Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Bach - Today at 07:56:08 PMBlueberry, I love your concept of activating yourself. Lately I have been thinking a lot about something like what you are describing, and I haven't had a word for it. I like activation, especially with the idea that it can be a small thing, a low-key thing, does not have to be doing a big project or even completing all the parts of a particular task, and in particular, does not have to be strenuous physical exercise! This is good stuff and I wish you the best with it!
#2
Letters of Recovery / Re: to the ones that raised me...
Last post by asdis - Today at 07:55:29 PMM, D-
We're moving this year, twice. First in June, then again sometime between June and November. We won't have our own place anymore but we won't need your help as much. We shouldn't be moving too far, but we really don't know anything about the second move yet. We don't know when to tell you.
We're going to have surgery this year too. A laparoscopy, to look for endometriosis, and a hysterectomy. We don't know when we'll tell you. We don't know when it'll happen. The surgery center called before we woke up this morning, they want to start scheduling appointments and everything. We're not calling them back yet. We don't know what timeline to put this on beyond before the end of the year. We want to come visit the dogs a couple more times before it happens. We'll be down for a minimum of six weeks afterwards and we promised them we'd see them more this year.
We're scared. But we know we can't be too scared. One day, before these things happen, you'll know. You'll need to know about the surgery, we'll need your help paying for it. We're still not telling you yet. We don't want to be talked out of our decisions or talked into alternative ones. We wish we could talk to M about the surgery, maybe we will, but definitely not yet. M won't understand our doctor's urgency or concern until it's her only choice. We wish we could talk to D about moving, about the fact that we still have things at a house we haven't lived in in three years, but you'll just want us to move back in with you two. So we'll wait until it's safer.
We're moving this year, twice. First in June, then again sometime between June and November. We won't have our own place anymore but we won't need your help as much. We shouldn't be moving too far, but we really don't know anything about the second move yet. We don't know when to tell you.
We're going to have surgery this year too. A laparoscopy, to look for endometriosis, and a hysterectomy. We don't know when we'll tell you. We don't know when it'll happen. The surgery center called before we woke up this morning, they want to start scheduling appointments and everything. We're not calling them back yet. We don't know what timeline to put this on beyond before the end of the year. We want to come visit the dogs a couple more times before it happens. We'll be down for a minimum of six weeks afterwards and we promised them we'd see them more this year.
We're scared. But we know we can't be too scared. One day, before these things happen, you'll know. You'll need to know about the surgery, we'll need your help paying for it. We're still not telling you yet. We don't want to be talked out of our decisions or talked into alternative ones. We wish we could talk to M about the surgery, maybe we will, but definitely not yet. M won't understand our doctor's urgency or concern until it's her only choice. We wish we could talk to D about moving, about the fact that we still have things at a house we haven't lived in in three years, but you'll just want us to move back in with you two. So we'll wait until it's safer.
#3
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Papa Coco - Today at 07:52:07 PMBB,
Good for you, for focusing on your own stuff today. And good on the dishwasher!!!! You've conquered that monster
Good for you, for focusing on your own stuff today. And good on the dishwasher!!!! You've conquered that monster
#4
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Papa Coco - Today at 07:48:13 PMSan,
I agree. It's nice that you are able to let yourself handle just what needs to be done and let the rest slide a day or two. Your D sounds like a real sweetheart to be so concerned about all you're doing for her. I always get a sense that there is a great deal of love between the two of you.
I agree. It's nice that you are able to let yourself handle just what needs to be done and let the rest slide a day or two. Your D sounds like a real sweetheart to be so concerned about all you're doing for her. I always get a sense that there is a great deal of love between the two of you.
#5
Successes, Progress? / Re: Putting the brakes on / li...
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 06:49:43 PMWell done. You are right that all the parts are important and deserve to be heard. I'm glad you were enjoying the Duolingo lessons and well done for getting on with them. I wonder if maybe some of the parts were concerned about the content of the sentences? I could be totally off base here but my own FOO forbade us from talking about family unless FOO curated what was said. At any rate it's good you put the brakes on so you can consider what your part(s) are trying to communicate.
I notice huge reluctance when I am trying to read certain books but I have not yet always managed to find out exactly who or why. I do know that Little NK who is probably between 5 and 8 is often satisfied by having a toy to hold and will then be content for me to read on. I think you have used that approach too?
to you. And
I notice huge reluctance when I am trying to read certain books but I have not yet always managed to find out exactly who or why. I do know that Little NK who is probably between 5 and 8 is often satisfied by having a toy to hold and will then be content for me to read on. I think you have used that approach too?
to you. And #6
Recovery Journals / Re: the next step
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 06:39:59 PM
Seconding NK.
