Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by SenseOrgan - Today at 08:30:25 AMWhat a trigger fest! It's disturbing on so many levels. Not limited to C-PTSD. AI has become a religion, in which some have put all their faith. Kafka and Orwell are spinning in their graves. I appreciate you're siding on the side of your own sovereignty, perhaps even spurred on by this madness. I often "forget" about this option in the face of such big powers and overwhelm. Even only inwardly. Thanks for the inspiration. 
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by sanmagic7 - Today at 07:50:14 AMthanks for all the hugs and cheers, NK, but unfortunately all the good feelings didn't last very long and i'm in a very bad place tonite, crying, afraid, worried, anxious. talked to a potential T today, he sounded gentle but he loved putting labels on everything i told him, and i hate those kinds of labels, don't care about them, just want some help from someone who's not going to hurt me anymore.
#3
General Discussion / Re: Writing about the trauma: ...
Last post by Marcine - Today at 04:25:02 AMHi Saluki,
"Maybe I should just write the novel I have in my head"
That could be an effective, positive way forward! Over the past several years I've written a sci-fi story that I am currently publishing as a web novel.
I built a world from my imagination filled with fictional characters that exemplify different aspects of myself and of significant people in my life.
I put the characters in settings, challenges, dialogues and conflicts—- and watched what happened.
My intuition had a lot of freedom to explore and to discover. Certain themes showed up over and over. I was able to explore them on my terms, on my timeline, without rush, and without feeling overwhelmed. I learned much about myself, my past, and my present.
As I look back on the story I wrote and the writing process, it makes sense to me. It was an amazing adventure, a therapeutic creative journey.
I encourage you to take a step towards your curiosity to write a fiction. I am willing to bet that a whole bunch of interesting characters are waiting to come alive, just needing your creative spark.
"Maybe I should just write the novel I have in my head"
That could be an effective, positive way forward! Over the past several years I've written a sci-fi story that I am currently publishing as a web novel.
I built a world from my imagination filled with fictional characters that exemplify different aspects of myself and of significant people in my life.
I put the characters in settings, challenges, dialogues and conflicts—- and watched what happened.
My intuition had a lot of freedom to explore and to discover. Certain themes showed up over and over. I was able to explore them on my terms, on my timeline, without rush, and without feeling overwhelmed. I learned much about myself, my past, and my present.
As I look back on the story I wrote and the writing process, it makes sense to me. It was an amazing adventure, a therapeutic creative journey.
I encourage you to take a step towards your curiosity to write a fiction. I am willing to bet that a whole bunch of interesting characters are waiting to come alive, just needing your creative spark.
#4
General Discussion / Re: Writing about the trauma: ...
Last post by Blueberry - December 21, 2025, 11:24:10 PMHelpful or self-harm?
Writing it out could be helpful for others but harmful for you. I've written bits of my story over the years, including for the OOTS book that is coming out sometime. I recall that threw me for a loop and iirc what I wrote was only a tiny bit of what happened.
I don't know that writing it all down will put it to rest. I mean, you're still going to be triggered sometimes aren't you? Especially since traumatic memories aren't linear or all verbal. I've found telling or writing bits where I will experience validation e.g. in therapy or on here is best. Just my experience might be different for you of course.
Writing it out could be helpful for others but harmful for you. I've written bits of my story over the years, including for the OOTS book that is coming out sometime. I recall that threw me for a loop and iirc what I wrote was only a tiny bit of what happened.
I don't know that writing it all down will put it to rest. I mean, you're still going to be triggered sometimes aren't you? Especially since traumatic memories aren't linear or all verbal. I've found telling or writing bits where I will experience validation e.g. in therapy or on here is best. Just my experience might be different for you of course.
#5
General Discussion / Re: Writing about the trauma: ...
Last post by Kizzie - December 21, 2025, 05:36:26 PMQuote from: Saluki on December 21, 2025, 01:57:49 PMEven well meaning people say things like "it happened a long time ago, why don't you get over it? It was the abuser's fault then but now it's your fault now for not taking control of your own life".
