Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Chart - Today at 05:24:48 AMI believe something in the Universe works. I believe Love that falls into a black hole, does not disappear. I believe there are an infinity of realities and ours is there before us and with our spirit and determination, we will come to it, in understanding, acceptance and indestructible peace.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Chart - Today at 04:55:59 AMThankyou Marcine, your beautiful post came at a very appropriate moment for me. Your words were inspiring and touching.
#3
Medication / Re: Multiple medications, long...
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 08, 2026, 10:45:05 PMI can't offer medical advice, but I want to say this sounds very familiar from what I have read about various medications and what others on this forum have written about.
Long-term use of certain psychiatric medications - especially benzodiazepines - is known in the medical literature to be associated, in some cases, with persistent withdrawal symptoms and neurological effects.
Trauma itself can also profoundly affect the nervous system and body over time, which often gets missed or misattributed in care.
What stands out most to me is how long you've been carrying this without adequate explanation, validation, or informed follow-up. That alone can be deeply destabilizing. It makes sense to wonder about cause and effect and to want answers, especially as symptoms change with age.
If it's possible, a neurologist or internist who is familiar with medication-induced movement disorders and trauma-related autonomic issues might be better positioned to help untangle this than psychiatry alone. And you're absolutely not wrong for questioning a system that hasn't given you clarity or relief.
I'm really glad you spoke up here. You're not alone in this, even if the healthcare system has made it feel that way. 💛
References:
1. Benzodiazepines & long-term / protracted withdrawal: There is documented evidence that long-term benzodiazepine use can lead to persistent withdrawal symptoms in some patients.
Ashton, H. (2005). The diagnosis and management of benzodiazepine dependence.
Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 18(3), 249–255.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16639148/
2. Drug-induced parkinsonism is a recognized neurological condition described in the literature.
De Faria Sousa B, Espinosa JB. Drug-Induced Parkinsonism: A Structured, Mechanism-Informed Approach to Identification and Management. Cureus. 2025 Dec 2;17(12):e98340. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41487741/
3. Trauma can produce long-lasting autonomic dysregulation affecting fatigue, balance, and physiological stress responses.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma.
Long-term use of certain psychiatric medications - especially benzodiazepines - is known in the medical literature to be associated, in some cases, with persistent withdrawal symptoms and neurological effects.
Trauma itself can also profoundly affect the nervous system and body over time, which often gets missed or misattributed in care.
What stands out most to me is how long you've been carrying this without adequate explanation, validation, or informed follow-up. That alone can be deeply destabilizing. It makes sense to wonder about cause and effect and to want answers, especially as symptoms change with age.
If it's possible, a neurologist or internist who is familiar with medication-induced movement disorders and trauma-related autonomic issues might be better positioned to help untangle this than psychiatry alone. And you're absolutely not wrong for questioning a system that hasn't given you clarity or relief.
I'm really glad you spoke up here. You're not alone in this, even if the healthcare system has made it feel that way. 💛
References:
1. Benzodiazepines & long-term / protracted withdrawal: There is documented evidence that long-term benzodiazepine use can lead to persistent withdrawal symptoms in some patients.
Ashton, H. (2005). The diagnosis and management of benzodiazepine dependence.
Current Opinion in Psychiatry, 18(3), 249–255.
https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/16639148/
2. Drug-induced parkinsonism is a recognized neurological condition described in the literature.
De Faria Sousa B, Espinosa JB. Drug-Induced Parkinsonism: A Structured, Mechanism-Informed Approach to Identification and Management. Cureus. 2025 Dec 2;17(12):e98340. https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/41487741/
3. Trauma can produce long-lasting autonomic dysregulation affecting fatigue, balance, and physiological stress responses.
Porges, S. W. (2011). The polyvagal theory.
van der Kolk, B. A. (2014). The body keeps the score: Brain, mind, and body in the healing of trauma.
#4
Medication / Multiple medications, long ter...
Last post by RogerP - February 08, 2026, 09:51:12 PMHi. I've been treated for just about everything now, depression, anxiety, bipolar II, borderline personality disorder. I was finally diagnosed with cPTSD 2 years ago.
Throughout the late 2000s I was in the "care" of psychiatrists. As a result I spent 2½ years on an overdose level of clonazepam, and for six years had all of the SSRI and SNRIs, several "mood stabilizers" and several other drugs that I can't remember pushed on me ("well, if you won't follow my suggestions we can't treat you anymore").
Ever since, my balance is off, I fall, I have extreme PWS from the benzodiazepines, I still suffer from depression and anxiety, Parkinsonism, etc., in some cases more profoundly and more often than before.
