Recent posts
#1
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Hello All
Last post by Yardley - Today at 10:46:07 PMHi. Happy to be here to share and care. The writing below is an excerpt from something I wrote on another ptsd help site after being chided for "giving advice". It sums up my thoughts on why I myself am suffering and why I think many others are suffering. It's not meant to be e offensive...it's just ideas. It's ok to disagree with ideas. Sharing different ideas and viewpoints is healthy even if they are unpopular. Here's the excerpt:
Seeing as this is a help site, it stands to reason that we'd try to help one another by encouraging some kind of action to elevate us out of the doldrums. If all we do is say "I'm sorry you're not feeling well" "we're all in this together" or other generalized quips that give the illusion of helping, that's not actually helping. Kind of like saying "I'll pray for you" which only helps the pray-er feel as though they've actually done something to help, when in reality all they've done is soothed themselves by imagining their thoughts are virtuous and have some kind of magical healing power.
At some point in our history timeline we've begin favoring abstracts to material action. We've become obsessed with feelings as opposed to action. We've become obsessed with watching others do things or talking about doing things instead of putting our bodies into action to truly help ourselves for self preservation and longevity.
When we as beings with physical vulnerability favor feelings, put emphasis on them as having the power to cripple us, this weakens us physically. The nouveau concept of validating every feeling weakens us. One's that hinder actual progress on a task are like a sword in the foot. Feelings that foster productive action are the ones that promote strength and longevity.
Advocating for more focus on feelings is an infinite fail loop. entities that exist solely for that...certain support groups, non-profits, inept therapists and counselors that've popped up en masse to get paid to listen to people talk about their feelings and praise/validate them, aren't helping, they're grifting. It stands to reason that if feelings are debilitating us then a healthy goal is to curb depth of feeling, or focus on action, productivity to help our bodies and minds.
I'm thinking about the advent of vilifying hate, pushing for blanket acceptance of any and all, portraying self-serving degenerative behavior as being acceptable if someone claims to have a condition or "good reasons", being affirming and accommodating of regressive behaviors to spare hurt feelings. We're being told we need to be hyper vigilant about feelings and that they should be considered of the utmost importance over logic, reasoning or base survival instincts. We're told calling out certain self-sabotaging behavior is "hateful/harmful" if the behaviors are being done by those with "special needs" "special circumstances" and it "hurts" them to receive criticism or be presented with facts. We're being introduced to concepts, for one, "radical self-acceptance" which often times is interpreted as preferring to accept flaws as unchangeable instead of trying to correct them or better ourselves.
All this messaging were seeing throughout social media, mental health journals, put into school curricula about what we "should" do in order to be considered good or caring people, imo are strategically being promoted to infuse society with messaging that uses social control to enforce our exponential weakening and takeover by entities whose goal is to debilitate the majority of society while they (a small select group) grow stronger. We swallow their programming and metaphorical poison for fear of being vilified as "hateful" being sued for "hate speech", or being socially ostracized.
Now some might say why is she posting this on a ptsd forum?!? This is inappropriate! But I say it's totally appropriate because I think we, as a society, are being gaslit into believing that weakening ourselves is a virtue. This goes against our base primal survival instincts. Our subconscious can sense the danger...it's innate in us.
So because we're being told we have to submit to the weakening our fight or flight is triggered. We self soothe via escapism in various forms, alcoholism, porn addiction, professional sports obsession, gambling, drugs, social media addiction, gaming, shopping addiction, food addiction the list goes on and on and on. All subverting us from pulling out of denial about this current human condition. People stay in denial either out of dependence on the escapism of choice or because the truth is more than they can tolerate emotionally, especially if they feel powerless to do anything about it. I think people who are trapped in bubbles of affirmation who want to impart warning but are threatened with life ruination if they express it have C-PTSD, I think those who are emerging from denial have c-ptsd. I think many of the people on this forum are lost and confused and this may be a reason why for some. Some can't pinpoint why they're depressed, anxious, distressed, and often it's blamed on mental health issues. We, the sufferers of the gaslighting are told we are the problem, our brains aren't functioning correctly. I'm saying the c-ptsd is a normal and reasonable response to this covertly enforced global thought control.
