Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 11:53:04 AMQuote from: Papa Coco on January 12, 2026, 07:24:37 PMI'm feeling kind of glad this mess happened to me. FOr me
Yep.
I'm delighting in your post-traumatic joy Papa Coco. This life is horrifically beautiful. 
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 10:58:13 AMI'm sorry Dalloway. The heaviness in your heart is palpable. I'm intimately acquainted with a similar state of being [as far as I can know, off course]. No obvious path ahead, while still ending up in the same spot with every turn taken. And knowing there must be more to the story somewhere, somehow.
One way of framing this, is that the system requires attention to something that's vitally important. It's contained in the very challenging feelings themselves. I've struggled with deep "depression" for decades. I've believed many things about it throughout the years. Most rhymed with "wrong with me" and "beyond repair". I was right. But not in the way I thought. Not even close.
In the saga of me, there is a path. With this kind of matter, I've found, it leads deeper inward. Deeper into the pain itself. There's no wiser, more loving teacher out there. She's making herself known in the places that hurt. It's all you.
Rumi said it better than I ever could in The Guest House.
Much love
One way of framing this, is that the system requires attention to something that's vitally important. It's contained in the very challenging feelings themselves. I've struggled with deep "depression" for decades. I've believed many things about it throughout the years. Most rhymed with "wrong with me" and "beyond repair". I was right. But not in the way I thought. Not even close.
In the saga of me, there is a path. With this kind of matter, I've found, it leads deeper inward. Deeper into the pain itself. There's no wiser, more loving teacher out there. She's making herself known in the places that hurt. It's all you.
Rumi said it better than I ever could in The Guest House.
Much love
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: The tipping point…
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 10:58:00 AMLike NK said, what geese bonding time to share with your kids 
#4
Symptoms - Other / Re: Schrodingers jealousy
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 10:04:48 AMHey NK,
To me, it seems like it doesn't have anything to do with you as Desert Flower pointed out, but more to do with her. It also seems like an attempt to pit you, or triangulate you, against your sister. They love things like this and it gives them the upper hand and "power" over other people. It's also very hard for me to acknowledge that this kind of manipulation would, or could be coming from people who told me that they loved me.
Sending you support
dolly
To me, it seems like it doesn't have anything to do with you as Desert Flower pointed out, but more to do with her. It also seems like an attempt to pit you, or triangulate you, against your sister. They love things like this and it gives them the upper hand and "power" over other people. It's also very hard for me to acknowledge that this kind of manipulation would, or could be coming from people who told me that they loved me.
Sending you support
dolly
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - Today at 09:51:59 AMThankyou HannahOne! That was absolutely lovely. Frank is now a rockstar thanks to you.
#6
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: stuck in a loop
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 09:51:35 AMQuote from: asdis on January 15, 2026, 08:11:39 PMWe're just at a point where we need someone to help us tackle this from all the same angles that we have to, and finding someone both willing and capable of that isn't easy. At the very least, we need to find doctors/providers that are willing to work together with each other to help us. We're working on it. It's just taking longer than we can really handle on our own
I'm sorry asdis and perhaps this is the part that is most triggering. Looking back over what's happened over the last 10 years, I think I was hoping that someone would have all the answers and sort it out, much like how I hoped FOO would be there for me in the way that I needed when I was struggling, but weren't. In a way, I had to be my own best advocate and learn as much as I could, and temper it with what the doctors could or couldn't tell me, and find someone that had more knowledge about what happening. It was really stressful. It wasn't until I started seeing the functional medicine practitioner that she eventually linked it back to mold (again, only part of the problem though and didn't touch on MCAS), but even that took a couple of years. Me having to fight for my health hasn't really stopped.
But what I was trying to say above is that some times it takes a while for the inflammation to die down and your body to stop becoming reactive to things. I cut out histamine in the summer and would fall asleep if I ate anything with tomatoes. Now, I had a pizza last week and didn't feel that. So, I think over time my body has processed the extra histamine that was there and allowed more tolerance though I'm pretty sure it will come back if I eat too much histamine.
