Recent posts
#1
Medication / Does this sound like a psychia...
Last post by erik5 - Today at 12:54:49 PMI'm asking here because I'm worried my care may not be trauma-informed. I've been diagnosed with CPTSD, depression, dissociation, and I experience constant fatigue. I used to work part-time, but over time my fatigue worsened to the point where I couldn't continue, and I'm now on full disability.
I've tried multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they've had little effect. Trauma has barely come up in my sessions, even though CPTSD is a formal diagnosis.
During the day I mostly use the internet for distraction, both because I feel too depressed and exhausted to be active and because it helps me cope with mental pain. If I'm not distracted, I easily get panic and emotional flashbacks.
My psychiatrist has suggested that I might have mild, undiagnosed autism and that I'm stuck in rigid behavior, which he believes explains why I don't do much besides using the computer. This doesn't seem correct to me, I feel more exhausted, unmotivated, and driven to distract myself. He prescribed a medication for "rigid behavior" and said he was sure it would change my life a lot, but it had no effect.
He also thought my exhaustion might be a medication side effect, but changing medications didn't help. I've wondered whether my fatigue could be trauma-related, especially given physical symptoms like a very low heart rate and muscle shaking, but he has never brought up this as a possibility or medications for CPTSD.
He now wants me to return to work and think it will help, even though I've said that I feel just as exhausted.
Does this sound like a lack of trauma-informed care and would it be reasonable to push back or seek a different psychiatrist?
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate any perspectives.
I've tried multiple antidepressants and anti-anxiety medications, but they've had little effect. Trauma has barely come up in my sessions, even though CPTSD is a formal diagnosis.
During the day I mostly use the internet for distraction, both because I feel too depressed and exhausted to be active and because it helps me cope with mental pain. If I'm not distracted, I easily get panic and emotional flashbacks.
My psychiatrist has suggested that I might have mild, undiagnosed autism and that I'm stuck in rigid behavior, which he believes explains why I don't do much besides using the computer. This doesn't seem correct to me, I feel more exhausted, unmotivated, and driven to distract myself. He prescribed a medication for "rigid behavior" and said he was sure it would change my life a lot, but it had no effect.
He also thought my exhaustion might be a medication side effect, but changing medications didn't help. I've wondered whether my fatigue could be trauma-related, especially given physical symptoms like a very low heart rate and muscle shaking, but he has never brought up this as a possibility or medications for CPTSD.
He now wants me to return to work and think it will help, even though I've said that I feel just as exhausted.
Does this sound like a lack of trauma-informed care and would it be reasonable to push back or seek a different psychiatrist?
Thank you for reading, I really appreciate any perspectives.
#2
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by dollyvee - Today at 12:08:32 PMHi Dalloway,
I think your first impulse that it is the Inner Critic is probably along the right track, but it's whatever resonates for you. In his book on IFS and the Inner Critic, sometimes the inner critic is the voice of a parent/caregiver that we identify with (for surivival reasons), which sounds like what you could be doing. IFS can be helpful in starting to map these things out because you can go inside and ask it directly. This is helping you establish a working relationship with your internal parts, and less on needing someone else to confirm or deny what's going on. No shame or judgement, just that it's helpful to build that sense of agency for yourself.
Sending you support,
dolly
I think your first impulse that it is the Inner Critic is probably along the right track, but it's whatever resonates for you. In his book on IFS and the Inner Critic, sometimes the inner critic is the voice of a parent/caregiver that we identify with (for surivival reasons), which sounds like what you could be doing. IFS can be helpful in starting to map these things out because you can go inside and ask it directly. This is helping you establish a working relationship with your internal parts, and less on needing someone else to confirm or deny what's going on. No shame or judgement, just that it's helpful to build that sense of agency for yourself.
Sending you support,
dolly
#3
Frustrated? Set Backs? / Re: trying to make sense of th...
Last post by Teddy bear - Today at 11:58:02 AMHi Dalloway,
Your post caught my attention, so I looked into it. Here's a summary from Google's AI overview — I thought it was quite insightful:
"The inner critic is a harsh, fear-based subpersonality that judges, demeans, and focuses on flaws to enforce safety or conformity. Conversely, the inner voice/coach acts as a compassionate, solution-oriented, and encouraging guide, aiming for growth and self-acceptance. Balancing these requires identifying, not fighting, the critic.
