Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Little2Nothing - Today at 10:16:00 PMArmee & Marcine THANK YOU!!!
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Marcine - Today at 10:03:29 PMHello Little2Nothing,
Congratulations on these successes! I am inspired by your words, particularly: "It is no longer my secret."
I feel that deeply.
Again, congrats!
Congratulations on these successes! I am inspired by your words, particularly: "It is no longer my secret."
I feel that deeply.
Again, congrats!
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Armee - Today at 09:56:11 PM
Phenomenal progress and Happy Birthday! It IS a miracle
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by Little2Nothing - Today at 08:50:44 PMLast month I made it to 70. Never thought I'd live this long.
That is a big milestone for me. With entering the ranks of the elderly I also had some helpful breakthroughs with my T.
There were events in my life that I have not been able to verbalize. Every time I tried to talk about them I was mute. No words would come out. It had been an ongoing struggle.
A couple of weeks ago I was finally able to partially talk about those things on a very surface level. For me that was huge. I still have a long way to go, but, right now, I don't feel defeated by my inability to speak.
Just slighty verbalizing these incidents has been extremely freeing. It is no longer my secret. I have begun to uncover the ugliness and inward pain it produced.
After all these years I am beginning to realize that I am not guilty of the actions of my abuser. It is a horrible trick that my abuser pulled to get me to willingly carry their guilt and shame as though it was my own.
Anyway, for me this is huge. There seems to be a bright light at the end of this disastrous tunnel.
That is a big milestone for me. With entering the ranks of the elderly I also had some helpful breakthroughs with my T.
There were events in my life that I have not been able to verbalize. Every time I tried to talk about them I was mute. No words would come out. It had been an ongoing struggle.
A couple of weeks ago I was finally able to partially talk about those things on a very surface level. For me that was huge. I still have a long way to go, but, right now, I don't feel defeated by my inability to speak.
Just slighty verbalizing these incidents has been extremely freeing. It is no longer my secret. I have begun to uncover the ugliness and inward pain it produced.
After all these years I am beginning to realize that I am not guilty of the actions of my abuser. It is a horrible trick that my abuser pulled to get me to willingly carry their guilt and shame as though it was my own.
Anyway, for me this is huge. There seems to be a bright light at the end of this disastrous tunnel.
#5
Employment / Re: "Picking" a career
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 07:58:56 PMThank you so much, Kizzie
I'm looking forward to my new course and am continuing my math course, which is now in its second semester. (Sometimes I feel a bit burned out, though, because of various commitments.)
Yes, I'm considering some options, like making another attempt to find a doctor—possibly abroad. But I'm having a break from psychiatry for a little while. (I wish I could stay away from it indefinitely!)
Thanks again for the warm atmosphere here 💚🙏
I'm looking forward to my new course and am continuing my math course, which is now in its second semester. (Sometimes I feel a bit burned out, though, because of various commitments.)
Yes, I'm considering some options, like making another attempt to find a doctor—possibly abroad. But I'm having a break from psychiatry for a little while. (I wish I could stay away from it indefinitely!)
Thanks again for the warm atmosphere here 💚🙏
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 04:04:35 PMI'm so happy for you that your T session went well and made you feel calm 
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 03:58:43 PMhannah1, i totally agree. having someone listen and also having appropriate responses to what i'm saying - different from just sitting there like a robot w/ no reaction at all - does feel like i'm not only being heard but validated at the same time, which is gold to me. since i've had no reactions for so long, so much confusion about myself and what i'm going thru, those reactions mean the world to me. i must remember to tell her that next time. it is a healing feeling. thanks for reiterating that for me.
i'm now looking forward to my next session. feeling calmer feels very good. it seems that calm comes to me only every so often, lasts a short time, then disappears and i can't get it back no matter what i try/do. so, this was really nice.
my galpal cancelled my visit today - she sounded very stuffy on phone and said she's got a dry cough. her D has been sick since christmas, and my galpal went over there last week to help take care of her. i mentioned she might have gotten sick from that visit. suddenly she decided that she didn't really think she was sick, as in ill, and we'll reschedule for next week. i said i'm fine w/ waiting until she's completely well, she kind of again asserted she didn't think she was really sick, just caught a cough somehow. i told her if i were to come over and she was still coughing i'd be masking up, and she was fine w/ that.
when i told my D all this, she immediately began shaking her head, as in NO NO NO, not a good thing. so, we'll evaluate how it goes, how she feels once the weekend is over. i feel sick-y enough too often to risk getting ill for real. since covid started, i've been very careful. the only thing i got was that norovirus, the puking flu, and i wanted to die. the worst of it lasted overnite, but i was ill because of it for a good week, maybe more. no thank you.
i'm now looking forward to my next session. feeling calmer feels very good. it seems that calm comes to me only every so often, lasts a short time, then disappears and i can't get it back no matter what i try/do. so, this was really nice.
