Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:31:12 PMfeeling better today, like i got some good sleep/rest during the night. up and down. it's going to be a lovely spring day today, then back to winter temps. i don't mind, i'm so glad to be back to where there are definite seasons. living on the northern west coast gave us a modicum of seasons, but kind of like shadow images. not quite there, not quite not.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:28:14 PMjust wanted to respond to what NK said - manure can also be full of toxic chemicals, heavy metals, and harmful bacteria that the animals ingest, and even if it's well composted, antibiotics and all the rest can pass thru the animal and be found in their manure. so, yeah, toxic possibilities abound. we're living products of that, aren't we!
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 02:15:14 PMwell, blueberry, i spied another 'should' in there. personally, i think anything that enriches the mind, such as learning another language, is extremely important for the brain's well-being. i think it's a form of self-care, actually. and i can't think of anything more useful or beneficial to you or the world than to exercise your brain and gather in another culture thru language. just my thoughts.
along w/ that, it brought to mind my lifting weights. is it anything 'useful'? well, to my muscles, cells, mind it is, which means that i'm going to stay healthier longer while i'm on earth. healthy people, whether in body or mind are our best bets, don't you think? for sanity and peace.
so, as far as i'm concerned, a big ol' POO! on FOO! and their narrow-minded thinking about what you should or shouldn't be doing. i once heard that if we do something that makes us happy, at least one person in the world will feel happiness in their lives. is there a better gift we can give ourselves? love and hugs
along w/ that, it brought to mind my lifting weights. is it anything 'useful'? well, to my muscles, cells, mind it is, which means that i'm going to stay healthier longer while i'm on earth. healthy people, whether in body or mind are our best bets, don't you think? for sanity and peace.
so, as far as i'm concerned, a big ol' POO! on FOO! and their narrow-minded thinking about what you should or shouldn't be doing. i once heard that if we do something that makes us happy, at least one person in the world will feel happiness in their lives. is there a better gift we can give ourselves? love and hugs
#4
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: Visceral revulsion when ar...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 08:47:23 AMNK, as an outsider, to me, it looks like you are perhaps seeking a "logical" explanation of why you don't like being around your m when perhaps you just don't like being around her, and you don't have to defend, or explain that. That's how you feel and it's valid. There are of course outcomes, not consequences IMO, of choosing to go with your feelings. These outcomes were presented to me as "the final answer," or no other path growing up because what I actually felt didn't matter.
I was often over "written" and over looked as not mattering. For example, the last xmas I spent with sgf, where he took a necklace from me (not what he did in his mind, but that's essentially what it was), and had zero interest in what I wanted. "People" (oh there's always people, but I think this is my gm's voice all along) would say that they're old, you have to allow them some grace because they can't change etc, and you know what, they were doing the same things when they were younger because it suited them. I think I tried telling him that that's not what I wanted to do, and it didn't go down well. Or I didn't say anything about the necklace because I knew how that would go, him feigning innocence and me feeling guilty. These are all really hard outcomes to face (ie me having to acknowledge their actual behaviour as well). Maybe I knew that saying something would only make it worse, since that's what I grew up with? I don't know. So, I didn't tell him I was going to stop answering his calls, and that's what I did. I feel better, but also "bad" I guess in other peoples' eyes. Is/was it the right thing to do? I don't know, but I feel better not having to manage someone not caring what I think.
Sending you support,
dolly
I was often over "written" and over looked as not mattering. For example, the last xmas I spent with sgf, where he took a necklace from me (not what he did in his mind, but that's essentially what it was), and had zero interest in what I wanted. "People" (oh there's always people, but I think this is my gm's voice all along) would say that they're old, you have to allow them some grace because they can't change etc, and you know what, they were doing the same things when they were younger because it suited them. I think I tried telling him that that's not what I wanted to do, and it didn't go down well. Or I didn't say anything about the necklace because I knew how that would go, him feigning innocence and me feeling guilty. These are all really hard outcomes to face (ie me having to acknowledge their actual behaviour as well). Maybe I knew that saying something would only make it worse, since that's what I grew up with? I don't know. So, I didn't tell him I was going to stop answering his calls, and that's what I did. I feel better, but also "bad" I guess in other peoples' eyes. Is/was it the right thing to do? I don't know, but I feel better not having to manage someone not caring what I think.
Sending you support,
dolly
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 03:07:10 AMSo glad you got to see an image of your foster parents' house! Hooray for happy in the moment!
#6
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 02:57:46 AMNo, I haven't processed what I needed to, that being grief at losing someone, rather than grief over my past. Just postponed again, as usual.
I've mostly kept going at my duolingo but with my ICr opining that it's not very useful after all and that I should be doing other things instead. Tho I know that's not totally true, because what helps how and exactly when isn't so straightforward... So if I get satisfaction from progressing through my duolingo that actually helps me want to get on with other things.
I've mostly kept going at my duolingo but with my ICr opining that it's not very useful after all and that I should be doing other things instead. Tho I know that's not totally true, because what helps how and exactly when isn't so straightforward... So if I get satisfaction from progressing through my duolingo that actually helps me want to get on with other things.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: The ramblings of an abused...