Key Differences and Characteristics
Inner Critic (The Judge):
Focus: Problems, limitations, and past mistakes.
Tone: Harsh, demanding, shaming, and anxious.
Goal: Attempts to "protect" you by keeping you in line or preventing failure, but often causes anxiety or feelings of inadequacy.
Common Phrases: "You're not good enough," "You should have done better," "You're going to fail".
Inner Voice/Coach/Cheerleader (The Guide):
Focus: Solutions, opportunities, and positive potential.
Tone: Compassionate, honest, encouraging, and supportive.
Goal: Fosters resilience, growth, and self-compassion.
Common Phrases: "I'm learning as I go," "What can I learn from this?," "I am enough".
Managing the Dialogue
Don't Fight, Understand: Treating the inner critic as an enemy makes it louder; instead, recognize it as a misguided protector.
Question the Narrative: Challenge the critic by asking, "How do you know this is true?".
Cultivate the Coach: Actively practice self-compassion, write down positive affirmations, or channel encouraging, positive figures to strengthen your inner voice.
Separate Identity: Recognize that the inner critic is a part of your thinking process, not the entirety of who you are."
I've noticed similar patterns in my own experience.
Hope that helps a bit,
Your post caught my attention, so I looked into it. Here's a summary from Google's AI overview — I thought it was quite insightful:
"The inner critic is a harsh, fear-based subpersonality that judges, demeans, and focuses on flaws to enforce safety or conformity. Conversely, the inner voice/coach acts as a compassionate, solution-oriented, and encouraging guide, aiming for growth and self-acceptance. Balancing these requires identifying, not fighting, the critic.
Key Differences and Characteristics
Inner Critic (The Judge):
Focus: Problems, limitations, and past mistakes.
Tone: Harsh, demanding, shaming, and anxious.
Goal: Attempts to "protect" you by keeping you in line or preventing failure, but often causes anxiety or feelings of inadequacy.
Common Phrases: "You're not good enough," "You should have done better," "You're going to fail".
Inner Voice/Coach/Cheerleader (The Guide):
Focus: Solutions, opportunities, and positive potential.
Tone: Compassionate, honest, encouraging, and supportive.
Goal: Fosters resilience, growth, and self-compassion.
Common Phrases: "I'm learning as I go," "What can I learn from this?," "I am enough".
Managing the Dialogue
Don't Fight, Understand: Treating the inner critic as an enemy makes it louder; instead, recognize it as a misguided protector.
Question the Narrative: Challenge the critic by asking, "How do you know this is true?".
Cultivate the Coach: Actively practice self-compassion, write down positive affirmations, or channel encouraging, positive figures to strengthen your inner voice.
Separate Identity: Recognize that the inner critic is a part of your thinking process, not the entirety of who you are."
I've noticed similar patterns in my own experience.
Hope that helps a bit,
#4
Frustrated? Set Backs? / trying to make sense of the in...
Last post by Dalloway - Today at 11:12:10 AMHi everyone,
hope you´re having a nice Sunday. There is something I struggle with and thought it might be a good idea to share it with people who understand and maybe can also relate, to get some ideas on this issue.
So I kind of identified an inner voice that is always present, sometimes as a background noise, but at times when things slow and calm down around me, gets very intensive and loud. When I rest in the stillness and silence after the busy and loud week (it happens most often on the weekends when I have the opportunity to breath a sigh of relief), there is a voice that comes around from the darkness and whispers to me "you should be doing something else" or "you should be somewhere else". It means that I´m not in a place I would like to be and not quiet living the life I want to - the joyous and content one I dream of.
I tried to identify the voice, it´s origin and source but here I kind of bump into a wall, because I have two theories on what this voice can be. My first take is that it´s the voice of the inner critic who was taught to remind me every time I´m not perfect not to rest, not to relax, but to try hard and work hard to reach the perfection. Also, when I hear this voice, I get very upset and hopeless, whatever I was doing before, having fun or just enjoying myself or being grateful for the things in the present moment. The appearance of the voice ruins my mood because it reminds me of how far I am from achieving my goals and from solving my biggest issues. It´s trying to make me see that all the small things that bring me instant gratification are illusory and that they are a form of denial. Instead, I have to focus on the harsh truths and the dark reality of my past enmeshed with my present.
