Recent posts
#1
Depression / Re: Impossible to feel strong ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 29, 2026, 09:08:28 PMQuote from: Teddy bear on January 29, 2026, 12:23:48 PMI do have a dog now — my first ever! 🦮 She's my main therapist ☺️.
Baloo 🦮 is such an important anchor for me. He's my certified mobility-assistance service dog, and he does that job beautifully — but just as importantly, he's a huge source of emotional grounding and safety for me. I'm incredibly grateful that he can be with me everywhere; his presence makes a real difference in how regulated and steady I can be.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by TheBigBlue - January 29, 2026, 08:23:29 PMSan, I am also sending you supportive hugs. 
#3
Depression / Re: Impossible to feel strong ...
Last post by Chart - January 29, 2026, 08:22:30 PMSince
Hope hugs are okay!
Quote from: pelicantown on January 29, 2026, 03:07:55 PM@Chart I like that idea of treating mood like a scale. I think there are times where I can be quite black-and-white about mood, even though I'm not that way about other things.Since I came to understand the autistic spectrum, I see things more and more on that type of scale. Things blend from one end to the other. I try to pay attention to the sliding. Often I find my behavior radically changes depending where I'm at. Identifying patterns is key, imo, then once identified, I try something different (if I'm not satisfied with the current situation (emotional or otherwise).
Hope hugs are okay!
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Chart - January 29, 2026, 07:59:12 PMSan, when all this starts coming up, it hurts. I'm literally crying with you. The infant is just a spark of light and joy reaching out with its heart and eyes and soul. How can they not be loved? It's incomprehensible to me too.
And now we know what we missed. It hurts, it hurts in a deep down way that got stuffed for decades. But now it's out, like a second birth. This time we are giving birth to ourselves. This time it's double-the-pain, as we are both mother AND child. It's crazy. This life is such a roller coaster. I'd never in a million years have guessed where I'd be now.
But for all the pain, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I found this pain. This pain is the little Chart. I found him... finally. And we're gonna take care of our little infant selves now. They're gonna get the Love they deserve. It's never too late.
And now we know what we missed. It hurts, it hurts in a deep down way that got stuffed for decades. But now it's out, like a second birth. This time we are giving birth to ourselves. This time it's double-the-pain, as we are both mother AND child. It's crazy. This life is such a roller coaster. I'd never in a million years have guessed where I'd be now.
But for all the pain, I wouldn't change a thing. I'm glad I found this pain. This pain is the little Chart. I found him... finally. And we're gonna take care of our little infant selves now. They're gonna get the Love they deserve. It's never too late.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Desert Flower - January 29, 2026, 07:52:12 PMSending you a big hug too San as you cry out what you need to. I'm sorry it's so hard to realise what we missed. And it is part of healing to do so. I'm really proud of you.
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Hope67 - January 29, 2026, 06:47:47 PMSending you a supportive and gentle hug SanMagic
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by Hope67 - January 29, 2026, 06:46:40 PMHi Chart, Yes, I also felt energized and stimulated by all the information and discussion - thanks again
Hi TheBigBlue - Such a lovely big hug, thank you 
Hi SanMagic - Love and hugs to you too - and I am so glad that you've also enjoyed the discussions that have occurred here - I also felt like 'wow' - so much information and so well phrased - so meaningful. I will be re-reading it - for sure! to you, SanMagic.
Hi NarcKiddo - Thanks for sharing that you also find it difficult to read some content as well - I think it's the parts of ourselves that aren't necessarily on board with it - or maybe just taking longer to decide what they make of it. That's how I tend to think about it. Wow, I've just looked up the book 'Mother Hunger' - by Kelly McDaniel (a trauma therapist) - it looks like a really interesting book. Maybe I will need to take a look for it - but I have several books still to read currently, so I need to pace myself! But that one does look very useful. You siad you're re-reading it - are you finding it easier to read the second time, or still taking longer. I've had an experience once where I literally 'forgot' that I had read a particular book before, and kept getting 'deja vu' feelings whilst reading it - to then discover that I had read it before - but most likely I was perhaps dissociated whilst reading it the last time... The same with another book that I had underlined things in - not realising that I'd actually read it through in its entirety on a previous occasion. However, I think that's not happening so much currently - as I feel like I know when I've done things, and when I haven't. Sending you a hug NarcKiddo
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29th January 2026
I've just thought about what NarcKiddo said about an audio book and zoning out - this makes me think that I've not tried listening to an audio book - and I wonder what that might be like to listen to a book that is about trauma. I usually read things from paper books. I'm now wondering if it would be a nice thing to listen to an audio version of such a book or not. Wow, that's a strange thought - infact there's a large part of me that feels some anxiety about that thought. I wonder why that is.
I asked my AI to summarise the idea of the 'Mother Hunger' book, and it said this:
🌿 Mother Hunger in a single line
It's the lifelong ache that comes from not getting enough nurturance, protection, or guidance from your mother, and healing means learning to give those things to yourself now.