my galpal cancelled my visit today - she sounded very stuffy on phone and said she's got a dry cough. her D has been sick since christmas, and my galpal went over there last week to help take care of her. i mentioned she might have gotten sick from that visit. suddenly she decided that she didn't really think she was sick, as in ill, and we'll reschedule for next week. i said i'm fine w/ waiting until she's completely well, she kind of again asserted she didn't think she was really sick, just caught a cough somehow. i told her if i were to come over and she was still coughing i'd be masking up, and she was fine w/ that.
when i told my D all this, she immediately began shaking her head, as in NO NO NO, not a good thing. so, we'll evaluate how it goes, how she feels once the weekend is over. i feel sick-y enough too often to risk getting ill for real. since covid started, i've been very careful. the only thing i got was that norovirus, the puking flu, and i wanted to die. the worst of it lasted overnite, but i was ill because of it for a good week, maybe more. no thank you.
#8
Therapy / Re: Issues with CPT
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 02:45:21 PMDifferent approaches suit different people, and the same approach may be helpful at one point in time and not at another. I don't really have experience of formal approaches of therapy. I have been with one therapist for the last few years. We started with a CBT type approach because that was mandated by the platform we worked on but it quickly became clear that was not suitable for me. It was not actively damaging, but pointless, so we switched to face to face talk therapy and have been doing that ever since. I have tried various types of physical therapy - massage, acupuncture for example. My approach with anything like this is if it feels actively unpleasant from the get go I conclude at once it is not for me. If it feels great then I will continue until such time as it stops feeling great when I re-assess. If I'm not sure I will give it a few sessions to see if I settle into the approach. It can take a while to get familiar and relax enough to see benefits. If I stop a particular thing but didn't find it actively unpleasant then I may try again some time later to see if I am now in a position where it could be helpful.
I agree with the posters above that a collaborative approach to therapy is the most likely to arrive at what you need. So I hope the therapist is flexible and approachable.
I agree with the posters above that a collaborative approach to therapy is the most likely to arrive at what you need. So I hope the therapist is flexible and approachable.
#9
Therapy / Re: Issues with CPT
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 09:25:55 AMThis resonates very deeply with me. I've noticed something similar in myself: my cognitive adult part ("apparently normal part=ANP) can engage with CBT/CPT just fine (in fact likes it), but when I drop into a much younger emotional state (emotional part=EP), that same approach doesn't just miss me - it can actually feel harmful.
For most of my life, survival meant self-erasure and being alone with big feelings, with no one there to help me make sense of them. So when my EP finally has a voice, what she needs first isn't correction or reframing, but witnessing. Recently I had a strong emotional flashback around my narcissistic father and the golden-child dynamic with my sister. My inner child said, very simply, "I felt unlovable." When my therapist immediately tried to redirect that thought, I understood the intention cognitively - but emotionally it sent me into days of deep sadness and distress. It took me a while to realize why: the little me didn't feel allowed to tell her lived experience without being corrected.
So this week, I asked my therapist if we could try something different: giving the first part of the session to letting that younger part tell her story, with only listening, reflecting, attunement, meaning witnessing - and then using CPT later in the session if it felt appropriate. That collaboration made a huge difference. I left the session feeling calmer and more settled.
I'm not offering this as advice or suggesting this would be the right approach for you - just sharing what helped me, and to echo what Kizzie said: you're allowed to receive therapy that actually works for you. It's okay to name what you need, and if a therapist can adapt and grow with you, that's wonderful. If not, you still deserve care that fits how your system works.
(If that's ok)
For most of my life, survival meant self-erasure and being alone with big feelings, with no one there to help me make sense of them. So when my EP finally has a voice, what she needs first isn't correction or reframing, but witnessing. Recently I had a strong emotional flashback around my narcissistic father and the golden-child dynamic with my sister. My inner child said, very simply, "I felt unlovable." When my therapist immediately tried to redirect that thought, I understood the intention cognitively - but emotionally it sent me into days of deep sadness and distress. It took me a while to realize why: the little me didn't feel allowed to tell her lived experience without being corrected.
So this week, I asked my therapist if we could try something different: giving the first part of the session to letting that younger part tell her story, with only listening, reflecting, attunement, meaning witnessing - and then using CPT later in the session if it felt appropriate. That collaboration made a huge difference. I left the session feeling calmer and more settled.
I'm not offering this as advice or suggesting this would be the right approach for you - just sharing what helped me, and to echo what Kizzie said: you're allowed to receive therapy that actually works for you. It's okay to name what you need, and if a therapist can adapt and grow with you, that's wonderful. If not, you still deserve care that fits how your system works.
(If that's ok)
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 12:11:45 AMSo glad you could see the new T! And get the medication you need.
It's positive that after talking to her you feel calmer. Sounds like she listened, even if she doesn't have answers straightaway. I know for me, just being heard and having someone be curious to learn about the unique me can be healing.
And get the medication you need. It's positive that after talking to her you feel calmer. Sounds like she listened, even if she doesn't have answers straightaway. I know for me, just being heard and having someone be curious to learn about the unique me can be healing.