Recent posts
#1
Dating; Marriage/Divorce; In-Laws / Re: I’m ruining my husbands li...
Last post by Stussy7 - Today at 03:29:41 AMI don't need marriage advice. I just wanted to know if anyone else suffers with the guilt/shame.
#2
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 03:06:17 AMHaha, I agree, they try to explain it as opposed to "not dissociated." Which hasn't helped.
I see what you mean about experiencing dissociation as the damage that it's caused, difficulty with sense of self.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am going to keep looking into it. It's difficult to understand one's own phenomenology... by definition what I experience is "normal" to me. It helps to compare it to other people's experience of what dissociation _is_ for them.
I see what you mean about experiencing dissociation as the damage that it's caused, difficulty with sense of self.
Thank you for sharing your experience. I am going to keep looking into it. It's difficult to understand one's own phenomenology... by definition what I experience is "normal" to me. It helps to compare it to other people's experience of what dissociation _is_ for them.
#3
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 01:44:13 AMHannah,
"I don't know how much of what might be dissociation. And can dissociation be "I'm not all here"? Is that what it's like?"
I had a heck of a time grasping the concept of "dissociation" myself because I've been dissociated most of my life. They always try to explain it in terms of comparison to not dissociated, which didn't do me much good.
I'm an extreme case, so I'm the wrong person to ask.
I don't know how much of what might be dissociation. And can dissociation be "I'm not all here?"
Fundamentally, yes. That's at the core of what dissociation is; living life on autopilot and not being present in the moment. But whether it's what you're dealing with, I have no idea.
Is that what it's like?
Not for me, no. But as I said, I'm an extreme case who's dissociated most of the time. I experience it as the damage that it's caused. Disjointed memories and alienated sense of "self". Sometimes I feel like a spectator following "me" around and documenting "my" life without any active participation. I can't look into my own eyes in a mirror or take a selfie without feeling unsettled.
I spend a lot of time obsessively trying to piece together my muddled memories. *HERE*! *This* little detail in this memory is something I can look up, put a date to, find some context.
That's what it feels like for me, but for most it's not that bad.
Best,
-Slashy
"I don't know how much of what might be dissociation. And can dissociation be "I'm not all here"? Is that what it's like?"
I had a heck of a time grasping the concept of "dissociation" myself because I've been dissociated most of my life. They always try to explain it in terms of comparison to not dissociated, which didn't do me much good.
I'm an extreme case, so I'm the wrong person to ask.
I don't know how much of what might be dissociation. And can dissociation be "I'm not all here?"
Fundamentally, yes. That's at the core of what dissociation is; living life on autopilot and not being present in the moment. But whether it's what you're dealing with, I have no idea.
Is that what it's like?
Not for me, no. But as I said, I'm an extreme case who's dissociated most of the time. I experience it as the damage that it's caused. Disjointed memories and alienated sense of "self". Sometimes I feel like a spectator following "me" around and documenting "my" life without any active participation. I can't look into my own eyes in a mirror or take a selfie without feeling unsettled.
I spend a lot of time obsessively trying to piece together my muddled memories. *HERE*! *This* little detail in this memory is something I can look up, put a date to, find some context.
That's what it feels like for me, but for most it's not that bad.
Best,
-Slashy
#4
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 01:17:45 AMThank you for your perspective. It's important to me to understand this and I can read about it but it's much more helpful to hear what other people with CPTSD have experienced themselves.
Maybe it's dissociation. I always feel like "myself," even if I feel like I'm only one part of me without access to the rest of me, or if I feel like I'm in one mode (ie, FightModeHannahOne, or ScaredFlightModeHannahOne). So for me dissociation is not like "I'm someone else" it's like "I'm not here."
In general I remember my life and did not repress it or have amnesia of it. But. While I think I remember my life, I mean, I don't know what I don't know---it also seems I don't remember some events, even recent neutral ones. Kids or partner will mention a time we did X Y Z and I don't remember. Sometimes they can jog my memory but mostly not.
And for much of my life I often don't have a "felt sense" of that experience, even neutral and happy experiences. I remember what happened but don't feel like it was connected to me, don't have the feelings about it.
Yet I have a "photographic" memory and was an excellent student, can read and edit a book very quickly. It's just once I close the book, it's gone. I remember very early moments in my life and many moments vividly....
I don't remember movies I watch, if I've read a certain book, or if I've eaten at a certain restaurant. I don't remember places, I easily become disoriented and derealize while driving and have to use a GPS even to go short distances. In the moment I seem to have trouble tracking sometimes, sometimes I have to ask "what did you just say?" "What was I just doing?" "What did I just say?" Some of that might be midlife aging, general distraction?
