Parts (as in IFS parts) and blending

[NarcKiddo]

I've been reading a bit about the theory of parts. What I have learned about IFS does not resonate with me in terms of the specifics. However the general theory of having different parts does. Specifically having more than one inner child (kids at various different ages is what I feel are probably there).

I've also read that a particular part can blend with the actual adult self, so you can be essentially totally overtaken by a part. I gather this might frequently happen if one has DID which I don't think I do.

But last night I had a horrible emotional panic after a therapy session that had left me a bit out of sorts. I was trying to get Adult NK back online, as it were, and failing. The problem related to being a mother to myself and all my negative associations with the concept of a mother. I'd also been discussing with my therapist the fact that I will never get any sort of emotionally satisfying support from my mother. I thought I had accepted that but it is becoming apparent that not all inner children have in fact accepted. So I was discussing with T how I might deal with that. The session started off all fine and calm and interesting and ended up with me (some little NK) getting hugely upset about the whole topic.

I was a bit edgy for the rest of the day but in the evening the emotional panic hit. I don't think it was an EF as such. It was a horrible panic that I had the responsibility for mothering an inner child and that I was completely not ready and incapable. The feeling did not actually last all that long. But while it was happening I felt as if it was a true emotion and a true analysis of the awful responsibility, and that it would never end because I will never lose responsibility for the inner child(ren) that I felt so incapable of looking after.

I knew I needed to access adult NK but when I was unable to do so the whole thing felt even worse and even more permanent, because I thought it was actually adult NK who was not capable of the task.

Eventually I managed to access adult NK and began to suspect that I may have blended with a part. Not sure who this part is because my main inner child contacts have been with a young child thus far and this felt much older. Hence why I thought it was adult me.

I'm not sure if any of this even makes sense (though I know what I mean!) but I am just wondering if anyone else has any thoughts or experiences to share.

[Blueberry]

Makes a lot of sense to me. Especially

responsibility for mothering an inner child and that I was completely not ready and incapable. The feeling did not actually last all that long. But while it was happening I felt as if it was a true emotion and a true analysis of the awful responsibility, and that it would never end because I will never lose responsibility for the inner child(ren) that I felt so incapable of looking after

feels pretty familiar.

I often feel unable to access my Adult of Today because I'm sorta not always sure who that is... I have inner children and inner teens (I feel them as different ages) but I think there also inner adults in me from back before I ever started trauma therapy and possibly from the 2 times I was badly retraumatised since.

I keep intending to read about 'blending' in English, since I don't even know what it is exactly. Maybe there's a word and concept in my day-to-day language and culture, maybe not. Well, sometime I will and then things may get clearer.

Apparently I may have partial DID or OSDD but certainly not full-blown DID, however something goes pling about 'being overtaken by a part' or 'blending with adult self' tho probably that's not actually happening in my case (especially since I still want to read up on 'blending' lol).

I hope you're feeling a bit more steady on your feet again, sort of thing, NK and thanks for bringing up this topic. I hope I haven't misunderstood anything or triggered you or a Little you by taking your words and using them for something else.

[Hope67]

Hi NarcKiddo,
I am also glad you brought up this topic, as it is something that I've related to for a long time now, and I have been considering how to put into words some of my thoughts on it.  I still don't really feel quite ready to write something coherent, but I will definitely be coming here to see what others write, and maybe at some point I'll be able to contribute something as well.

I do want to say that the experience you described does sound like you were blended with a part.  I feel very much like that whenever I'm experiencing something similar, and it can happen at nighttime more often, but also in the day.  I find that labelling the experience, literally by saying to myself 'I recognise that I seem to be blended right now' helps to break out of the experience and get back 'online' again.  I know it was Janina Fisher's work that enabled me to do that consistently and I felt it has definitely helped.

Anyway, I also wanted to say that what you wrote made perfect sense to me.  Glad you were able to access adult NK, and thanks for sharing your experience of how that went.

Hope

[NarcKiddo]

Blueberry - thank you. Your post was helpful and you have not triggered anything.

Hope - thank you. Interestingly, I have just finished listening to Janina Fisher's book which is why I think I recognised what may have been going on and was able to access adult NK again. So I am glad you mentioned her. I'm interested you say that you find blending can happen more often at night. I vividly remember waking up one night in a terribly upset state. I had not come across the concept of blending then, but I was aware that a child NK had something to do with it and was eventually able to get adult NK back online when I pursued that train of thought. I expect it has happened many times in the past but at times when I was not aware of the effects of trauma so would just have had to wait for it to pass. I find the topic very interesting (on an intellectual level - on a personal experience level I do not find it much fun!) and will be very happy to see whatever you may have to say if you feel moved to write more in the future.

