Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by Chart - Today at 06:47:02 AMCool, sending more hugs! Glad things "moved" in therapy. Hope it was empowering in a positive way.
#2
Eating Issues / Why “Morbid Obesity” Still Hur...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 05:37:22 AMThere's solid research showing a strong association between childhood trauma and adult obesity. Trauma affects the stress-response system, emotional regulation, and health behaviors across the lifespan. So for many of us with CPTSD, weight is not a simple "willpower issue" but a long-term biopsychosocial consequence of early adversity.
And then there is the term "morbid obesity."
"Morbid" literally means deadly. It's still used by many clinicians for the most severe form of obesity (BMI ≥ 40), even though the WHO's ICD-11 now uses the more neutral Obesity Class III. The CDC also explicitly advises health professionals: "By using clinically accurate terms such as 'Class 3 Obesity' instead of 'morbid obesity due to excess calories,' providers can create a more supportive environment for patients with obesity" and "... can help reduce weight bias and stigma ..." (https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/media/pdfs/2024/12/adult-partner-promotion-materials-icd-10-codes-508.pdf).
But in practice, this hasn't filtered into everyday care. Many of us still walk into appointments and hear:
"You are morbidly obese."
"Morbid obesity is your main problem."
No one would ever call a patient "you are a deadly cancer", yet morbid gets used as if it were a neutral descriptor - and it hits with the full weight of stigma.
For trauma survivors, the impact is amplified:
- CPTSD already comes with shame, body distrust, and a long history of being blamed or judged.
- Early relational trauma and neglect shape the nervous system and often the body.
- Then the medical system mirrors the childhood message: You are the problem.
"Obesity Class III" still communicates medical risk. But it just doesn't define the person as morbid.
Language won't fix trauma, but it can stop adding new wounds.
The coding system has already changed. The science has already moved.
It's time for clinical language to follow.
And then there is the term "morbid obesity."
"Morbid" literally means deadly. It's still used by many clinicians for the most severe form of obesity (BMI ≥ 40), even though the WHO's ICD-11 now uses the more neutral Obesity Class III. The CDC also explicitly advises health professionals: "By using clinically accurate terms such as 'Class 3 Obesity' instead of 'morbid obesity due to excess calories,' providers can create a more supportive environment for patients with obesity" and "... can help reduce weight bias and stigma ..." (https://www.cdc.gov/obesity/media/pdfs/2024/12/adult-partner-promotion-materials-icd-10-codes-508.pdf).
But in practice, this hasn't filtered into everyday care. Many of us still walk into appointments and hear:
"You are morbidly obese."
"Morbid obesity is your main problem."
No one would ever call a patient "you are a deadly cancer", yet morbid gets used as if it were a neutral descriptor - and it hits with the full weight of stigma.
For trauma survivors, the impact is amplified:
- CPTSD already comes with shame, body distrust, and a long history of being blamed or judged.
- Early relational trauma and neglect shape the nervous system and often the body.
- Then the medical system mirrors the childhood message: You are the problem.
"Obesity Class III" still communicates medical risk. But it just doesn't define the person as morbid.
Language won't fix trauma, but it can stop adding new wounds.
The coding system has already changed. The science has already moved.
It's time for clinical language to follow.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by alliematt - November 25, 2025, 10:10:12 PMI had therapy today and yelled.
Therapist agreed that what was going on was insane.
I agree in the US, what we're dealing with is "horrifically inhuman."
And hugs are OK.
Therapist agreed that what was going on was insane.
I agree in the US, what we're dealing with is "horrifically inhuman."
And hugs are OK.
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by Chart - November 25, 2025, 09:03:46 PMMakes perfect sense to me, DF! The amygdala knows imminent threat intimately decades before full consciousness even begins to fathom the slightest iota of possible contradiction.
Our parents were lousy electricians... our wiring is seriously messed up.
Our parents were lousy electricians... our wiring is seriously messed up.
#6
Letters of Recovery / Re: Mother
Last post by TheBigBlue - November 25, 2025, 07:26:57 PMYour letter is incredibly powerful. The clarity, strength, and self-compassion you've built are present in every line. It's both heartbreaking and inspiring to see how you've come to understand that the absence of your mother's love was never about your worth.
I haven't made as much progress yet, but reading your words genuinely gives me hope. The image of the "silky net" you're building - woven both from the people who see you and the resilience you've grown yourself - really moved me. It captures something I'm still trying to build in my own life.
Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable and hard-won. Your progress shows, and it helps others more than you may realize.
I haven't made as much progress yet, but reading your words genuinely gives me hope. The image of the "silky net" you're building - woven both from the people who see you and the resilience you've grown yourself - really moved me. It captures something I'm still trying to build in my own life.
Thank you for sharing something so vulnerable and hard-won. Your progress shows, and it helps others more than you may realize.
#7
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New Member
Last post by Hope67 - November 25, 2025, 06:48:43 PMWelcome Dochartaigh 
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New Member
Last post by Dalloway - November 25, 2025, 06:24:12 PMWelcome to the forum, Dochartaigh. I´m so sorry for everything you went through. You were a precious child and deserved to be loved. The thought of our parents´ mistreatment breaks my heart. It´s something I know too well, unfortunately. I hope you can find all the support and validation you need here. I´m glad you found us. 
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Allie's Archives: a recov...
Last post by Chart - November 25, 2025, 06:16:04 PMHi Alliematt, first, no shame. Second, no shame. :-) I hope it's clear that that's not in any way, shape or form what "this place" is about. We're a group who tries to understand, others and ourselves. "Shame" is one of the things we struggle against and try to reduce. You don't "owe" anybody anything here. There is giving and taking, but giving is always liberating, and taking can really help. What really ends up happening is cyclical (if we really might break it down) and in the end the effects are cumulatively positive. The sum of the parts is more than the whole.
