Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 03:07:10 AMSo glad you got to see an image of your foster parents' house! Hooray for happy in the moment!
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 02:57:46 AMNo, I haven't processed what I needed to, that being grief at losing someone, rather than grief over my past. Just postponed again, as usual.
I've mostly kept going at my duolingo but with my ICr opining that it's not very useful after all and that I should be doing other things instead. Tho I know that's not totally true, because what helps how and exactly when isn't so straightforward... So if I get satisfaction from progressing through my duolingo that actually helps me want to get on with other things.
I've mostly kept going at my duolingo but with my ICr opining that it's not very useful after all and that I should be doing other things instead. Tho I know that's not totally true, because what helps how and exactly when isn't so straightforward... So if I get satisfaction from progressing through my duolingo that actually helps me want to get on with other things.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 02:55:17 AMQuote from: NarcKiddo on February 26, 2026, 12:33:28 PMQuote from: GoSlash27 on February 26, 2026, 05:03:05 AM(Slashy) speaks a great deal, and he is difficult to understand.
There is an alternative interpretation, Slashy, which is that the content was difficult to understand as opposed to the delivery. It is possible that you were referencing things they knew nothing about or did not make sense to them at the time? Or that as you came out of the catatonic state you arrived in your content was jumbled? Just throwing this in there in case it helps as you work through this.
Sending you love and support as you process all of this.
NarcKiddo,
Thanks. I pondered this subject just this morning and it dawned on me: I really *did* talk very differently after the jump-cut. At age 2, I spoke like my father. Deep voice for a child, slow, deliberate pace with careful enunciation, and a pretty advanced vocabulary. Afterwards, I spoke like a 3 year old when I was 4. By the time I hit 5 I was speaking like my old self again.
It was all because of the imprisonment/ neglect/ abuse/ abandonment from my mother in the first 6 months. I don't know *how* it screwed up my speech, but it did.
Best,
-Slashy
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 02:22:42 AMTo add to what TheBigBlue wrote, if you like and it helps you can keep posting on this thread for a while.
My trauma makes me terrified of making a mistake too, but I've been on this forum so long that I'm no longer triggered or worried here. Compared to other forums, this one is very gentle and compassionate so even if you put a post in a slightly wrong place, it would be moved, you would be notified by Kizzie but you wouldn't be banned or 'scolded' or anything like that.
A lot of the rules and guidelines are about keeping members feeling safe on the forum. I'm sorry they make you feel a little triggered.
My trauma makes me terrified of making a mistake too, but I've been on this forum so long that I'm no longer triggered or worried here. Compared to other forums, this one is very gentle and compassionate so even if you put a post in a slightly wrong place, it would be moved, you would be notified by Kizzie but you wouldn't be banned or 'scolded' or anything like that.
A lot of the rules and guidelines are about keeping members feeling safe on the forum. I'm sorry they make you feel a little triggered.
#5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 26, 2026, 11:36:46 PMHi Seeking to Survive,
I'm really glad you said this out loud. What you're describing makes a lot of sense, especially if you're coming out of an environment where getting things "wrong" had consequences. It's very common for trauma to show up as "I have to do this perfectly or I won't be allowed here."
The good news is: you really can't step wrong here in the way your nervous system might be telling you. There aren't hidden traps. Most people just post where they are and others gently help if something needs redirecting.
If it helps, you could e.g.:
- Start by replying to one or two posts that resonate with you, even just a sentence like "I relate to this."
- Or start a simple thread in a general section with a title like "New and figuring this out."
You don't have to tell your story at once. You don't have to post perfectly. And it's also completely okay to just read for a while. Many people do that at first.
Akso information overload is real, I have been there, especially when you're already dysregulated. You don't have to understand the whole platform. Just one small interaction at a time is enough.
You're not doing this wrong. You're learning something new while your nervous system is on high alert. That's not failure, that's courage.
I'm really glad you said this out loud. What you're describing makes a lot of sense, especially if you're coming out of an environment where getting things "wrong" had consequences. It's very common for trauma to show up as "I have to do this perfectly or I won't be allowed here."
The good news is: you really can't step wrong here in the way your nervous system might be telling you. There aren't hidden traps. Most people just post where they are and others gently help if something needs redirecting.
If it helps, you could e.g.:
- Start by replying to one or two posts that resonate with you, even just a sentence like "I relate to this."
- Or start a simple thread in a general section with a title like "New and figuring this out."
You don't have to tell your story at once. You don't have to post perfectly. And it's also completely okay to just read for a while. Many people do that at first.
Akso information overload is real, I have been there, especially when you're already dysregulated. You don't have to understand the whole platform. Just one small interaction at a time is enough.
You're not doing this wrong. You're learning something new while your nervous system is on high alert. That's not failure, that's courage.
#6
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by Seeking to survive - February 26, 2026, 10:26:16 PMI appreciate those who have reached out from my original intro post. I am struggling to figure out how to use this platform to reach out for assistance or just to connect. It feels like there are a lot of rules on what you can and cannot do and it is triggering me a little bit. I keep feeling like I need to post perfectly to be allowed to post. Which I know is part of my own trauma.
