Recent posts
#1
About Complex PTSD / Re: What is Complex PTSD & How...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 09:19:42 PMThanks for posting! Useful presentation.
#2
Physical Abuse / Re: "I'll give you something t...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 08:58:27 PMmy heart goes out to you, slash. here's a gentle hug, if that's ok. 
#3
General Discussion / Re: Taking part in a research
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 06:25:07 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on Today at 12:36:08 PMI am very grateful to people who are prepared to take part in such studies. Thank you.
I'm glad you have been able to reduce your neuroleptic dosage.
Thank you
#4
Physical Abuse / "I'll give you something to cr...
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 06:17:53 PM All, trigger warning. Do not highlight the text unless you are in a good place.
I have been mulling over what was most psychologically damaging during my first experience of abuse, which required rehab to relearn how to engage with my environment and speak. The interminable months locked or trapped in a stifling room with no human interaction, the physical/ emotional abuse, the neglect, or the abandonment.
I have landed on the physical abuse. Not just being beaten into mere "compliance" or "obedience", but beaten into *silence*. Beaten into fear of making any sound whatsoever. The only way to avoid that punishment amidst all of the other factors is to just shut down completely and dissociate; go catatonic and just... sit there. Silent, listless, unaware. For months. It's the last ditch effort to survive.
My apologies if this is in the wrong place. I didn't know where else to put it.
Best,
-Slashy
I have been mulling over what was most psychologically damaging during my first experience of abuse, which required rehab to relearn how to engage with my environment and speak. The interminable months locked or trapped in a stifling room with no human interaction, the physical/ emotional abuse, the neglect, or the abandonment.
I have landed on the physical abuse. Not just being beaten into mere "compliance" or "obedience", but beaten into *silence*. Beaten into fear of making any sound whatsoever. The only way to avoid that punishment amidst all of the other factors is to just shut down completely and dissociate; go catatonic and just... sit there. Silent, listless, unaware. For months. It's the last ditch effort to survive.
My apologies if this is in the wrong place. I didn't know where else to put it.
Best,
-Slashy
#5
Family / Re: Left out
Last post by Gromit - Today at 06:01:10 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on Today at 12:44:28 PMMy guess would be that your mother has decided her policy of sending cards has not worked in her favour and is now using silence to see if that makes a difference. Especially since the suggestion from your cousin's wife that you reach out to her - which your mother might have had something to do with, maybe. Or it could be because her brother encouraged her, as you have suggested. I hope her change of behaviour is not too bothersome for you.
That is a good guess. Her change of behaviour does not bother me, but it bothers my husband, who was all for trying to find out if she was ok. I did ask my niece, but my niece has had nothing to do with her since 2021 and, as my sister did not tell me about my uncle I am not asking her. My husband does not understand any of this, but he leaves it up to me now, thankfully.
G
#6
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 05:41:26 PM I just want to add that a street address is a wonderful tool for rekindling lost memories. Plug it into Google maps, go to street view, and and look at the house from various angles. It will rekindle all sorts of memories.
In my case, it was also useful in reverse. Confirming or refuting speculative addresses of places that were crystal clear in my mind's eye, but I didn't have a precise address for. "The body remembers". It's how I was able to find my foster parents' house (it was RFD when I was there) and my precise unit and apartment in Northview Heights in 1972. Additionally, it sparked recall of places that I had no previous memory of or had forgotten/ confabulated into different locations.
Street view. Look at the house. Wander the neighborhood. If you were there, you will remember. If you weren't there, you will instantly know.
Best,
-Slashy
In my case, it was also useful in reverse. Confirming or refuting speculative addresses of places that were crystal clear in my mind's eye, but I didn't have a precise address for. "The body remembers". It's how I was able to find my foster parents' house (it was RFD when I was there) and my precise unit and apartment in Northview Heights in 1972. Additionally, it sparked recall of places that I had no previous memory of or had forgotten/ confabulated into different locations.
Street view. Look at the house. Wander the neighborhood. If you were there, you will remember. If you weren't there, you will instantly know.
Best,
-Slashy
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 05:01:58 PMThere were only two traumatic stretches during that 15 month blackout period.
The neglect/ imprisonment phase at the hands of my mother (approx. 5 months) and the physical/verbal abuse phase at the hands of Miss Pat (approx. 7 months). The intervening time was not stressful or abusive in any way.
I now have a clear recollection of the abuse I had suffered. I remember enough to know what it was like. I can deal with it.
I now understand why my time in McIntyre (It was indeed McIntyre) was so traumatic and I have discovered a new trigger; Closed doors.
The neglect/ imprisonment phase at the hands of my mother (approx. 5 months) and the physical/verbal abuse phase at the hands of Miss Pat (approx. 7 months). The intervening time was not stressful or abusive in any way.
I now have a clear recollection of the abuse I had suffered. I remember enough to know what it was like. I can deal with it.
I now understand why my time in McIntyre (It was indeed McIntyre) was so traumatic and I have discovered a new trigger; Closed doors.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - Today at 02:44:59 PMThe dark night of the soul is just that... the descriptive absence of any spark of luminosity doesn't come even close. Just before falling into the pit I called out how once I'd been blind...
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:41:29 PMfeeling pretty ok this morning. i'm just gonna ride this wave and enjoy it. gives me a chance to write, read, play games, sit back and relax. i'll take it.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:39:58 PMwell, that's 3 soggy humans, hannah1 (thanks for the visual, TBB). i think we do the best we can at any given moment. yeah, age does change some things - physically and emotionally. physically, well, how do i count the ways? emotionally - we've seen so much more now than 20 yrs. ago, we've experienced more, we've tried more, we've fallen more, we've gotten ourselves back up more - for better or worse, we're on the treadmill of life.
as i've heard many times here on the forum, this, too, shall pass. as we go thru it, it often seems like it really won't, but i've discovered it always does. just get thru it as best you can. sending you a warm blanket filled with healing color to help absorb some of the worst of it. the fact that you are still mothering, still being there for your kids says a lot. don't ever count that out, ok? it's huge. and it's doing a lot. love and hugs
as i've heard many times here on the forum, this, too, shall pass. as we go thru it, it often seems like it really won't, but i've discovered it always does. just get thru it as best you can. sending you a warm blanket filled with healing color to help absorb some of the worst of it. the fact that you are still mothering, still being there for your kids says a lot. don't ever count that out, ok? it's huge. and it's doing a lot. love and hugs