Recent posts
#1
General Discussion / My older sister hates me and o...
Last post by Wizard001 - Today at 01:41:18 AMI (20M) am a White man living in the US East Coast. I live with my White biological parents, and I have one sibling, an older adopted ethnically South Korean sister who I usually affectionately call Angie (31F). Before the events that are described in this post, my sister used to love me, and when I was little she swung me around in her arms. Up until recently, she's never had a problem with being adopted by a White family.
Many of my male friends have crushes on Angie. Indeed, she is conventionally attractive, and she looks like a really elegant (my mom calls her "regal") anime girl. She's got really long black hair and thick bangs. A few years ago, I bought her a beautiful red headband which she always wears and always loves. She looks totally feminine, but she's actually a complete tomboy. She loves sports, and has played basketball in college. Even nowadays, she goes running every day. Also, most of her friends are guys.
The events that I described here happened partially because my sister knows she's conventionally attractive, and she always very confidently, unnecessarily flaunts it.
This past August, my sister and her fiance (27m) and two my of my male friends (both 19 years old at the time) took me to a cottage for a week. They basically live right by that cottage. It was really nice, really big and cozy and it had a full bathroom with a shower and everything. My 20th birthday happened during that week, and we celebrated. The day after my 20th, things went horribly wrong. Early that day, Angie's boyfriend had to stay shut in his room because of some personal emergency. So to distract me and my friends, my sister took us outside, and we spent the afternoon at a table playing board games (my sister is REALLY into board games). It was a hot, humid day, so Angie was wearing nothing but a bikini top and basketball shorts, without her red headband (her headband is so precious to her that she didn't bring it to the cottage).
It was a living * for her. My friends couldn't shut up about her shirtless body. She started out taking it quietly and without emotion, but it took just minutes to get her to start crying. She spent an hour and 45 minutes, just sitting down at the table crying quietly and sweating heavily nonstop, and she kept her shoulder glued right onto me and her sweat drenched my shirt. She also kept her arms tightly crossed over her chest the entire time and I believe she was terrified that they were going to touch her breasts. But all they did physically did to her was yank her ponytail at one point. When my friends started joking about a "struggle snuggle", it made Angie openly loudly bawl. At that point I grabbed her arm and tried getting us away from them, to the woods where I could be alone with her, but she couldn't stand on her own legs, so I put my arms around her body and carried her to a lonely area to have a heart-to-heart moment with her. When I picked her up (which was difficult because she's much taller than me), she tried to scream but she could only make this quiet whimpering noise. It was so awkward.
Nowadays, my sister is still not doing well. She's legit traumatized by my friends. She hates me, and she hates my parents too for some reason (they didn't do anything to her and they love her. They're heartbroken that she hates them).
I mentioned my sister's race because she has let me and our parents know multiple times that she wishes our parents hadn't adopted her in the first place, because maybe then she wouldn't have been put through this situation.
Nowadays I just really miss the times where my sister used to pick me up and swing me around in her arms without a care in the world. When she says she wishes she weren't adopted, she's saying she's willing to give up those memories.
Despite all this, she still wears that damn red headband I bought for her. Sometimes I feel so angry at her that I just want to rip it off her head.
#2
Letters of Recovery / Re: Mother
Last post by Marcine - November 29, 2025, 10:46:24 PMHi Dalloway,
The strength, compassion and clarity in your writing shines through. It's on your terms, your timeline, to your benefit. Beautiful!
The strength, compassion and clarity in your writing shines through. It's on your terms, your timeline, to your benefit. Beautiful!
#3
AV - Avoidance / Fearful avoidance
Last post by Ran - November 29, 2025, 07:17:41 PMI read something about it online and think that it matches up with my experience.
I think my inner child got attached to this new family (other forum) as it was safe place and gave me a sense of belonging, but I'm so afraid of keep getting hurt that something makes me pull away from people and this all makes me feel very conflicted like wanting connection, but at the same time not wanting it. So it's anxious avoidant and avoidant attachment style together. It makes sense to me.