It's been over ten years now. Most of the time I can manage to exist functionally but SAD makes it all worse. I'm in my sixties now and all of the symptoms are increasing and worsening. Does this sound familiar to anybody? I don't have anyone to ask here, we have a brutally primitive health care system and the stigma around mental health issues is as bad as ever.
What kind of a doctor can help diagnose the cause/effect of these drugs?
TIA
Throughout the late 2000s I was in the "care" of psychiatrists. As a result I spent 2½ years on an overdose level of clonazepam, and for six years had all of the SSRI and SNRIs, several "mood stabilizers" and several other drugs that I can't remember pushed on me ("well, if you won't follow my suggestions we can't treat you anymore").
Ever since, my balance is off, I fall, I have extreme PWS from the benzodiazepines, I still suffer from depression and anxiety, Parkinsonism, etc., in some cases more profoundly and more often than before.
It's been over ten years now. Most of the time I can manage to exist functionally but SAD makes it all worse. I'm in my sixties now and all of the symptoms are increasing and worsening. Does this sound familiar to anybody? I don't have anyone to ask here, we have a brutally primitive health care system and the stigma around mental health issues is as bad as ever.
What kind of a doctor can help diagnose the cause/effect of these drugs?
TIA
#5
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by Kizzie - February 08, 2026, 05:13:29 PMHannah, this is awesome and I am so very glad for you. Stories like yours are the reason I advocate for us to healthcare professionals and institutions. Imagine how things would have been if you'd had a clinician who knew about, understood and had experienced medical trauma way back when.
There is so much more science to each of us than even we know sometimes and as we all explore this terrible fate of CPTSD and what it does to us mentally and physically, hopefully we can shine a light on the impact and losses we experience so we have access to the care we need and deserve.
I hope you are on a good path that will help relieve a lot of what you've been dealing with!!
There is so much more science to each of us than even we know sometimes and as we all explore this terrible fate of CPTSD and what it does to us mentally and physically, hopefully we can shine a light on the impact and losses we experience so we have access to the care we need and deserve.
I hope you are on a good path that will help relieve a lot of what you've been dealing with!!
#6
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by NarcKiddo - February 08, 2026, 04:27:11 PMGiven the voice is strongest when you are resting and, if I understand your post correctly, feeling that rest to be beneficial, I agree with the others that it sounds more like a critical voice. The "should" word is also generally a critical sort of word.
I agree with the advice to meet the voice with compassion rather than obedience, and I would also suggest you add some curiosity. Ask where it thinks you should be. What it thinks you should be doing. Why it thinks that.
I think it is also worth remembering that the pursuit of happiness can be an endless task, meaning you are never content with where you are. These days, now I have some experience of contentment, I find it helpful to acknowledge times I am content and appreciate them, rather than always seeking something "better". I am not at all meaning to be critical here of your desire for happiness because we all want that. It's just that happiness can become some mythical state of being we never attain if we are not actually sure what happiness even is. I also don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the present or seeking the occasional bit of instant gratification.
I agree with the advice to meet the voice with compassion rather than obedience, and I would also suggest you add some curiosity. Ask where it thinks you should be. What it thinks you should be doing. Why it thinks that.
I think it is also worth remembering that the pursuit of happiness can be an endless task, meaning you are never content with where you are. These days, now I have some experience of contentment, I find it helpful to acknowledge times I am content and appreciate them, rather than always seeking something "better". I am not at all meaning to be critical here of your desire for happiness because we all want that. It's just that happiness can become some mythical state of being we never attain if we are not actually sure what happiness even is. I also don't think there is anything wrong with enjoying the present or seeking the occasional bit of instant gratification.
#7
Medication / Re: Does this sound like a psy...
Last post by erik5 - February 08, 2026, 04:24:28 PMQuote from: TheBigBlue on February 08, 2026, 03:44:05 PMErik, I can't give medical advice, but I do want to share how this lands for me, based on my own experience.
What you're describing does raise questions about whether your care is truly trauma-informed. Especially when CPTSD is a formal diagnosis, it's concerning if trauma rarely comes up at all, and if exhaustion, dissociation, and reliance on distraction are framed primarily as "rigidity" or motivation issues rather than possible nervous-system overwhelm.
In my experience (this may differ by country), psychiatrists often focus mainly on medication management. The most meaningful work for me has happened in trauma-informed psychotherapy - where safety and stabilization come first, long before pushing return-to-work or trauma processing. For me, fatigue, shutdown, and heavy use of distraction weren't avoidance or laziness; they were ways my nervous system coped when it felt overwhelmed or unsafe. When that wasn't recognized, I felt misunderstood.
