Recent posts
#1
Physical Issues / Re: Weight fluctuations, body ...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 02:20:12 PMQuote from: Teddy bear on Today at 02:01:21 PMI'll try to get back to this as soon as I feel less stressed and triggered by this topic and other things.
Very understandable! Take the time you need, that's good self-care.
#2
Physical Issues / Re: Weight fluctuations, body ...
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 02:01:21 PMThanks, everyone,
I'll try to get back to this as soon as I feel less stressed and triggered by this topic and other things.
In short: for me, there's no quantitative measure that feels okay — only a 'feels good' state of mind and body."
I'll try to get back to this as soon as I feel less stressed and triggered by this topic and other things.
In short: for me, there's no quantitative measure that feels okay — only a 'feels good' state of mind and body."
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:58:28 PMfinally feeling better. wrote to my T about that experience, she said she was grateful i had EMDR training and could bring myself down a bit on my own, and also sent me emergency helpline numbers, i told her i had this place to come to for emergency help. once again. i'm so grateful.
thank you armee, for all the hugs and love and kindness. i don't know about 'beautiful', at least not in my mind. it's just that my brain/mind is so full of this crapola that once i get started, things simply start tumbling out. and then i rely on my T to take care of it, take care of me. she's still learning about me - trial by fire, methinks. and, yes, i'd love to hear your thoughts on love. it's my favorite thing.
TBB, i want to thank you for your kindness and observances. they helped a lot. perhaps you're right about the idea that i didn't have the same kinds of pressure surrounding the cat but i also simply do not usually have access to feelings, good or bad, so it was a surprise to me that the feeling of love showed itself at that particular time. never felt it like that again, either.
thank you, NK, for your kindness and caring. funnily enough, D1, one of my most virulent abusers and w/ whom i've been NC for over 10 yrs. is the one who told me she'd felt safe w/ me. go figger. and it's people like you on this forum who help me get thru it all.
it seems that my mind is just ready to explode so much of what's been piled up inside at the drop of a hat. that's how this all came out - my T said something about attachment other than physical, and it just poured out of me, already processing, already reacting w/ long-held emotions, thoughts, feeling. seems that's how it's working for me nowadays. it's rough, there's no control, and there's no knowing at the time what saying anything is going to mean to me, my mind in a few hours. stir the pot, the pressure cooker unwinds and blows its lid.
thank you armee, for all the hugs and love and kindness. i don't know about 'beautiful', at least not in my mind. it's just that my brain/mind is so full of this crapola that once i get started, things simply start tumbling out. and then i rely on my T to take care of it, take care of me. she's still learning about me - trial by fire, methinks. and, yes, i'd love to hear your thoughts on love. it's my favorite thing.
TBB, i want to thank you for your kindness and observances. they helped a lot. perhaps you're right about the idea that i didn't have the same kinds of pressure surrounding the cat but i also simply do not usually have access to feelings, good or bad, so it was a surprise to me that the feeling of love showed itself at that particular time. never felt it like that again, either.
Quote from: HannahOne on February 17, 2026, 11:25:35 AMWhat a brave young mother, doing what mothers do for their children, carrying on.thank you for this, hannah1. i never thought of it as being brave, just my responsibility. they were my responsibility - one husband/father had already left the scene before D1 was born, and i'd been on my own w/ her for a few years already, she was left to me to take care of, so, yeah. to me, altho i can understand how it may look to others, bravery wasn't even part of the equation. so it sounds a little weird to my ears. but thank you for that.
thank you, NK, for your kindness and caring. funnily enough, D1, one of my most virulent abusers and w/ whom i've been NC for over 10 yrs. is the one who told me she'd felt safe w/ me. go figger. and it's people like you on this forum who help me get thru it all.
it seems that my mind is just ready to explode so much of what's been piled up inside at the drop of a hat. that's how this all came out - my T said something about attachment other than physical, and it just poured out of me, already processing, already reacting w/ long-held emotions, thoughts, feeling. seems that's how it's working for me nowadays. it's rough, there's no control, and there's no knowing at the time what saying anything is going to mean to me, my mind in a few hours. stir the pot, the pressure cooker unwinds and blows its lid.