Sending you support
dolly
#7
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: stuck in a loop
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 04:19:35 AMAsdis, is there any chance you could get hold of pesticide-free fruit and veggies, so either somebody else's homegrown or organic, especially from small farms or small market gardens where you can trust that they are actually organic? I know that's a long shot but thought I'd suggest it. No need to justify yourself if not feasible because I can imagine all sorts of hindrances.
Before I knew I had cptsd I worked on my own ED both inpatient and outpatient. I remember back then I was a little underweight tho I didn't believe that, I was often exhausted, i had a lot of stomach pain and digestive trouble plus on the advice of my doctor at the time I was avoiding this food and that food and everything was getting worse rather than better... I saw a different doctor who did the 'right' tests the way dollyvee probably means and he really listened and I found out later that in his opinion I couldn't digest anything anymore in a figurative way. In my first inpatient stay in the ED group that's the kind of thing they said too, or rather they'd ask certain patients: What else can't you digest? Who else/What else are you allergic to? I had a nut allergy when I was admitted and based on various of my emotional reactions I'd say now that there was a lot of fear behind the allergy. In fact towards the end of that super-long inpatient stay, I tried out nuts and I had no reaction. In the intervening years whether or not I have a real reaction to nuts that I mistakenly consume depends on how emotionally stable I am. I never reacted again with the intensity of the pre-inpatient stay, and even if I had a minor itch, I could sometimes talk myself out of it. This isn't to say that allergies don't exist, because they do! But there could be an emotional component too. If it doesn't resonate in any way, just ignore all that. It's going to be harder with DID anyway. It would be wonderful if all your docs and therapists etc could work together to tease it all apart.
Anyway I hope you can feel a little lighter even with just writing it out here and feeling understood or semi-understood.
Before I knew I had cptsd I worked on my own ED both inpatient and outpatient. I remember back then I was a little underweight tho I didn't believe that, I was often exhausted, i had a lot of stomach pain and digestive trouble plus on the advice of my doctor at the time I was avoiding this food and that food and everything was getting worse rather than better... I saw a different doctor who did the 'right' tests the way dollyvee probably means and he really listened and I found out later that in his opinion I couldn't digest anything anymore in a figurative way. In my first inpatient stay in the ED group that's the kind of thing they said too, or rather they'd ask certain patients: What else can't you digest? Who else/What else are you allergic to? I had a nut allergy when I was admitted and based on various of my emotional reactions I'd say now that there was a lot of fear behind the allergy. In fact towards the end of that super-long inpatient stay, I tried out nuts and I had no reaction. In the intervening years whether or not I have a real reaction to nuts that I mistakenly consume depends on how emotionally stable I am. I never reacted again with the intensity of the pre-inpatient stay, and even if I had a minor itch, I could sometimes talk myself out of it. This isn't to say that allergies don't exist, because they do! But there could be an emotional component too. If it doesn't resonate in any way, just ignore all that. It's going to be harder with DID anyway. It would be wonderful if all your docs and therapists etc could work together to tease it all apart.
Anyway I hope you can feel a little lighter even with just writing it out here and feeling understood or semi-understood.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 03:50:21 AMHey SanMagic7, I'm late to your journal but just wanted to say I"m sorry that T didn't respect your clearly stated boundaries, and I was glad to read you set the boundary again with a letter. I admire your ability to know your own self as well as you do, communicate that to others, and then insist on interactions and treatment that is within your boundaries and safe for you. Finding a good T is often challenging, I'm hoping for you!
Finding a good T is often challenging, I'm hoping for you! #9
Other / Re: Psychosis as a result of t...
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 02:29:21 AMThank you! 🤝💚
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Desert Flower's Recovery J...
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 02:06:14 AM So glad you were able to get an appointment with the psychiatrist, and persevere to get the help you need in a challenging system!