Feeling so alone.

[BlueMoon_]

I have a therapist I talk to, but no friends close enough to talk deep stuff with.

I'm also frustrated because I've been applying to so many part time jobs and haven't gotten even an interview. I know the job market is hard now but I just feel so helpless and like I'll never get a job, I'll never be able to be financially independent and not have to rely on my parents.

It feels like no one's coming to help, you know?

[Blueberry]

   I know we're only here virtually, but we are here and we care. Unfortunately, we can't help in any direct way, but maybe it helps you a little to know that at least some of us understand?

I know from my own experience how very hard it is to be still stuck in a dysfunctional, traumatising family, stuck living with them because of not yet having a job to pay the rent and other living costs, maybe also saddled with student loans to be repaid. Also with a sibling in the family who threatened me, who I was frightened of for good reason. My heart goes out to you. I'm now in my 50's so long time ago but up until maybe 4-5 years ago I still had nightmares of being back with them and not being able to move out because I couldn't find any job. So you see the impact it had. So, I remember that impact now too and my heart goes out to you doubly. 

Unfortunately I don't have a golden fairy story to tell you about how it all panned out much, much better... I did eventually get student jobs in my holidays and eventually got a job in my field after graduating, but it's not been totally easy. At least you are in therapy now (I didn't have that then, wasn't available) and I hope that helps you on the road to enough recovery to get a job to tide you over enough to move out.

If it appeals to you, I think there might be a third Zoom Group starting on the forum, being run by Kizzie https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16607.msg153836#msg153836
I'm in Zoom Group no. 2 and I do find it helpful in keeping loneliness at bay because I'm not managing friendships irl very well atm either.

[em87]

just to chime in

for any consolation, I had a dream about fighting with my mom. actually something silly but I guess that's kind of how they happen.

my irl friendships are kind of awful because I can't show up and I feel too broken for them. I did just send a friend a text - but a single text isn't connection. anyway.

@BlueMoon_ I'm sorry job applications haven't been successful yet. That's a heavy weight on top of healing things/general mental wellness. I have an internship this fall, which means I'm staying with family to save money. You're not alone in struggling to gain independence.

thinking of you and your job hunt