Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 09:24:32 PMI was rereading and saw the assertion of self--- "I do." That clarity is important. And the courage to act on it.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 09:23:02 PMI'm sorry about the picture. If you search "Bugs Bunny saying No" it will come up and I find it so funny! 
NO.
SenseOrgan I really appreciated your response. Yes," knowing the other person has a good intention doesn't prevent the response" I have. I'm so frustrated with myself about this. It's happening everywhere right now. I feel self-hatred. And I know that's another part. Part of me acquiesces, another part objects and criticizes me for acquiescing. The self-hatred was actually trying to preserve my sense of self and self-respect by objecting to fawning, by reminding me I was not only an object for the use of other people. The self-hatred is intense! Thanks all parts, I guess. LOL.
I'm struggling to find my intuition. When I look inside I feel like there's nothing. I know that's not true and I haven't felt that way in the past. I think that I am quieting and calming a lot of internal noise, which is great. And, I was very identified with the noise, stories, inner conflict, waves of feelings. So with all of that quieter, I feel .... quiet It feels like "nothing." I have to wait for my intuition or instincts to come into awareness, they're quieter than the fears. But I did smack into it! NOT tea. WATER. My Self is the one who has preferences. You dont have preferences in a war zone. But I'm not in a war zone. I can have preferences. I can have boundaries. I can have water, or tea, I can make a morning routine or not. If I focus on what I want for myself, I feel my self come more into presence, I can feel there's "something" in there. If I'm focused on what the other person thinks or wants, I look inside and feel there's "nothing." As you said, "I erase myself."
Chart, I loved what you said "For me, the whole idea of therapy is to simply find these limits and bring them into consciousness." I guess that's what happened. I didn't realize I had such strong preferences about drinks in the morning... and that I had a different agenda in that moment... some more passive part of me had taken over and I was just along for the ride, sure, morning routine, uh huh uh huh, until I had to make a few decisions and realized WAIT A MINUTE I don't even want to be doing this! LOL. Limit firmly brought into consciousness!
NO. SenseOrgan I really appreciated your response. Yes," knowing the other person has a good intention doesn't prevent the response" I have. I'm so frustrated with myself about this. It's happening everywhere right now. I feel self-hatred. And I know that's another part. Part of me acquiesces, another part objects and criticizes me for acquiescing. The self-hatred was actually trying to preserve my sense of self and self-respect by objecting to fawning, by reminding me I was not only an object for the use of other people. The self-hatred is intense! Thanks all parts, I guess. LOL.
I'm struggling to find my intuition. When I look inside I feel like there's nothing. I know that's not true and I haven't felt that way in the past. I think that I am quieting and calming a lot of internal noise, which is great. And, I was very identified with the noise, stories, inner conflict, waves of feelings. So with all of that quieter, I feel .... quiet
It feels like "nothing." I have to wait for my intuition or instincts to come into awareness, they're quieter than the fears. But I did smack into it! NOT tea. WATER. My Self is the one who has preferences. You dont have preferences in a war zone. But I'm not in a war zone. I can have preferences. I can have boundaries. I can have water, or tea, I can make a morning routine or not. If I focus on what I want for myself, I feel my self come more into presence, I can feel there's "something" in there. If I'm focused on what the other person thinks or wants, I look inside and feel there's "nothing." As you said, "I erase myself." Chart, I loved what you said "For me, the whole idea of therapy is to simply find these limits and bring them into consciousness." I guess that's what happened. I didn't realize I had such strong preferences about drinks in the morning... and that I had a different agenda in that moment... some more passive part of me had taken over and I was just along for the ride, sure, morning routine, uh huh uh huh, until I had to make a few decisions and realized WAIT A MINUTE I don't even want to be doing this! LOL. Limit firmly brought into consciousness!
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 08:19:15 PMI'm very impressed with both of you SO and Chart, well done! Yes, you are definitely going places! 
#4
Depression / Re: Impossible to feel strong ...
Last post by pelicantown - Today at 07:39:48 PMEmotionally constipated! I'm definitely using that from now on
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 06:11:20 PMCongratulations San! I'm really happy for you that you found a match. And that you could let in the kindness. 
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Mostly out of the storm
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:38:04 PMHi and a warm welcome to Out of the Storm Pelican Town! 
I am a fellow Canadian and share a lot of the interests you do. I love animals but sadly I am allergic - to cats especially - so watch a lot of cute animal videos.
One thing I remember Pete Walker (author, therapist and fellow survivor) saying about CPTSD is that we think and feel at quite a deep level which can be both a blessing and a curse. I agree and really it makes sense because when you've faced what we've all faced how could we be shallow? We're very aware of how much harm people can inflict and how that feels. I've always seen it as a kind of an existential crisis that non-survivors don't face which makes it hard to relate to them, make small talk in social situations, etc.
I hope you will find the community fits you quite well, we do tend to get things many (most?) non-survivors don't.
I am a fellow Canadian and share a lot of the interests you do. I love animals but sadly I am allergic - to cats especially - so watch a lot of cute animal videos.
One thing I remember Pete Walker (author, therapist and fellow survivor) saying about CPTSD is that we think and feel at quite a deep level which can be both a blessing and a curse. I agree and really it makes sense because when you've faced what we've all faced how could we be shallow? We're very aware of how much harm people can inflict and how that feels. I've always seen it as a kind of an existential crisis that non-survivors don't face which makes it hard to relate to them, make small talk in social situations, etc.
I hope you will find the community fits you quite well, we do tend to get things many (most?) non-survivors don't.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Me and my girlfriend (BPD+...
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 05:21:48 PMHi LucasLu - Welcome to Out of the Storm. If I may I'd like to suggest that you make an introductory post here in the Introductions section? It would help members get an idea of your trauma history so we know why you developed Complex PTSD. It also gives us some important context for what is happening now in the present and why.
Thanks,
Kizzie
Forum Administrator
Thanks,
Kizzie
Forum Administrator
#8
General Discussion / Re: Autism or CPTSD?
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 04:01:57 PMThank you everyone who contributed to this thread. It is helping me to make sense of what I am right in the middle of.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 03:20:30 PM