Therapy directly on a core/primal wound

[Blueberry]

Does anybody have the impression that they were eventually able to head directly to a core or primal traumatic wound with trauma therapy and process this a good distance, so that they don't feel as if they're constantly re-hitting that old thing?

My example is my core belief that I am bad through and through and I shouldn't exist. It comes up again and again. I've done lots of work on reducing its power over me plus lots of work on disproving it to myself, taken lots of concrete steps to show myself I do exist and I'm fine that way, heard tons of positive feedback including in therapeutic settings (where people feel/sense a lot plus don't usually lie for the sake of it), but that old FOO stuff sits pretty deep. I've been mentioning this in various ways in T since, let's see, 2002 or maybe even 2001. Not to moan or anything, but getting sick of coming back again and again to this, despite non-head-on ways of therapy, so as not to be overwhelmed etc. (For those on Mbr Journals, I've written there too but that info must please stay there).

I am not so much interested in what all else I could try in my spare time like journaling or etc etc (partially because I have done far more than I can list, some of which I don't even know what to call, don't know if it exists in the English-speaking world but was still helpful plus I am writing this on a Therapy board    ), I'm more interested in hearing if any of the more advanced in healing on the forum feel that they've made significant headway in tamping down this kind of pervasive false belief about themselves, that they believe came from traumatisation in childhood (including preverbal) or generational trauma? So that it doesn't keep re-surfacing?  And how they made that headway, with presumably a therapist - I need a therapist anyway. 

Please note: I'm somewhere on the OSDD/partial dissocation spectrum, have Parts, might well make a difference.

Can EMDR help in this kind of case, to 'get at the root' type thing? Some other trauma therapy type I've never heard of? Or does it have to be some form of Parts work, going thru each Part at a time? It probably has to be Parts work... I was just imagining: wouldn't it be nice, if I could work directly on banishing these types of feelings - I shouldn't exist, I'm so bad through and through I don't deserve a spot on this earth, but no, how would that work out when not every Part picks up on it...?  

Still, in case it did work out, maybe for somebody with fewer Parts or no Parts, could you write a bit about it? I'm guessing it wasn't over in one session... tho i wish for us all that it could be. And of course there could be other core beliefs/wounds too, there certainly are in my case.

I hope my question makes sense. If not, do get back to me, I'll try and explain better. Thanks

[Marcine]

Hi Blueberry,
I think I understand your question. (If I miss the mark, I apologize.)
I've been in active battle with negative self-concept for decades. Therapy has been a common thread as has been my own research. I can very much relate to feeling "sick of coming back again and again to this", as you wrote. It can feel grueling, lonely, and never-ending. Its roots definitely run old and deep.
I have experienced meaningful quieting over time of the howling worthlessness. I attribute this sense of internal progress to 2 core aspects.
1. Spending time being (not doing) in nature daily, even for just a few minutes. The wordless wonder of gazing at a tiny bug on a plant, the moon, breathing fresh air... focusing as much as I am able in the moment on experiencing the simple, profound beauty around me... feeling a special relaxation as a tiny spec in the vast cosmos... it's a feeling along the lines of "well, here I am, Here we all are, existing together, and it's ok. It's pretty amazing actually." It's the experience of it that has been healing for me. Hard to put in words. The more I open myself to it, the more alive and worth I feel.

2. I've slowly come to peace with the notion that healing/freedom is a process that has no singular finish line... and that I am ok with this truth. I spent all those years fighting so hard and believing if I did more, tried some new technique, then I'd get to that all-important place where the grass was greener and I'd finally "be ok". I can even chuckle ruefully at that, because I know now my worth and goodness have been with me all along, just buried and choked out. But not dead. I resuscitate and revive and re-seed the garden of myself, day by day, step by step. In whatever ways feel best to me.

And, Blueberry, your aliveness and determination reach me through your words. I send you friendship and good wishes