Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:13:29 PMHannah, this is awesome and I am so very glad for you. Stories like yours are the reason I advocate for us to healthcare professionals and institutions. Imagine how things would have been if you'd had a clinician who knew about, understood and had experienced medical trauma way back when.
There is so much more science to each of us than even we know sometimes and as we all explore this terrible fate of CPTSD and what it does to us mentally and physically, hopefully we can shine a light on the impact and losses we experience so we have access to the care we need and deserve.
I hope you are on a good path that will help relieve a lot of what you've been dealing with!!
There is so much more science to each of us than even we know sometimes and as we all explore this terrible fate of CPTSD and what it does to us mentally and physically, hopefully we can shine a light on the impact and losses we experience so we have access to the care we need and deserve.
I hope you are on a good path that will help relieve a lot of what you've been dealing with!!
#2
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 04:27:11 PMGiven the voice is strongest when you are resting and, if I understand your post correctly, feeling that rest to be beneficial, I agree with the others that it sounds more like a critical voice. The "should" word is also generally a critical sort of word.
I agree with the advice to meet the voice with compassion rather than obedience, and I would also suggest you add some curiosity. Ask where it thinks you should be. What it thinks you should be doing. Why it thinks that.
I think it is also worth remembering that the pursuit of happiness can be an endless task, meaning you are never content with where you are. These days, now I have some experience of contentment, I find it helpful to acknowledge times I am content and appreciate them, rather than always seeking something "better". I am not at all meaning to be critical here of your desire for happiness because we all want that. It's just that happiness can become some mythical state of being we never attain if we are not actually sure what happiness even is. I also don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the present or seeking the occasional bit of instant gratification.
I agree with the advice to meet the voice with compassion rather than obedience, and I would also suggest you add some curiosity. Ask where it thinks you should be. What it thinks you should be doing. Why it thinks that.
I think it is also worth remembering that the pursuit of happiness can be an endless task, meaning you are never content with where you are. These days, now I have some experience of contentment, I find it helpful to acknowledge times I am content and appreciate them, rather than always seeking something "better". I am not at all meaning to be critical here of your desire for happiness because we all want that. It's just that happiness can become some mythical state of being we never attain if we are not actually sure what happiness even is. I also don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the present or seeking the occasional bit of instant gratification.
#3
Medication / Re: Does this sound like a psy...
Last post by erik5 - Today at 04:24:28 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on Today at 03:44:05 PMErik, I can't give medical advice, but I do want to share how this lands for me, based on my own experience.
What you're describing does raise questions about whether your care is truly trauma-informed. Especially when CPTSD is a formal diagnosis, it's concerning if trauma rarely comes up at all, and if exhaustion, dissociation, and reliance on distraction are framed primarily as "rigidity" or motivation issues rather than possible nervous-system overwhelm.
In my experience (this may differ by country), psychiatrists often focus mainly on medication management. The most meaningful work for me has happened in trauma-informed psychotherapy - where safety and stabilization come first, long before pushing return-to-work or trauma processing. For me, fatigue, shutdown, and heavy use of distraction weren't avoidance or laziness; they were ways my nervous system coped when it felt overwhelmed or unsafe. When that wasn't recognized, I felt misunderstood.
A core principle I've learned is that safety and stability come before pressure. If returning to work doesn't feel possible right now and your body is clearly saying "too much," that deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Trauma can absolutely show up as exhaustion, autonomic symptoms, and collapse - even if it doesn't look dramatic on the surface.
I think it's reasonable to trust your own sense here. Pushing back with questions, asking directly how CPTSD is being considered in your care, or seeking a second opinion doesn't mean you're being difficult - it means you're advocating for yourself. You deserve care that understands trauma, not care that explains it away.
You're not alone in this, and your doubts make sense to me.
(If that's ok)
Thank you for the feedback.
I brought up the possibility if I could be in the dorsal vagal shutdown state (not sure I used the right terms) and that that's why I'm so exhausted, but he said that that's impossible since you can only be that state for a few days, which seems to be incorrect according to what I've read, though I'm not sure. He changed the topic after that, so it seems like he doesn't consider that this can could have anything to do with my exhaustion.
I have other symptoms of freeze shutdown, like an abnormally low heart rate, shaking, rigid and floppy muscles, brain fog, and I was diagnosed with dissociation. I also recognize myself as a typical freeze-type in Pete Walker's book about CPTSD.
