Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Miscellaneous ramblings of...
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 09:30:22 PMIt's tough to realize you have been a cog in a machine. I feel that.
When you wrote of your need to STFU I thought of this internet lawyer duo online, "Pot brothers at Law." They have many memes and YouTube videos just a minute long where they give you the script when the police pull you over. You answer two questions and then "STFU." And they say it in such a funny way, because truly, we have to practice STFU. It's our habit to comply with police, with authority, it's natural to answer questions, it's difficult to not try to be helpful--even to help the police! So we must practice over and over, "And then what do you do?" "You STFU!" LOL. It's something I am working on, too.
When you wrote of your need to STFU I thought of this internet lawyer duo online, "Pot brothers at Law." They have many memes and YouTube videos just a minute long where they give you the script when the police pull you over. You answer two questions and then "STFU." And they say it in such a funny way, because truly, we have to practice STFU. It's our habit to comply with police, with authority, it's natural to answer questions, it's difficult to not try to be helpful--even to help the police! So we must practice over and over, "And then what do you do?" "You STFU!" LOL. It's something I am working on, too.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 09:24:27 PMThere is definitely a rhythm to caretaking! Glad you can rest now and that she is on the mend.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Dalloway´s Recovery Journa...
Last post by HannahOne - Today at 09:22:30 PMDalloway, just reading this now. What a profound experience. You have what it takes, and when you don't, you will find it. That's how motherhood works. And you are parenting yourself in this new way. I was so moved to read in more detail what it was like for you to see the depressed, child part of you and have that compassion for it. So that there was room for "all" of you in one moment, both the child part and the adult. Thank you so much for sharing. I am going to be thinking about this in the days ahead. It's so important to have this kind of attachment with ourselves, as we didn't have it with our parents. Yet even now we can do repair, even now we can bring the child of the past into the present, where all is well, where we are. We do not have to leave that child in the past pain. I'm so happy for you to have had this experience.
#4
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: opening up to support
Last post by MiaBailey - Today at 07:28:19 PMMoshi, I get it. I feel that as a trauma survivor that I am wired a bit differently. I believe that I connect on a different level. Often times, I have a difficult time relating to non-traumatized people as their crises seem so trivial and I have a hard time understanding how something (that I may perceive as) so silly could upset them. Then, I feel like an absolute jerk. Why the heck am I doing that? Then, am I only capable of having friends who have been traumatized? Then, I want to run the * away. Do I need to go live on top of a mountain. And, I go round and round on that merry-go-round. Then, I need to be more social. Then I get more social and then it's like way too peopley out here. It's part of my anxiety cycle. It's my attempts at finding a balance. That usually means that I've spent too much time in my head thinking. Great music and a scenic drive helps a good bit on these kind of days.
My husband suffers from good parenting. I have never met a more level-headed, non-anxious person in my lifetime. His calmness sometimes drives me nuts. He will never understand the anxiety and unpredictability of having a history of trauma and I will never understand what it is like to live in his perfectly serene mind. So, I go back and forth
My husband suffers from good parenting. I have never met a more level-headed, non-anxious person in my lifetime. His calmness sometimes drives me nuts. He will never understand the anxiety and unpredictability of having a history of trauma and I will never understand what it is like to live in his perfectly serene mind. So, I go back and forth
#5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: My Story
Last post by MiaBailey - Today at 07:10:06 PMYes, "grieving what didn't happen."
Quote from: TheBigBlue on Today at 01:25:57 AM(I have no idea how to quote someone on this forum). The BigBlue said this above and it's spot on. Raging narcissists are so much easier to identify. My mother (a narcissist) was the master at manipulation and mind games. She never overtly harmed me, it was all psychological war fare.
I didn't really have a clue about what I had been through until my mid-40s; I've grappled with guilt and shame as I was raised as a southern girl in a Baptist family and you simply do not disrespect your parents . . . you certainly do not talk to strangers about family matters. Blah blah. I got over all of that.
I do know that I could never, ever find a mother's day card -- they all felt like a lie. I would buy a blank one and write a note.
#6
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: What is this feeling
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 06:22:43 PM
to you Blue Sky #7
Books & Articles / Re: Gisèle Pelicot - A Hymn to...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 06:15:59 PMQuote from: dollyvee on Today at 09:38:05 AMThe sad thing is is that there is also a city councillor in the UK that has also been accused of doing this.