But there is something else present that could also be the answer. The voice of my true self, coming from within, trying to whisper in my ear, desperate to convince me that I am capable of things, that I´m brave enough to make it. This part of me loves me endlessly and never gives up on me. It´s always there, in times of turmoil quietly whispering, in better times talking loud and clear. I imagine it as a calling that, if you are able to concentrate on, becomes a clear message of what you have to do in the pursuit of happiness. There are things I´m afraid of or not able to do yet that would maybe one day make my life happier - connecting to people, learning to trust again, loving myself with all my heart. And maybe this voice wants me to do some heavy lifting because it knows that it might be uncomfortable or scary first, but the rough and dangerously looking path would lead to a beautiful forest with birds and flowers and a crystal clear stream.
How do I know which voice is talking to me in the moment? Is it the inner critic that wants to force me not to rest and achieve perfection and robs me of enjoying the small moments of equanimity? Or is it the voice of my authentic self, trying to reach me with the message of not giving up on life and being brave even when I don´t feel like? Would the inner critic try to get me into uncomfortable situations that may later bring joy? Wouldn´t it try to make me hide or advise me to be invisible and perfect in order to survive, just as it learned to do when I was a child? Could it be both? Or none of them?
hope you´re having a nice Sunday. There is something I struggle with and thought it might be a good idea to share it with people who understand and maybe can also relate, to get some ideas on this issue.
So I kind of identified an inner voice that is always present, sometimes as a background noise, but at times when things slow and calm down around me, gets very intensive and loud. When I rest in the stillness and silence after the busy and loud week (it happens most often on the weekends when I have the opportunity to breath a sigh of relief), there is a voice that comes around from the darkness and whispers to me "you should be doing something else" or "you should be somewhere else". It means that I´m not in a place I would like to be and not quiet living the life I want to - the joyous and content one I dream of.
I tried to identify the voice, it´s origin and source but here I kind of bump into a wall, because I have two theories on what this voice can be. My first take is that it´s the voice of the inner critic who was taught to remind me every time I´m not perfect not to rest, not to relax, but to try hard and work hard to reach the perfection. Also, when I hear this voice, I get very upset and hopeless, whatever I was doing before, having fun or just enjoying myself or being grateful for the things in the present moment. The appearance of the voice ruins my mood because it reminds me of how far I am from achieving my goals and from solving my biggest issues. It´s trying to make me see that all the small things that bring me instant gratification are illusory and that they are a form of denial. Instead, I have to focus on the harsh truths and the dark reality of my past enmeshed with my present.
But there is something else present that could also be the answer. The voice of my true self, coming from within, trying to whisper in my ear, desperate to convince me that I am capable of things, that I´m brave enough to make it. This part of me loves me endlessly and never gives up on me. It´s always there, in times of turmoil quietly whispering, in better times talking loud and clear. I imagine it as a calling that, if you are able to concentrate on, becomes a clear message of what you have to do in the pursuit of happiness. There are things I´m afraid of or not able to do yet that would maybe one day make my life happier - connecting to people, learning to trust again, loving myself with all my heart. And maybe this voice wants me to do some heavy lifting because it knows that it might be uncomfortable or scary first, but the rough and dangerously looking path would lead to a beautiful forest with birds and flowers and a crystal clear stream.
How do I know which voice is talking to me in the moment? Is it the inner critic that wants to force me not to rest and achieve perfection and robs me of enjoying the small moments of equanimity? Or is it the voice of my authentic self, trying to reach me with the message of not giving up on life and being brave even when I don´t feel like? Would the inner critic try to get me into uncomfortable situations that may later bring joy? Wouldn´t it try to make me hide or advise me to be invisible and perfect in order to survive, just as it learned to do when I was a child? Could it be both? Or none of them?
#5
Art / Re: beauty in brokenness
Last post by Teddy bear - February 07, 2026, 11:14:52 PMThis really resonates with me too — what a beautiful idea!
