Recent posts

#1

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: new here - still in the st...

Last post by Chart - December 06, 2025, 09:18:01 PM

Beauty4ashes13, I was moved by the power and pain in what you wrote. What actually struck me is that your friend is displaying (imo) classic narcissistic behavior: accusing someone of EXACTLY what they themselves are doing.

I think it can be difficult to see narcissistic behavior, especially when we have experienced developmental trauma. I was married to a narcissist for 14 years. Even during the divorce I hadn't figured it out. I just knew it couldn't work. Still took me several more years to explore the concept in relation to my own trauma and relationship with a narcissistic mother. For me anyway, it took a long long time to put the pieces of the puzzle together.

But boy o' boy am I glad I've understood... I ran into my ex-wife at the market a few weeks ago. I walked away with near-zero emotional affect. I learned something out of all that. It was hard. It was long. But it's worth it.

Beauty4ashes13, I hope what I'm about to say isn't taken as being potentially insensitive to the pain of your experience, but I think you have a golden opportunity here to analyze the truth of the situation looking at it from both sides. Perhaps this person isn't who you thought they were. Better to see it now, the truth about them, no? And even deeper, what does this betrayal tell you about yourself? Good people get hurt too. But isn't that pain a mechanism for getting our attention? I don't think you have done anything wrong, but is there not something in your past that has conditioned you for this kind of situation?

Again, I'm NOT blaming or implying you are at fault, not at all. But there is a dynamic that needs seeing and breaking down. If for no other reason than to help you move on.

I hope that makes sense and if I've offended in any way I'll remove this post no problem.

Sending support and hoping you can find some resolution in this friend's betrayal. It really sucks to lose someone we thought we had a connection with.
 

#2

Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...

Last post by Chart - December 06, 2025, 08:26:07 PM

Indeed Marcine, it seems you've chosen the red pill. This is what courage means. No matter how unstable and unbalanced this feels, know, truly know, you are incredibly brave and pushing forward. Jung talks much about this, discovering the authentic self. I firmly believe this is the right path.
Sending support, Chart

#3

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...

Last post by Chart - December 06, 2025, 08:13:13 PM

Recovery68, I'm so sorry to read your story. Last year I spent Christmas alone but was on the forum and I think I spoke with friends over the phone. But my social anxiety kept me from going anywhere as I just didn't feel safe.

Please know you are not alone this year. You have friends and understanding here on the forum. Sending hugs and support, Chart.
 

#4

Recovery Journals / Re: Healing or Holding On?

Last post by Chart - December 06, 2025, 08:04:04 PM

Regarding disassociation, it's becoming more and more of an issue for me. I'm not quite sure how to put a stop to it. The distracting is really intense. I thought taking away my social media would be a way to counteract it but I find other ways to mentally detach. Staring, listening to a show or podcast, etc. Time is moving like a current and I'm getting swept away from shore and into open waters. I'm in limbo. Not feeling as morbid, just stuck under a veil.

Dark.art.girl, One of the best ways to counter dissociation is body-work. Coming back into our bodies can be powerfully grounding. That being said, it can also be triggering, especially when our trauma was physical and/or sexual abuse. So I recommend research and going slow. There're millions of techniques and some seem to fit certain people and circumstances better. Body-work can bring up strong emotions and this is common but can be very difficult depending on where we're at.

I do the technique Progressive Muscle Relaxation (PMR) every morning. I almost always cry during or immediately after, sometimes longer and more intensely. This has been going on for two years now. I'm not of the opinion it is going to change anytime soon. There's a lot of painful emotion stored up in me. All that being said, for me it is helping. Very slow, but I feel it's helping.

Also, dissociation is a protective mechanism. This is why it's so hard to change and move away from. For me it's ingrained and I find myself constantly realizing all the ways I dissociate without being particularly aware of it. It's a constant wonder when I discover once again something I'm doing in order to dissociate. Turning this to consciousness is a weird and sometimes funny experience for me. It's difficult to not be impressed to what lengths my mind will go to avoid the fears that are lurking inside me.

Please be kind to yourself working through these things. Sending support.
 

#5

Friends / Re: I can make friends but I c...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 06:23:45 PM

Blaithe, I have recently tried to focus on what NarcKiddo suggests. Just meeting new people and continuing to go to that place, even when I don't want to. At the beginning of this year, I had a great group of people I could enjoy being around for a few hours and trust(enough to not quit). It took me a year to build that. Many times, I'd question the smallest behavior or word and wonder if they really didn't want me there. I fought it, stuck around and they closed down. I never got close enough though to keep in touch through the phone and I dont have social media. So, I am starting over and it took me a while to do that. Once I relax and stop caring if people like me, I notice people approach me more. I also observed that others struggle just as much as we do. (Similar to what Blueberry said about the delayed or no reply.) I'm always blown away by that, feeling like the only broken one in the room.
Is there something that interests you? Maybe try going super slow, like NarcKiddo said.
I wish you much healing, Blaithe.

#6

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Definitely still out in th...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 06:00:55 PM

Welcome, TheBigBlue!

#7

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 05:52:49 PM

Welcome!

#8

Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: new here - still in the st...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 05:50:47 PM

Hello and welcome, beauty4ashes13. Thank you for sharing your story here. Many replies show that we've all had similar experiences. I reached out and wished a childhood friend a happy thanksgiving. Similar to you, we've often gone long periods without contact. She has yet to reply and it really hurt because she usually does. But I do remember from the most recent conversations that her husband is abusive, emotionally that I know of and physically in the past. We both cling to one another because she knew my family and I knew hers and we both went through trauma at their hands and often witnessed it at each other's houses. Perhaps your friend is reaching a point in her own life where she feels she needs to put up that protective wall?
I hope you can find comfort and peace. I am sorry that your friend was so unkind to you.

#9

Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: For those struggling with ...

Last post by ednasurvivalmode - December 06, 2025, 05:16:14 PM

Recovery68, I'm touched that it resonates with you, regardless of time. You aren't alone. Many times, rejection sends me so far back that it can take a while to find my footing. But I have learned that being alone doesn't have to be terrible. I like to think of what I can do that's simple but brings me joy. Perhaps something I was shamed for enjoying in childhood or something I always wanted to do but was too afraid to try in front of past abusers. I'm thankful that you posted here, Recovery68. I hope you find some small glimmer to brighten your time. 

#10

Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey

Last post by Ran - December 06, 2025, 03:17:45 PM

Glad to hear the medication is helping, Ran.
 

Thank you.