Sometimes I don't remember my thinking as to why I did something, why would I think I wanted to take that class? Why did I plan to go to the store, I dont even like that store.
I don't know how much of what might be dissociation. And can dissociation be "I'm not all here"? Is that what it's like?
Maybe it's dissociation. I always feel like "myself," even if I feel like I'm only one part of me without access to the rest of me, or if I feel like I'm in one mode (ie, FightModeHannahOne, or ScaredFlightModeHannahOne). So for me dissociation is not like "I'm someone else" it's like "I'm not here."
In general I remember my life and did not repress it or have amnesia of it. But. While I think I remember my life, I mean, I don't know what I don't know---it also seems I don't remember some events, even recent neutral ones. Kids or partner will mention a time we did X Y Z and I don't remember. Sometimes they can jog my memory but mostly not.
And for much of my life I often don't have a "felt sense" of that experience, even neutral and happy experiences. I remember what happened but don't feel like it was connected to me, don't have the feelings about it.
Yet I have a "photographic" memory and was an excellent student, can read and edit a book very quickly. It's just once I close the book, it's gone. I remember very early moments in my life and many moments vividly....
I don't remember movies I watch, if I've read a certain book, or if I've eaten at a certain restaurant. I don't remember places, I easily become disoriented and derealize while driving and have to use a GPS even to go short distances. In the moment I seem to have trouble tracking sometimes, sometimes I have to ask "what did you just say?" "What was I just doing?" "What did I just say?" Some of that might be midlife aging, general distraction?
Sometimes I don't remember my thinking as to why I did something, why would I think I wanted to take that class? Why did I plan to go to the store, I dont even like that store.
I don't know how much of what might be dissociation. And can dissociation be "I'm not all here"? Is that what it's like?
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 01:00:14 AMHannahOne,
Hopefully a little reassurance for both of us. There's a matching lump on the other hand, so both hands must be okay.
In the meantime, I'm intentionally avoiding thinking about that for a little while. Digging around in my past skyrockets my anxiety.
Thanks,
-John
Hopefully a little reassurance for both of us. There's a matching lump on the other hand, so both hands must be okay.
In the meantime, I'm intentionally avoiding thinking about that for a little while. Digging around in my past skyrockets my anxiety.
Thanks,
-John
#6
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 22, 2026, 10:07:43 PM Well...
The two major flavors as I understand them are proximal amnesia and generalized dissociative amnesia.
"Proximal amnesia" is simply the walling off of memories of traumatic events. Periods of time surrounding specific events that you have no recall of whatsoever. Pretty much everyone with cPTSD will have some experience with this. Flashbacks, blank spots in memory, triggers, etc.
A rarer memory problem is "generalized dissociative amnesia". It occurs when you form memories in a dissociated state and they're not fully contextualized or missing narrative. You remember things, but they're kinda jumbled, the dates are wrong, you don't know what else was going on at the time, etc. Things just sorta happened in a blur. You're really bad with names, remembering where you lived when, etc.
Any period where you were living in a dissociated state will be affected by this contextual and narrative "fog".
Since I've lived most of my life in a dissociated state, most of my memories are affected by this.
Infantile amnesia is what happens in almost all children where they lose their earliest memories due to natural brain development.
What we're talking about is how dissociative amnesia at just the right (or wrong) time seems to have an ability to disrupt the process of infantile amnesia. This phenomenon is highly debated in psychology circles.
What you seem to be talking about (assuming I understand you) is dissociation. That, in and of itself, is a survival mechanism. You're detached, an observer, or as you describe it "tunnel vision".
If it's just thoughts on trauma that are distracting you, then it may be just that. But if this is a chronic thing and you can't even recall what you were thinking about or if you were thinking about anything at all, it's possibly dissociation.
HTHs,
-Slashy
The two major flavors as I understand them are proximal amnesia and generalized dissociative amnesia.
"Proximal amnesia" is simply the walling off of memories of traumatic events. Periods of time surrounding specific events that you have no recall of whatsoever. Pretty much everyone with cPTSD will have some experience with this. Flashbacks, blank spots in memory, triggers, etc.
A rarer memory problem is "generalized dissociative amnesia". It occurs when you form memories in a dissociated state and they're not fully contextualized or missing narrative. You remember things, but they're kinda jumbled, the dates are wrong, you don't know what else was going on at the time, etc. Things just sorta happened in a blur. You're really bad with names, remembering where you lived when, etc.
Any period where you were living in a dissociated state will be affected by this contextual and narrative "fog".
Since I've lived most of my life in a dissociated state, most of my memories are affected by this.
