Recent posts
#1
Recovery Journals / Re: Marcine’s journaling forwa...
Last post by Marcine - Today at 04:51:19 AMChart, NK and SO,
thank you for your compassionate and intelligent responses... I could delve into deep conversation on each reply. But since this is a journal, suffice to say that I am touched by the support you offer, I receive it gratefully with immense respect for the hard-earned insights you share generously.
On my quest for authentic self-expression, I looked today at the opposite— imposter syndrome (feeling like an incompetent fraud when others see a very capable individual) and found the work of Valerie Young.
She writes that everyone has unconscious rules about what it means to be competent. People who feel like imposters hold themselves to impossible standards of competency, which inevitably leads to falling short, evoking shame and self-doubt.
I decided to write a list for myself in response to: if I was a truly competent mother and human I should be able to always—-
... a list of 40 items streamed out onto the paper. From "I should be able to control all aspects of myself and conditions around me", "fix everything to be unbroken", "only say the right thing", "keep boundaries and make everyone happy", "spend no money", "fit in properly and be accepted by society", "know all", "have endless patience", "assure financial stability eternally", "prevent my kids from suffering", "never be a hassle", and "if I was a truly competent human, my parents would have loved me."
Every single one of the 40 items is so absurdly impossible and inhumanly unrealistic. And they have been operating in my subconscious as the benchmark for success in life... as definitions of being a competent human being!
I felt a joy and a relief in shining a light into this shadowy area of myself. I cherish the moments when I see one of my own blind spots. It is exhilarating and I feel freedom.
Now, I turn toward the task, the journey of redefining the true meaning of competency for myself.
A personal definition of success on my terms.
I see a path out of shame, inadequacy, self-blame and exhaustion from fighting the massive burden of carrying these unconscious sabotaging lies for so long.
I live for adventure and the journey towards truth.
thank you for your compassionate and intelligent responses... I could delve into deep conversation on each reply. But since this is a journal, suffice to say that I am touched by the support you offer, I receive it gratefully with immense respect for the hard-earned insights you share generously.
On my quest for authentic self-expression, I looked today at the opposite— imposter syndrome (feeling like an incompetent fraud when others see a very capable individual) and found the work of Valerie Young.
She writes that everyone has unconscious rules about what it means to be competent. People who feel like imposters hold themselves to impossible standards of competency, which inevitably leads to falling short, evoking shame and self-doubt.
I decided to write a list for myself in response to: if I was a truly competent mother and human I should be able to always—-
... a list of 40 items streamed out onto the paper. From "I should be able to control all aspects of myself and conditions around me", "fix everything to be unbroken", "only say the right thing", "keep boundaries and make everyone happy", "spend no money", "fit in properly and be accepted by society", "know all", "have endless patience", "assure financial stability eternally", "prevent my kids from suffering", "never be a hassle", and "if I was a truly competent human, my parents would have loved me."
Every single one of the 40 items is so absurdly impossible and inhumanly unrealistic. And they have been operating in my subconscious as the benchmark for success in life... as definitions of being a competent human being!
I felt a joy and a relief in shining a light into this shadowy area of myself. I cherish the moments when I see one of my own blind spots. It is exhilarating and I feel freedom.
Now, I turn toward the task, the journey of redefining the true meaning of competency for myself.
A personal definition of success on my terms.
I see a path out of shame, inadequacy, self-blame and exhaustion from fighting the massive burden of carrying these unconscious sabotaging lies for so long.
I live for adventure and the journey towards truth.
#2
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by TheBigBlue - December 11, 2025, 10:45:33 PMPapa Coco, thank you - truly. What you wrote put words to something I've only recently begun to let myself believe: I wasn't weak growing up. I was perceptive and empathic. And yes ... that made me the easier one to hurt.
Your framing of sensitivity as an inherent trait - even a superpower - really hit home. It mirrors so much of my own story: feeling everything intensely, and then being told that this was the problem, instead of recognizing it as the very thing that helped me notice, adapt, survive.