Does anyone have some suggestions on how to proceed? There is a lot of information on this platform and I get information overload and do not know where to go. I could not even figure out where else to post to versus just read others posts. This appears to be a wonderful resource, I'm just struggling to figure out how to use it without stepping wrong.
Thank you
Does anyone have some suggestions on how to proceed? There is a lot of information on this platform and I get information overload and do not know where to go. I could not even figure out where else to post to versus just read others posts. This appears to be a wonderful resource, I'm just struggling to figure out how to use it without stepping wrong.
Thank you
#7
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: New here - I want to ackno...
Last post by Blueberry - February 26, 2026, 10:21:35 PMWelcome to the forum, Doug!
Oh yeah, childhood neglect is so very far from innocuous that it can cause childhood trauma. I think most if not all of us on the forum are agreed upon that. I'm sorry that it's had such a profound impact on your childhood and on up into your life so far.
Kudos for keeping going all that time, working in different jobs until you feel well enough to start studying in the field you really want to be in. Even though it's hard. When I was still working, I found interacting with my peers really difficult, despite therapy and being told it was something I needed to work on.
In my experience, healing from trauma is a long, slow process, but I've been very much helped on this forum. Often it's just reminders from others on here - be that reminders that I'm making progress I don't even see or be that reminders that I'm probably in an EF (emotional flashback) again.
I hope you find the ongoing support here that you need.
Quote from: Dougm on February 25, 2026, 09:50:49 AMThis is about seeing myself as a person whose personal development, personal relationships and sense of identity has been impaired and stunted due to simple and seemingly innocuous neglect during childhood. But it childhood neglect is far from innocuous.
Oh yeah, childhood neglect is so very far from innocuous that it can cause childhood trauma. I think most if not all of us on the forum are agreed upon that. I'm sorry that it's had such a profound impact on your childhood and on up into your life so far.
Quote from: Dougm on February 25, 2026, 09:50:49 AMOver the years I worked as a waiter, a teaching assistant and then in the pharmaceutical industry. I stopped taking risperidone in 2010 and have not needed it since. I had some good therapy that helped me understand the causes of my psychosis.
It has taken me 27 years to get to the point where I can do the thing I love, however I am still finding it so difficult. I'm regularly paralysed with fear at my desk. I struggle to ask for help. I struggle to interact with my peers (most of whom are half my age) and I am incredibly lonely throughout it all. There are lots of positives in some of the relationships I am slowly building, but it is a long and slow process.
Kudos for keeping going all that time, working in different jobs until you feel well enough to start studying in the field you really want to be in. Even though it's hard. When I was still working, I found interacting with my peers really difficult, despite therapy and being told it was something I needed to work on.
In my experience, healing from trauma is a long, slow process, but I've been very much helped on this forum. Often it's just reminders from others on here - be that reminders that I'm making progress I don't even see or be that reminders that I'm probably in an EF (emotional flashback) again.
I hope you find the ongoing support here that you need.
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by Blueberry - February 26, 2026, 10:06:57 PMQuote from: Seeking to survive on February 23, 2026, 07:24:52 PMIt was like I was brainwashed against reaching out for help or even expressing my feelings.
That's what I felt growing up in my FOO.
Welcome to the forum
I hope this can become a supportive place for you where you can make further steps out of isolation. Baby steps count when healing from cptsd! So even if you just read posts and don't respond for a while, you're making steps out of that isolation.
#9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Hi everyone
Last post by Blueberry - February 26, 2026, 10:02:43 PMWelcome to the forum, bluejayway! Sorry you need us, but glad you found us.
It's good to hear you have therapy, art, music, poetry, nature and animals! Those are all good strengths to have onside while healing. If you're like me, you maybe had to work at getting those strengths on board? If so, good job on that.
I hope to see you more around the forum when you feel able to share more.
It's good to hear you have therapy, art, music, poetry, nature and animals! Those are all good strengths to have onside while healing. If you're like me, you maybe had to work at getting those strengths on board? If so, good job on that.
I hope to see you more around the forum when you feel able to share more.
#10
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: Visceral revulsion when ar...
Last post by Blueberry - February 26, 2026, 09:55:50 PMI feel revulsion around M and there were times during my healing when I refused any physical contact. Or other times I put up with it by half-dissociating, when I didn't feel emotionally strong enough to set a boundary.
My M was the one who did CSA to me from I presume infancy onwards till I was about 10. So I figured the revulsion was to do with that combined with maybe a general feeling that she went over my boundaries in other ways too. I remember saying in therapy that she didn't know where she ended and I started. (Tho it's likely she did, she just didn't care or want to acknowledge that I had boundaries too.) Anyway, I wonder if you might feel visceral revulsion around your M because of some (early?) boundary violations, whether physical or emotional?
My M was the one who did CSA to me from I presume infancy onwards till I was about 10. So I figured the revulsion was to do with that combined with maybe a general feeling that she went over my boundaries in other ways too. I remember saying in therapy that she didn't know where she ended and I started. (Tho it's likely she did, she just didn't care or want to acknowledge that I had boundaries too.) Anyway, I wonder if you might feel visceral revulsion around your M because of some (early?) boundary violations, whether physical or emotional?