Infantile amnesia is what happens in almost all children where they lose their earliest memories due to natural brain development.
What we're talking about is how dissociative amnesia at just the right (or wrong) time seems to have an ability to disrupt the process of infantile amnesia. This phenomenon is highly debated in psychology circles.
What you seem to be talking about (assuming I understand you) is dissociation. That, in and of itself, is a survival mechanism. You're detached, an observer, or as you describe it "tunnel vision".
If it's just thoughts on trauma that are distracting you, then it may be just that. But if this is a chronic thing and you can't even recall what you were thinking about or if you were thinking about anything at all, it's possibly dissociation.
HTHs,
-Slashy
#7
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by HannahOne - February 22, 2026, 09:09:07 PMVery interested in this conversation about memory. What is the CPTSD explanation for the various memory problems?
My explanation has been that I'm often preoccupied with traumatic material, or my attention is derailed by traumatic material, or having an emotional flashback, so I can't focus. And maybe that's why some things don't get encoded in the first place, even neutral and recent things, because my attention is elsewhere, as if I have tunnel vision and am trying to survive.
thoughts/resources?
My explanation has been that I'm often preoccupied with traumatic material, or my attention is derailed by traumatic material, or having an emotional flashback, so I can't focus. And maybe that's why some things don't get encoded in the first place, even neutral and recent things, because my attention is elsewhere, as if I have tunnel vision and am trying to survive.
thoughts/resources?
#8
Conferences/Courses / FREE EFT / Tapping Conference ...
Last post by Blueberry - February 22, 2026, 07:37:04 PMhttps://summit.tappingsolution.com/reg/af?fpr=michaelstone
From the email blurb:
We often assume our reactions and habits are fixed — simply "who we are."
Yet many of these patterns are learned responses shaped by experience, and research suggests they may be open to change.
With this understanding in mind, we're sharing an educational resource that explores a simple, evidence-informed approach some people find supportive for stress, emotional regulation, and everyday well-being.
The Tapping World Summit is a free, 10-day online educational event beginning February 23rd. It explores a technique known as Tapping (also called EFT), which integrates gentle acupressure with focused attention and is increasingly studied for its effects on stress and nervous system regulation.
As always: These types of conferences and summits are free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!
+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
From the email blurb:
We often assume our reactions and habits are fixed — simply "who we are."
Yet many of these patterns are learned responses shaped by experience, and research suggests they may be open to change.
With this understanding in mind, we're sharing an educational resource that explores a simple, evidence-informed approach some people find supportive for stress, emotional regulation, and everyday well-being.
The Tapping World Summit is a free, 10-day online educational event beginning February 23rd. It explores a technique known as Tapping (also called EFT), which integrates gentle acupressure with focused attention and is increasingly studied for its effects on stress and nervous system regulation.
As always: These types of conferences and summits are free during the conference. Once you sign up, you'll get a fair number of emails suggesting you pay for permanent access. That's really not necessary. The material gets recycled - it'll come up in another conference/summit in a few months!
+ see my post here for additional general info: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=16458.0
#9
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - February 22, 2026, 06:31:25 PMNarcKiddo,
The right brain has encoded the emotion rather than specific visual information and certainly not language information if the memory is pre-verbal or before much left brain involvement.
I'm not sure how the theory works, but in my case I have many emotion- only flashbacks and I don't really count those as memory fragments. My sensory impression fragments include all of the above. Sights, sounds, emotions. Language comprehension is absent in the earliest one. My parents are talking and I hear their voices, but I don't understand what they're saying. The rest include not only the words said, but the sound of the voices speaking them. They are extremely vivid and detailed.
What they are missing is any context or personal narrative. There is no sense of "this is where I was, this is what I was doing, this is what was going on". It's just a snapshot of the experience.
Best,
-Slashy
The right brain has encoded the emotion rather than specific visual information and certainly not language information if the memory is pre-verbal or before much left brain involvement.
I'm not sure how the theory works, but in my case I have many emotion- only flashbacks and I don't really count those as memory fragments. My sensory impression fragments include all of the above. Sights, sounds, emotions. Language comprehension is absent in the earliest one. My parents are talking and I hear their voices, but I don't understand what they're saying. The rest include not only the words said, but the sound of the voices speaking them. They are extremely vivid and detailed.
What they are missing is any context or personal narrative. There is no sense of "this is where I was, this is what I was doing, this is what was going on". It's just a snapshot of the experience.
Best,
-Slashy
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 22, 2026, 06:25:05 PMQuote from: Blueberry on February 22, 2026, 03:53:25 PMDifferent days, different needs.
I'm glad you have recognised this. I hope you manage to process what you need to.