#6
Art / Re: Art Project for Survivors
Last post by Teddy bear - February 07, 2026, 11:02:21 PMHi ComplexArt,
That's a very interesting project. It's great that it's open to submissions from non-professionals too. I'll send my work asap
That's a very interesting project. It's great that it's open to submissions from non-professionals too. I'll send my work asap
#7
Art / Re: Mandalas in Colored Pencil
Last post by Teddy bear - February 07, 2026, 10:43:02 PMThat's so beautiful! 💚 They remind me of the crocheted napkins that my relatives used to make in the past (though not so colourful, of course). I did a bit of that too, to a lesser extent.
#8
Recovery Journals / Re: Starting my journal
Last post by holidayay - February 07, 2026, 07:05:58 PMWow, its been nearly a year since I last posted here. And coming onto 7 years since I started this blog.
What a whirlwind of a journey its been.
I feel like several versions of me have passed between the date of my first entry here and today.
So many layers have been peeled back, peeked into, dug out and analyzed and dealt with.
Then...new layers uncovered.
Its quite a shock how much the things that used to bother me and terrify me, don't anymore. The things I used to worry about. The things I didn't yet know how to do, and worried I would never know, that I'd missed the boat.
Funny. Even when these things are proven untrue, it still doesn't stop that feeling being just as strong and seemingly all-pervasive when the next thing to fear comes up. And yet knowing that these feelings are only that; just feelings, that they are not necessarily reflective of truth or even in some cases, they can cause you to believe in outright lies....this gives me hopes for the new set of challenges that pop up.
Looking back retrospectively to apply PROSpectively. I'm sure one of my previous consultants at work told me there was a term for this. Something to do with higher-brain thinking, or something like that. Supposedly its a sign of intelligence (ah yes I am flattering myself). Well, anyway - it works.
And yet, I still find myself shrivelling and curling up and wanting to hide under the covers when the next CPTSD layer is unlocked.
This time? Grief. Grief at what never was, what could have been, what was snatched away from me, what was taken and distorted into something horrible, false, oppressive. And anger at the realisations of all that I lived with that did not need to be there that made me continue the theme, to snatch things away from myself. Like toxic shame. I am angry that this was used to keep me quiet, to keep my true self at bay for the comfort of those around me.
And...pure devastation. Devastated that I lost my family to dysfunction. That I don't know where my siblings are, that I don't know how their mental health struggles play out and the agony of forcing myself to stay away because jumping in before only brought incomprehensible stress and upheaval into my already fragile psyche.
I've stopped running from grief. I've stopped taking on endless shifts, to keep me busy from it all. I've stopped running around to serve others, in a big to avoid serving myself.
And the silence that is left...is not silent at all. A lot of the time, it feels like I am bleeding pain. That it runs through my veins spreading through my body continuously. A soon as its made its way around once, off it goes again...with another wave of memories and emotional flashbacks.
But.
I'm learning this is not my cue to flee. Or freeze. That I can be still with them. That they have a reason and a purpose to come up. And though it feels awful, they cannot hurt me. They are just like a visitor in the night, wanting to take shelter for a while until the daybreak comes up and they can safely be on their way. Energy just transferring its way through. The dam previously holding them back has burst.
I am ok with being vulnerable a bit more now. I am ok with dualities. I am ok with admitting that I miss and yearn for things that have hurt me. That this is the normal attaching process of a child. That I was never defective. That ending up confused and traumatised was the only logical end process.
I miss them. I miss what was, and what could have been. I miss not missing them.
I don't know how grief plays out. I've only really ever ran from it. But I've learnt you cannot fool it or escape it just because you don't like it.
I've stopped attaching my self worth and validation to achievements. To careers and superficial appearances. Its lonely and quiet here too, another stop in the land of stopping things.
I feel like a chrysalis. I have no real clue what comes next. But, the process can be trusted. I love hope. I will always believe in it. It will forever be that final stronghold, that no-one can seize and colonise.
What a whirlwind of a journey its been.
I feel like several versions of me have passed between the date of my first entry here and today.