It's ok to disagree. I just like sharing ideas. I realize many of the thoughts I've shared are fledgling and not fully developed. Happy to receive feedback. Thanks for reading.
Seeing as this is a help site, it stands to reason that we'd try to help one another by encouraging some kind of action to elevate us out of the doldrums. If all we do is say "I'm sorry you're not feeling well" "we're all in this together" or other generalized quips that give the illusion of helping, that's not actually helping. Kind of like saying "I'll pray for you" which only helps the pray-er feel as though they've actually done something to help, when in reality all they've done is soothed themselves by imagining their thoughts are virtuous and have some kind of magical healing power.
At some point in our history timeline we've begin favoring abstracts to material action. We've become obsessed with feelings as opposed to action. We've become obsessed with watching others do things or talking about doing things instead of putting our bodies into action to truly help ourselves for self preservation and longevity.
When we as beings with physical vulnerability favor feelings, put emphasis on them as having the power to cripple us, this weakens us physically. The nouveau concept of validating every feeling weakens us. One's that hinder actual progress on a task are like a sword in the foot. Feelings that foster productive action are the ones that promote strength and longevity.
Advocating for more focus on feelings is an infinite fail loop. entities that exist solely for that...certain support groups, non-profits, inept therapists and counselors that've popped up en masse to get paid to listen to people talk about their feelings and praise/validate them, aren't helping, they're grifting. It stands to reason that if feelings are debilitating us then a healthy goal is to curb depth of feeling, or focus on action, productivity to help our bodies and minds.
I'm thinking about the advent of vilifying hate, pushing for blanket acceptance of any and all, portraying self-serving degenerative behavior as being acceptable if someone claims to have a condition or "good reasons", being affirming and accommodating of regressive behaviors to spare hurt feelings. We're being told we need to be hyper vigilant about feelings and that they should be considered of the utmost importance over logic, reasoning or base survival instincts. We're told calling out certain self-sabotaging behavior is "hateful/harmful" if the behaviors are being done by those with "special needs" "special circumstances" and it "hurts" them to receive criticism or be presented with facts. We're being introduced to concepts, for one, "radical self-acceptance" which often times is interpreted as preferring to accept flaws as unchangeable instead of trying to correct them or better ourselves.
All this messaging were seeing throughout social media, mental health journals, put into school curricula about what we "should" do in order to be considered good or caring people, imo are strategically being promoted to infuse society with messaging that uses social control to enforce our exponential weakening and takeover by entities whose goal is to debilitate the majority of society while they (a small select group) grow stronger. We swallow their programming and metaphorical poison for fear of being vilified as "hateful" being sued for "hate speech", or being socially ostracized.
Now some might say why is she posting this on a ptsd forum?!? This is inappropriate! But I say it's totally appropriate because I think we, as a society, are being gaslit into believing that weakening ourselves is a virtue. This goes against our base primal survival instincts. Our subconscious can sense the danger...it's innate in us.
So because we're being told we have to submit to the weakening our fight or flight is triggered. We self soothe via escapism in various forms, alcoholism, porn addiction, professional sports obsession, gambling, drugs, social media addiction, gaming, shopping addiction, food addiction the list goes on and on and on. All subverting us from pulling out of denial about this current human condition. People stay in denial either out of dependence on the escapism of choice or because the truth is more than they can tolerate emotionally, especially if they feel powerless to do anything about it. I think people who are trapped in bubbles of affirmation who want to impart warning but are threatened with life ruination if they express it have C-PTSD, I think those who are emerging from denial have c-ptsd. I think many of the people on this forum are lost and confused and this may be a reason why for some. Some can't pinpoint why they're depressed, anxious, distressed, and often it's blamed on mental health issues. We, the sufferers of the gaslighting are told we are the problem, our brains aren't functioning correctly. I'm saying the c-ptsd is a normal and reasonable response to this covertly enforced global thought control.
