self-hatred and annoyed with therapy

[em87]

Two things, I still kind of hate myself and I'm annoyed with therapy.

- these things feed into each other a bit. just that thought of why am I even in therapy if I'm not really learning anything new. and my therapist today completely disengaged at some point.

- my therapist talked about how I don't have to seek external validation, but then how do I make meaning of my experience without sharing it? because it's deemed 'small' in the context of trauma. what's the point of making myself miserable if I'm still not 'fixed'?

and no, I don't expect my therapist to fix me. I feel like I'm close to remembering something but I'm stuck.

[Kizzie]

It may be that your current therapist is not the one for you. It does happen and you are well within your rights to look for another one that sits you better and that you feel you are making progress with.

It could also be that you are irritated with yourself and them because there is something big bubbling up.  If you have a think or I guess a feel of what's going on and that might be it then maybe you should stay and see if you can get to the bottom of things?


IMO it's about you helping you find the help you need, whatever that may be.   

[em87]

yeah, I was having a bit of a rage episode last week. a childhood thing came up in session today, so maybe that's part of it. I can stick with this therapist I think - we have good rapport and she has good training.

[NarcKiddo]

If you have trust in this therapist and have rapport, then it is probably worth raising these issues with her at some stage. It has taken me two years to get the courage to raise something with my therapist that she said back then, which provoked a bad reaction in me and made me nearly fire her on the spot. I finally mentioned it last week and we had a very helpful conversation.