What is this feeling

[blue_sky]

I dont know if this post goes under "Sense of threat" but I couldn't fit it anywhere else.

Victim of CSA here. Perpetrator was sibling who was 2 years older than me. CSA went on for over a decade.

Now he has a daughter. Im NC with him but mid-to-low contact with FOO. Recently came across the toddler's photo in some family group chat.

The toddler resembles my childhood pictures. I guess I wasn't expecting that at all and it sort of shocked me. I guess I forgot all about genetics. Here I was, foolish me, thinking... now that I'm NC with him, there's nothing left; there's no connection.

My husband doesn't see the resemblance. Am I imagining it then? Is it about perception? And what if she does resemble me? Poor girl has no choice, we do share genes i guess as an aunt and a niece. But how do I ignore these feelings in me?

There's tears, hurt, "I dont want his kid to look like little Blue Sky". But there's also a tiny bit of feeling of "oh she's a cute baby, just like I was".

What do I do with this confusion?

[NarcKiddo]

I can understand that you would feel upset and confused to see this picture.

Maybe you recognise an expression or a posture more than just physical looks. Your husband did not know you at that age, I assume, so I guess he can only compare photos he has seen of you at that age.

I'm sad to see you say that the poor girl has no choice, if indeed she does resemble you, although I am not sure why you might say that. It's good to read later on that you think she is a cute baby and that you were, too. Because that has to be right.

In your position I would be trying, gently, to think through the confusion. To acknowledge that this cute baby is not Little Blue Sky. But to recognise that Little Blue Sky may be scared for this baby. She was badly, so badly, treated by the man who now has this young child in his care. It's bound to stir up horrible feelings and memories for you. Maybe there is even an element of Little Blue Sky feeling that the resemblance somehow plunges her back into that scary time. Of course that is not the case but it does not mean that a child may not have such fears. You may not feel the strong presence of an inner child, and I apologise if this post assumes that you do, but memories from back then will likely sting. Please be kind and gentle with yourself as you work through your questions and your feelings. I doubt ignoring them will make them go away. So it's good you have come to express them here.

[Kizzie]

Hey Blue Sky, big hug as I know that would definitely stir up a lot of emotions for the reasons NK suggests 

I know one place my mind went to is "Will he abuse her too?" I wonder what if anything he thinks to himself knowing what what he did to you now that he has a child. Maybe he's able to stuff it down but hopefully she will like "a burr under the saddle" for him. We can only hope.
 

[Blueberry]

   to you Blue Sky

[sanmagic7]

blue sky, i can't imagine all the thoughts, fears that might be going thru your mind after seeing that picture.  triggers for you because of your experience w/ that little girl's father, fears that he may do the same to her, confusion about family's concerns, and what to do about your own, to name several that came to mind.  if you have a T, i hope you can get some help there.  if not, maybe writing all your emotions down, what they're connected to, etc., might help give you some clarity.  options you have and the pros and cons for each.  sometimes i've found it helpful to get this kind of thing out of my head and see it in black and white.  don't know if that's helpful for you or not.

at any rate, i think it's an awful situation for you, and whatever you choose to say, think, or do, i hope you know that it is the right thing for you at this present time.  what you decide now might be something different than what you decide later, or what you might've decided yesterday.  another thing that's helped me is to write down my decision in just the words i would like to use, then let it sit w/o doing anything for a day or two and revisit it.  for me, it gives me time to be concrete about if that's what i really want to do, and it also allows me to revisit my initial way of saying it (or leaving it alone) and making revisions that seem pertinent.

you have time, and because it's a sticky family situation, you can take as much time as you need.  another little thing i've used on myself is the regret question:  if i do/don't do whatever, will i regret it later?  anyway, don't know if any of this is helpful, but just some thoughts of what i've done for myself in the past when faced w/ sticky/uncomfortable choices and decisions, like finally going NC w/ my oldest daughter, to name one.  of course, i thoroughly support whatever decision you go with.  only you know what's best for you and the situation.  love and hugs