It was frustrating at first, when I didn't know exactly what was wrong. I just felt I want to talk to people, but the energy wasn't there and I was kinda pulled within and not showing anything too much outside in fear of rejection. I find it really difficult to regulate my emotions. Any little bit of critique "no I don't see it" was like a new scar. What absolutely frustrated me and just caused even bigger emotions.
With relationships I am very mistrustful. I don't see the possible good intention and vulnerability, when people share something potentially damaging to other people. I also think I get fixated on things I see as issues and trying to change people who don't see these issues and I can get quite mean due to frustration, even if not wanting, but even if I feel remorseful, then pattern keeps happening. And even now I feel I do myself disservice by letting it go, because I feel the pain of others very deeply, even when those other people are not there and never asked for me feeling for them, then I can't help it and the people not understanding get angry at me and I only get more frustrated.
I think my inner child got attached to this new family (other forum) as it was safe place and gave me a sense of belonging, but I'm so afraid of keep getting hurt that something makes me pull away from people and this all makes me feel very conflicted like wanting connection, but at the same time not wanting it. So it's anxious avoidant and avoidant attachment style together. It makes sense to me.
It was frustrating at first, when I didn't know exactly what was wrong. I just felt I want to talk to people, but the energy wasn't there and I was kinda pulled within and not showing anything too much outside in fear of rejection. I find it really difficult to regulate my emotions. Any little bit of critique "no I don't see it" was like a new scar. What absolutely frustrated me and just caused even bigger emotions.
With relationships I am very mistrustful. I don't see the possible good intention and vulnerability, when people share something potentially damaging to other people. I also think I get fixated on things I see as issues and trying to change people who don't see these issues and I can get quite mean due to frustration, even if not wanting, but even if I feel remorseful, then pattern keeps happening. And even now I feel I do myself disservice by letting it go, because I feel the pain of others very deeply, even when those other people are not there and never asked for me feeling for them, then I can't help it and the people not understanding get angry at me and I only get more frustrated.
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 29, 2025, 05:39:20 PMQuote from: Desert Flower on November 29, 2025, 03:51:38 PMI hope the support of the people here will help you like it is helping me.Hey, Desert Flower! Thank you!
Take care
I've been in the forum for about a month now and I'm so thankful for it. It does make me feel way less alone in seeing so many of my struggles in others and the brave and creative ways they find to deal with them.
#5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 29, 2025, 05:36:26 PMQuote from: Ran on November 29, 2025, 10:53:03 AMWelcome to the forum.I'm so sorry about the loss of your cat. Pets are family and loss of something that offered you a lifeline is shattering.
Thank you Ran! It's actually putting a smile on my face now, thinking about her <3 How lucky I am to have shared 16 years with that cheeky lady! Thank you for your welcome.
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Outside my own head
Last post by LadyBoar - November 29, 2025, 05:34:17 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on November 25, 2025, 03:33:51 PMAnd wanting to be seen isn't selfish — it's human.
Thank you, The big blue!
This is definitely something I'm working on! Been part of this group, even if just lurking and reading others stories has been really helpful.
#7
Eating Issues / Re: Why “Morbid Obesity” Still...
Last post by Kizzie - November 29, 2025, 04:44:27 PMI asked AI to search "obesity and Complex PTSD" and here's what it came up with:
Complex PTSD and obesity are linked through shared physiological and psychological pathways, such as chronic stress, inflammation, and hormonal dysregulation, which can lead to weight gain, metabolic dysfunction, and increased cravings for high-calorie foods. The trauma response can alter appetite-regulating hormones like cortisol, leptin, and ghrelin, while also leading to coping mechanisms like "food addiction" or binge-eating to manage emotional distress. Addressing both psychological and physical health is crucial for treating these interconnected issues.
