is very validating to read about what others have experienced and how to put things in place, to read about "emotional human rights".

My parents did each and every one thing to me that Pete listed as emotional abuse and neglect. The new thing I just now come to see: Not only my father. My mother was not much better.

She preferred her safety, her being taken care of financially on a rather high level to the wellbeing and sanity of her daughter, her kids.

What I keep wondering about: My T keeps telling me my reactions are very sane, encourages me to experience my rage and my grief.
That I came out of a family like this in pretty good sanity seems to be a small wonder. I keep asking myself where I got my resilience from.

Is it simply "some are stronger" ?

Maybe some higher power gave that gift of resiliency to me when planting me into that family?

[Kizzie]

Hey Carmerlenga - glad to hear you're reading Walker's first book, I am thinking it will be next on my list. 

I am quite interested in any discussion of how we made it out of our childhood injured but not broken.  My B did not unfortunately - he has Narcissistic Personality Disorder just like my NPDM.  He was the GC and being up on the pedestal he was never grounded in any way.  In my case I was the family Scapegoat so had something to rail against (even if it was internal railing), but I was also Lost Child and spent a lot of time reading in my room alone so had a view into a bigger, saner world.  In addition, at age 16 I stayed in Ontario to finish high school when my F (military) was posted to Quebec  and then went on to university. I have CPTSD so didn't escape the trauma unscathed, but I think I easily could have slid into a PD if I'd been around my FOO longer than I was. 

I've also read that having even one significant adult in your life (aunt, grandparent, coach, teacher) can give children who were abused/neglected enough resiliency to come through "injured but not broken." I unfortunately did not have anyone like that - did you perhaps? It also sounds like you were fairly open about being angry in your FOO (i.e., "cheeky, an obnoxious and ingrateful brat") - many of us shut down those outward expressions of anger, I know I did. 

Whatever it was or is that gave us some resiliency, all I can say is I'm grateful. It's not great having CPTSD but it could have been much worse (developed a PD), and I would not have had any opportunity to recover and enjoy my life.

[Rrecovery]

Hi and welcome Carmelenga 

I related to your story.  I began loathing my parents at a fairly early age - had to be totally internal of course, but like you detaching from them was much easier than it was for by sibs.  I have noticed that it seems like "rebellious" (even covertly rebellious) children recover more easily than compliant children.  Here's to saying "no" in our hearts.  Later in life I still had a "no" implanted in my heart which, for me, ended up being bitterness.  It was very difficult to get rid of the "no" and it often manifested as depression.  I did finally manage to oust the "no."  Now there's a qualified "yes" in there.

Glad you are here 

[Camerlenga]

Thank you all very much for your warm and Kind Responses. :-)

I would like to respond but your kind answers are entitled to something more Elaborate which I can't handle presently.

The more I talk to my T the more I can see the Blessings in being the SG.

Yes, resiliency is one of my favourite themes as well and I think all your remarks are exactly to the Point.

Please forgive my spelling, my browser does that and I gave up fighting him.

Looking Forward to talking to you more on the Weekend.

Best wishes for now.