trying not to use alcohol or drugs

[Dante]

I realize now that my post came out as "you should totally trust your wife".  That wasn't what I meant to say, and I apologize.  I was thinking out loud as I wrote and combined two things together. 

What I was  trying to say was I needed to trust someone with everything.  All the worst of me, and see if they ran away screaming.   I needed that to heal and be a check against my inner critic.  I'm grateful I finally did it because it's the start to healing and probably not coincidentally, I have found at long last a remission in my self-destructive behavior.  I guess that's the purpose of the 4th step in AA (though I have my issues with how that's approached, but that's for another time).  The point is to find someone you can trust and share your story. 

As a separate fact, my wife has been more supportive than I gave (give?) her credit for.  It took me too long to trust her and I regret that.  I'm still learning to trust her.  However, there are things she still doesn't know - and will never be told by me, because they would be hurtful to her.  I can't hurt someone else in pursuit of my own healing.  She knows my general story but not some specifics, and doesn't need to.

So yes, I agree with everyone.  You have to feel comfortable before you start sharing because once you do, you can't unshare it.  It my even be helpful to have your therapist help you decide what and when to share with her. 

[Larry]

thank you Dante,  i really need to give therapy a try.  just having a hard time taking the first step

[Larry]

having a few ups and downs with drinking,  but only had 3 drinks yesterday,  i have been feeling better when i don't drink so much.  i would like to find a better way to deal with things.  trying to stay positive !

[Papa Coco]

I'm glad for the little successes you've been sharing. 3 drinks. Congratulations! Small successes are big things in our healing journeys.

I had a rough night myself last night with a lot of regrets and emotions from my past. But I went to bed very, very glad I'd quit drinking 6 years ago. I knew it would have been a raging binge of a night if I were still drinking. So when you say you escaped a binge night and only had 3 drinks, well...I feel like congratulations are in order.

[Larry]

thank you Papa !  and congrats on 6 years !

[Larry]

i have been doing really well,  until yesterday,  my local bar told me not to come back for 2 weeks,  kind of felt like being abandoned again.  i called a therapist today,  left a message,  no call back..  it took me a month and so much effort to make that call,  all for nothing.  i am at home,  not driving tonight,  going to do what works and drink to forget and not feel pain

[Dante]

I'm sorry, Larry.  It sounds like you're going through a rough time.  I hope the therapist will get back to you, and I hope you stay safe.  I care about you.

[Larry]

thank you Dante,  not many therapists where i live,  but i found one that works with trauma survivors.  i hope i get a call back.  i am really afraid to go to an appointment,  but i feel like it might be my only hope at this point.  i feel so unwanted, lonley and depressed right now.  trying to drown that with vodka.  i have to work tomorrow,  i don't want to loose my job,  but i don't know how i can go to work and act normal

[Armee]

Hi Larry. I'm sorry you are feeling depressed and abandoned, lonely, and  unwanted.  I know that hurts.

Calling and finding a therapist is not easy and I'm really impressed you were able to take that step so quickly. It can be hard to find one that's available and fits, even after you start making calls so hang in there through the barriers that come up, ok? This is an excellent step forward!!!!!

Tonight...even if you call it quits after 7 shots instead of the 8th that you want, it's still a win, ok?

Here...I've made you a warm cup of herbal tea and some toast when you're ready to crawl into a cozy spot and fall into sleep. You're not alone. We're here.

[Larry]

thank you armee,  the therapisst called today,  not taking new patients,  they said maybe mid november.  trying to stay sober tonight

[Armee]

Good job. Every drink you pass up is a major accomplishment.

[Larry]

i had 4 drinks yesterday.  i feel like i am doing a little better,  not over drinking as much.  i hope i can keep this going. 

[Hope67]

Hi Larry,
Wishing you the best with things. 
Hope 

[Armee]

 

Great job!!!

[Larry]

thank you !  i know i will have a few drinks tonight,  but if i can keep it to 4 or 5,   getting nervous about my appointment next friday.  i don't know what to expect,  i hope i can show up,