Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: starting over
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:48:08 PMthank you so much, DF, SO, chart, and TBB for your well wishes and your hugs. they meant so much to me when i came here and saw them. honestly, what a wonderful bunch of people. 
i think it went as well as possible for my D yesterday. the woman who did the assessment seemed to get all the right notes out of my D's story and tears. in the car afterwards, my D told me what went on, what each of them said, then asked me if i thought she could've said anything else - she had time to make additions by phone cuz the assessor wasn't going to turn her report in till today - and i was crying by that time, told her she couldn't have done better. previously, i'd always had some little extra thing i thought should be included, but dang, i think she nailed it.
next she gets x-rays of her hands cuz her fingers still tingle and no one's ever been able to find the cause, but they are partially numb so even a cleaning job is out of the question cuz she can't exactly 'feel' things, hold things properly w/o extra exertion, etc. that's later this week. and she has one more of these things, i can't remember, to go thru, but she should know by march. pins and noodles until then.
and i have a phone consultation w/ a T this morning, and i'm really nervous.
i think it went as well as possible for my D yesterday. the woman who did the assessment seemed to get all the right notes out of my D's story and tears. in the car afterwards, my D told me what went on, what each of them said, then asked me if i thought she could've said anything else - she had time to make additions by phone cuz the assessor wasn't going to turn her report in till today - and i was crying by that time, told her she couldn't have done better. previously, i'd always had some little extra thing i thought should be included, but dang, i think she nailed it.
next she gets x-rays of her hands cuz her fingers still tingle and no one's ever been able to find the cause, but they are partially numb so even a cleaning job is out of the question cuz she can't exactly 'feel' things, hold things properly w/o extra exertion, etc. that's later this week. and she has one more of these things, i can't remember, to go thru, but she should know by march. pins and noodles until then.
and i have a phone consultation w/ a T this morning, and i'm really nervous.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 02:42:18 PM (If that's ok)
#3
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by Chart - Today at 01:55:47 PMHello Noraw, welcome to the Forum. I'm happy to make your acquaintance and sorry it is under such difficult circumstances for you.
I'll just quickly add my two cents. Everyone has given great information. I'll just mention two other major subjects you will also eventually want to look at and possibly explore. Very simply, body work, known also as Somatic therapy. Peter Levine is the big pioneer of this one though many many others have followed up on and developed his core themes.
I personally am deep into Polyvagal Theory and working with my Vagus nerve on a daily basis. Irene Lyon is very interesting (for me) in this branch of therapy.
Finally, Attachment Theory can also be very helpful when trying to unravel what is "happening now" in relation to "what happened then". I might be wrong, but I believe nearly 100% of trauma experiences touch either principally or in some significant way the attachment process we all experience as babies/children/adolescents.
Sending hugs (if that's ok) and support, chart
I'll just quickly add my two cents. Everyone has given great information. I'll just mention two other major subjects you will also eventually want to look at and possibly explore. Very simply, body work, known also as Somatic therapy. Peter Levine is the big pioneer of this one though many many others have followed up on and developed his core themes.
I personally am deep into Polyvagal Theory and working with my Vagus nerve on a daily basis. Irene Lyon is very interesting (for me) in this branch of therapy.
Finally, Attachment Theory can also be very helpful when trying to unravel what is "happening now" in relation to "what happened then". I might be wrong, but I believe nearly 100% of trauma experiences touch either principally or in some significant way the attachment process we all experience as babies/children/adolescents.
Sending hugs (if that's ok) and support, chart
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here
Last post by Abitbroken - Today at 01:42:20 PMQuote from: Blueberry on December 15, 2025, 10:06:50 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on December 13, 2025, 01:26:41 PMPete Walker's book "Complex CPTSD: from surviving to thriving"
I agree on this, but just to let you know Abitbroken that you can check Pete Walker's website because some of the book is there. In case you want to read around a bit before buying. You can also search his name here on our website, you'll find discussion.
Here's a thread discussing Pete Walker and emotional flashbacks, also often abbreviated on the forum to EF: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?topic=2589.msg16300#msg16300 PLus other threads on EFs, Sticky-ied at the top: https://www.cptsd.org/forum/index.php?board=57.0
Thank you Blueberry - this is very helpful. I will definitely have a look and check the links out - thank you for taking the time to link this for me.
There is a lot to figure out - and it is mind boggling to me, in how I seem to relate to almost everything I have read so far, and realising that not everyone else feels and thinks this way - It has blown my mind talking to people I know that they don't feel emotions physically primarily and are able to just have a thought or a feeling and give it a label. I had absolutely no idea until this week, so it's shocked me a bit that I have wrongly assumed everyone felt the same for the past 46 years! Not realising that not everyone feels nothing or overwhelmed, not everyone has a conscience which beats them to a pulp internally... Nope
Lots to think about (well, lots MORE to loop round and round on!) Thank you for your advice - it is very much appreciated
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Little2Nothing - Today at 12:00:49 PMHope, thank you for the encouragement.
