Not sure about latest T

Started by Gromit, December 13, 2022, 08:33:51 PM

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Gromit

Last year I approached a charity that offers therapy, for the umpteenth time, and was waiting to be allocated a counsellor for months, in the mean time I went back on Citalopram too. When I finally got a counsellor I was not too sure at first but then I got to appreciate what she did. She then got the opportunity to set up on her he own and I stayed with the charity who found me someone else, who is very different. She is really trying hard, too hard, and is bad at sticking to time boundaries which makes me feel uncomfortable. I feel that it is not doing anything for me, maybe I should approach the previous one in her new set up? Or ask for a different one at the charity? Or maybe I need a break? And speaking up to say I do not feel this counsellor fits is difficult for me. I think that is it, I could say to the other one I wanted to stay with the charity instead of leaving with her, this one I feel uncomfortable about raising the issues and, I need to be able to raise issues or it cannot help.

Putting it here has been helpful, thank you.
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milkandhoney11

Gromit,
I've only been in therapy for a very short time so I don't claim to be an expert, but I think it is really important that we trust our T and can talk to them about the issues that move us deeply. If you feel like this is not the case with your new T and that the sessions aren't really helping you, anymore, then I believe that it is only right to speak up and see if you can find someone else.
I completely understand how difficult/ terrifying this prospect may be (I'm a massive people-pleaser and find it immensely challenging to be assertive) but you deserve to have your needs met and I hope that the people at the charity will understand this. Everyone requires different support, not every style of therapy fits everyone, so it's only natural to find that you cannot really work together with the new T. It's not a personal judgment of her qualities as a T, just an understanding of the kind of support that is best for you at this moment in time.
I hope things will work out for you and that you can find some treatment that fits you, personally

woodsgnome

As someone who went through various forms of therapy from an assortment of therapists, I also found a huge disparity in who I felt connected with my issues, and personally as well. It's very hard, but important to really note when the fit just isn't there.

We are all unique, as are the approaches and backgrounds of therapists. Only after a span of some years and lots of false hopes and failed promises, I found someone who met my needs in a manner I felt compatible  with; if not always easy. Mind you, comfort is difficult, considering the void we're in when we decide to try therapy. Having been in and out, though, I can't offer any specific advice -- instead just encourage you, as you seem to have a feel for what might or might not help.

"Help" is the key word -- it's not the therapist's role to fix you --   but to be help you with your own journey. They can't do therapy for you, but what they offer in assisting you can help turn the tide. This is how my own experience has grown -- after all those therapists, I kept at it and finally found someone with an approach that seems to have fit me well. May you find a good way forward, and give yourself credit for having tried so far the best you can.

Wishing you the best.

Gromit

I have told the charity and they say the clinical manager will be in touch.

Oh dear. It's as bad as 'can I see you in my office'

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Armee

Sending hugs and wishes for finding a good fit.

Not Alone

Yea for you saying what you need. Their role (and I assume desire) is to help you. Finding a therapist with whom you feel comfortable is a very personal thing. I would think that it isn't unusal for someone to say that the therapist assigned wasn't a good fit.