It's incredibly validating to hear sensitivity described not as a flaw to fix, but as a way of being wired that becomes strength once it isn't living under threat.
Thank you for putting that into words today. It landed exactly where I needed it.
Your framing of sensitivity as an inherent trait - even a superpower - really hit home. It mirrors so much of my own story: feeling everything intensely, and then being told that this was the problem, instead of recognizing it as the very thing that helped me notice, adapt, survive.
It's incredibly validating to hear sensitivity described not as a flaw to fix, but as a way of being wired that becomes strength once it isn't living under threat.
Thank you for putting that into words today. It landed exactly where I needed it.
#3
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Newly joined
Last post by Westman - December 11, 2025, 10:40:38 PMThank you for your replies, gratefully received, means a lot
#5
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Newly joined
Last post by TheBigBlue - December 11, 2025, 10:10:46 PMWelcome. I'm really glad you found your way here.
What you wrote resonated with me: that strange mix of something suddenly "making sense," while at the same time feeling disoriented or even like an impostor. Many of us have had that moment of thinking, "This fits ... but do I really count?" It's more common than you'd think.
And facing the possibility of CPTSD at the same time as a crisis in your marriage is a lot for any nervous system. It makes complete sense that everything feels upside down.
It takes real courage to look at patterns that have been there for a long time and to want to understand them rather than turn away. You're not alone here. Many of us arrived feeling confused, hopeful, scared, or all of the above.
I'm glad you joined. Take your time, read a bit, post when and if you feel ready.
There's room here for all of it: the uncertainty, the grief, the hope, and the quiet steps forward.
What you wrote resonated with me: that strange mix of something suddenly "making sense," while at the same time feeling disoriented or even like an impostor. Many of us have had that moment of thinking, "This fits ... but do I really count?" It's more common than you'd think.
And facing the possibility of CPTSD at the same time as a crisis in your marriage is a lot for any nervous system. It makes complete sense that everything feels upside down.
It takes real courage to look at patterns that have been there for a long time and to want to understand them rather than turn away. You're not alone here. Many of us arrived feeling confused, hopeful, scared, or all of the above.
I'm glad you joined. Take your time, read a bit, post when and if you feel ready.
There's room here for all of it: the uncertainty, the grief, the hope, and the quiet steps forward.
#6
Other / Re: Our Healing Porch Part 8
Last post by TheBigBlue - December 11, 2025, 09:53:54 PMSeeing the cookies on the porch table made me smile; it's amazing how this place has a way of softening the edges of a day.
I wander back up the steps with a mug of hot chocolate, the kind you hold with both hands because the warmth feels like company. The light has that late-afternoon hush to it, the kind that makes even breathing feel like an act of settling.
I'm pulling a blanket around my shoulders and taking one of those cookies - thank you, Chart's daughter! - and letting myself just be here with all of you. The gentle quiet, the crackle from inside the cabin, the soft thud of someone's footsteps on the porch boards ... it all feels like a place where nerves unclench without being asked.
If anyone wants company, I'm right here; not talking much, just sharing the stillness and passing the plate of cookies along.
Maybe tomorrow I'll wander down toward the lake and skip a stone or two - very un-skillfully, but trying.
It's good to be here with you all. 💛
I wander back up the steps with a mug of hot chocolate, the kind you hold with both hands because the warmth feels like company. The light has that late-afternoon hush to it, the kind that makes even breathing feel like an act of settling.
I'm pulling a blanket around my shoulders and taking one of those cookies - thank you, Chart's daughter! - and letting myself just be here with all of you. The gentle quiet, the crackle from inside the cabin, the soft thud of someone's footsteps on the porch boards ... it all feels like a place where nerves unclench without being asked.
If anyone wants company, I'm right here; not talking much, just sharing the stillness and passing the plate of cookies along.