It's ok to disagree. I just like sharing ideas. I realize many of the thoughts I've shared are fledgling and not fully developed. Happy to receive feedback. Thanks for reading.
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Introduction
Last post by Yardley - Today at 08:32:03 PMI think I understand your struggles. mental health care "professionals" want to label us as having a condition they've concocted to gaslight us into believing our reasonable reactions to deeply imbedded mass societal dysfunction is a problem within ourselves that we need to fix. We are being deceived via systemic programming aimed at talking us out of our survival instincts, coercing us to conform to the ongoing expansion of the industrial revolution which is leading humans down the path to extinction. They want us to separate from our awareness and humanness by occupying us with diversion tactics that we willingly embrace and pay for; technology, alcohol, drugs, prostitution, pornography, social media, gambling, shopping addiction, popular culture propaganda, etc. They need us desperate for satisfaction which they claim can be found in whatever they're trying to sell. Our natural response to being imbedded in this narcissistic abusive relationship with society at large is labeled as a mental health issue that we need to fix within ourselves as opposed to unmasking the abusive and anti-human, destructive nature of our society. That's my two cents anyway.
#3
Eating Issues / Re: Why “Morbid Obesity” Still...
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:58:58 PMSpot on TheBigBlue! 
When my son was in medical school (just graduated in May), he had a class where the doctor speaking was using some derogatory/flippant language about patients who are obese such as "a heart attack waiting to happen" and so on. I'm delighted to say that he and his fellow students texted each other about how this kind of "fat-shaming" was simply not on in a course. They then went to their Dean to complain and happily they were well received and action was taken to remind faculty that this kind of shaming language was not permitted. So, progress is on the horizon!
I personally would like to see complex relational trauma survivors referred to not as disordered, but as injured. This puts the onus, not on us but on our perpetrators and normalizes our symptoms as responses to abuse/neglect rather than some kind of character defect.
When my son was in medical school (just graduated in May), he had a class where the doctor speaking was using some derogatory/flippant language about patients who are obese such as "a heart attack waiting to happen" and so on. I'm delighted to say that he and his fellow students texted each other about how this kind of "fat-shaming" was simply not on in a course. They then went to their Dean to complain and happily they were well received and action was taken to remind faculty that this kind of shaming language was not permitted. So, progress is on the horizon!
I personally would like to see complex relational trauma survivors referred to not as disordered, but as injured. This puts the onus, not on us but on our perpetrators and normalizes our symptoms as responses to abuse/neglect rather than some kind of character defect.
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 05:52:40 PMThank you friends, for caring for me. And for the recognition and validation I need so desperately. I can't tell you how much this means to me. To know I'm not alone in this, that there's you out there who do understand completely and thoroughly.
To reassure myself again: no, I'm not being a wuss, I am working towards healing, maybe work a little less hard. It's as if some part of me wants to keep forgetting there is actually something 'the matter' with me, my system does not work as other peoples' does and I may take care of myself however much I need. I need not compete in the highest rankings (actually, considering what I'm dealing with, I am!), but if I may be balanced that would be 'enough'.
Chart, it's so nice to hear from you, even though it's not so nice you're not feeling well either. You're right, the brain is doing a tremendous amount of work here, and it's supply of energy is finite. It is possible to heal. But we mustn't push too hard and take our rest when needed, which is now. I took a nap late this afternoon. And tomorrow I actually have a day off to myself which is miraculous almost. Aiming for the most wonderful re-incarnation myself!
San, I can just feel your love and care enveloping me, thank for your wonderful words, and for being by my side. You're right too about what happens when we swamp ourselves with stuff to do and not enough time to recover. And now I have to be careful not to be very severe with myself for not taking better care of myself. But be kind and gentle with myself, I'm merely trying to survive and improve.