That being said, I think I know how you feel. I always feel guilt and shame when I take a break from the forum. But feeling that and being conscious of it has really helped alleviate it over the years. This forum helps me get better. So everything I "give" I get back tenfold.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. Being dependent on social services and the system not working is more than infuriating. It reduces our humanity and takes away our agency, the power we need to take care of those depending on us.
I'm not in the US for 25 years now. Similar problems occur here in France, but at the moment the US is horrifically inhuman (imo). Those suffering are those who are most vulnerable and needing support.
I have two children dependent on me and have struggled to get the necessary aid to take care of the them. The French system is quite good, but does not move quickly, is full of contradictions, poorly explained, difficult to get assistance, and does make mistakes. So not the social paradise one would dream of.
I now use artificial intelligence to help me navigate the complexities of the system. I don't know if that could be helpful for you.
Anyway, I'm sorry again for your struggles. Sending hugs and support if that's okay.
That being said, I think I know how you feel. I always feel guilt and shame when I take a break from the forum. But feeling that and being conscious of it has really helped alleviate it over the years. This forum helps me get better. So everything I "give" I get back tenfold.
I'm so sorry you're struggling. Being dependent on social services and the system not working is more than infuriating. It reduces our humanity and takes away our agency, the power we need to take care of those depending on us.
I'm not in the US for 25 years now. Similar problems occur here in France, but at the moment the US is horrifically inhuman (imo). Those suffering are those who are most vulnerable and needing support.
I have two children dependent on me and have struggled to get the necessary aid to take care of the them. The French system is quite good, but does not move quickly, is full of contradictions, poorly explained, difficult to get assistance, and does make mistakes. So not the social paradise one would dream of.
I now use artificial intelligence to help me navigate the complexities of the system. I don't know if that could be helpful for you.
Anyway, I'm sorry again for your struggles. Sending hugs and support if that's okay.
#10
Letters of Recovery / Mother
Last post by Dalloway - November 25, 2025, 06:14:01 PMTwenty years ago, as a kid, I wrote you a letter out of desperation and immense pain. In that letter, which I never gave to you but kept it till this day, I asked you a question and tried to answer it for myself. The question was: why don´t you love me? I kept asking in the letter if I did something wrong and if you were ever going to love me. Now, as an adult, with a long healing journey behind me and an even longer one ahead of me, I´m not asking any of those questions anymore. Not that I gave up, I just simply know the answers to those questions. And that is that it was never about me in the first place. I´ve always been worthy of love, I´ve always been enough, only you couldn´t see it, couldn´t see me. You were and still are unable to see my value as your child or even as a human being. You keep telling me how proud you are of me, but your words don´t match your actions, and even your usual words don´t match those you´re saying when you´re in a good mood.
You know, this is the hardest part not just for me, but for many of my fellow trauma survivors: coming to terms with the fact that my own mother can´t appreciate and love me unconditionally. Of all the people who don´t owe me anything, who are strangers to me, right you, mother, have to be the one that doesn´t see how precious I am? It hurts in the deepest realms of my soul, at the place that I am keeping untouched till the day when you will finally acknowledge my existence. But I have to brace myself for the possibility that this day might never come.
And I´m building a fine, silky net from all the wonderful people I meet, from all the love and warmth I get, from all the strength and resilience I collect from within me. And it gets stronger and stronger, even though it still keeps its fragility. I am learning the things you never taught me: how to be accepting of myself and others, how to receive and give love, how to be vulnerable and fierce at the same time, how to live a meaningful life.
Now I´m writing you this letter that you´ll also never see. But I don´t mind it, you know. I´m starting to be okay with the fact that you´ll never see me the way you should as a mother. And that I don´t have to explain you the basics of how to love your children. It´s not my duty to heal you and to make you see me. I´m on my own healing journey and guess what: it´s awesome and empowering and most importantly, I´m learning that the way you raised me was not okay and that it wasn´t my fault, it wasn´t something I did wrong, it just happened because of your huuge package of unresolved trauma. Seeing the better examples of how you can live your life gives me hope. I wish one day you can experience it, too.
You know, this is the hardest part not just for me, but for many of my fellow trauma survivors: coming to terms with the fact that my own mother can´t appreciate and love me unconditionally. Of all the people who don´t owe me anything, who are strangers to me, right you, mother, have to be the one that doesn´t see how precious I am? It hurts in the deepest realms of my soul, at the place that I am keeping untouched till the day when you will finally acknowledge my existence. But I have to brace myself for the possibility that this day might never come.
And I´m building a fine, silky net from all the wonderful people I meet, from all the love and warmth I get, from all the strength and resilience I collect from within me. And it gets stronger and stronger, even though it still keeps its fragility. I am learning the things you never taught me: how to be accepting of myself and others, how to receive and give love, how to be vulnerable and fierce at the same time, how to live a meaningful life.
Now I´m writing you this letter that you´ll also never see. But I don´t mind it, you know. I´m starting to be okay with the fact that you´ll never see me the way you should as a mother. And that I don´t have to explain you the basics of how to love your children. It´s not my duty to heal you and to make you see me. I´m on my own healing journey and guess what: it´s awesome and empowering and most importantly, I´m learning that the way you raised me was not okay and that it wasn´t my fault, it wasn´t something I did wrong, it just happened because of your huuge package of unresolved trauma. Seeing the better examples of how you can live your life gives me hope. I wish one day you can experience it, too.