Re-traumatization activates PTSD (TW emotional abuse and aggression)

[Chart]

What's the expression... "the road to Hades is paved and the with the best intentions..."

For me intentions matter, but if there's not recognition that behavior is hurtful and toxic then whatever the "intention", what ultimately counts is the result.

Another observation: a lot of people suffer from trauma, and DON'T hurt other people. Trauma can be an explanation, but as an excuse for damaging behavior it doesn't go very far.

Ultimately, we are all responsible for our behavior, regardless the "feelings" that drove us there.

(That was all VERY hard for me to sort out in my head... I hope I didn't mess that up...)

 

[DD]

You didn't. You said it well.

Intentions matter but do show themselves with how someone reacts to being told of the hurt. If the intentions are good and honest, there will be accountability, respect, and a change of behavior at least to some degree.

And yes, a lot of traumatized people don't hurt others. I've spent a long time and lots of effort to actively heal from the trauma and I've purposefully chosen to think kindly of others and if I find out I've hurt someone, it hurts me deeply and I try to make it right. No one is perfect. But some try actively to be good, and to fix what they broke by mistake. Others don't. And I think this is the clearest signal I will keep an eye out. How does the person react to being told things didn't go exactly perfectly.