So many layers have been peeled back, peeked into, dug out and analyzed and dealt with.
Then...new layers uncovered.
Its quite a shock how much the things that used to bother me and terrify me, don't anymore. The things I used to worry about. The things I didn't yet know how to do, and worried I would never know, that I'd missed the boat.
Funny. Even when these things are proven untrue, it still doesn't stop that feeling being just as strong and seemingly all-pervasive when the next thing to fear comes up. And yet knowing that these feelings are only that; just feelings, that they are not necessarily reflective of truth or even in some cases, they can cause you to believe in outright lies....this gives me hopes for the new set of challenges that pop up.
Looking back retrospectively to apply PROSpectively. I'm sure one of my previous consultants at work told me there was a term for this. Something to do with higher-brain thinking, or something like that. Supposedly its a sign of intelligence (ah yes I am flattering myself). Well, anyway - it works.
And yet, I still find myself shrivelling and curling up and wanting to hide under the covers when the next CPTSD layer is unlocked.
This time? Grief. Grief at what never was, what could have been, what was snatched away from me, what was taken and distorted into something horrible, false, oppressive. And anger at the realisations of all that I lived with that did not need to be there that made me continue the theme, to snatch things away from myself. Like toxic shame. I am angry that this was used to keep me quiet, to keep my true self at bay for the comfort of those around me.
And...pure devastation. Devastated that I lost my family to dysfunction. That I don't know where my siblings are, that I don't know how their mental health struggles play out and the agony of forcing myself to stay away because jumping in before only brought incomprehensible stress and upheaval into my already fragile psyche.
I've stopped running from grief. I've stopped taking on endless shifts, to keep me busy from it all. I've stopped running around to serve others, in a big to avoid serving myself.
And the silence that is left...is not silent at all. A lot of the time, it feels like I am bleeding pain. That it runs through my veins spreading through my body continuously. A soon as its made its way around once, off it goes again...with another wave of memories and emotional flashbacks.
But.
I'm learning this is not my cue to flee. Or freeze. That I can be still with them. That they have a reason and a purpose to come up. And though it feels awful, they cannot hurt me. They are just like a visitor in the night, wanting to take shelter for a while until the daybreak comes up and they can safely be on their way. Energy just transferring its way through. The dam previously holding them back has burst.
I am ok with being vulnerable a bit more now. I am ok with dualities. I am ok with admitting that I miss and yearn for things that have hurt me. That this is the normal attaching process of a child. That I was never defective. That ending up confused and traumatised was the only logical end process.
I miss them. I miss what was, and what could have been. I miss not missing them.
I don't know how grief plays out. I've only really ever ran from it. But I've learnt you cannot fool it or escape it just because you don't like it.
I've stopped attaching my self worth and validation to achievements. To careers and superficial appearances. Its lonely and quiet here too, another stop in the land of stopping things.
I feel like a chrysalis. I have no real clue what comes next. But, the process can be trusted. I love hope. I will always believe in it. It will forever be that final stronghold, that no-one can seize and colonise.
#9
Recovery Journals / Re: Living As All of Me
Last post by TheBigBlue - February 07, 2026, 06:24:47 PMCongratulations Hannah!
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. Being seen like that - believed, understood, protected, and not argued with - is profound. The way you describe the relief in your body, the quiet, the sense of being held ... it's incredibly moving. Not just the referrals or the medical clarity, but that moment of recognition: "I see you. I know this. This isn't your fault." That kind of attunement can be life-changing, especially after years of misdiagnosis and medical neglect. It makes so much sense that your system could finally rest. 💛
Reading this brought tears to my eyes. Being seen like that - believed, understood, protected, and not argued with - is profound. The way you describe the relief in your body, the quiet, the sense of being held ... it's incredibly moving. Not just the referrals or the medical clarity, but that moment of recognition: "I see you. I know this. This isn't your fault." That kind of attunement can be life-changing, especially after years of misdiagnosis and medical neglect. It makes so much sense that your system could finally rest. 💛
#10
Friends / Re: Sensitivity to any ups and...
Last post by Kizzie - February 07, 2026, 04:48:00 PM
What BB asked. If they do suffer from CPTSD it may be you can navigate this together.