I wonder how much Gisèle's case is just the tip of the iceberg, unfortunately. Not just in France but in other countries too.
#8
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: What is this feeling
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 04:53:51 PMHey Blue Sky, big hug as I know that would definitely stir up a lot of emotions for the reasons NK suggests
I know one place my mind went to is "Will he abuse her too?" I wonder what if anything he thinks to himself knowing what what he did to you now that he has a child. Maybe he's able to stuff it down but hopefully she will like "a burr under the saddle" for him. We can only hope.
I know one place my mind went to is "Will he abuse her too?" I wonder what if anything he thinks to himself knowing what what he did to you now that he has a child. Maybe he's able to stuff it down but hopefully she will like "a burr under the saddle" for him. We can only hope.
#9
Books & Articles / Re: Gisèle Pelicot - A Hymn to...
Last post by Kizzie - Today at 04:30:40 PMSO, I don't speak French but tks for being willing to look up the link.
It is rather depressing to hear of so much predatory sexual abuse/trafficking in the news at the moment. At the same time, I think (hope) this is a wake up call about what is happening behind a LOT of closed doors.
I see so many resigning/ being fired in the fallout from the Epstein files and it gives me hope that we can hold abusers accountable, even if they are rich and powerful. I must admit I cheered when King Charles stripped his brother Andrew of his titles and royal goodies. It sends a very powerful message worldwide and we need that, to know that powerful people will be outed and punished. I know Trump hasn't been but I think (hope) that it's a matter of when not if. Fingers crossed!
It is rather depressing to hear of so much predatory sexual abuse/trafficking in the news at the moment. At the same time, I think (hope) this is a wake up call about what is happening behind a LOT of closed doors.
I see so many resigning/ being fired in the fallout from the Epstein files and it gives me hope that we can hold abusers accountable, even if they are rich and powerful. I must admit I cheered when King Charles stripped his brother Andrew of his titles and royal goodies. It sends a very powerful message worldwide and we need that, to know that powerful people will be outed and punished. I know Trump hasn't been but I think (hope) that it's a matter of when not if. Fingers crossed!
#10
SOT - Sense of Threat / Re: What is this feeling
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 04:29:36 PMI can understand that you would feel upset and confused to see this picture.
Maybe you recognise an expression or a posture more than just physical looks. Your husband did not know you at that age, I assume, so I guess he can only compare photos he has seen of you at that age.
I'm sad to see you say that the poor girl has no choice, if indeed she does resemble you, although I am not sure why you might say that. It's good to read later on that you think she is a cute baby and that you were, too. Because that has to be right.
In your position I would be trying, gently, to think through the confusion. To acknowledge that this cute baby is not Little Blue Sky. But to recognise that Little Blue Sky may be scared for this baby. She was badly, so badly, treated by the man who now has this young child in his care. It's bound to stir up horrible feelings and memories for you. Maybe there is even an element of Little Blue Sky feeling that the resemblance somehow plunges her back into that scary time. Of course that is not the case but it does not mean that a child may not have such fears. You may not feel the strong presence of an inner child, and I apologise if this post assumes that you do, but memories from back then will likely sting. Please be kind and gentle with yourself as you work through your questions and your feelings. I doubt ignoring them will make them go away. So it's good you have come to express them here.
Maybe you recognise an expression or a posture more than just physical looks. Your husband did not know you at that age, I assume, so I guess he can only compare photos he has seen of you at that age.
I'm sad to see you say that the poor girl has no choice, if indeed she does resemble you, although I am not sure why you might say that. It's good to read later on that you think she is a cute baby and that you were, too. Because that has to be right.
In your position I would be trying, gently, to think through the confusion. To acknowledge that this cute baby is not Little Blue Sky. But to recognise that Little Blue Sky may be scared for this baby. She was badly, so badly, treated by the man who now has this young child in his care. It's bound to stir up horrible feelings and memories for you. Maybe there is even an element of Little Blue Sky feeling that the resemblance somehow plunges her back into that scary time. Of course that is not the case but it does not mean that a child may not have such fears. You may not feel the strong presence of an inner child, and I apologise if this post assumes that you do, but memories from back then will likely sting. Please be kind and gentle with yourself as you work through your questions and your feelings. I doubt ignoring them will make them go away. So it's good you have come to express them here.