I had to save myself, cause no one else would.(TW mention of Gr**ming and R. )

[LadyBoar]

(TW mention of Gr**ming and R. - no description nor graphic content)

Hey there, everyone.
This past week I have been struggling a bit. You see, I have finally seen clearly how much neglect I have faced in my childhood, since a few memories keep popping my head and I can't stop think about it.

When I was 9 or 10 I used to play online games on the family computer (it was in the living room). In one of this games I was almost groomed. I used to play with this person I thought was a boy my age, we even got married in game...one day we decided to talk via messenger, and he asked to see me through the webcam, but he didn't have one. I did. I was just so happy someone seemed interested in me. He said I was pretty, he wanted to know about the things I liked, I showed him my pets etc. Then he got a glimpse of someone's feet on the couch behind me where my mom was napping, he asked who was it, I told him it was my mom. He immediately left the chat and I never saw him again.
It took years for me to understand what had happened, and when I told my mom about it (I was trying to warn them about how my young cousins should not have private computers in their rooms without supervision) she and my sister told me that I was naive and stupid for believing him.

Then when I was 16 my mom wanted to see a dietitian to loose weight and I wanted to as well( I was slightly overweight, my family kept mentioning it and at the same time complaining if I didn't finish my meals). We went to this doctor and in there he did not let my mom get in the room with me. He asked me to leave my purse at the entrance. He then did the appointment where he told me he would make me look like a princess. He gave me a prescription and on the way out I put my hand forward to shake his hand, he grabbed it and pulled me into a hug, and if I had not turned my head instead of a kiss on the cheek he would have kissed me in the mouth. I get the * out of there and tell my mom how he made me uncomfortable, how he tried to kiss me and how I would not be coming back or taking his pills. Her response was that I must have misunderstood him. That he was old school and she thought he was gay (which does not change the fact he tried to kiss me but anyways). A few months later he is arrested and later sentenced for multiple R.s he committed on his patients, and when I told them "See! I told you he was weird and dangerous!" They just say something along the lines of "wow, who would have thought, that's crazy".

No wonder when I was R. by my ex I did not feel like I could tell them. Even though I tried to test the waters, I told my mom and sister my ex was emotionally abusive and my mom told me to not talk like that or people would think he hit me.

Another time was when we where celebrating new years in my grandma's house, we were in the front yard watching the fireworks. My dog got excited and started to run around and bumped into my aunt who almost fell. My uncle (aunts husband and my mother's brother) tried to kick my dog. Luckily he missed. I called him out and he came towards me very aggressively. This tall old men yelling at my face and my mom? "No, daughter. He is just joking" luckily the rest of the family for once saw what happened and jumped to grab my dog and to pull my uncle to the side.

No matter what happened, no matter if I told them or if they saw it. I was never believed. Growing up the only thing protecting me from a gr**mer or a r**ist was cheer luck and my own self determination. And when something awful happened and I was R. multiple times by an ex. I was left to deal with it alone.

I guess I just wanted to write this down cause as I said, I was never believed. But it happened. It all happened. Thankfully my therapist and husband always believed in me and supported me. But I'm really struggling to interact with my family right now.

( TLDR. I had multiple instances of been abused or almost abused (physically and sexually), in my childhood, teenage and young adult years. My family never believed me. They never protected me and now I'm struggling to interact with them.)

Thank you all for reading it and for participating in this forum. It does help a lot.

[Kizzie]

I am so sorry to hear you were never believed and constantly invalidated Lady Boar, that teaches us about our worth and value as a human or lack thereof.  It's good to hear your H and T believe in you and support you, that can make quite the difference when it comes to recovery/healing. Just the fact that you revealed your experiences to us here shows you are moving forward.   

I can imagine as you remember and validate your family's treatment that you would struggle to interact with them.  There's a lot there to deal with and anger and grief to feel.