What is interesting is that when I went to Google Scholar, lots of research about PTSD and obesity - very little about Complex PTSD that I saw after doing a quick search. A lot of what the PTSD articles talk about is food addiction as a way of self-soothing which in our case leaves out the bodily responses we have due to protracted exposure to traumatic stress. The good thing about searching with AI on is that it looks at a vast amount of research data so it is there, but it's not as easily found.
I'm going to dig a bit more because it's something that those of us dealing with obesity need healthcare providers to understand. That is, it's an issue with both medical and mental health components, which to my mind makes dealing with it just that much more difficult.
Complex PTSD and obesity are linked through shared physiological and psychological pathways, such as chronic stress, inflammation, and hormonal dysregulation, which can lead to weight gain, metabolic dysfunction, and increased cravings for high-calorie foods. The trauma response can alter appetite-regulating hormones like cortisol, leptin, and ghrelin, while also leading to coping mechanisms like "food addiction" or binge-eating to manage emotional distress. Addressing both psychological and physical health is crucial for treating these interconnected issues.
What is interesting is that when I went to Google Scholar, lots of research about PTSD and obesity - very little about Complex PTSD that I saw after doing a quick search. A lot of what the PTSD articles talk about is food addiction as a way of self-soothing which in our case leaves out the bodily responses we have due to protracted exposure to traumatic stress. The good thing about searching with AI on is that it looks at a vast amount of research data so it is there, but it's not as easily found.
I'm going to dig a bit more because it's something that those of us dealing with obesity need healthcare providers to understand. That is, it's an issue with both medical and mental health components, which to my mind makes dealing with it just that much more difficult.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - November 29, 2025, 04:43:37 PMToday I'm thinking that me not feeling fery well and feeling faint after walking less than a 100m and having to sit down every little bit of walking is all stress induced 100% and having a weak heart to begin with, due to getting banned from the support forum for the conflict I created, because my system was already overloaded. I was already warned by gp to avoid overextortion and my system just couldn't take it and conflict at first cave me those sharp head pain on right side and it envolved into humming sound and having to hold the wall, so I wouldn't fall, when I bowed down to reach heater to turn it off. Pain stings happen each time I try to reach something farther away. I'm putting myself on bedrest for the time being and I have my gp appointment on the 2nd. I will call an ambulance if I feel any worse, but for now I'll rest.
Just in case. I don't belittle the other support forum I was in, in any way. I think it's just not the kind of place that is equipped to help people with cptsd. It's otherwise a wonderful forum and I'm forever grateful to them, even with this conflict due to how much they helped me to stay afloat.
This is what I wrote to the helpline person.
I think mostly what helped me cope was the forum itself, because I was afraid that when that support gets cut off, then I'll have to be by myself with my thoughts and the thought of that felt maddening.
Trauma tries to push you down, but you still keep trying and hoping and holding onto the little strings that gave you back your humanity. For me the forum became a caring family and home, when no one else was there for me and why it became an important piece of my identity, when I didn't know who I was at all due to trauma blurring everything. You can't heal from trauma all alone. You need support, even if it's built on a shaky foundation.
It was accessible, anonymous and available 24/7. I wasn't a forum person before this at all as I barely was able to talk to others like I am now. I had such big anxiety that I couldn't even talk to staff withouth thinking that everything I say makes them hate me and I admired them very much. I started participate more, advice people and felt connected to them as they were going through similar things to me around identity. They asked me to become a forum moderator and at first being dissapointed that it was a moderator role as I mostly saw advisors giving advice in the forums, what I was doing too, then I become to love the role and seeing how important this role is, though I became a bit rigid with rules. I knew them by heart and it was hard to adjust lets say other place with bunch of younger people and being a co owner eventually there due to gaining so much trust. The rules and it all overall was chaotic, but I learned that I just have to go with the flow there.