Low energy has always been a problem, but it got worse when I was working, so if I have freeze shutdown I think work may have overwhelmed me.
Someone said that SNRI meds that calms down fight/flight treated their trauma-induced chronic fatigue, but as far as I know he hasn't mentioned prescribing such meds for me.
#4
Medication / Re: Does this sound like a psy...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 03:44:05 PMErik, I can't give medical advice, but I do want to share how this lands for me, based on my own experience.
What you're describing does raise questions about whether your care is truly trauma-informed. Especially when CPTSD is a formal diagnosis, it's concerning if trauma rarely comes up at all, and if exhaustion, dissociation, and reliance on distraction are framed primarily as "rigidity" or motivation issues rather than possible nervous-system overwhelm.
In my experience (this may differ by country), psychiatrists often focus mainly on medication management. The most meaningful work for me has happened in trauma-informed psychotherapy - where safety and stabilization come first, long before pushing return-to-work or trauma processing. For me, fatigue, shutdown, and heavy use of distraction weren't avoidance or laziness; they were ways my nervous system coped when it felt overwhelmed or unsafe. When that wasn't recognized, I felt misunderstood.
A core principle I've learned is that safety and stability come before pressure. If returning to work doesn't feel possible right now and your body is clearly saying "too much," that deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Trauma can absolutely show up as exhaustion, autonomic symptoms, and collapse - even if it doesn't look dramatic on the surface.
I think it's reasonable to trust your own sense here. Pushing back with questions, asking directly how CPTSD is being considered in your care, or seeking a second opinion doesn't mean you're being difficult - it means you're advocating for yourself. You deserve care that understands trauma, not care that explains it away.
You're not alone in this, and your doubts make sense to me.
(If that's ok)
What you're describing does raise questions about whether your care is truly trauma-informed. Especially when CPTSD is a formal diagnosis, it's concerning if trauma rarely comes up at all, and if exhaustion, dissociation, and reliance on distraction are framed primarily as "rigidity" or motivation issues rather than possible nervous-system overwhelm.
In my experience (this may differ by country), psychiatrists often focus mainly on medication management. The most meaningful work for me has happened in trauma-informed psychotherapy - where safety and stabilization come first, long before pushing return-to-work or trauma processing. For me, fatigue, shutdown, and heavy use of distraction weren't avoidance or laziness; they were ways my nervous system coped when it felt overwhelmed or unsafe. When that wasn't recognized, I felt misunderstood.
A core principle I've learned is that safety and stability come before pressure. If returning to work doesn't feel possible right now and your body is clearly saying "too much," that deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Trauma can absolutely show up as exhaustion, autonomic symptoms, and collapse - even if it doesn't look dramatic on the surface.
I think it's reasonable to trust your own sense here. Pushing back with questions, asking directly how CPTSD is being considered in your care, or seeking a second opinion doesn't mean you're being difficult - it means you're advocating for yourself. You deserve care that understands trauma, not care that explains it away.
You're not alone in this, and your doubts make sense to me.
(If that's ok)
#5
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 03:26:27 PMDalloway, reading this, my sense is very similar to what others have shared: this sounds much more like the inner critic than the voice of the true self.
For me, the inner critic is never satisfied. It doesn't allow rest, it keeps moving the goalposts, and it turns quiet moments into reminders of what is "not enough." In my own history, that voice grew out of having to earn attention and safety. As a child, I learned that maybe if I worked harder, achieved more, stayed perfect, or took up less space, I might finally be seen as worthy of love. Cognitively, I know now that this was never true - it reflected my parent's limitations, not my worth - but for the five-year-old me, it was the lived reality for half a decade.
Because of that, this voice still shows up especially when things slow down. Rest can feel dangerous. Stillness gives it room to speak. And it often disguises itself as "truth" or "motivation," when in reality it's rooted in fear, pressure, and conditional worth.
What has helped me - or better is helping me - isn't arguing with it or trying to force it away, but naming it, letting its origins be witnessed, and meeting it with compassion rather than obedience. That's slow work - and very human work.
