Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by Marcine - Today at 12:17:53 AMHi SO,
Your poem speaks to me— how hard we all *try* and all the things we *do* to "become" ourselves. As if we aren't already enough...
"... born worthy... Listen. Remember."
Thank you for sharing your writing.
And I enjoyed the music you linked, a beat without tons of hype and with jazz influence.
Am I remembering correctly that somewhere on the forum you mentioned Philip Glass' music?
I am a fan, Glassworks is a classic.
Your poem speaks to me— how hard we all *try* and all the things we *do* to "become" ourselves. As if we aren't already enough...
"... born worthy... Listen. Remember."
Thank you for sharing your writing.
And I enjoyed the music you linked, a beat without tons of hype and with jazz influence.
Am I remembering correctly that somewhere on the forum you mentioned Philip Glass' music?
I am a fan, Glassworks is a classic.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 01, 2026, 10:56:35 PMHannahOne, what you're describing makes a lot of sense. Being genuinely seen and met - real, mutual connection - that's gold. After something like that, the system often finally lets go enough for tiredness, sadness, or vulnerability to show up (even the little cold-bugs) - not because anything is wrong, but because something important happened.
Nobody deserves to be raised this way - honestly, wolves might be more caring than that. 🐺💛 A big, supportive hug for little HannahOne.
There's no need to push through this or make sense of it right now. Nothing to fix, nothing to do - just permission to rest, to slow down, to let things be exactly as they are. The world really will keep spinning (I know, sometimes I don't believe that either 🙂). You don't have to hold yourself together here. Here, we hold each other - quietly and steadily. 🤍
Nobody deserves to be raised this way - honestly, wolves might be more caring than that. 🐺💛 A big, supportive hug for little HannahOne.
There's no need to push through this or make sense of it right now. Nothing to fix, nothing to do - just permission to rest, to slow down, to let things be exactly as they are. The world really will keep spinning (I know, sometimes I don't believe that either 🙂). You don't have to hold yourself together here. Here, we hold each other - quietly and steadily. 🤍
#3
Employment / Re: "Picking" a career
Last post by Teddy bear - February 01, 2026, 06:35:46 PMQuote from: Kizzie on February 01, 2026, 05:27:45 PMUnfortunately LadyBugBee is no longer coming to the forum but I think this is a good thread to carry on with given CPTSD affects our work life.
This is slightly different from what LBB posted about but working takes a lot out of us especially if we're dysregulated and trying to hold it together while at work. I remember coming home some days and just collapsing because of the effort of appearing like everything was "normal" with me. It would take cocooning all evening and overnight just to be able to slog through another day until I was able to regulate again. I am retired now and glad to not be dealing with work related stress and CPTSD symptoms I must say.
I think there are countries where CPTSD is classed as a disability now - if you happen to be in a location where this is available it would be interesting to hear from you and how it all works.
Hi Kizzie,
Thank you for your reply and for sharing your experience.
When I used to work full-time, I also often felt exhausted and very tired, and I experienced some major burnouts.
Later, I switched to freelancing and was mostly travelling, as I had a passive income.
Then I went through a rough period after returning to my home country, which ended in a few involuntary hospitalisations due to psychotic episodes.
It was very hard, and I was unable to work for about ten years.
Meanwhile, I've been recovering gradually. I finished a few courses and managed to find a remote job, but the project was eventually closed.
So, I keep studying through free online courses and am still considering an MSc, among other options.
In Russia, where I still live, only ICD-10 is officially accepted, so most doctors here don't know about CPTSD at all...
Or they believe they aren't formally allowed to assign this diagnosis.
Because of that, it isn't classified for disability allowance.
As I mentioned previously, I have another diagnosis: F20. A few years ago, I started using it to access some payments and benefits.
Although it's not enough to live on, especially in a metropolis.
Currently, I often live with my parents in the countryside, where my dog and cat are.
This helps with expenses.
But I still want to organise my income and do something meaningful—whether in IT, as before, or in something creative like drawing/painting, preferably through freelancing.
#4
Employment / Re: "Picking" a career
Last post by Kizzie - February 01, 2026, 05:27:45 PMUnfortunately LadyBugBee is no longer coming to the forum but I think this is a good thread to carry on with given CPTSD affects our work life.
This is slightly different from what LBB posted about but working takes a lot out of us especially if we're dysregulated and trying to hold it together while at work. I remember coming home some days and just collapsing because of the effort of appearing like everything was "normal" with me. It would take cocooning all evening and overnight just to be able to slog through another day until I was able to regulate again. I am retired now and glad to not be dealing with work related stress and CPTSD symptoms I must say.
I think there are countries where CPTSD is classed as a disability now - if you happen to be in a location where this is available it would be interesting to hear from you and how it all works.