Forum was my lifeline. Loosing the forum made me go through grief. I was feeling how my lips were tingling, it felt wrong to eat and I was crying a lot, but at the same time cutting that line helped me see my real identity better.
I often felt very alienated and different from other people and I had no in real life friends at least not in the same sense as there is online.
Recently though talking to the Discord friends feels like it's all akward and tense and I think it's just me. It's due to depression. I left one common server as it became overwhelming with so many kids for for some reason I couldn't relate to and it felt lonely.
Just in case. I don't belittle the other support forum I was in, in any way. I think it's just not the kind of place that is equipped to help people with cptsd. It's otherwise a wonderful forum and I'm forever grateful to them, even with this conflict due to how much they helped me to stay afloat.
This is what I wrote to the helpline person.
I think mostly what helped me cope was the forum itself, because I was afraid that when that support gets cut off, then I'll have to be by myself with my thoughts and the thought of that felt maddening.
Trauma tries to push you down, but you still keep trying and hoping and holding onto the little strings that gave you back your humanity. For me the forum became a caring family and home, when no one else was there for me and why it became an important piece of my identity, when I didn't know who I was at all due to trauma blurring everything. You can't heal from trauma all alone. You need support, even if it's built on a shaky foundation.
It was accessible, anonymous and available 24/7. I wasn't a forum person before this at all as I barely was able to talk to others like I am now. I had such big anxiety that I couldn't even talk to staff withouth thinking that everything I say makes them hate me and I admired them very much. I started participate more, advice people and felt connected to them as they were going through similar things to me around identity. They asked me to become a forum moderator and at first being dissapointed that it was a moderator role as I mostly saw advisors giving advice in the forums, what I was doing too, then I become to love the role and seeing how important this role is, though I became a bit rigid with rules. I knew them by heart and it was hard to adjust lets say other place with bunch of younger people and being a co owner eventually there due to gaining so much trust. The rules and it all overall was chaotic, but I learned that I just have to go with the flow there.
Forum was my lifeline. Loosing the forum made me go through grief. I was feeling how my lips were tingling, it felt wrong to eat and I was crying a lot, but at the same time cutting that line helped me see my real identity better.
I often felt very alienated and different from other people and I had no in real life friends at least not in the same sense as there is online.
Recently though talking to the Discord friends feels like it's all akward and tense and I think it's just me. It's due to depression. I left one common server as it became overwhelming with so many kids for for some reason I couldn't relate to and it felt lonely.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - November 29, 2025, 04:24:29 PMQuote from: Chart on November 29, 2025, 04:14:30 PMRan, finding connection and understanding here on the forum was a game-changer. I believe this place has been the single most important element of the progress I've made over the last two years. I'm so very grateful. I think I understand exactly what you're also experiencing and I deeply deeply empathize.
It seems to me you are doing good honest work. I agree that this is the best path to change and ultimate healing. It's long, too long, and far far too hard. But I also believe we can do it. Having you and others around on this journey is helping beyond words.
Thank you for sharing. Sending hugs and positive thoughts!
I'm glad it's helping. Reading other people's experiences here is very much helping me as well. I think it's because of being able to relate to it all. It makes me feel less invisible.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Chart - November 29, 2025, 04:14:30 PMRan, finding connection and understanding here on the forum was a game-changer. I believe this place has been the single most important element of the progress I've made over the last two years. I'm so very grateful. I think I understand exactly what you're also experiencing and I deeply deeply empathize.
It seems to me you are doing good honest work. I agree that this is the best path to change and ultimate healing. It's long, too long, and far far too hard. But I also believe we can do it. Having you and others around on this journey is helping beyond words.
Thank you for sharing. Sending hugs and positive thoughts!
It seems to me you are doing good honest work. I agree that this is the best path to change and ultimate healing. It's long, too long, and far far too hard. But I also believe we can do it. Having you and others around on this journey is helping beyond words.
Thank you for sharing. Sending hugs and positive thoughts!