Therapy directly on a core/primal wound

[NarcKiddo]

The reason behind my self-acceptance: when I am able, I will do it. OR possibly if it were the most useful method atm, I would be doing it.

It seems like you are on to something here, Blueberry. It certainly resonates with me. I, too, am aware of all these different methods and suggestions and whatnot. I've tried several, but in many cases I just end up feeling nonplussed, and that I am somehow deficient when they don't really work for me. And then I think perhaps I should persevere and that just gives more scope for self-criticism. It sounds like this is a bit like what you have been feeling.

When something actually is helpful for me it feels right pretty much from the get go. Maybe not completely right because it's new but if there is some kernel of instant relief then I know it may be worth pursuing. And that knowledge is not intellectual - it is emotional. My logical brain can tell me endlessly that meditation would help if I only did it enough - but the fact remains that for me, right now, it simply doesn't. That is not to say that it would not help in the future so I think it is always worth revisiting things from time to time (unless they were actively repellant last time) in case the internal situation has shifted.

Your radical self-acceptance sounds like really solid progress, Blueberry. 

[Hope67]

 

[sanmagic7]

blueberry, brilliant!  i so agree, and so very glad you were able to come to that realization.  i think it's a fundamental truth, not very easy to come by, but major when it's discovered.  well done!     love and hugs

[SenseOrgan]

Blueberry
Hooray for the radical self-acceptance you mentioned (#14 of this thread). I totally get your reasoning, which not many people ever seem to in my experience. All things considered, at any given moment, you make the assessment what's best for you. A generally good plan or approach can be a not so good plan or approach right now. For me, self-acceptance (and self care) includes this kind of flexibility and confidence in knowing what's right for you.

With regards to your original post... It seems to me you've been going at it for a long time and from different angles. I'm very sorry about that. And I can relate to this feeding into low mood. This does get quite existential for many of us, I think. To cut a long story short, I have gone past this core wound and I haven't. I got a peek behind the curtain, so to say. Since the line between traumatic experiences and sense of self got blurred in developmental trauma, the answer is in part transpersonal. Without aiming for it, this is what I got a taste of at some point in my journey. Everything changed after my sense of self was blown to pieces. And I still struggle with the same issues and make progress like the next person here since. It's hard to explain. I once described it as if a more fundamental sense of self is the stage on which all my personal drama is playing out. The stage has room for every actor and every emotion and has no stake in the storyline. It may sound a bit detached, perhaps even dissociated. The feeling tone is unconditional love and acceptance though. I think my sense of self dramatically expanded for a short while, and an echo of that stayed when it took on it's previous shape.

Some therapists do veer into this direction. If I'm not mistaken, you mentioned a week long, freebie online conference with an amazing lineup a while ago. I never got to responding to that, and I noticed it right when it was finished. There are quite a few people on that list of speakers who do tap into this, I imagine. Although parts work is incredibly valuable, I do think it has it's limitations too.