Maybe tomorrow I'll wander down toward the lake and skip a stone or two - very un-skillfully, but trying.
It's good to be here with you all. 💛
#7
Recovery Journals / Re: Ran's journey
Last post by Ran - December 11, 2025, 09:35:24 PMQuote from: Chart on December 11, 2025, 05:54:36 PMQuote from: Ran on December 11, 2025, 12:42:58 PMI've been chatting with some people and over a long time I felt oh I like to chat with these people. I was feeling warm inside. I don't know why. I don't know them even too well. Just chatting about normal stuff is fun.I agree, Ran, connection is so important for me and helps me regulate. I connected with two people this week and it was very beneficial.
I'm talking to a person second day straight. He has very calming precence and it made me comfortable. I worry that my cptsd may interfiere, but right now I just enjoy talking. It's been amazing talking to him as he don't seem judgy. Though I keep rational mind.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by SenseOrgan - December 11, 2025, 07:58:10 PMYou're making sense to me Papa Coco. People who bully attempt to overcompensate for their insecurities by creating a sense of power over others, preferably in the form of terror, which means total power. It impacts those who are more sensitive more, so they are the low hanging fruit. I think perpetrators often perceive sensitivity as weakness. The aspect they despise about themselves and can't stand to be reminded of through others. Perhaps the jealousy is about seeing the actual strength in someone having the courage to be sensitive. If it can be defined/terrorized into a form of weakness, that gives the bully a sense that it can be kept out of awareness by force. It's all false, off course. Nobody has this kind of power. What is so, isn't impacted by changing the story about it. Only the arrogance of the mind believes so. Narcs are actually extremely insecure behind their mask of grandiosity, which can't be stressed enough.
The battle really is between love and fear. The narc has fallen prey to fear completely. It may seem we have too. But that isn't the case if you're heart is still open. So often things aren't what they seem to be at first sight.
I believe HSP's are at higher risk for (C-)PTSD. As, in general, events impact us more deeply. So starting off life in a toxic environment has a profound impact.
One question, if you don't mind. Is there really anything to forgive for being sensitive?
Much love
The battle really is between love and fear. The narc has fallen prey to fear completely. It may seem we have too. But that isn't the case if you're heart is still open. So often things aren't what they seem to be at first sight.
I believe HSP's are at higher risk for (C-)PTSD. As, in general, events impact us more deeply. So starting off life in a toxic environment has a profound impact.
One question, if you don't mind. Is there really anything to forgive for being sensitive?
Much love
#9
General Discussion / Re: (A lot) Truer than "I" tho...
Last post by Desert Flower - December 11, 2025, 07:57:44 PMThank you again, Armee and Chart. Your perspectives are invaluable and mean a lot to me.
Thank you Chart for your wise and kind words too. They give me more self-worth. Yes, this is the way.
Quote from: Armee on December 11, 2025, 05:41:51 PMFrom everything I have heard it is very common to start reliving the trauma when your child becomes the same age you were when it happened.Thank you for pointing this out, I tend to miss the obvious when I'm in a state like this. It makes perfect sense.
Thank you Chart for your wise and kind words too. They give me more self-worth. Yes, this is the way.
#10
Recovery Journals / Re: Papa Coco's Recovery Journ...
Last post by Desert Flower - December 11, 2025, 07:49:10 PMQuote from: Papa Coco on December 11, 2025, 06:50:45 PMWhat's happening within me this day is I'm finding another avenue for self-forgiveness. The more I read into this one book, (and I plan to find more books when I'm done with this one), the more I find an ability to forgive myself for being kinder, more compassionate, and more "sensitive" than the numb blokes that run around bullying people and calling that "manly."Hear! Hear!
Very beautiful Papa Coco. Very relatable too. I remember being called "too sensitive" at the age of four. And I always thought there was something wrong with me because of this. And there isn't, on the contrary!
