The line between self care and selfishness

[Lina24]

Hi

I am struggling at the moment with working out what is reasonable and what is selfish. I have never put my own needs above others as I have always believed I am irrelevant and unworthy of care. I just push through in silence and don't let on that I am in pain.
I have an active job, but am dealing with a leg injury. I feel that to take time to heal or take it slowly for a bit would be extremely selfish as I would be letting everyone down and causing a nuisance. I feel weak and useless about being in pain. Anyone else in my position, I would tell them to go easy or let someone know they are struggling.

Does anyone else feel confused about this or worked out how to tell the difference between reasonable need and selfishness?

Lina

[sanmagic7]

hi lina24,

i have put myself on the back burner for many, many years, also feeling insignificant and that everyone else's needs were more important than mine.  thru the years of working at recovering from such beliefs, and with the support of others here, i've come to realize that the idea of being selfish was a manipulation used by others on us to get what they wanted from us. 

having no regard for others, their wants and needs, is, to my mind, a selfish way to look at the world.  however, that is very clearly not your state of mind, or you wouldn't be thinking about the others where you work.  the other side of this is self-care, which is very important.  without it, we end up not being able to do anything, not for ourselves and not for others, either.

so, in my mind, for these types of situations, where self-care is what leads to eventually healing, being able to be out there again for others, i've separated the word 'selfish' into 2 words - self and ish, or self-ish.  being aware of our 'self' and what it needs, and taking care of that 'self' is crucial.  without being self-ish, we hurt ourselves further by ignoring 'self' and what it needs to be able to perform at its peak ability. 

in your situation, you're running the risk of hurting yourself to the point where you wouldn't be able to be there for your office mates at all if your injury gets worse.  if you take the time and care for it properly, it will get better, sooner, and you can go back to your job cleanly and with enthusiasm.  besides, pain wreaks havoc w/in our brain, and we can't function as well as usual.

so, those are my thoughts on it, what i've learned over the years of dealing w/ similar issues.  i hope you can realize how very important you are in this world, and even to your colleagues at work.  i do believe they'd want you to take care of yourself, be self-ish in this matter.  i know i do.   

[Kizzie]

Hey Lina - I must say I agree with San, self care can feel like selfishness but only because we've been trained to feel we must put others first. I particularly like what San wrote about the word "selfish" itself.

i've separated the word 'selfish' into 2 words - self and ish, or self-ish.  being aware of our 'self' and what it needs, and taking care of that 'self' is crucial.  without being self-ish, we hurt ourselves further by ignoring 'self' and what it needs to be able to perform at its peak ability. 

Spot on!