You were always enough. You were always worthy of love, long before doing or achieving anything. 💛
For me, the inner critic is never satisfied. It doesn't allow rest, it keeps moving the goalposts, and it turns quiet moments into reminders of what is "not enough." In my own history, that voice grew out of having to earn attention and safety. As a child, I learned that maybe if I worked harder, achieved more, stayed perfect, or took up less space, I might finally be seen as worthy of love. Cognitively, I know now that this was never true - it reflected my parent's limitations, not my worth - but for the five-year-old me, it was the lived reality for half a decade.
Because of that, this voice still shows up especially when things slow down. Rest can feel dangerous. Stillness gives it room to speak. And it often disguises itself as "truth" or "motivation," when in reality it's rooted in fear, pressure, and conditional worth.
What has helped me - or better is helping me - isn't arguing with it or trying to force it away, but naming it, letting its origins be witnessed, and meeting it with compassion rather than obedience. That's slow work - and very human work.
You were always enough. You were always worthy of love, long before doing or achieving anything. 💛
#6
Medication / Does this sound like a psychia...
Last post by erik5 - Today at 12:54:49 PMI'm asking here because I'm worried my care may not be trauma-informed. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, dissociation, and I experience constant fatigue. I used to work part-time, but over time my fatigue worsened to the point where I couldn't continue, and I'm now on full disability.
I've tried multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they've had little effect. Trauma has barely come up in my sessions, even though CPTSD is a formal diagnosis.
During the day I mostly use the internet for distraction, both because I feel too depressed and exhausted to be active and because it helps me cope with mental pain. If I'm not distracted, I easily get panic and emotional flashbacks.
My psychiatrist has suggested that I might have mild, undiagnosed autism and that I'm stuck in rigid behavior, which he believes explains why I don't do much besides using the computer. This doesn't seem correct to me, I feel more exhausted, unmotivated, and driven to distract myself. He prescribed a medication for "rigid behavior" and said he was sure it would change my life a lot, but it had no effect.
He also thought my exhaustion might be a medication side effect, but changing medications didn't help. I've wondered whether my fatigue could be trauma-related, especially given physical symptoms like a very low heart rate and muscle shaking, but he has never brought up this as a possibility or medications for CPTSD.
He now wants me to return to work and think it will help, even though I've said that I feel just as exhausted.
Does this sound like a lack of trauma-informed care and would it be reasonable to push back or seek a different psychiatrist?
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate any perspectives.
I've tried multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they've had little effect. Trauma has barely come up in my sessions, even though CPTSD is a formal diagnosis.
During the day I mostly use the internet for distraction, both because I feel too depressed and exhausted to be active and because it helps me cope with mental pain. If I'm not distracted, I easily get panic and emotional flashbacks.
My psychiatrist has suggested that I might have mild, undiagnosed autism and that I'm stuck in rigid behavior, which he believes explains why I don't do much besides using the computer. This doesn't seem correct to me, I feel more exhausted, unmotivated, and driven to distract myself. He prescribed a medication for "rigid behavior" and said he was sure it would change my life a lot, but it had no effect.
He also thought my exhaustion might be a medication side effect, but changing medications didn't help. I've wondered whether my fatigue could be trauma-related, especially given physical symptoms like a very low heart rate and muscle shaking, but he has never brought up this as a possibility or medications for CPTSD.
He now wants me to return to work and think it will help, even though I've said that I feel just as exhausted.
Does this sound like a lack of trauma-informed care and would it be reasonable to push back or seek a different psychiatrist?
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate any perspectives.
#7
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 12:08:32 PMHi Dalloway,
I think your first impulse that it is the Inner Critic is probably along the right track, but it's whatever resonates for you. In his book on IFS and the Inner Critic, sometimes the inner critic is the voice of a parent/caregiver that we identify with (for surivival reasons), which sounds like what you could be doing. IFS can be helpful in starting to map these things out because you can go inside and ask it directly. This is helping you establish a working relationship with your internal parts, and less on needing someone else to confirm or deny what's going on. No shame or judgement, just that it's helpful to build that sense of agency for yourself.
Sending you support,
dolly
I think your first impulse that it is the Inner Critic is probably along the right track, but it's whatever resonates for you. In his book on IFS and the Inner Critic, sometimes the inner critic is the voice of a parent/caregiver that we identify with (for surivival reasons), which sounds like what you could be doing. IFS can be helpful in starting to map these things out because you can go inside and ask it directly. This is helping you establish a working relationship with your internal parts, and less on needing someone else to confirm or deny what's going on. No shame or judgement, just that it's helpful to build that sense of agency for yourself.
