Recent posts
#1
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 08:06:48 AMQuote from: LaylaDalal on March 02, 2026, 07:20:17 PMAny people who can relate? :-) Im really struggling finding community...
I didn't respond because my posts are already on those other threads you've seen. I don't always want to have to rewrite. Tho of course I understand wanting to find community and I've found it here as regards cptsd and what is probably osdd.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 02:14:51 AMHi Bach. I get feeling stuck. Your anger is valid. Depression can be protection. Sometimes finding power is a way forward. Sometimes acceptance is the way, becoming willing to have things be the way they were, the way they are. Sometimes depression is the mother of acceptance. Denial, bargaining, anger, depression, acceptance. The stages of grief. Your grief is valid, too.
#3
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 12:40:41 AMHi Layöa
I really appreciate how thoughtfully you're holding this. Trauma is not one single thing, and the ways our systems adapt to it can look very different from person to person.
My own history is different from what you're describing, so I can't speak from the same lived place around multiplicity - but I can absolutely resonate with the longing for community.
That feeling of wanting to find others who get it without you having to over-explain... that's real. And the exhaustion of trying to appear "normal" while carrying something complex inside - that, too, feels very understandable.
I also hear how carefully you're thinking about diagnosis - not just as a label, but as something that can both validate and pathologize. That's a nuanced place to stand.
I may not share the same internal structure, but I do share the desire to make meaning of what happened, to stay safe, and to not be alone in it. I'm glad you brought this here. 💛
I really appreciate how thoughtfully you're holding this. Trauma is not one single thing, and the ways our systems adapt to it can look very different from person to person.
My own history is different from what you're describing, so I can't speak from the same lived place around multiplicity - but I can absolutely resonate with the longing for community.
That feeling of wanting to find others who get it without you having to over-explain... that's real. And the exhaustion of trying to appear "normal" while carrying something complex inside - that, too, feels very understandable.
I also hear how carefully you're thinking about diagnosis - not just as a label, but as something that can both validate and pathologize. That's a nuanced place to stand.
I may not share the same internal structure, but I do share the desire to make meaning of what happened, to stay safe, and to not be alone in it. I'm glad you brought this here. 💛
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 12:31:58 AMI really relate to how exhausting that place can feel.
Sometimes well-meant advice - especially more CBT-type reframes - can land as either invalidating of the lived, felt experience or as subtle pressure. Like there's something we should be doing differently, some switch we're failing to flip. When you're already stuck and hurting, that can make the stuckness feel even heavier.
And what you said about anger feeling unsafe, but depression feeling safer... that makes a lot of sense. For many of us, anger once had consequences. Depression can be a kind of armor - dull, heavy, but protective.
When your therapist talks about "power," I wonder if part of what makes it hard is that power doesn't feel accessible when you're this worn down. It's hard to imagine agency when your system is in survival mode.
I don't hear someone who doesn't want power. I hear someone who's tired, disappointed, and wanting relief.
I'm really glad you said it out loud here. You don't have to carry that alone tonight. 💛
Sometimes well-meant advice - especially more CBT-type reframes - can land as either invalidating of the lived, felt experience or as subtle pressure. Like there's something we should be doing differently, some switch we're failing to flip. When you're already stuck and hurting, that can make the stuckness feel even heavier.
And what you said about anger feeling unsafe, but depression feeling safer... that makes a lot of sense. For many of us, anger once had consequences. Depression can be a kind of armor - dull, heavy, but protective.
When your therapist talks about "power," I wonder if part of what makes it hard is that power doesn't feel accessible when you're this worn down. It's hard to imagine agency when your system is in survival mode.
I don't hear someone who doesn't want power. I hear someone who's tired, disappointed, and wanting relief.
I'm really glad you said it out loud here. You don't have to carry that alone tonight. 💛
#5
Memory/Cognitive Issues / Re: How Trauma Affects Memory
Last post by GoSlash27 - March 02, 2026, 10:31:14 PM I now more fully understand what happened to me. My case is so "edge" that I'm not sure if it's even worthy of further study.
I was broken at the exact moment that I was supposed to start forming narrative memories. As a result, not only did I not overwrite the baby footage, I *continued recording*!
I don't know *how* to record memories like a normal person. All of my memories are photo- accurate and insanely detailed raw data, but they lack any metadata. No context, no date stamp, no personalization.
I don't suffer from generalized dissociative amnesia. I suffer from verdical eidetic recall.
Not only do I have to make sense of every memory I have, but I will have to make sense of every memory I will ever form for the rest of my life.
This is a lot to contend with.
-Slashy
I was broken at the exact moment that I was supposed to start forming narrative memories. As a result, not only did I not overwrite the baby footage, I *continued recording*!
I don't know *how* to record memories like a normal person. All of my memories are photo- accurate and insanely detailed raw data, but they lack any metadata. No context, no date stamp, no personalization.
I don't suffer from generalized dissociative amnesia. I suffer from verdical eidetic recall.
Not only do I have to make sense of every memory I have, but I will have to make sense of every memory I will ever form for the rest of my life.
This is a lot to contend with.
-Slashy
#6
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by Kizzie - March 02, 2026, 09:05:55 PMLayla, I searched DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites and found this seveal sites. This one in particular sounds like what you are looking for - Multiplied By One Org. There is a small fee but for those that can't afford it, there's a form to be exempted.
There are also a number of others I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites.
Hope this is helpful.
There are also a number of others I found so maybe do a search of DID/OSDD/PDID and online sites.
Hope this is helpful.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Taking part in a research
Last post by Kizzie - March 02, 2026, 08:50:20 PM
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: I Am
Last post by Bach - March 02, 2026, 08:20:10 PMTherapy is SO depressing lately. I'm so tired of going over the same old crap again and again with no answer, no way to progress. I feel utterly stuck, like maybe I've already dealt with all the things I can deal with, and the rest I'll just have to live with forever.
I've been terribly unhappy for the past few days and nothing is helping. Not drugs, not accomplishing useful things, not swimming, not comforting routines with My Person. I'm full of regretful thoughts about my life. I think the truth of the matter is that I'm angry, furiously angry at many people about many things, but I won't let myself feel it because depression is safer. And even if I did feel it, what good would that do? I can't do anything about any of it. Which brings me back to depressing therapy: My therapist says that I feel that I have no power because I don't want to believe that I have any power. She might be right, I don't know. I'm not even sure exactly what she means by "power". It feels like just another no-answer, another thing that I should be able to do something about, but don't know what.
I've been terribly unhappy for the past few days and nothing is helping. Not drugs, not accomplishing useful things, not swimming, not comforting routines with My Person. I'm full of regretful thoughts about my life. I think the truth of the matter is that I'm angry, furiously angry at many people about many things, but I won't let myself feel it because depression is safer. And even if I did feel it, what good would that do? I can't do anything about any of it. Which brings me back to depressing therapy: My therapist says that I feel that I have no power because I don't want to believe that I have any power. She might be right, I don't know. I'm not even sure exactly what she means by "power". It feels like just another no-answer, another thing that I should be able to do something about, but don't know what.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by SenseOrgan - March 02, 2026, 07:51:02 PMI'm speechless after reading this. Your dedication to your children moves me deeply. I'm in awe of what you provide(d) for them, carrying such a heavy load yourself. And growing so much while at it. I love that you give yourself the credit you deserve, and that the next chapter of your life is arriving. Your life is a work of art. What a ride! ❤️
#10
General Discussion / Re: Managing Multiplicity
Last post by LaylaDalal - March 02, 2026, 07:20:17 PMAny people who can relate? :-) Im really struggling finding community...