I had been looking for a new yoga place for some time and now at last I found a trauma sensitive yoga place in my town! I registered for a course starting january, I'm looking forward to it very much. From what she writes on her website, this teacher knows from experience and she knows all the trauma recovery literature of relational trauma, SA, polyvagal theory, IFS etc, so this is very promising.
And now I'll try to take it easy some more, starting with a cup of tea.
To reassure myself again: no, I'm not being a wuss, I am working towards healing, maybe work a little less hard. It's as if some part of me wants to keep forgetting there is actually something 'the matter' with me, my system does not work as other peoples' does and I may take care of myself however much I need. I need not compete in the highest rankings (actually, considering what I'm dealing with, I am!), but if I may be balanced that would be 'enough'.
Chart, it's so nice to hear from you, even though it's not so nice you're not feeling well either. You're right, the brain is doing a tremendous amount of work here, and it's supply of energy is finite. It is possible to heal. But we mustn't push too hard and take our rest when needed, which is now. I took a nap late this afternoon. And tomorrow I actually have a day off to myself which is miraculous almost. Aiming for the most wonderful re-incarnation myself!
San, I can just feel your love and care enveloping me, thank for your wonderful words, and for being by my side. You're right too about what happens when we swamp ourselves with stuff to do and not enough time to recover. And now I have to be careful not to be very severe with myself for not taking better care of myself. But be kind and gentle with myself, I'm merely trying to survive and improve.
I had been looking for a new yoga place for some time and now at last I found a trauma sensitive yoga place in my town! I registered for a course starting january, I'm looking forward to it very much. From what she writes on her website, this teacher knows from experience and she knows all the trauma recovery literature of relational trauma, SA, polyvagal theory, IFS etc, so this is very promising.
And now I'll try to take it easy some more, starting with a cup of tea.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Chart - Today at 04:41:39 PMPC, I just realized it's thanksgiving. My Dad told me when he responded to my text asking how he was doing. I quickly went out and bought a roasted chicken that I'll eat with my daughter tonight. Pure happiness. I'm not only slowly slowly feeling change in me, I'm more and more becoming a friend with my youngest child. She engages me more and more like a growing up young woman. We laugh and joke and our trust deepens. (I actually showed her today where I keep a small stock of feminin hygiene products for the day coming soon that she might need them. The subject came up naturally cause she was talking about a fiend of hers who just got her period. So the whole thing passed smoothly and naturally without any uncomfortableness... phew! It's so hard to find the right approach to these subjects with our kids... I want them to know the door is open, but zero pressure to come to me unless they feel okay about it and need to. But I think I'm managing and I sure as heck trust her and she fills me with immense happiness...) Me too I'm rambling! But apparently you love it, so... :-)
Happy Thanksgiving, to friends and loved-ones wherever on this beautiful globe they might be (and especially Seattle! :-)
Happy Thanksgiving, to friends and loved-ones wherever on this beautiful globe they might be (and especially Seattle! :-)
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New Member
Last post by Erec - Today at 04:15:59 PMI'm new here too, but I'd like to welcome you, Dochartaigh.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Chart - Today at 04:15:56 PMI've got my fingers crossed for you too, San. Good luck tonight. I know what you mean about being afraid that it might not stick. It's like tolerance to a drug, the more we get used to a technique, if it's just treating symptoms, the core pathology can ramp-up it's intensity in order to bypass the temporary relief. This sucks in the short-term, but I believe in the mid to long-term the work is getting done, somewhere in there the electrician is hopping about putting things back where they "should" have been from the beginning. I recently watched a documentary about the biggest recorded tornado in US history, it was over a mile wide. Post analysis of radar of the tornado revealed at one point three distinct sub-tornados in the larger whole. I immediately thought of Cptsd. I think that is why "healing" is so frustrating. In my case I have really no idea what the "whole" of my trauma consists of. For this reason I could be experiencing the totality of my trauma and suddenly butt up against a powerful sub-storm that I never saw or knew existed. Such is the manner of the beast with which we battle. But I believe too that all this "fighting" (be it accepting, resisting, working with, breathing, everything...) is all sending messages to the inner workings, and the pain is the discomfort of getting that stuff up front and ready to realignment... readjustment. The blind stone-mason chipping away at the block. San, I believe you are far far more powerful than you feel. I'm sending big hugs too and wishing you sweet dreams. May that brick become a foundation, solid and supporting you in all your determined endeavors.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 03:38:40 PMHi Ran,
I'm really glad you shared all of this. You're carrying an enormous amount: caregiving, identity stress, financial limits, the pressure from home, and trying to manage your own mental health. No wonder your system feels like it's in constant fight-or-flight. That's exactly what chronic relational trauma does, and nothing about your reactions is "too much" or wrong.