Quote from: sanmagic7 on Today at 01:58:25 PMi'm quite worn out today, had a bunch of stuff i was going to do and just thinking about all of them last nite i knew it was too much.
This caught my eye because so familiar to and for me.
on acting on that today too, paring down what can wait till Sat. I like that you're doing hair and makeup tho that's mostly not my thing at all but when it occasionally has been, it has touched parts/aspects in me that are mostly not touched, in a beneficial way. I hope it is similar for you.
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 06:33:52 PM
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 06:28:04 PMQuote from: NarcKiddo on Today at 05:28:21 PMSending you good thoughts as you mull your new strategy.
Thank you.
A little while ago
was the feeling in my chest and it was definitely too much, so seeing your post was at least very apt. Mulling is also right! I'm feeling into a lot rn because of my new strategy. This is GOOD. Now I'm remembering and even feeling back into work with my brilliant trauma T who retired. Feeling minute changes in body, asking Parts / asking 'inwards' what those changes could mean and just observing. Also remembering that there were Ts (especially the one who retired) who spent a long time working with me, for me just to stay in my body w/o dissociating in order to be able to feel and observe. And that now, I can do that feeling and observing on my own. And also that is just an observation, it's not an order to get going working with a Part. Tho as I write that I recall that writing as I'm doing atm in a watchful, awakened way can help me lean into a Part a little bit, to hear a bit of what might be going on. Or even to tease a little bit out of whatever out. Not tease as in aggravate but tease as in allow, make space for, put my hands and especially fingers forward to gently make space among the fronds of pond weed to let whatever out, probably a shy Part that's maybe been hidden away a long time, somewhere dark under water, tho not so far a creepy place, more a dark green place. I used to need help to get that far in imagery, I often don't anymore. But if I were inpatient atm that might be something a T would do with me. Whereas :lightbulb: I can do it on my own in the comfort of my own place and space.
I also noted today that working on my Duolingo language course was a definite brain/mind activation. And that it was good to do so! I do tend more to thinking/writing/reading, but this was thinking with a purpose rather than rumination. It brought some joy e.g. at my progress, it jogged some "oh, this is interesting!" in my mind. So, activating myself is about more than physical activation, in fact the brain activating I was doing and the fact that I was interested in what I was doing caused me to sit up a little straighter and really focus, which both bring minute physical changes.
I didn't go into town today, but I did do some more genuine physical stuff, like some stretching exercises off-the-top-of-my-head kind of stuff, moving from one exercise to another and allowing my mind to ruminate while I was about it which helped me make my mind up. Also did a little more clean up in kitchen and put the dishwasher on.
Decided against going to the farm tomorrow to make up for not going today. Decided it makes better sense to concentrate on my own stuff today and tomorrow and especially go slowly! No leaps - it's better to make micro movements and observe and see what that might mean or what that might lead to. When I decide to do x and y and z and then j and k, I crash sooner or later. Some of my work at the farm involves cleaning or tidying odd spots, householdy stuff that I notice. Much better atm to do that at home instead, where it's really necessary rn. Good on the dishwasher!
So now I notice my attention wandering, probably time I looked back into what was going on during my language lesson? what did I overlook? what self-soothing would I have needed then? what do I or Parts need now?
#9
Successes, Progress? / Putting the brakes on / listen...
Last post by Blueberry - Today at 05:55:18 PMI was really enjoying working on my duolingo lessons today - full steam ahead and actually pausing to make up little sentences about me and my own life based on textbook examples. When either a bodily function? like breathing or that manifested as a Part began to have more and more trouble, I did eventually put the brakes on.
And have since been simply breathing normally to settle my breathing down again.
This is new-old progress. I have been here before in different contexts, but it's good to remind myself: ALL my Parts and what they are feeling is important, everybody needs and deserves to be heard. When that doesn't happen, some thing /some aspect of me forces me to listen. Putting the brakes on earlier would've been beneficial, but I did put them on eventually and that is PROGRESS.
And have since been simply breathing normally to settle my breathing down again.
This is new-old progress. I have been here before in different contexts, but it's good to remind myself: ALL my Parts and what they are feeling is important, everybody needs and deserves to be heard. When that doesn't happen, some thing /some aspect of me forces me to listen. Putting the brakes on earlier would've been beneficial, but I did put them on eventually and that is PROGRESS.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Activating myself
Last post by NarcKiddo - Today at 05:28:21 PM Doggy is probably TOO activated but in terms of emojis he seemed like the most suitable. Sending you good thoughts as you mull your new strategy.