Need Help Thinking Through Startling

buddy9832 · June 10, 2020, 03:23:09 AM

Hi guys,

I think I need help processing something and I'm curious what your thoughts are. I startle fairly easy. When my dog barks, a doorbell rings, an unexpected noise, my wife hugs me from behind, etc. I startle. Usually these follow by rage which takes a minute to subside.

I've been trying to figure out why I startle and I've been tracing it back through my life. Since I've know my wife (about 10 years) I've startled when she hugs me or touches me when I don't anticipate something happening. Tracing it further back I recall that whenever I would play drums, I could hit the snare drum and be fine. If my drum teacher hit it I would flinch. Even if I was actively thinking about it and trying to stop myself from flinching, it would still happen. I started playing drums when I was in second grade and this has happened as long as I can remember. I never really paid attention to it because I thought it was nothing. Now I think it might be a clue to my past and cPTSD.

What's your take on it? Do you think it's nothing and I'm over analyzing it or it is all related? What would this mean? Is this indicative of child abuse or could emotional neglect do the same thing?

owl25 · June 10, 2020, 12:08:40 PM

Hi buddy, I have the startle response as well. I don't go into a rage but I do sometimes get quite angry when it's a strong startle response, when something is really unexpected. I used to be surprised that I had this given that my history is mainly emotional neglect and I couldn't understand why sudden loud noises or sudden touch would startle me, as there is nothing specific in my past that I could link it to. I have come to understand this is a symptom of hypervigilance that comes with CPTSD. We are always on guard and on the watch for unexpected things happening. I think emotional neglect does do the same thing, I feel like this is the case for me.

buddy9832 · June 10, 2020, 03:25:47 PM

Quote from: owl25 on June 10, 2020, 12:08:40 PM
Hi buddy, I have the startle response as well. I don't go into a rage but I do sometimes get quite angry when it's a strong startle response, when something is really unexpected. I used to be surprised that I had this given that my history is mainly emotional neglect and I couldn't understand why sudden loud noises or sudden touch would startle me, as there is nothing specific in my past that I could link it to. I have come to understand this is a symptom of hypervigilance that comes with CPTSD. We are always on guard and on the watch for unexpected things happening. I think emotional neglect does do the same thing, I feel like this is the case for me.

Hi owl, thank you for the feedback. I'm glad to hear I'm not the only one. Maybe rage is the wrong word, it sounds like it's very similar to your startle response where if it is strong enough I get very angry and it takes me a minute to come down from it.

I am obviously still exploring the causes to my cPTSD but I'm fairly certain the initial and main contributor was emotional neglect. I can't recall any abusive situations and I honestly couldn't image my parents being capable of something like that. They may have been emotionally neglectful but in all other fields they were very loving and provided for my sister and I.

It's just interesting even from a young age I was hypervigilant it makes me wonder what was going on back then.

Jazzy · June 11, 2020, 04:00:34 AM

I used to startle easily at every little thing, and still do for some things (loud noises especially). I think it is because we are already so stressed and hyper vigilant we go from 40-100 instead of 0-40 kind of thing.

Also, with the anger, I think its mostly a response to adrenal overload, at least that's what it was for me.

buddy9832 · June 11, 2020, 02:19:32 PM

Thanks Jazzy. I never really Thought of it from the perspective of adrenal overload. Makes sense to me especially consider we are already on edge.

Not Alone · June 12, 2020, 04:04:54 AM

https://www.outofthestorm.website/hypervigilance

I also startle easily. I believe it is a common symptom of cptsd.

Kizzie · June 12, 2020, 11:41:33 AM

Me as well Buddy, it's a common symptom of hypervigilance and hair trigger flight response I think. The anger is likely the fight response kicking in for a few moments. It makes sense that we do startle easily give what we grew up with, but it amazes me that we still have it into adulthood. Speaks to how deeply embodied and lasting trauma responses are.

It's one thing that hasn't calmed through my recovery yet so I don't have any helpful suggestions I'm afraid.

I've asked my H to flick a light, knock on the wall or call out before he gets to where I am, but he often forgets and it feels like he just appears out of nowhere like a stealth ninja.

Dontaskme495 · August 11, 2020, 01:31:40 AM

Could be a combination of hypervigilance and a specific trigger. Stuff like doorbells, touching my neck, loud footsteps, door knob turning are all specific triggers. Unexpected loud noises like construction work, engine starting or a horn blowing don't have any deeper connection that I'm aware of, but same effect. And yeah even if I know it's coming I still jump! What a relief to read that from somebody else.

Doing a lot of box breathing has lowered hypervigilance. I notice brief moments where I genuinely feel relaxed

If it's a specific trigger, I ask myself nicely "what is this anxiety/anger really hiding?"