New Here - Hello!

[DoggieWoof123]

Hi there! I am 25 y/o female.
I cut off my narcissistic mom about a year and a half ago. It was the hardest decision I've ever had to do, but I feel so free without her in my life. Since then, I've been doing therapy (EMDR), and quit my job and started pursuing a career I could actually enjoy. I am doing so much better, but every day is still really hard. I still have a lot of relationship anxiety. I still feel very sensitive whenever my partner is stressed or if I ever have to bring up my feelings to him (luckily he is an extremely emotionally mature man and the sweetest person ever) but the triggers are crippling. I've been with him for 6.5 years but still all my trauma seems to project onto him. I will spend an entire week being terribly nervous about how to bring something up to him... then when I finally bring it up, and it goes fine, I feel depleted and pathetic. My life is a lot better but I know I still have a long ways to go towards a generally peaceful life.

[NarcKiddo]

I will spend an entire week being terribly nervous about how to bring something up to him... then when I finally bring it up, and it goes fine, I feel depleted and pathetic.

That resonates!

Welcome, DoggieWoof. I'm glad you found us and happy to read that you are making good progress. Healing is slow and can feel very tough at times, so go easy on yourself.

[Kizzie]

Hi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm DoggieWoof! 

I have a partner like you and while I'm no longer nervous about bringing things up with him, I sometimes dream he has cheated on me or that he rejects me, turns cold and dismisses me as if I am nothing. He is nothing like this and I've come to figure out it's that deep sense of rejection I got from my parents that lingers still, deep within. That's just how much my parents lack of love and safety impacted me. I think it speaks to how deeply our fears run and how embedded they are.  I'm almost 70 and these dreams pop up when I am stressed.

When I have those dreams when I wake up I soothe myself now and tell deep inner self, my H is not going to reject me or cheat on me, that this is an "echo" of the past more than anything.

Perhaps it's similar for you; that is, these feelings don't belong to your partner or your present, but to a deep fear of being abandoned, abused, rejected as you may have been in your past. Maybe seeing them from this POV and soothing them and comforting yourself will help bring that reaction down, even if a bit at a time.

Just my thoughts!   

[lowbudgetTV]

Fellow 25y/o here! Welcome. Glad you're pursuing something you enjoy. I think that's really important after cutting off the unhelpful parent(s).