Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 04:02:04 PMhey, PC, i agree, we really are stronger together, and this is a new year for embracing that. i'm finding more support than i have in ages, and it's a big help to my feelings of stability. we'll get thru this, no matter what! love and hugs 
#2
Symptoms - Other / Re: Why "Inner Strength" Does ...
Last post by Desert Flower - Today at 03:50:32 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on Today at 02:28:57 PMwhat looked like "strength" was actually over-adaptation. Survival depended on hyper-functioning, vigilance, maintaining harmony, suppressing my own reality and needs to preserve connection – self-erasure through compliance, endurance, silence, and not burdening others. That came at the cost of authenticity, needs, and safety. There was no opportunity to develop an internal self that could hold safety.
This resonates deeply. It makes very good sense to me why indeed it bothers me so whenever people point out I'm 'strong'.
#3
General Discussion / Re: Psychosis from extreme dis...
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 03:22:36 PMQuote from: Chart on Today at 11:38:12 AM
Teddy bear, your posts are good in the sense that they revive certain subjects and re-activate threads that others (definitely me) might never have come across.
Thanks!
Chart
Thanks, Chart 🤝
#4
Symptoms - Other / Re: Why "Inner Strength" Does ...
Last post by Marcine - Today at 03:19:55 PMYes, theBigBlue.
I relate to the anger you felt when told you're so strong (to have overdeveloped coping mechanisms to survive trauma that you didn't deserve).
I'm glad you felt heard by your therapist. I wish you didn't have to educate your therapist on this, but I am glad you felt heard and appreciated by them.
Your words are clear and coherent. I relate with your experiences.
I relate to the anger you felt when told you're so strong (to have overdeveloped coping mechanisms to survive trauma that you didn't deserve).
I'm glad you felt heard by your therapist. I wish you didn't have to educate your therapist on this, but I am glad you felt heard and appreciated by them.
Your words are clear and coherent. I relate with your experiences.
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 02:33:25 PMOf course, NK. I have opened the new thread here:
Quote from: TheBigBlue on Today at 02:28:57 PMWhy "Inner Strength" Does Not Land – A Developmental Mismatch
#6
Symptoms - Other / Why "Inner Strength" Does Not ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - Today at 02:28:57 PMThank you NK for the suggestion to open this thread:
Why "Inner Strength" Does Not Land – A Developmental Mismatch
When I hear "you have great inner strength," (something my CBT T said a lot) my system reacts with anger – not because I reject growth or don't understand the CBT intent, but because in my case, what looked like "strength" was actually over-adaptation. Survival depended on hyper-functioning, vigilance, maintaining harmony, suppressing my own reality and needs to preserve connection – self-erasure through compliance, endurance, silence, and not burdening others. That came at the cost of authenticity, needs, and safety. There was no opportunity to develop an internal self that could hold safety.
So when those same CPTSD adaptations are praised now, it feels like harm is being misnamed as virtue – like being congratulated for what nearly destroyed me. On a nervous-system level, "you have great inner strength" also lands as: you should already have the thing you were never given the chance to develop. That's why it feels invalidating. It also triggers my abandonment wire: if I'm told to "find it in myself" before it exists, I experience it as being left alone with the collapse – one of my core hot wires.
Internal safety isn't something I can simply access, will into existence or derive from the same adaptations that kept me alive. Those survival strategies cannot be the foundation of the future.
What research actually shows – and what finally made sense to me – is that internal safety doesn't originate from willpower, insight, or reframing. It develops relationally, very early in life, through repeated experiences of co-regulation. Through being seen, soothed, and responded to, the nervous system learns that distress can settle and connection is reliable. Even when that opportunity wasn't available in childhood, internal safety can still be built later – but it still forms through relationship, not "strength." It requires attuned presence and co-regulation after collapse, not assumptions that the internal structure already exists. The basis from which real strength eventually grows is the capacity to stay in connection without erasing myself. The fact that my therapist didn't dispute this, but actually thanked me for clarifying it, was gold. It helped stop the terror. I'm not on solid ground yet, but I am much more regulated.
Why "Inner Strength" Does Not Land – A Developmental Mismatch
When I hear "you have great inner strength," (something my CBT T said a lot) my system reacts with anger – not because I reject growth or don't understand the CBT intent, but because in my case, what looked like "strength" was actually over-adaptation. Survival depended on hyper-functioning, vigilance, maintaining harmony, suppressing my own reality and needs to preserve connection – self-erasure through compliance, endurance, silence, and not burdening others. That came at the cost of authenticity, needs, and safety. There was no opportunity to develop an internal self that could hold safety.
So when those same CPTSD adaptations are praised now, it feels like harm is being misnamed as virtue – like being congratulated for what nearly destroyed me. On a nervous-system level, "you have great inner strength" also lands as: you should already have the thing you were never given the chance to develop. That's why it feels invalidating. It also triggers my abandonment wire: if I'm told to "find it in myself" before it exists, I experience it as being left alone with the collapse – one of my core hot wires.
Internal safety isn't something I can simply access, will into existence or derive from the same adaptations that kept me alive. Those survival strategies cannot be the foundation of the future.
What research actually shows – and what finally made sense to me – is that internal safety doesn't originate from willpower, insight, or reframing. It develops relationally, very early in life, through repeated experiences of co-regulation. Through being seen, soothed, and responded to, the nervous system learns that distress can settle and connection is reliable. Even when that opportunity wasn't available in childhood, internal safety can still be built later – but it still forms through relationship, not "strength." It requires attuned presence and co-regulation after collapse, not assumptions that the internal structure already exists. The basis from which real strength eventually grows is the capacity to stay in connection without erasing myself. The fact that my therapist didn't dispute this, but actually thanked me for clarifying it, was gold. It helped stop the terror. I'm not on solid ground yet, but I am much more regulated.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:57:08 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on January 11, 2026, 04:27:27 PMWhy "Inner Strength" Does Not Land – A Developmental Mismatch
TheBigBlue - There is so much to discuss in relation to this. I think it merits its own thread in the forum. Could you (or may I) copy this section into a discussion area so we can talk about it more, please?
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 01:48:50 PMYay for the misfits!
#9
Books & Articles / Re: David Bedrick - The Unsham...
Last post by Hope67 - Today at 01:46:52 PMThank you SenseOrgan, I was impressed by everything written here and also the reviews I saw on Amazon, plus the fact it was on a special price at the moment, so I actually ordered it! I am looking forward to reading it - although I have a line-up of books I need to get through, and feel like I don't have sufficient time (but I am going to pace myself!!!)