In 2016 I was having my knee replaced and the anaesthesiologist (had to see him before surgery) asked about CPTSD on my form. I told him what it is and he asked "Isn't that something you could have left in your childhood?" In other words, "Why haven't you gotten over it?" just as you suggested. I didn't get angry (he was afterall going to be poking me with a needle), but did my best to explain and left it with him. Let's hope somewhere along the way he did look into it or was offered some professional development about trauma.
I do think things are getting better and that we here at OOTS are helping with that. Check out the healthcare guide we came up with - https://www.outofthestorm.website/healthcare-project. We also have the book we put together that will be available to one and all once it's published. And if you Google complex trauma and/or CPTSD a LOT will pop up that for me indicates we're going in the right direction now. That wasn't so much the case 11 years ago when OOTS was just new. I also know there is more and more research being done to make treatment more effective and available so better times are on the horizon. All of which is to say, I hope this gives you hope that things will get better for us in terms of understanding, treatment, services and support.
#6
Podcasts, Videos & Documentaries / Re: Attachment Focused EMDR - ...
Last post by Marcine - December 21, 2025, 02:16:42 PMHi Hope,
Thank you for sharing that resource.
Her emphasis on creating a safety net of trust first and foremost was reassuring to hear.
It was fascinating to hear about other cultures' ancient bilateral healing practices. And sad that CBT is being promoted in places as "more evolved" than somatic understanding.
Thank you for sharing that resource.
Her emphasis on creating a safety net of trust first and foremost was reassuring to hear.
It was fascinating to hear about other cultures' ancient bilateral healing practices. And sad that CBT is being promoted in places as "more evolved" than somatic understanding.
#7
General Discussion / Re: Writing about the trauma: ...
Last post by Saluki - December 21, 2025, 01:57:49 PMThank you so much for your insight, Kizzie. Yes, you're right. It does come from a place of not understanding, doesn't it? I wonder why the person who stormed off the zoom call registered in the first place, if they didn't put the work in to first understand the research.
I think some of the people who write horrible things are aware that they've been complicit in abuse or have directly abused someone, so they're either defensive or just being their abusive selves. What they write says more about them than it does about us. Thanks so much Kizzie, it's part of my recovery to become resilient and the ability to decide not to even read horrible comments for example is important. I used to spend a lot of time doom scrolling and reporting abusive comments and whilst that's maybe helpful in a tiny way, it wasn't helpful to me to be reading all that stuff.
Even well meaning people say things like "it happened a long time ago, why don't you get over it? It was the abuser's fault then but now it's your fault now for not taking control of your own life".
It's very frustrating for me to be stuck, desperately waiting to be able to do stuff but putting it off because I'm scared, or because I'm permanently exhausted. I don't want trauma to ruin my life going forward- because I survived, I'm physically safe now. I want to be strong now and it's so frustrating that I can't magically feel strong and alert and energetic (quite the opposite actually).
Maybe I'll start compiling stuff I've already written and go from there. I have all the time in the world to procrastinate. Which is something I desperately need to learn to overcome.
I think some of the people who write horrible things are aware that they've been complicit in abuse or have directly abused someone, so they're either defensive or just being their abusive selves. What they write says more about them than it does about us. Thanks so much Kizzie, it's part of my recovery to become resilient and the ability to decide not to even read horrible comments for example is important. I used to spend a lot of time doom scrolling and reporting abusive comments and whilst that's maybe helpful in a tiny way, it wasn't helpful to me to be reading all that stuff.
Even well meaning people say things like "it happened a long time ago, why don't you get over it? It was the abuser's fault then but now it's your fault now for not taking control of your own life".
It's very frustrating for me to be stuck, desperately waiting to be able to do stuff but putting it off because I'm scared, or because I'm permanently exhausted. I don't want trauma to ruin my life going forward- because I survived, I'm physically safe now. I want to be strong now and it's so frustrating that I can't magically feel strong and alert and energetic (quite the opposite actually).
Maybe I'll start compiling stuff I've already written and go from there. I have all the time in the world to procrastinate. Which is something I desperately need to learn to overcome.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Marcine - December 21, 2025, 01:38:39 PMThe headache comes again and this time I take it as a call to slow and stop.
