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I know CPTSD and that cycle of anxiety and dissociation from ones emotional brain is the root of the cycle of depression, that numbing of the senses and inability to feel anything and connected to your own life renders a breakdown of systems of meaning, the touch stones our humanity follows.. I know the connections, I watch the process in myself. But understanding brings me no solace, being blindsided and confusion just gets replaced with a quiet matter of fact reality, and uttering such truths in the ears of those more normal only grazes the darker parts that lie dormant or unresolved in hearts of every person. The systems they build to manage and suppress those ugly things can come undone at the mere suggestion and dissection of your own miserable experience. To talk to others as I do is like dark a witchcraft that sends recoil down the spines of those fortune has been kinder too. And to be silent only sends those same people knocking at your gates for its unacceptable, so you find yourself doing the most painful thing and acting out an inner life more normal taxing your already strained faculty out of compassion for those whos hearts you tread on, alone, feeling it would be better to be more totally alone for it is easier even if not better for your own health.

Thats the other consideration for me,lol
Buddhism is a mindset so at odds with western expectations and one that has always resonated with me.
So Im glad you bring it up  I wonder if it has something to do with that in myself but its a finger Im hesitant to point. 

Sounds familiar, were the same species.
Except for me and maybe why its more brutal and kinder in a way is my situation was a bit more clean cut so I didnt have confusing emotions fogging things for me. I was pretty much emotionally severed from my mother because my stepfather was threatened by me, I had a bully at home never safe zero support, this translated over into my school life where I was quiet and abused by my peers and translated to my teachers the authoritarians who would force me to do feats labor beyond me with the burden I was allready carrying and the threat of failure was just another more valid excuse for that monster my mother married to abuse me more. Total shutdown, I didnt wake up untill about 18 years latter where I struggled and fought alone in the world with a crippling anxiety disorder getting nowhere for a decade not knowing whats wrong with me except I hit a point where I simply cant do things anymore, and thats not an acceptable explanation in school or as a man.
I met a girl was with her for 8 years, there was no other, her abusive family messed her head up and manipulated her and threatened our child to the point she ran away and some ugly guy pretty much stole my entire family. One thing leads into another and another.. CPTSD for me I find is something that only gets worst untill you really see and understand it.

I find cultivating emotional intelligence is something key, that void I feel is a side effect of the disassociation to feel connected and fulfilled and part of a community and others is a emotional experience, and that sort of a psychological beating divorces you from that part of yourself.

Anyway thats my experience, a lot of your experience could be my own words I feel for you, feel free to talk to me if you ever want.

Iv been living with this since I was 3 it think, and it entered my awareness something like 5-6 years ago I read I understand a lot of what is exactly going on in my brain in my emotions in my body. But It offers little comfort or sanity these days. Sometimes I have almost normal moments, those shine an awful perspective on what my normal is. It leads me to a perspective other people cant handle so I have been quiet, but people cant seem to handle that either. I know what I need to maybe really heal but thats out of my reach right now. Im not even sure what else I could do anymore, its not like I have money, and I find no solace these days, I have a future if I can only find it in me to grasp it yet Im inclined to tuck and roll and let everything fall apart because sustaining is taking more out of me then Im starting to feel its worth, so Im looking right now for some new perspecive, took some time off of work on a trip right now delivering a sailboat, but even here I am haunted Im getting to a breaking point...... there is no help for me, professionals let me down and you dont heal attachment issues alone. I can accept things for way they are untill they are not even if I feel this way.

Hmmm... Acceptance and Gratitude.. I need to ponder the nuances of the two..
For me its a nuts and bolts of a world view thing. Maybe I simply accept things, I rarely feel Im the protagonist in my life, that sense of here nowness is fleeting. I simply endure because I must, this notion of gratitude implies luxuries I rarely feel I have. And when I do its often over what seems trite to most, When I first met my Ex she microwaved an egg  for me it was awful but no one does anything for me, and I was moved. I also had been riding a bicycle alone for a month and a half and tend to isolate anyway........ and even when I feel gratitude its hard for me to express usually because it is over something dumb, and I hate when people show gratitude at me its akward I dont like it.. its just an aversion I seem to have. A nod and understanding is where I am. So when I have to awnser what I am grateful for in a meaningful way, nothing. I dont feel entitled, should the deer feel grateful for the forest? Should a deer feel resentful at being expected to be grateful for the trees, even when the deer knows were he would be with out the trees? For me the deer appreciates them but finds no gratitude in his heart because he is a deer and deers survive among the trees its all he ever has done, what a silly wast of time. There are those who would call the deer a bad person...

Thats how they did my ex, even though she was just like me from the same background, they gave her some nasty medicines made her worst and more unstable. Her abusive family used it to their own advantage. My CPTSD got called GAD and they sent me on my way with a bottle of SSRI's. Im glad the psychological world  is starting to really grasp this........

Sweet its about time! This will change everything for a lot of people.. misdiagnoses and practitioner ignorance has been all too common. This news does my heart good.

I have never been one for please and thank you, unless I really feel it.
I always figured it was just me, ten my sister related the same feeling...
Those exercises where you are asked the simplest questions are the hardest for me, "What are you grateful for?"
Its not that I dont savor moments I do, often. But Maybe my own standards are warped, It meets me with frustration, expected gratitude I find resentment in my own heart. I do what I must then the next thing after that, I do for you, I do for me.
To have a feeling demanded from me is a pressure I cant cope with, I fall apart. To invest into the expectations of others is like a death sentence for me, Its not that I have no appreciation, I dont know
Is it just me.... 