NarcKiddo, if you happen to read that, do you think it's a good summary? I've just put it there, as I liked what was written, and think I will definitely consider nurturance, protection and guidance to my inner parts/selves.
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What I've noticed so far about 2026 is that I feel more positive and optimistic about it. This is a good feeling to be starting the year with. I am grateful for feeling that way.
Hi TheBigBlue - Such a lovely big hug, thank you
Hi SanMagic - Love and hugs to you too - and I am so glad that you've also enjoyed the discussions that have occurred here - I also felt like 'wow' - so much information and so well phrased - so meaningful. I will be re-reading it - for sure!
to you, SanMagic.Hi NarcKiddo - Thanks for sharing that you also find it difficult to read some content as well - I think it's the parts of ourselves that aren't necessarily on board with it - or maybe just taking longer to decide what they make of it. That's how I tend to think about it. Wow, I've just looked up the book 'Mother Hunger' - by Kelly McDaniel (a trauma therapist) - it looks like a really interesting book. Maybe I will need to take a look for it - but I have several books still to read currently, so I need to pace myself! But that one does look very useful. You siad you're re-reading it - are you finding it easier to read the second time, or still taking longer. I've had an experience once where I literally 'forgot' that I had read a particular book before, and kept getting 'deja vu' feelings whilst reading it - to then discover that I had read it before - but most likely I was perhaps dissociated whilst reading it the last time... The same with another book that I had underlined things in - not realising that I'd actually read it through in its entirety on a previous occasion. However, I think that's not happening so much currently - as I feel like I know when I've done things, and when I haven't. Sending you a hug NarcKiddo
**********
29th January 2026
I've just thought about what NarcKiddo said about an audio book and zoning out - this makes me think that I've not tried listening to an audio book - and I wonder what that might be like to listen to a book that is about trauma. I usually read things from paper books. I'm now wondering if it would be a nice thing to listen to an audio version of such a book or not. Wow, that's a strange thought - infact there's a large part of me that feels some anxiety about that thought. I wonder why that is.
I asked my AI to summarise the idea of the 'Mother Hunger' book, and it said this:
🌿 Mother Hunger in a single line
It's the lifelong ache that comes from not getting enough nurturance, protection, or guidance from your mother, and healing means learning to give those things to yourself now.
NarcKiddo, if you happen to read that, do you think it's a good summary? I've just put it there, as I liked what was written, and think I will definitely consider nurturance, protection and guidance to my inner parts/selves.
*********
What I've noticed so far about 2026 is that I feel more positive and optimistic about it. This is a good feeling to be starting the year with. I am grateful for feeling that way.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by NarcKiddo - January 29, 2026, 06:06:10 PMI find it fascinating to see how and where journals flow.
I also find it fascinating just how much synchronicity there is. I am re-reading a book called "Mother Hunger" and the start deals very much with how infant brains develop.
Hope - I note you are having difficulty reading your new book for any length of time. I find that a lot, too. Even when I find the book really helpful, if it is to do with my psychological interests I often find myself actively trying to stop. My body just makes me get really tired and sleepy. It can be quite frustrating, especially when I know I am not actually tired or sleepy at all. If it is an audio book (I don't much like those but I have a few) I just zone out.
I also find it fascinating just how much synchronicity there is. I am re-reading a book called "Mother Hunger" and the start deals very much with how infant brains develop.
Hope - I note you are having difficulty reading your new book for any length of time. I find that a lot, too. Even when I find the book really helpful, if it is to do with my psychological interests I often find myself actively trying to stop. My body just makes me get really tired and sleepy. It can be quite frustrating, especially when I know I am not actually tired or sleepy at all. If it is an audio book (I don't much like those but I have a few) I just zone out.
#9
General Discussion / Re: Help understanding dissoci...
Last post by Armee - January 29, 2026, 06:02:07 PMHi. If you are able to read (ie focus on reading), one book I found really helpful in understanding dissociation was Janina Fisher's book Understanding the Fragmented Selves of Trauma Survivors, or something like that.
Don't worry about the categories and diagnoses so much. They aren't that clean and clear cut anyway.
Figuring out how to identify when dissociation is starting and how to get yourself out of it once you notice it is more helpful in my experience. And then eventually figuring out what has triggered a dissociative episode and then working on processing those issues slowly.
Another resource I love is the website DIS-SOS.
Don't worry about the categories and diagnoses so much. They aren't that clean and clear cut anyway.
Figuring out how to identify when dissociation is starting and how to get yourself out of it once you notice it is more helpful in my experience. And then eventually figuring out what has triggered a dissociative episode and then working on processing those issues slowly.
Another resource I love is the website DIS-SOS.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Armee - January 29, 2026, 05:23:35 PM Taking a break to cry it out sounds about as healthy as could be in the circumstances.
Going gentle with the concept of parts too is healthy and protective. Everyone has them even without trauma. But for some reason with the dissociation added in it becomes more scary because they are more cut-off and we don't know what they hold. My T has taught me to ask that they give me no more than 5% so I dont get overwhelmed, and that seems to help. Just a little at a time.