This is slightly different from what LBB posted about but working takes a lot out of us especially if we're dysregulated and trying to hold it together while at work. I remember coming home some days and just collapsing because of the effort of appearing like everything was "normal" with me. It would take cocooning all evening and overnight just to be able to slog through another day until I was able to regulate again. I am retired now and glad to not be dealing with work related stress and CPTSD symptoms I must say.
I think there are countries where CPTSD is classed as a disability now - if you happen to be in a location where this is available it would be interesting to hear from you and how it all works.
#5
Other / Re: Psychosis as a result of t...
Last post by Teddy bear - February 01, 2026, 05:23:18 PMSome venting today:
I saw a new psychiatrist today at a clinic. It was yet another horrible experience.
-No empathy.
-Too young and inexperienced to handle anything more or less serious.
-Defensive and passive-aggressive in response to my questions.
-She clearly did not believe most of what I said.
-A clear flair of punitive psychiatry: she studied and practiced mostly here, with only limited experience abroad.
-No awareness or understanding of cPTSD/chronic trauma and its consequences.
This was especially disappointing because the administrator had led me to believe she was a very good and professional doctor.
The worst part: she stated that cutting a tablet in half is always safe—which is absolutely dangerous advice!
I left feedback about her at the clinic. My "diagnosis" for this doctor: professional incompetence.
Will continue my search a bit later on.
I saw a new psychiatrist today at a clinic. It was yet another horrible experience.
-No empathy.
-Too young and inexperienced to handle anything more or less serious.
-Defensive and passive-aggressive in response to my questions.
-She clearly did not believe most of what I said.
-A clear flair of punitive psychiatry: she studied and practiced mostly here, with only limited experience abroad.
-No awareness or understanding of cPTSD/chronic trauma and its consequences.
This was especially disappointing because the administrator had led me to believe she was a very good and professional doctor.
The worst part: she stated that cutting a tablet in half is always safe—which is absolutely dangerous advice!
I left feedback about her at the clinic. My "diagnosis" for this doctor: professional incompetence.
Will continue my search a bit later on.
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 01, 2026, 05:02:31 PMI hope the cold goes soon. I hate being ill too - and I hate my plans being scuppered. Best wishes for some healing rest and Frank snuggles.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Chart - February 01, 2026, 04:22:08 PMMy mornings are usually a labyrinth... I lay listening to the snorted breathing of the Minotaur just the other side of the stone wall.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 01, 2026, 04:19:20 PMMe too - fortunately I too will see my T tomorrow.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - February 01, 2026, 03:01:59 PMSolidarity in the tough mornings.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - February 01, 2026, 02:55:16 PM
Thank you for reading and commenting, Marcine!
Yes. I am working on heeding my body's signals.
That's part of what I'm trying to do with the clothes. Every morning when I put something on, is it a "yes"? How do I know? It's a yes if I feel like moving, if I feel more present. It's a no if I feel stiff, awkward, or tension in my face. This is all new and I'm struggling with it. Noticing inside what I feel. But I need to do it!
You're so right and I know you've walked this walk and come out the other side which inspires me to keep working at it and being open to it even when my habit is to shut down and just keep going.
This morning I had some clarity. It wasn't just that I had chicken pox. My sibling also had chicken pox! And was three at the time. Yikes. I forgot that part.
I was taking care of my sibling and feeling helpless at their misery. Worried, how sick would we get? I had no idea. There was no internet. What if I got too sick to take care of my sibling? My mistakes, I ran a tub, made the water too hot. Felt scared, responsible, guilt, overwhelm. Their constant fussing. Getting us water. Standing at the cupboards having no idea what to make, or how. Put the tomato sauce in a pan, heated it, added dry pasta to the sauce.... which of course did not cook. Turning off the stove, checking it over and over to be sure it was "off." Getting us each an apple, putting on cartoons, scratching. What a nightmare.
The sense of helpless overwhelm and feeling I MUST caretake is ALSO an emotional flashback.
My kids are teenagers. My partner is an adult. The load is not so heavy as a sick three year old when I'm just nine. My family absolutely CAN take on caring for themselves for 24-48 hours. One kid may fuss and whine, OH WELL. I can tolerate it. No one is going to yell at me if there are dishes in the sink and a cardboard box on the floor. I can chill in bed if I feel like it. I don't have to get up and clean with a stuffy head. I can make myself a cup of soup, I know how to cook now.
And this is JUST A COLD. I am not going to get severely ill.
I have to work through this stuff quick. So I can do what else I have to do to take care of myself.
Breaking the isolation IS the path for me. I did thirty years of therapy, isolated in a box once a week with a therapist who, no matter how skilled and caring, couldn't share as a peer the internal knowing, because even if they'd been through it that was not their role. I love my therapists, most of them
and they truly helped me survive and learn to semi-thrive. But this is a whole new world. I had never broken the ice, the isolation. The isolation was the biggest part of the trauma. And now that, too, is over, is in the past. Thank you for sending love and care.