A core principle I've learned is that safety and stability come before pressure. If returning to work doesn't feel possible right now and your body is clearly saying "too much," that deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Trauma can absolutely show up as exhaustion, autonomic symptoms, and collapse - even if it doesn't look dramatic on the surface.
I think it's reasonable to trust your own sense here. Pushing back with questions, asking directly how CPTSD is being considered in your care, or seeking a second opinion doesn't mean you're being difficult - it means you're advocating for yourself. You deserve care that understands trauma, not care that explains it away.
You're not alone in this, and your doubts make sense to me.
(If that's ok)
Thank you for the feedback.
I brought up the possibility if I could be in the dorsal vagal shutdown state (not sure I used the right terms) and that that's why I'm so exhausted, but he said that that's impossible since you can only be that state for a few days, which seems to be incorrect according to what I've read, though I'm not sure. He changed the topic after that, so it seems like he doesn't consider that this can could have anything to do with my exhaustion.
I have other symptoms of freeze shutdown, like an abnormally low heart rate, shaking, rigid and floppy muscles, brain fog, and I was diagnosed with dissociation. I also recognize myself as a typical freeze-type in Pete Walker's book about CPTSD.
Low energy has always been a problem, but it got worse when I was working, so if I have freeze shutdown I think work may have overwhelmed me.
Someone said that SNRI meds that calms down fight/flight treated their trauma-induced chronic fatigue, but as far as I know he hasn't mentioned prescribing such meds for me.
#8
Medication / Re: Does this sound like a psy...
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 08, 2026, 03:44:05 PMErik, I can't give medical advice, but I do want to share how this lands for me, based on my own experience.
What you're describing does raise questions about whether your care is truly trauma-informed. Especially when CPTSD is a formal diagnosis, it's concerning if trauma rarely comes up at all, and if exhaustion, dissociation, and reliance on distraction are framed primarily as "rigidity" or motivation issues rather than possible nervous-system overwhelm.
In my experience (this may differ by country), psychiatrists often focus mainly on medication management. The most meaningful work for me has happened in trauma-informed psychotherapy - where safety and stabilization come first, long before pushing return-to-work or trauma processing. For me, fatigue, shutdown, and heavy use of distraction weren't avoidance or laziness; they were ways my nervous system coped when it felt overwhelmed or unsafe. When that wasn't recognized, I felt misunderstood.
A core principle I've learned is that safety and stability come before pressure. If returning to work doesn't feel possible right now and your body is clearly saying "too much," that deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Trauma can absolutely show up as exhaustion, autonomic symptoms, and collapse - even if it doesn't look dramatic on the surface.
I think it's reasonable to trust your own sense here. Pushing back with questions, asking directly how CPTSD is being considered in your care, or seeking a second opinion doesn't mean you're being difficult - it means you're advocating for yourself. You deserve care that understands trauma, not care that explains it away.
You're not alone in this, and your doubts make sense to me.
(If that's ok)
What you're describing does raise questions about whether your care is truly trauma-informed. Especially when CPTSD is a formal diagnosis, it's concerning if trauma rarely comes up at all, and if exhaustion, dissociation, and reliance on distraction are framed primarily as "rigidity" or motivation issues rather than possible nervous-system overwhelm.
In my experience (this may differ by country), psychiatrists often focus mainly on medication management. The most meaningful work for me has happened in trauma-informed psychotherapy - where safety and stabilization come first, long before pushing return-to-work or trauma processing. For me, fatigue, shutdown, and heavy use of distraction weren't avoidance or laziness; they were ways my nervous system coped when it felt overwhelmed or unsafe. When that wasn't recognized, I felt misunderstood.
A core principle I've learned is that safety and stability come before pressure. If returning to work doesn't feel possible right now and your body is clearly saying "too much," that deserves to be heard and taken seriously. Trauma can absolutely show up as exhaustion, autonomic symptoms, and collapse - even if it doesn't look dramatic on the surface.
I think it's reasonable to trust your own sense here. Pushing back with questions, asking directly how CPTSD is being considered in your care, or seeking a second opinion doesn't mean you're being difficult - it means you're advocating for yourself. You deserve care that understands trauma, not care that explains it away.
You're not alone in this, and your doubts make sense to me.