Last post by GoSlash27 - Today at 02:55:17 AMQuote from: NarcKiddo on February 26, 2026, 12:33:28 PMQuote from: GoSlash27 on February 26, 2026, 05:03:05 AM(Slashy) speaks a great deal, and he is difficult to understand.
There is an alternative interpretation, Slashy, which is that the content was difficult to understand as opposed to the delivery. It is possible that you were referencing things they knew nothing about or did not make sense to them at the time? Or that as you came out of the catatonic state you arrived in your content was jumbled? Just throwing this in there in case it helps as you work through this.
Sending you love and support as you process all of this.
NarcKiddo,
Thanks. I pondered this subject just this morning and it dawned on me: I really *did* talk very differently after the jump-cut. At age 2, I spoke like my father. Deep voice for a child, slow, deliberate pace with careful enunciation, and a pretty advanced vocabulary. Afterwards, I spoke like a 3 year old when I was 4. By the time I hit 5 I was speaking like my old self again.
It was all because of the imprisonment/ neglect/ abuse/ abandonment from my mother in the first 6 months. I don't know *how* it screwed up my speech, but it did.
Best,
-Slashy
#8
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 02:22:42 AMTo add to what TheBigBlue wrote, if you like and it helps you can keep posting on this thread for a while.
My trauma makes me terrified of making a mistake too, but I've been on this forum so long that I'm no longer triggered or worried here. Compared to other forums, this one is very gentle and compassionate so even if you put a post in a slightly wrong place, it would be moved, you would be notified by Kizzie but you wouldn't be banned or 'scolded' or anything like that.
A lot of the rules and guidelines are about keeping members feeling safe on the forum. I'm sorry they make you feel a little triggered.
My trauma makes me terrified of making a mistake too, but I've been on this forum so long that I'm no longer triggered or worried here. Compared to other forums, this one is very gentle and compassionate so even if you put a post in a slightly wrong place, it would be moved, you would be notified by Kizzie but you wouldn't be banned or 'scolded' or anything like that.
A lot of the rules and guidelines are about keeping members feeling safe on the forum. I'm sorry they make you feel a little triggered.
#9
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 26, 2026, 11:36:46 PMHi Seeking to Survive,
I'm really glad you said this out loud. What you're describing makes a lot of sense, especially if you're coming out of an environment where getting things "wrong" had consequences. It's very common for trauma to show up as "I have to do this perfectly or I won't be allowed here."
The good news is: you really can't step wrong here in the way your nervous system might be telling you. There aren't hidden traps. Most people just post where they are and others gently help if something needs redirecting.
If it helps, you could e.g.:
- Start by replying to one or two posts that resonate with you, even just a sentence like "I relate to this."
- Or start a simple thread in a general section with a title like "New and figuring this out."
You don't have to tell your story at once. You don't have to post perfectly. And it's also completely okay to just read for a while. Many people do that at first.
Akso information overload is real, I have been there, especially when you're already dysregulated. You don't have to understand the whole platform. Just one small interaction at a time is enough.
You're not doing this wrong. You're learning something new while your nervous system is on high alert. That's not failure, that's courage.
I'm really glad you said this out loud. What you're describing makes a lot of sense, especially if you're coming out of an environment where getting things "wrong" had consequences. It's very common for trauma to show up as "I have to do this perfectly or I won't be allowed here."
The good news is: you really can't step wrong here in the way your nervous system might be telling you. There aren't hidden traps. Most people just post where they are and others gently help if something needs redirecting.
If it helps, you could e.g.:
- Start by replying to one or two posts that resonate with you, even just a sentence like "I relate to this."
- Or start a simple thread in a general section with a title like "New and figuring this out."
You don't have to tell your story at once. You don't have to post perfectly. And it's also completely okay to just read for a while. Many people do that at first.
Akso information overload is real, I have been there, especially when you're already dysregulated. You don't have to understand the whole platform. Just one small interaction at a time is enough.
You're not doing this wrong. You're learning something new while your nervous system is on high alert. That's not failure, that's courage.
#10
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Seeking Support after Extr...
Last post by Seeking to survive - February 26, 2026, 10:26:16 PMI appreciate those who have reached out from my original intro post. I am struggling to figure out how to use this platform to reach out for assistance or just to connect. It feels like there are a lot of rules on what you can and cannot do and it is triggering me a little bit. I keep feeling like I need to post perfectly to be allowed to post. Which I know is part of my own trauma.
Does anyone have some suggestions on how to proceed? There is a lot of information on this platform and I get information overload and do not know where to go. I could not even figure out where else to post to versus just read others posts. This appears to be a wonderful resource, I'm just struggling to figure out how to use it without stepping wrong.
Thank you
Does anyone have some suggestions on how to proceed? There is a lot of information on this platform and I get information overload and do not know where to go. I could not even figure out where else to post to versus just read others posts. This appears to be a wonderful resource, I'm just struggling to figure out how to use it without stepping wrong.
Thank you