Sending you support,
dolly
#8
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 11:58:02 AMHi Dalloway,
Your post caught my attention, so I looked into it. Here's a summary from Google's AI overview — I thought it was quite insightful:
"The inner critic is a harsh, fear-based subpersonality that judges, demeans, and focuses on flaws to enforce safety or conformity. Conversely, the inner voice/coach acts as a compassionate, solution-oriented, and encouraging guide, aiming for growth and self-acceptance. Balancing these requires identifying, not fighting, the critic.
Key Differences and Characteristics
Inner Critic (The Judge):
Focus: Problems, limitations, and past mistakes.
Tone: Harsh, demanding, shaming, and anxious.
Goal: Attempts to "protect" you by keeping you in line or preventing failure, but often causes anxiety or feelings of inadequacy.
Common Phrases: "You're not good enough," "You should have done better," "You're going to fail".
Inner Voice/Coach/Cheerleader (The Guide):
Focus: Solutions, opportunities, and positive potential.
Tone: Compassionate, honest, encouraging, and supportive.
Goal: Fosters resilience, growth, and self-compassion.
Common Phrases: "I'm learning as I go," "What can I learn from this?," "I am enough".
Managing the Dialogue
Don't Fight, Understand: Treating the inner critic as an enemy makes it louder; instead, recognize it as a misguided protector.
Question the Narrative: Challenge the critic by asking, "How do you know this is true?".
Cultivate the Coach: Actively practice self-compassion, write down positive affirmations, or channel encouraging, positive figures to strengthen your inner voice.
Separate Identity: Recognize that the inner critic is a part of your thinking process, not the entirety of who you are."
I've noticed similar patterns in my own experience.
Hope that helps a bit,
Your post caught my attention, so I looked into it. Here's a summary from Google's AI overview — I thought it was quite insightful:
"The inner critic is a harsh, fear-based subpersonality that judges, demeans, and focuses on flaws to enforce safety or conformity. Conversely, the inner voice/coach acts as a compassionate, solution-oriented, and encouraging guide, aiming for growth and self-acceptance. Balancing these requires identifying, not fighting, the critic.
Key Differences and Characteristics
Inner Critic (The Judge):
Focus: Problems, limitations, and past mistakes.
Tone: Harsh, demanding, shaming, and anxious.
Goal: Attempts to "protect" you by keeping you in line or preventing failure, but often causes anxiety or feelings of inadequacy.
Common Phrases: "You're not good enough," "You should have done better," "You're going to fail".
Inner Voice/Coach/Cheerleader (The Guide):
Focus: Solutions, opportunities, and positive potential.
Tone: Compassionate, honest, encouraging, and supportive.
Goal: Fosters resilience, growth, and self-compassion.
Common Phrases: "I'm learning as I go," "What can I learn from this?," "I am enough".
Managing the Dialogue
Don't Fight, Understand: Treating the inner critic as an enemy makes it louder; instead, recognize it as a misguided protector.
Question the Narrative: Challenge the critic by asking, "How do you know this is true?".
Cultivate the Coach: Actively practice self-compassion, write down positive affirmations, or channel encouraging, positive figures to strengthen your inner voice.
Separate Identity: Recognize that the inner critic is a part of your thinking process, not the entirety of who you are."
I've noticed similar patterns in my own experience.
Hope that helps a bit,
#9
Frustrated? Set Backs? / trying to make sense of the in...
Last post by Dalloway - Today at 11:12:10 AMHi everyone,
hope you´re having a nice Sunday. There is something I struggle with and thought it might be a good idea to share it with people who understand and maybe can also relate, to get some ideas on this issue.
So I kind of identified an inner voice that is always present, sometimes as a background noise, but at times when things slow and calm down around me, gets very intensive and loud. When I rest in the stillness and silence after the busy and loud week (it happens most often on the weekends when I have the opportunity to breath a sigh of relief), there is a voice that comes around from the darkness and whispers to me "you should be doing something else" or "you should be somewhere else". It means that I´m not in a place I would like to be and not quiet living the life I want to - the joyous and content one I dream of.