Its common that CPTSD sufferers have little or no close attachments to others, because that capacity leaves us.
I am loved by many people who have graciously put me in their hearts, and the wall of disassociation, this muting of that emotional capacity to really connect leaves me feeling miles from everyone in my social life. Like some ungrateful house cat I enter their lives they project their natures on me and I simply stay the beast I am, this highly functioning emotionally castrated sociopath. This broken person who just wants to break down and cry, whos biology has turned against him. Yet every time I open that door, try to feel and connect show that side, those same people just feel helpless in the face of that and  turn on you out of frustration and the compelling urge to act on the emotions you have stirred. Ignorance of anxiety disorders and hurtful nonchalant statements "Just get over it" "You need to man up" Whats more heartbreaking then the person you love the most throwing their hands up and leaving you when you just wanted to be close to someone who is there for you. I cant tell if this is getting better or worst anymore...

Oh wow this site got an overhaul, I havent been around for a while..
It is exactly as the site is named, this fog of disassociation is a * of thing, the more you educate yourself the more you move your perspective away from that ground zero point where you dont have the perspective to see yourself or the situation.
My mantra these days has been cultivating emotional intelligence..
Emotions follow their own rules and processes and nuro pathways in different parts of your brain, so in my humble opinion eating a buncha emotion suppressing SSRI's and doing Cognitive Behavioral  Therapy to rationally suppress emotions as a fix for this is the stupidest thing I ever heard of. Maybe even more damaging in the long run...
My CPTSD has robbed me of so much emotional depth as it is leaving a disconnected Highly functioning sociopath of a shell, feeling anything with real depth just opens the flood gates of pain, and sets off my anxiety biology machine rendering me useless as the protagonist in my own life. 
I connect the dots, I read the books, I end up here.. Hello again.   

In some aspects anxiety disorders are more like diabetes then mental disorders, anxiety is a natural response without it you wouldent get anything done, throw out the garbage, finish a paper... but prolonged periods of stress can make the thermostat all broken. So little things have your body set to fight rabid polar bears and *... VERY physical. So even after you start to get your emotional baggage in check a perfectly normal stress can have your body going overboard. This is something I think that escapes most professionals.. im not over reacting my physicality is in the same way diabetics have control over blood sugar...  this get back to normalish given enough time but that aspect alone I hear makes so many people really feel like they are going nutz.

Anxiety disorders come with all kinds of fun side effects, muscle tension soreness, stomach issues loss of appetite from said stomach issues, A friend once described it like having your insides dosed with acid, pretty accurate to my experience when I get over stressed, the flood of adrenaline is very physical, sleepness hair trigger fuel when your hyper alert. and not to mention the fog of derealization and depersonalization from having your brain stuck in a gear thats good for fighting rabid polar bears and not much else. loss of access to memery so you forget stuff get lost even... yep so much happens...

Its pretty clear to me at this point where everything is broken, I was robbed of the resources to get a life together from the start and now I feel robbed of the resources to get better. I have no money, my nerves have been cooked beyond reason, sure Ill find another job that pays little eventually, but even when I talk to people that should be helpful with this they just wanna shove emotion muting pills at you, the same emotions that need to be reprocessed. I need grounding I need attachments but have started to avoid them alltoghether. The desire for them has gone... and when you have attachment issues you need attachments to work on lol. Iv found that few people in this world even care, and the ones that do, cant do or wont do much for me. I dont want to live a half life, I dont want this muddled sense of self, the fog of derealization, and the physical suffering my body puts me through in the face of stressors, the emotional disassociation. Relationships ground me in healthy ways but at the moment I feel so outta sorts a burden on myself yet alone anyone else.. and fear a lot of fear iv been hurt so bad when I talk about it I feel as if im talking about someone else. I have a direction I want to go but even thinking about it becomes paralyzing, im stuck Im not sure how to move forward anymore...   
And thats a problem, I cant just go thru the motions and lead a meaningless existence ya know, Ill find my balance find some work distract myself some more, but this will be here just as it is waiting... I need to be proactive but Im not sure what to do anymore.. I cant be the only one who found such a position here which way is forward? Im outta sorts.

Ahh but it is a fact that suffering is unavoidable to be part of this world, to inflict it and to receive it. Its the way of life and minimizing it one can say is a responsibility we all share.... Its neither a gift or a curse, just a understanding every human being is hurling toward every minute they continue to exist. Its unavoidable what really makes a person exceptional is how we handle the one thing we do control, and thats our own way of looking at it and our attitudes. So while some turn at all costs to avoid the unavoidable suffering and build delusions others can accept the nature of affairs and in turn become empathetic and some of the finest most understanding people to grace your company. Everything is earned in fire when it comes to humanity, Id rather have open eyes and independent thoughts and be able to enjoy my problems, then be unlucky enough to never see misfortune and run like a child thru this world selfish and never understanding the things that matter. Im no fan of tragedy but if you embrace it in the right way you can learn a lot.

Empathy is learned thru our own suffering and vulnerability. I dont believe people are unique snowflakes our own humanity is something we must gain thru experience, and some of us have been unfortunate enough to be over acquainted with ourselves in a world that encourages sociopathic behavior. thats what I think anyway...