[Hope67]

Hi NarcKiddo,
I don't know if this might be helpful or not, but I saw a utube video by Conor McMillan which was entitled 'How to Unblend from a Part' (or similar words) using IFS.  Conor McMillan has studied with the IFS Institute since 2014, and I only recently discovered his videos, and I am hoping to watch more, as he sounds interesting.

I wanted to put a link to the video, but not sure if the link works - but if you want to look him up, that's an option to find the video, if you are interested in taking a look.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CM5EIBRg4ZA

That is the utube link, incase it does work.

Hope

[Secondchance]

Hi NarcKiddo,
I don't know if this might be helpful or not, but I saw a utube video by Conor McMillan which was entitled 'How to Unblend from a Part' (or similar words) using IFS.  Conor McMillan has studied with the IFS Institute since 2014, and I only recently discovered his videos, and I am hoping to watch more, as he sounds interesting.

Thanks for that video Hope it is helpful.
I wanted to put a link to the video, but not sure if the link works - but if you want to look him up, that's an option to find the video, if you are interested in taking a look.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CM5EIBRg4ZA

That is the utube link, incase it does work.

Hope

[Hope67]

Hi Secondchance,
I'm glad you found the video helpful.
Hope

[Secondchance]

Hi Secondchance,
I'm glad you found the video helpful.
Hope

Thanks. Can't see my post now.

[Hope67]

Hi, I hope you are able to see it - I can see it.  It seemed to be in the middle of the quote.

[Secondchance]

Hi, I hope you are able to see it - I can see it.  It seemed to be in the middle of the quote.

Yes thanks I see it but don't know how it got in there!

[Hope67]

I have no idea.  But I did see it.   

[dollyvee]

Hey NK,

I'm a big fan of IFS and it's one of the things that has helped me to step outside of m intellectual side and get through to my emotions (at times). I think before I tried IFS, it was as if these emotions were something I was supposed to feel, or going through the motion of what I thought x emotion would be like. However, it was also as if there was "something" limiting it.

In my experience, I've met parts/had IFS experiences that I didn't understand, and took research, and/or am still going back to them today for meaning and understanding. IFS can show you something, but it doesn't mean there's the capacity to readily understand it in my experience. I have also had parts come up that I wasn't ready for/didn't want to look at/made me uncomfortable. For example, there was a "spoiled" part, that I really sort of dismissed right away until I made some connections to my gm and overindulgences in the middle of the night the other week, and then the idea of that part resurfaced. For reference, I have parts that aren't just "me" looking - ie adult/child, but colours, old woman (not me) etc.

I think I am very used to (ie it's SAFE) batting these things from my subconcscious out of my field of view because it's through this controlled environment (ie emotions, managing perception of events/relationships etc) that I've managed to survive. So, when things come up that challenge this field of view, I can dismiss them quite quickly because they don't make "sense." However, and I feel like this has been coming up more with t lately, is that when I am pushed about something there are emotions that come up around that thing, and it's not that "easy" to say ok, let's look at these emotions (or likely parts. This seems like a relatively small thing, but I think in the past I would have just dismissed what t was asking quite quickly with no understanding as to why, but thinking that it "felt" right. I also feel like understanding the mechanism of scapegoating and why I have likely pushed these things down is helping too. Anyways, I'm digressing.

I haven't read it, but maybe Richard Schwartz's No Bad Parts might be useful to you in helping to see what parts are taking NK adult part offline.

Sending you support,
dolly

[NarcKiddo]

I have also had parts come up that I wasn't ready for/didn't want to look at/made me uncomfortable.

Thank you. This is helpful to read. I was discussing this very aspect with my T yesterday, because this teenage part and I do not really like one another right now. I found myself being quite dismissive of her when talking in a zoom group, saying she is a bolshy teenager and difficult. On reflection that did not sound at all supportive of teen NK and it is hardly surprising that she might be pretty wary of me if that is the way I am going to treat her. She has not appeared again and I was expressing to T that I was actually quite relieved about that in some ways. That I would much rather deal with the "nice" younger child. Which, again, is hardy supportive. And even that leads me to wonder whether some part was involved in the session with T because adult NK is perfectly capable of dealing nicely with teenagers, even bolshy ones, and not taking their more obnoxious behaviours to heart.

What did become clear in my discussion with T is that my teenage/young adult years were way more unpleasant than I care to remember. I have told T in the past about that time but mostly in a detached "this is what happened" sort of a way, while denying I was bothered at all in the here and now.

It is intellectually very interesting to consider the concept of parts - but emotionally I find it very challenging.