Your graphic design course sounds like a real bright spot. Having something that's yours, something creative, can make a huge difference. I've found something similar myself: I started creating images (using AI) to express feelings when words or analysis felt overwhelming. Focusing on them for hours sometimes helps calm my system. I'm glad you have something like that too.
What you shared about your identity, family expectations, and the lack of acceptance was very powerful. Living in a conservative environment, trying to find yourself while also being needed as a caregiver, that would stretch anyone past their limits.
And the job office situation makes complete sense. Sudden changes, substitutes, strict rules ... those things spike anxiety fast, especially when you're already overloaded. Asking your physician for accommodations is a really reasonable step. You deserve to be treated with respect, not as if you're doing something wrong.
I hope your GP listens when you talk about the depression, anxiety, CPTSD symptoms, and the burnout from caregiving. Having one steady, consistent person in your corner made a big difference for me - for me that's my therapist - and I hope you can get that kind of support too.
You're carrying so much, and you're still reaching out and trying. That says a lot about your strength. You're not alone here.
I'm really glad you shared all of this. You're carrying an enormous amount: caregiving, identity stress, financial limits, the pressure from home, and trying to manage your own mental health. No wonder your system feels like it's in constant fight-or-flight. That's exactly what chronic relational trauma does, and nothing about your reactions is "too much" or wrong.
Your graphic design course sounds like a real bright spot. Having something that's yours, something creative, can make a huge difference. I've found something similar myself: I started creating images (using AI) to express feelings when words or analysis felt overwhelming. Focusing on them for hours sometimes helps calm my system. I'm glad you have something like that too.
What you shared about your identity, family expectations, and the lack of acceptance was very powerful. Living in a conservative environment, trying to find yourself while also being needed as a caregiver, that would stretch anyone past their limits.
And the job office situation makes complete sense. Sudden changes, substitutes, strict rules ... those things spike anxiety fast, especially when you're already overloaded. Asking your physician for accommodations is a really reasonable step. You deserve to be treated with respect, not as if you're doing something wrong.
I hope your GP listens when you talk about the depression, anxiety, CPTSD symptoms, and the burnout from caregiving. Having one steady, consistent person in your corner made a big difference for me - for me that's my therapist - and I hope you can get that kind of support too.
You're carrying so much, and you're still reaching out and trying. That says a lot about your strength. You're not alone here.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:30:53 PMhey, PC, i love those big hug emojis - i can feel those a lot more than the smaller ones, even tho i know a hug is a hug and coming from the heart. thank you for that. and thank you for the validation about the entangled emotions coming from different places over the years. what you described is just about right, i think. and, yeah, no wonder it's so hard to de-tangle, sort thru, address each one, resolve it, grieve what needs to be grieved, and finally feel some sort of resolution. whew! tired just writing about it!
i managed to do some EMDR on myself yesterday, flash technique, and i saw a big brick in my head. this corresponds to the 'brick' my D 'removed' energy-wise the night before. apparently it didn't stay removed. at any rate, so, i did my thing, and as it progressed, the brick began to crack, then a bigger crack, then it began to melt. i could notice it turn to liquid and run down my spinal cord. that's where i stopped.
after the fact, last nite i noticed no anxiety whatsoever. it was wonderful.