(If that's ok)
#9
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 08, 2026, 03:26:27 PMDalloway, reading this, my sense is very similar to what others have shared: this sounds much more like the inner critic than the voice of the true self.
For me, the inner critic is never satisfied. It doesn't allow rest, it keeps moving the goalposts, and it turns quiet moments into reminders of what is "not enough." In my own history, that voice grew out of having to earn attention and safety. As a child, I learned that maybe if I worked harder, achieved more, stayed perfect, or took up less space, I might finally be seen as worthy of love. Cognitively, I know now that this was never true - it reflected my parent's limitations, not my worth - but for the five-year-old me, it was the lived reality for half a decade.
Because of that, this voice still shows up especially when things slow down. Rest can feel dangerous. Stillness gives it room to speak. And it often disguises itself as "truth" or "motivation," when in reality it's rooted in fear, pressure, and conditional worth.
What has helped me - or better is helping me - isn't arguing with it or trying to force it away, but naming it, letting its origins be witnessed, and meeting it with compassion rather than obedience. That's slow work - and very human work.
You were always enough. You were always worthy of love, long before doing or achieving anything. 💛
For me, the inner critic is never satisfied. It doesn't allow rest, it keeps moving the goalposts, and it turns quiet moments into reminders of what is "not enough." In my own history, that voice grew out of having to earn attention and safety. As a child, I learned that maybe if I worked harder, achieved more, stayed perfect, or took up less space, I might finally be seen as worthy of love. Cognitively, I know now that this was never true - it reflected my parent's limitations, not my worth - but for the five-year-old me, it was the lived reality for half a decade.
Because of that, this voice still shows up especially when things slow down. Rest can feel dangerous. Stillness gives it room to speak. And it often disguises itself as "truth" or "motivation," when in reality it's rooted in fear, pressure, and conditional worth.
What has helped me - or better is helping me - isn't arguing with it or trying to force it away, but naming it, letting its origins be witnessed, and meeting it with compassion rather than obedience. That's slow work - and very human work.
You were always enough. You were always worthy of love, long before doing or achieving anything. 💛
#10
Medication / Does this sound like a psychia...
Last post by erik5 - February 08, 2026, 12:54:49 PMI'm asking here because I'm worried my care may not be trauma-informed. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, dissociation, and I experience constant fatigue. I used to work part-time, but over time my fatigue worsened to the point where I couldn't continue, and I'm now on full disability.
I've tried multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they've had little effect. Trauma has barely come up in my sessions, even though CPTSD is a formal diagnosis.
During the day I mostly use the internet for distraction, both because I feel too depressed and exhausted to be active and because it helps me cope with mental pain. If I'm not distracted, I easily get panic and emotional flashbacks.
My psychiatrist has suggested that I might have mild, undiagnosed autism and that I'm stuck in rigid behavior, which he believes explains why I don't do much besides using the computer. This doesn't seem correct to me, I feel more exhausted, unmotivated, and driven to distract myself. He prescribed a medication for "rigid behavior" and said he was sure it would change my life a lot, but it had no effect.
He also thought my exhaustion might be a medication side effect, but changing medications didn't help. I've wondered whether my fatigue could be trauma-related, especially given physical symptoms like a very low heart rate and muscle shaking, but he has never brought up this as a possibility or medications for CPTSD.
He now wants me to return to work and think it will help, even though I've said that I feel just as exhausted.
Does this sound like a lack of trauma-informed care and would it be reasonable to push back or seek a different psychiatrist?
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate any perspectives.
I've tried multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they've had little effect. Trauma has barely come up in my sessions, even though CPTSD is a formal diagnosis.
During the day I mostly use the internet for distraction, both because I feel too depressed and exhausted to be active and because it helps me cope with mental pain. If I'm not distracted, I easily get panic and emotional flashbacks.
My psychiatrist has suggested that I might have mild, undiagnosed autism and that I'm stuck in rigid behavior, which he believes explains why I don't do much besides using the computer. This doesn't seem correct to me, I feel more exhausted, unmotivated, and driven to distract myself. He prescribed a medication for "rigid behavior" and said he was sure it would change my life a lot, but it had no effect.
He also thought my exhaustion might be a medication side effect, but changing medications didn't help. I've wondered whether my fatigue could be trauma-related, especially given physical symptoms like a very low heart rate and muscle shaking, but he has never brought up this as a possibility or medications for CPTSD.
He now wants me to return to work and think it will help, even though I've said that I feel just as exhausted.
Does this sound like a lack of trauma-informed care and would it be reasonable to push back or seek a different psychiatrist?
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate any perspectives.