Is this a type of dissociation?

[storyworld]

I've had some flashbacks that cause me to physically react as if the incidents are occurring to me, but in the image, I see my sister. And I just realized it's my sister I've been seeing, and that I saw myself as my sister, if that makes sense. And now I'm trying to make sense of this and would love to hear if anyone has had similar experiences.

[Bermuda]

Sorry you are going through that. I don't have an answer for you, but I also have out of body flashbacks, not necessarily as my siblings but as if I were with them when I know I wasn't. I was hiding somewhere else watching.

I hope someone else has better answers, but I believe you although I can't explain it.

[Papa Coco]

Storyworld, I have some thoughts. IFS therapy has taught me that I have the ability to alter reality while I'm filing memories away. In other words, if I felt something so scary that I thought I might go insane, then as I'm putting the memory into my files, I might change the memory to be something I can deal with. For me to believe it happened to my sister instead of to myself is very plausible, and it is because my brain knew I couldn't handle the truth, so it altered the truth to keep me safe. Then, for the rest of my life, how I filed the memory is how it comes back to light whenever I access it.

I'm currently reading Dr. Shwartz's books on how he brought IFS therapy back into the world. He teaches that our IFS parts are stuck in time. That explains why when I was early in my therapy, I struggled to know what year it was, and who I was with at any given time. As these parts come out to do their work, they think it's still 1967 or 1980 or whatever year it was when they were created or placed into their parking spot in the brain.

Reality shifts for us when our parts come out to do their jobs. It makes sense to me that we can even become confused over the identities that they represent.

I think that IFS would be beneficial for you to explore. Maybe, with your therapist (if you have one who understands IFS therapy), see if you can talk with the image of your sister that has been living in your memory banks for all these years. Ask her what she has to say to you. If you don't have an IFS therapist, you could take a look at Richard Schwartz's book, An Introduction To Internal Family Systems, to see what it is I'm talking about.

I've participated in most every type of trauma therapy that has been created so far, and, for me, the most powerful and successful healing is found in IFS therapy. It seems to be working the best for myself, and for many others. These parts of us that take over our brains at times are easy to work with. Every single one of them loves us and wants to protect us.

My thought is that by misidentifying yourself as your sister might be from one or two IFS parts who are doing this because they know it helps you deal with what really happened oh so long ago. They're on your side. They may be helping a little too much. But according to Schwartz and to my IFS therapist also, all we have to do is let them tell us why they do what they do, and then allow ourselves to feel what they want us to feel. According to the experts, and from my experience, as soon as I feel what they have been helping me to NOT feel, they are set free and I can move forward another step on my healing journey.

I wish every person who is dealing with trauma reactions, C-PTSD, or any other trauma disorder, could find and secure a qualified IFS therapist. Honestly, as of these days, I think IFS is the best therapy.

[storyworld]

Thanks, Bermuda. I'm glad you were able to "find" a safe place to hide when life felt really hard.

Thanks, Papa Coco. That makes sense. Actually, my therapist does lead me through "parts work" and I have found it helpful. I'm just learning, and  I find I get overwhelmed when we connect with emotional parts. Perhaps with time, I'll be able to both explore what they feel and need without springing outside my window of tolerance. We're trying! I do find your experience and reply encouraging.

[storyworld]

Papa coco, what is the name of you book you've been reading?

[Papa Coco]

Storyworld, I'm reading (actually listening to the audio book) An Introduction to Internal Family Systems by Dr. Richard C Schwartz. 

He's the psychologist who created the IFS program. While I've been doing parts work for years, I was the recipient. My T never called it IFS. I have been reaping benefits from it, but not really understanding how and why it works so well.

I decided it was time for me to look under the hood to see how this engine runs. I went to the source, Schwartz, to read his materials from the start. That's why I chose to start with his first book, An Introduction to IFS.

What I'm learning is moving me forward into some deeply beneficial territory. As of yesterday, I have begun exploring my "Managers". This morning's meditations were fantastic. I've met my lead manager. He's excited to work with me too. He is showing me the root source of why my knees hurt so bad all the time. He's pointed me toward a half dozen life experiences from my earliest childhood that put me on this road toward utter exhaustion and sore knees. We have a lot of work to do to start reversing the damage, but Schwartz says if I'll cool my jets, slow it down, and work with this manager for as long as it takes, without rushing him, that I may find some real physical AND emotional healing.

I'm very happy that I started reading the material about how IFS works best.

[storyworld]

Thanks, Papa Coco. I've only recently been using that type of therapy (well, and only, relatively recently, started doing any type of therapy!).