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:44:52 PMGood for you.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:42:08 PMI agree that sounds like a good plan, Bach. Going to see the river sounds like a useful thing to add to your list of useful things, maybe?
#6
Therapy / Re: Body reactions and somatic...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:39:37 PMThank you for creating this topic.
Like BB, I am also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum but not DID.
I have no experience of therapy other than talking because I have to see my T over zoom. That works well enough and she is very supportive of my own exploration of art and anything else I might care to try.
I have only dissociated once to my certain knowledge during therapy, though I am sure it has happened much more often than that. On the one occasion I am only fully aware because teenage NK hesitated in taking over and I was able to tell T what was happening. Teenage NK then finished the job and it felt like adult NK watching as she pulled a shutter down. I don't get obvious physical reactions in the way you describe but my T is getting much better at picking up on emotions I am trying to hide, which is helpful. My somatic reaction tends to be limited to a raised heart rate, dry mouth, that sort of panic response.
I am really glad that you have a supportive therapist. It must be difficult to deal with very obvious somatic reactions, especially in places where you might not feel safe displaying them. I hope you can find a way to work with this and reduce the shame you are feeling.
Like BB, I am also somewhere along the dissociation spectrum but not DID.
I have no experience of therapy other than talking because I have to see my T over zoom. That works well enough and she is very supportive of my own exploration of art and anything else I might care to try.
I have only dissociated once to my certain knowledge during therapy, though I am sure it has happened much more often than that. On the one occasion I am only fully aware because teenage NK hesitated in taking over and I was able to tell T what was happening. Teenage NK then finished the job and it felt like adult NK watching as she pulled a shutter down. I don't get obvious physical reactions in the way you describe but my T is getting much better at picking up on emotions I am trying to hide, which is helpful. My somatic reaction tends to be limited to a raised heart rate, dry mouth, that sort of panic response.
I am really glad that you have a supportive therapist. It must be difficult to deal with very obvious somatic reactions, especially in places where you might not feel safe displaying them. I hope you can find a way to work with this and reduce the shame you are feeling.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 01:38:05 PM
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:34:23 PMQuote from: Bach on February 16, 2026, 08:52:18 PMStrategy for managing my self-hatred: Find one little useful thing I can cope with doing, no matter how small, and do it. Then if I can, find another little useful thing and do it. Then if I can, another. Etc. If at any time I start feeling like I can't cope with whatever I'm doing, STOP. Find something else to do, or rest. When possible, go see the river.
sounds like a solid strategy to me. and, yeah, sometimes being w/ nature is one of the greatest healing devices ever concocted. glad you have a river to go to. love and hugs
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:31:51 PMi echo everyone's thoughts, hannah1. falling out w/ your therapist can be so painful, can make us question ourselves to the nth degree. i do believe conflict, boundaries, etc. are on the path to being our very own selves, but i also know it takes practice. i think the more we believe in ourselves as people, the more we are comfortable with that notion, the easier it gets. maybe not to the point where we enjoy confrontation/boundary setting, but at least to the point where we know it's important for reclaiming our 'selves' and we do it for that reason.
we're here w/ you. love and hugs
we're here w/ you. love and hugs
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Of course it's worth it!
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:22:56 PMdear blueberry, it seems that you are coming to grips w/ a lot of things you're noticing from before. i know that 'should is never good for me' has been your mantra for ever so long, and i totally agree w/ it, including for myself. it always has a ring of guilt around it, and too often that's how we were taught to behave - out of guilt rather than out of a personal want. our own 'person' was overridden by guilt/shame time and again. hard to get out from under that one, but i think you're doing a really good job on it. keep up the good work, ok? love and hugs