the main problem w/ doing this on myself is not being sure when to stop, when to continue. there is no T to help me navigate what's happening, manage what they might be noticing about me physically. i stopped when i did cuz i didn't want to push myself too hard, but i wasn't sure if i got rid of everything that was causing the anxiety. we'll see if it keep working. i may have to repeat.
i just realized that i don't know the cause of the anxiety - no thoughts or pictures came up, but i imagine that's not really important. if it was a faulty wiring job from my past, it may have simply needed to be re-wired, and that's what happened, and then the past becomes the past, not the present, and that's basically what i was going for, so i'm ok with that. besides, flash technique kinda sidesteps emotions - i have too hard a time dealing w/ emotions cuz of my alexithymia (several times during therapy, i felt an emotion for the first time and it wreaked havoc w/ my body, especially causing my legs not to work and me feeling sick-y for a week or 2, so this technique helps bypass all that).
i also burned some incense for a 'clearing out' effect. whether that helped or not, i don't know, but i liked doing it.
so, we'll see tonite if this sticks or not. fingers crossed!
i managed to do some EMDR on myself yesterday, flash technique, and i saw a big brick in my head. this corresponds to the 'brick' my D 'removed' energy-wise the night before. apparently it didn't stay removed. at any rate, so, i did my thing, and as it progressed, the brick began to crack, then a bigger crack, then it began to melt. i could notice it turn to liquid and run down my spinal cord. that's where i stopped.
after the fact, last nite i noticed no anxiety whatsoever. it was wonderful.
the main problem w/ doing this on myself is not being sure when to stop, when to continue. there is no T to help me navigate what's happening, manage what they might be noticing about me physically. i stopped when i did cuz i didn't want to push myself too hard, but i wasn't sure if i got rid of everything that was causing the anxiety. we'll see if it keep working. i may have to repeat.
i just realized that i don't know the cause of the anxiety - no thoughts or pictures came up, but i imagine that's not really important. if it was a faulty wiring job from my past, it may have simply needed to be re-wired, and that's what happened, and then the past becomes the past, not the present, and that's basically what i was going for, so i'm ok with that. besides, flash technique kinda sidesteps emotions - i have too hard a time dealing w/ emotions cuz of my alexithymia (several times during therapy, i felt an emotion for the first time and it wreaked havoc w/ my body, especially causing my legs not to work and me feeling sick-y for a week or 2, so this technique helps bypass all that).
i also burned some incense for a 'clearing out' effect. whether that helped or not, i don't know, but i liked doing it.
so, we'll see tonite if this sticks or not. fingers crossed!
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:08:03 PMDF, i think not having enough time to recover from anything is one of our worst enemies. when the crapola gets piled on, one after another, no time in between to even breathe (or so it feels), i think that depletes us most of everything that can happen to us. we get inundated, overwhelmed, try to make sense of something, attempt to grieve (if there's even time for that) and suddenly 
we're lost, our system is shorting out, our brains can't work the way we want, our bodies do their thing and become out of whack, and on and on. we literally lose our way. i can feel those tears and they're trying their hardest to release, but we don't have time or energy.
in 'through the looking glass' the queen tells alice that to stay in one place she has to run as fast as she can, but to move forward, she has to run even faster. that's how this stuff feels to me, being expected to do the impossible.
my heart goes out to you. i have no doubt you'll make it thru this, but it's the going that's so rough. i'm by your side, tho - you're not alone. lean on me if it helps. love and hugs
we're lost, our system is shorting out, our brains can't work the way we want, our bodies do their thing and become out of whack, and on and on. we literally lose our way. i can feel those tears and they're trying their hardest to release, but we don't have time or energy.in 'through the looking glass' the queen tells alice that to stay in one place she has to run as fast as she can, but to move forward, she has to run even faster. that's how this stuff feels to me, being expected to do the impossible.
my heart goes out to you. i have no doubt you'll make it thru this, but it's the going that's so rough. i'm by your side, tho - you're not alone. lean on me if it helps. love and hugs