I breathe a few deep sighs. Doesn't make the pain go away. But it will get worse if I keep tense and running.
Uncurling, unflinching, not-fleeing...
Terrifyingly vulnerable, exposed, out in the open, been spotted, deep urge to bolt. Feels like life or death.
Heart beat pulsing, throbbing.
I am not a small rabbit or any kind of prey... anymore.
There are no hawks or predators watching me... anymore.
But lately I have been more exposed as I engage more with the world. And it doesn't feel great.
Recently I was a substitute teacher at a local school that had installed an AI security system that scans every car license plate/make/model/color upon entry and exit from the campus doing a back ground check on the owner, also scanning all faces on the campus (adults and children), is linked to an extensive network of cameras monitoring staff and student movements, and public schools are exempt here from requirements to disclose publicly that biometric data is being collected.(!)
I learned all this the day I was on campus from a fellow teacher.
The feelings of being monitored and the secretive data collecting in the name of "protecting the students from predators" is all extremely disturbing to me.
This is not a big city school with history of campus violence. It is a small school in a relatively safe, quiet corner of the world.
Yesterday I was out at a kid event at the library with my son, his friend, and his mom. Then went to a local sports game.
It was a lot for me in this state of feeling exposed. I don't really enjoy being around crowds and loud noises.
Ok, wait, let me rephrase more accurately—
I abhor being in crowds.
I am deeply unwilling to "play along to get along".
The fact that I used to contort myself to fit social situations... well, I don't have to continue to do that.
It's true— I am becoming a morally-upstanding social menace.
And I don't mind it one bit.
Huh and what do ya know, the headache has subsided just a tad now.
Well then.
I breathe a few deep sighs. Doesn't make the pain go away. But it will get worse if I keep tense and running.
Uncurling, unflinching, not-fleeing...
Terrifyingly vulnerable, exposed, out in the open, been spotted, deep urge to bolt. Feels like life or death.
Heart beat pulsing, throbbing.
I am not a small rabbit or any kind of prey... anymore.
There are no hawks or predators watching me... anymore.
But lately I have been more exposed as I engage more with the world. And it doesn't feel great.
Recently I was a substitute teacher at a local school that had installed an AI security system that scans every car license plate/make/model/color upon entry and exit from the campus doing a back ground check on the owner, also scanning all faces on the campus (adults and children), is linked to an extensive network of cameras monitoring staff and student movements, and public schools are exempt here from requirements to disclose publicly that biometric data is being collected.(!)
I learned all this the day I was on campus from a fellow teacher.
The feelings of being monitored and the secretive data collecting in the name of "protecting the students from predators" is all extremely disturbing to me.
This is not a big city school with history of campus violence. It is a small school in a relatively safe, quiet corner of the world.
Yesterday I was out at a kid event at the library with my son, his friend, and his mom. Then went to a local sports game.
It was a lot for me in this state of feeling exposed. I don't really enjoy being around crowds and loud noises.
Ok, wait, let me rephrase more accurately—
I abhor being in crowds.
I am deeply unwilling to "play along to get along".
The fact that I used to contort myself to fit social situations... well, I don't have to continue to do that.
It's true— I am becoming a morally-upstanding social menace.
And I don't mind it one bit.
Huh and what do ya know, the headache has subsided just a tad now.
Well then.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Post-Traumatic Growth Jour...
Last post by NarcKiddo - December 21, 2025, 01:11:18 PMI'm sorry you had that experience with the neighbour in the garden. I do very much admire your self-awareness in saying you lightly fawned your way through it. I will often lean on old coping mechanisms in that way - but I think there is actually nothing wrong with that if you are aware of them (at the time or when thinking about it afterwards) and can see that they were used reasonably and with purpose. I mean, as an adult with agency (as my T likes to say), you could have told him very rudely to 
but that would probably not enhance community relations.
but that would probably not enhance community relations. #10
Recovery Journals / Re: My journey so far
Last post by dollyvee - December 21, 2025, 11:58:58 AMSending you support for your holiday L2N 