Recent posts
#1
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 09:06:30 PMI relate to a fair chunk of this too. 
#2
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Newly joined
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 08:55:02 PMWelcome to the forum, Westman 
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Newly joined
Last post by Westman - Today at 08:35:59 PM1st post, all very new to me, quietly hopeful and grateful to find a forum like this. I'm 52 and thought things were going a bit better in life, then what felt like 'out of the blue' being confronted by my wife that she thinks I'm part of a multi generational trauma family which is affecting her to such an extent that she likely to need to leave the situation. I really understand her perspective. I recognised possible CPTSD a few years ago when she raised this then thought that could not really be me, or did not really have insight. I'm now re reading lots of John Bradshaw and Pete Walker and it 'ticks all the boxes' but I still have imposter syndrome feeling. We are at a crisis point in marriage and crossroads and the world feels upside down and quite disorienting as in another way nothing has changed. Thank you for accepting my request to join. I hope to understand more, seek support and to feel a bit less alone. Thank you.
#4
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by Armee - Today at 07:18:34 PMI relate to all this too well. Im so proud of you for going to your GP and getting help. 
#5
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 06:47:28 PMThank you for posting this. Eloquently! I think it's brave to acknowledge painful truths about yourself that weren't quite conscious before. From over here, it looks like you are handling this emotional storm very well. Those truths can hit like a ton of bricks, and sink in deeply because it challenges our self image. Like the image swings to that side heavily for some time, perhaps for the unconscious to really make the point, if it were. It's scary, and undermining stability. It's wise to reach out in such a state. There will be more space for that which you are also, besides "mentally ill", post/during new assembly, I like to think. Some parts seem to be integrating. It could mean that you are ready for it, and actually becoming more whole through this. Sending you a big hug. 
Much love
Much love
#6
Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Re: Film: If an Owl Calls Your...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 05:10:36 PMWow.
Moving. Also great potential to be triggering. For me, not in the abuse described (tho big potential there too) but feeling/sensing the emotions from those who spoke in the film. I intend to re-watch.
They talk about things we know, they just use other words. They talk how I talk sometimes too - pausing, stopping, too hard to say, but then they do say it.
Moving. Also great potential to be triggering. For me, not in the abuse described (tho big potential there too) but feeling/sensing the emotions from those who spoke in the film. I intend to re-watch.
They talk about things we know, they just use other words. They talk how I talk sometimes too - pausing, stopping, too hard to say, but then they do say it.
#7
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 03:19:22 PMThank you, NarcKiddo, much appreciated.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 02:59:26 PMIt's so frustrating, the way they make you go through this again! I hear you. I cannot believe the way this system works (not). Ugh indeed.
#9
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 02:58:40 PMI'm sorry you are struggling. I've also had some lightbulbs switched on by Janina Fisher. I am sure this knowledge will be helpful to you going forward. I'm sorry you had such a horrible EF. Well done for going to the GP and I am happy to read she is helping you.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 01:59:21 PMthank you for the hugs and care, DF and NK. so appreciated.
the short of it is that i've stopped the zoloft, am seeing the doc fri. it was making my brain crazy, wanting to hurt myself, brain rush that couldn't be controlled, even w/ some EMDR interventions. they helped, but the agitation continued thru my hands and the anxiety was overwhelming. several times i resorted to xanax (a big no-no according to my doc) which helped calm my mind, stopped the agitation. i stopped the zoloft now. the only reason i tried it was cuz the doc kept telling me to have an open mind.
you know, i know what works for me, what doesn't. to have to go thru this crapola just to make a point is crazy to me. i've been around this theater for ages, have run thru my lines every which way possible, and went thru another awful experience just to show someone i know what i'm talking about, ugh and a half!!!
and then trying to find a therapist. another nightmare where i end up distraught and antagonized cuz someone either isn't explaining, or just flat out lying. they tried to tell me that everyone in their network could take care of everything. when i asked about dissociation, they assured me, yep, their therapists could take care of that,
i know trauma and trauma treatment, know about dissociation and DID cuz i experience them, know about my alexithymia and how that affects me. you cannot tell me that everyone in your system can treat all that.
after the second person told me the same thing, i ended up collecting myself and calling back to file a complaint, this person told me they have intake persons who i would see first. well, no one else told me that, i got all fishimmeled, breaking emotionally, she said she'd put in my complaint and would have someone call me for a follow-up to fix the problem. and they wanted me to wait until the end of july of next year to see someone!!!
it was all too much. i'm gonna look for my own T in the meantime. seems they all do zoom calls now, so at least i won't have to travel. what a freakin' mess!
the short of it is that i've stopped the zoloft, am seeing the doc fri. it was making my brain crazy, wanting to hurt myself, brain rush that couldn't be controlled, even w/ some EMDR interventions. they helped, but the agitation continued thru my hands and the anxiety was overwhelming. several times i resorted to xanax (a big no-no according to my doc) which helped calm my mind, stopped the agitation. i stopped the zoloft now. the only reason i tried it was cuz the doc kept telling me to have an open mind.
you know, i know what works for me, what doesn't. to have to go thru this crapola just to make a point is crazy to me. i've been around this theater for ages, have run thru my lines every which way possible, and went thru another awful experience just to show someone i know what i'm talking about, ugh and a half!!!
and then trying to find a therapist. another nightmare where i end up distraught and antagonized cuz someone either isn't explaining, or just flat out lying. they tried to tell me that everyone in their network could take care of everything. when i asked about dissociation, they assured me, yep, their therapists could take care of that,
i know trauma and trauma treatment, know about dissociation and DID cuz i experience them, know about my alexithymia and how that affects me. you cannot tell me that everyone in your system can treat all that.
after the second person told me the same thing, i ended up collecting myself and calling back to file a complaint, this person told me they have intake persons who i would see first. well, no one else told me that, i got all fishimmeled, breaking emotionally, she said she'd put in my complaint and would have someone call me for a follow-up to fix the problem. and they wanted me to wait until the end of july of next year to see someone!!!
it was all too much. i'm gonna look for my own T in the meantime. seems they all do zoom calls now, so at least i won't have to travel. what a freakin' mess!