Recent posts
#1
Successes, Progress? / Re: Post-Traumatic Joy
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 04:45:00 PMToday I took a two-hour walk in a wooded area. It was just above freezing and the sun was out. An ideal winter day for the sunlight deprived. On my way back home, I walked to the super market to pick up some coconut milk for cooking. I often have at least a little anxiety when I enter a store. It had been a while since I walked in without any of that. I felt totally normal now. That's the word that came up. No different than any of the other customers [it was crowded]. I belonged there just as much as the next person. And there it was again. Post-traumatic joy. I really enjoyed being there, completely free of anxiety. I wasn't looking for it, or didn't plan anything. It just happened. Normally I get what I need and get out of there asap. Today I took my sweet time looking around, savoring the moment.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 04:44:14 PMagreed!!! 
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 04:42:19 PMhey, chart, i watched some of what he had to say, but i could feel it getting too close to something primal, so i quit. too much emotional stuff going on this weekend, can't take any more. however, it makes sense to me that, and i think a lot of us here have an awareness of this already, that what we went thru as infants/children has shaped how we not only see the world today, but also how we see ourselves in that world. and our emotions are part of that 'seeing', aren't they? the type of emotions, the intensity, the physical way we express them - i think it's all in there, has all been shaped by what went on w/ us and the others in our lives from birth onward. possibly before birth as well.
at any rate, good stuff. thanks for sharing. love and hugs
at any rate, good stuff. thanks for sharing. love and hugs
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 04:20:00 PMMarcine thank you so much for commenting. And for sharing the duck video!! I meant to look it up and never did. It's hilarious and also so clear!
After seeing the video I'm thinking maybe the inability to accept is partly because of the gaslighting, "the water's fine!" "You're doing great!" "Don't get stuck in the past!" Not accepting was a way to not deal with it and keep swimming, but that only works for so long. I can only be me!
Thank you for the solidarity.
SanMagic7 Thank you for commenting, support, and the hug It's ok to be me. I dont' have to like everything that happened or everything about me, but that doesn't mean I'm worth loathing!
After seeing the video I'm thinking maybe the inability to accept is partly because of the gaslighting, "the water's fine!" "You're doing great!" "Don't get stuck in the past!" Not accepting was a way to not deal with it and keep swimming, but that only works for so long. I can only be me!
Thank you for the solidarity.
SanMagic7 Thank you for commenting, support, and the hug
It's ok to be me. I dont' have to like everything that happened or everything about me, but that doesn't mean I'm worth loathing! #5
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:57:47 PMthat video is brilliant, marcine. thanks for posting it. i want to share it w/ my galpal, maybe it'll help her understand this a little more.
hannah1, i am truly sorry you have any bit of self-loathing to deal with. we are certainly not perfect, but i do not believe any one of us here on this forum is any kind of person to loathe. loathsome people do not come to places like this, do not allow their vulnerabilities to be seen, do not admit they have issues to deal with. you are doing what the un-loathsome people do. i hope you can find that within yourself. love and hugs
hannah1, i am truly sorry you have any bit of self-loathing to deal with. we are certainly not perfect, but i do not believe any one of us here on this forum is any kind of person to loathe. loathsome people do not come to places like this, do not allow their vulnerabilities to be seen, do not admit they have issues to deal with. you are doing what the un-loathsome people do. i hope you can find that within yourself. love and hugs
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:50:47 PMSO, i think toxic shame is so . .. toxic that it needs to be whittled away slowly, one chip at a time. hopefully, if we can recognize that one of those chips is gone, we can celebrate that and know we're truly undoing the invisible cage that keeps us stuck as who we aren't. small steps my friend. but i think recognizing it for what it is can be considered a pretty big step nonetheless.
Marcine's post reminded me of something i read a long time ago. an experiment using fish and an aquarium with a piece of glass separating the two sides. on one side was a predator fish, on the other side were minnows, its favorite food. time and again, the predator fish tried to get at the minnows, only to be stopped by the barrier it couldn't really see. time and again, time after time, until it stopped ramming its nose into the glass.
then, the glass partition was lifted, and the minnows were free to swim everywhere in the tank, all around the predator fish. by this time, however, the pred. was already convinced that those minnows were out of reach, and eventually died of starvation.
it seems we've had similar experiences. repeatedly not allowed to be who we are, we believe such a thing is out of reach, even after the people who did that to us are no longer in our lives. the cage is indeed a figment, but we've been groomed so well to believe it's always real that we stop, believing that's our only option forever. somehow, some way, we've got to find out how to know it's a figment now, and keep ourselves nourished, going against everything we've been taught. a huge task, indeed. little by little, tho . . .
Marcine's post reminded me of something i read a long time ago. an experiment using fish and an aquarium with a piece of glass separating the two sides. on one side was a predator fish, on the other side were minnows, its favorite food. time and again, the predator fish tried to get at the minnows, only to be stopped by the barrier it couldn't really see. time and again, time after time, until it stopped ramming its nose into the glass.
then, the glass partition was lifted, and the minnows were free to swim everywhere in the tank, all around the predator fish. by this time, however, the pred. was already convinced that those minnows were out of reach, and eventually died of starvation.
it seems we've had similar experiences. repeatedly not allowed to be who we are, we believe such a thing is out of reach, even after the people who did that to us are no longer in our lives. the cage is indeed a figment, but we've been groomed so well to believe it's always real that we stop, believing that's our only option forever. somehow, some way, we've got to find out how to know it's a figment now, and keep ourselves nourished, going against everything we've been taught. a huge task, indeed. little by little, tho . . .
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Hope's Journal 2026
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:34:39 PMnice notes, hope.
i've heard before about the connection between anger and boundaries - that when a boundary of ours has been crossed, it's natural to feel angry about it. natural, as in anger is with us from the beginning. how many times has that anger been stomped down by someone else in order for us to shy away from it later in life! the idea that we had boundaries, we wanted them respected, they weren't, and we reacted in a way that made someone else feel uncomfortable? it's on them once again. just my opinion. love and hugs
i've heard before about the connection between anger and boundaries - that when a boundary of ours has been crossed, it's natural to feel angry about it. natural, as in anger is with us from the beginning. how many times has that anger been stomped down by someone else in order for us to shy away from it later in life! the idea that we had boundaries, we wanted them respected, they weren't, and we reacted in a way that made someone else feel uncomfortable? it's on them once again. just my opinion. love and hugs
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:29:50 PMone step at a time . . .
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 02:26:21 PMI'm happy to hear Schore's knowledge is landing in fertile ground Chart. His work, and that of others on interpersonal neurobiology, has been an important piece of the puzzle for me too. If anything, it validates that this trauma runs deeper than most can fathom. Schore also confirmed my experience that attunement is a crucial factor in therapy that aims to address the core wound. And by the way, dysregulation also implies not broken.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Marcine - Today at 02:20:10 PMHi HannahOne,
"I guess I'm still also working on acceptance. Being willing to have had it all happen. I don't want it to have happened."
I relate with this.
Acceptance of what happened is not endorsement. It wasn't ok. It was wrong. Fact. I don't want it to have happened to you either.
And here we are, with courage intact.
"Still a good duck".
"I guess I'm still also working on acceptance. Being willing to have had it all happen. I don't want it to have happened."
I relate with this.
Acceptance of what happened is not endorsement. It wasn't ok. It was wrong. Fact. I don't want it to have happened to you either.
And here we are, with courage intact.
"Still a good duck".