I tried to identify the voice, it´s origin and source but here I kind of bump into a wall, because I have two theories on what this voice can be. My first take is that it´s the voice of the inner critic who was taught to remind me every time I´m not perfect not to rest, not to relax, but to try hard and work hard to reach the perfection. Also, when I hear this voice, I get very upset and hopeless, whatever I was doing before, having fun or just enjoying myself or being grateful for the things in the present moment. The appearance of the voice ruins my mood because it reminds me of how far I am from achieving my goals and from solving my biggest issues. It´s trying to make me see that all the small things that bring me instant gratification are illusory and that they are a form of denial. Instead, I have to focus on the harsh truths and the dark reality of my past enmeshed with my present.
But there is something else present that could also be the answer. The voice of my true self, coming from within, trying to whisper in my ear, desperate to convince me that I am capable of things, that I´m brave enough to make it. This part of me loves me endlessly and never gives up on me. It´s always there, in times of turmoil quietly whispering, in better times talking loud and clear. I imagine it as a calling that, if you are able to concentrate on, becomes a clear message of what you have to do in the pursuit of happiness. There are things I´m afraid of or not able to do yet that would maybe one day make my life happier - connecting to people, learning to trust again, loving myself with all my heart. And maybe this voice wants me to do some heavy lifting because it knows that it might be uncomfortable or scary first, but the rough and dangerously looking path would lead to a beautiful forest with birds and flowers and a crystal clear stream.
How do I know which voice is talking to me in the moment? Is it the inner critic that wants to force me not to rest and achieve perfection and robs me of enjoying the small moments of equanimity? Or is it the voice of my authentic self, trying to reach me with the message of not giving up on life and being brave even when I don´t feel like? Would the inner critic try to get me into uncomfortable situations that may later bring joy? Wouldn´t it try to make me hide or advise me to be invisible and perfect in order to survive, just as it learned to do when I was a child? Could it be both? Or none of them?
hope you´re having a nice Sunday. There is something I struggle with and thought it might be a good idea to share it with people who understand and maybe can also relate, to get some ideas on this issue.
So I kind of identified an inner voice that is always present, sometimes as a background noise, but at times when things slow and calm down around me, gets very intensive and loud. When I rest in the stillness and silence after the busy and loud week (it happens most often on the weekends when I have the opportunity to breath a sigh of relief), there is a voice that comes around from the darkness and whispers to me "you should be doing something else" or "you should be somewhere else". It means that I´m not in a place I would like to be and not quiet living the life I want to - the joyous and content one I dream of.
I tried to identify the voice, it´s origin and source but here I kind of bump into a wall, because I have two theories on what this voice can be. My first take is that it´s the voice of the inner critic who was taught to remind me every time I´m not perfect not to rest, not to relax, but to try hard and work hard to reach the perfection. Also, when I hear this voice, I get very upset and hopeless, whatever I was doing before, having fun or just enjoying myself or being grateful for the things in the present moment. The appearance of the voice ruins my mood because it reminds me of how far I am from achieving my goals and from solving my biggest issues. It´s trying to make me see that all the small things that bring me instant gratification are illusory and that they are a form of denial. Instead, I have to focus on the harsh truths and the dark reality of my past enmeshed with my present.
But there is something else present that could also be the answer. The voice of my true self, coming from within, trying to whisper in my ear, desperate to convince me that I am capable of things, that I´m brave enough to make it. This part of me loves me endlessly and never gives up on me. It´s always there, in times of turmoil quietly whispering, in better times talking loud and clear. I imagine it as a calling that, if you are able to concentrate on, becomes a clear message of what you have to do in the pursuit of happiness. There are things I´m afraid of or not able to do yet that would maybe one day make my life happier - connecting to people, learning to trust again, loving myself with all my heart. And maybe this voice wants me to do some heavy lifting because it knows that it might be uncomfortable or scary first, but the rough and dangerously looking path would lead to a beautiful forest with birds and flowers and a crystal clear stream.
How do I know which voice is talking to me in the moment? Is it the inner critic that wants to force me not to rest and achieve perfection and robs me of enjoying the small moments of equanimity? Or is it the voice of my authentic self, trying to reach me with the message of not giving up on life and being brave even when I don´t feel like? Would the inner critic try to get me into uncomfortable situations that may later bring joy? Wouldn´t it try to make me hide or advise me to be invisible and perfect in order to survive, just as it learned to do when I was a child? Could it be both? Or none of them?
#10
Art / Re: beauty in brokenness
Last post by Teddy bear - February 07, 2026, 11:14:52 PMThis really resonates with me too — what a beautiful idea!