Chart, I'm looking forward to your comments
Chart, I'm looking forward to your comments
#7
Sexual Abuse / Re: Self-abandonment since CSA
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:26:55 AMI'm sorry DD. I think that you did the best for yourself that you knew how to do at the time and it helped you to survive. I'm sorry as well that your parents put you in that situation, that's a horrible betrayal and I can understand fighting for the need to exist. It's also something I struggle with.
I have been listening to some Heidi Priebe videos lately and she talks about how to not be manipulated by looking at the ego version/idea of ourselves that we need to survive. For me, it's so hard to shake the idea that I have to be a nice person. Like it just throws my world off if I do not adhere to this, and healthy selfishness is something I'm working on. But I get how something so normal for others can be so outside my sphere of relating.
Sending you support and a hug if that's ok
dolly
I have been listening to some Heidi Priebe videos lately and she talks about how to not be manipulated by looking at the ego version/idea of ourselves that we need to survive. For me, it's so hard to shake the idea that I have to be a nice person. Like it just throws my world off if I do not adhere to this, and healthy selfishness is something I'm working on. But I get how something so normal for others can be so outside my sphere of relating.
Sending you support and a hug if that's ok
dolly
#8
General Discussion / Re: CPTSD from childhood abuse...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:17:56 AMHi noraw,
I think you did a very good job of finding the right words for what is happening with you.
I had an EMDR therapist and have also used IFS. The EMDR therapist wanted to do deep brain reprogramming and I felt a lot of resistance to that as it would be "rewiring" underlying perverbal parts that I didn't feel I had contact with at that time. I came from an NPD household and my sense of self dissociated/detached from a very young age I think. Jay Reid's videos of growing up as a scapegoat in a narcissistic household have helped me understand how and why this happens, and I can interpret how it relates to me.
I also started seeing a NARM therapist who I think has been very helpful in helping uncover that sense of self to a degree, though issues have come up as well. We are going into the space around the fear of connection, or I find I can now start to understand and stay with the fear/anxiety that comes with connection a bit better. I would say that I probably have dissociated or hidden parts (not DID), and feel in a better space overall to have these start "coming up."
I'm not sure if your therapist mentioned it, but there is a good book on IFS and dissociation by Joanne Twombly.
I've also been uncovering and dealing with underlying health issues that have also helped facilitate this (less anxiety, more calmness).
Sending you support and I hope you find what you need here.
dolly
I think you did a very good job of finding the right words for what is happening with you.
I had an EMDR therapist and have also used IFS. The EMDR therapist wanted to do deep brain reprogramming and I felt a lot of resistance to that as it would be "rewiring" underlying perverbal parts that I didn't feel I had contact with at that time. I came from an NPD household and my sense of self dissociated/detached from a very young age I think. Jay Reid's videos of growing up as a scapegoat in a narcissistic household have helped me understand how and why this happens, and I can interpret how it relates to me.
I also started seeing a NARM therapist who I think has been very helpful in helping uncover that sense of self to a degree, though issues have come up as well. We are going into the space around the fear of connection, or I find I can now start to understand and stay with the fear/anxiety that comes with connection a bit better. I would say that I probably have dissociated or hidden parts (not DID), and feel in a better space overall to have these start "coming up."
I'm not sure if your therapist mentioned it, but there is a good book on IFS and dissociation by Joanne Twombly.
I've also been uncovering and dealing with underlying health issues that have also helped facilitate this (less anxiety, more calmness).
Sending you support and I hope you find what you need here.
dolly
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Chart - Today at 08:58:42 AMThank you so much for sharing that, Little2. It touched me very deeply. I have much I wish to say but no time right now. I hope to respond tonight. In the meantime I send love and support.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Marcine - Today at 02:38:25 AMWell, the task of defining success on my own terms is harder than I initially imagined, and I had already figured it would be tough...
I'm not giving up... even though it sure seems like I was safer making myself as tiny and as frozen as possible where I was plunked in the minefield.
Now I'm choosing to actually get out of the minefield, which means moving and risking and admitting out loud that I want to get out of the dangerous unexploded ordnance zone... that I never deserved to be there to begin with... and that even in the face of danger I want freedom...
Step by step, breath by breath, there's a safe path through here somewhere. I can find it. I can. Yes? Yes.
I'm not giving up... even though it sure seems like I was safer making myself as tiny and as frozen as possible where I was plunked in the minefield.
Now I'm choosing to actually get out of the minefield, which means moving and risking and admitting out loud that I want to get out of the dangerous unexploded ordnance zone... that I never deserved to be there to begin with... and that even in the face of danger I want freedom...
Step by step, breath by breath, there's a safe path through here somewhere. I can find it. I can. Yes? Yes.