"Picking" a career

[LadybugBee]

Hi folks,

After being diagnosed and learning about c-ptsd over the last year, I've been re-evaluating my life. I had a great job at a huge tech company, and I reasonably liked the job. However, I had a terrible time working with my boss. I found her to be unreasonable and mean. She would tell me I was frustrating her and that she was unhappy with my work constantly. This triggered memories of my mother. I had to take a medical leave to try and cope with the flashbacks and triggers.

I decided the environment was no longer healthy for me, and I quit. I planned out my finances for the next few months and put in my two weeks notice.

Now I'm on the job hunt. My background is in dance-- I was a very gifted dancer and worked steadily in NYC for 8 years. I now live in Silicon Valley, which is fine but not my forever place. I don't fit in here-- I'm not a "rise and grind" kind of person. I don't really care about consumer electronics.

I'm "supposed" to be following my heart and listening to my intuition about what's next for me, but I feel so blocked and so tired. When I seek advice, typically the response is go back to dance or travel. I'm so tired, I just want to rest. I honestly feel like I could focus solely on my recovery for the rest of my life and work sparingly. But I am on my own, with no family support or partner, so I need an income.

I feel really stuck and lost... what am I supposed to be doing? I enjoy spending time with my dog, doing yoga and meditation, and cleaning my home. Just a quiet simple existence that brings me a lot of peace.

What do y'all do? How do you manage recovery and work?

[AphoticAtramentous]

I feel really stuck and lost... what am I supposed to be doing? I enjoy spending time with my dog, doing yoga and meditation, and cleaning my home. Just a quiet simple existence that brings me a lot of peace.

I unfortunately can't give too much personal advice, but have you tried going to a work/training recruitment agency? When I finished high-school I signed up with one of these agencies and it helped me out immensely. They're usually pretty open to one's own needs and skills, so hopefully they could help?

Regards,
Aphotic.

[Cascade]

Oh boy, LadybugBee.  I am in almost the exact same boat as you.  AND struggling.  All I can offer is support and empathy.  I wish I had some answers!  Right now, I am focusing on me and trusting that the right next thing will come along at the right next time.  Scary, but it's all I can manage.

Here's a hug if that's okay,
   -Cascade
   

[Teddy bear]

Hi LadybugBee,

Just found this thread, and it feels like the main dilemma I've had for the last few years.

My situation is different, but I also used to work in a tech company (not in Silicon Valley, though). I had other aspirations before finishing school and in other later periods of my life.

Travelling was a good time to reassess everything — plenty of quiet time for myself. I had thoughts of returning to passions I'd had previously, and even made some attempts.

Your background and talent in dancing sound impressive. I don't like to give advice, so I won't. Just following a passion seems not only fulfilling and interesting to me but also probably the most fruitful and 'possible-to-make-happen' path.

Meanwhile, I've come across different career advice before — I mean, I've read some articles, and some are very hesitant about this approach. But I think it's solely up to you!

It would be nice to chat if you're still on this forum 🤗🤝. Your situation has probably changed a lot since then.

Anyway, best of luck 🍀

[Kizzie]

Unfortunately LadyBugBee is no longer coming to the forum but I think this is a good thread to carry on with given CPTSD affects our work life.

This is slightly different from what LBB posted about but working takes a lot out of us especially if we're dysregulated and trying to hold it together while at work. I remember coming home some days and just collapsing because of the effort of appearing like everything was "normal" with me. It would take cocooning all evening and overnight just to be able to slog through another day until I was able to regulate again. I am retired now and glad to not be dealing with work related stress and CPTSD symptoms I must say.

I think there are countries where CPTSD is classed as a disability now - if you happen to be in a location where this is available it would be interesting to hear from you and how it all works. 

[Teddy bear]

Unfortunately LadyBugBee is no longer coming to the forum but I think this is a good thread to carry on with given CPTSD affects our work life.

This is slightly different from what LBB posted about but working takes a lot out of us especially if we're dysregulated and trying to hold it together while at work. I remember coming home some days and just collapsing because of the effort of appearing like everything was "normal" with me. It would take cocooning all evening and overnight just to be able to slog through another day until I was able to regulate again. I am retired now and glad to not be dealing with work related stress and CPTSD symptoms I must say.

I think there are countries where CPTSD is classed as a disability now - if you happen to be in a location where this is available it would be interesting to hear from you and how it all works. 

Hi Kizzie,

Thank you for your reply and for sharing your experience.

When I used to work full-time, I also often felt exhausted and very tired, and I experienced some major burnouts.
Later, I switched to freelancing and was mostly travelling, as I had a passive income.

Then I went through a rough period after returning to my home country, which ended in a few involuntary hospitalisations due to psychotic episodes.
It was very hard, and I was unable to work for about ten years.

Meanwhile, I've been recovering gradually. I finished a few courses and managed to find a remote job, but the project was eventually closed.

So, I keep studying through free online courses and am still considering an MSc, among other options.

In Russia, where I still live, only ICD-10 is officially accepted, so most doctors here don't know about CPTSD at all...
Or they believe they aren't formally allowed to assign this diagnosis.

Because of that, it isn't classified for disability allowance.

As I mentioned previously, I have another diagnosis: F20. A few years ago, I started using it to access some payments and benefits.
Although it's not enough to live on, especially in a metropolis.
Currently, I often live with my parents in the countryside, where my dog and cat are.
This helps with expenses.

But I still want to organise my income and do something meaningful—whether in IT, as before, or in something creative like drawing/painting, preferably through freelancing.