Menu

Show posts

This section allows you to view all posts made by this member. Note that you can only see posts made in areas you currently have access to.

Show posts Menu

Messages - chairmanmeow

#16
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 10, 2016, 02:58:12 PM
Freezing only is effective as a last resort with no other options, I believe what you say has a ring of truth in this particular nature, the way we deal with people and situations when they have a far interpersonal distance is very different then our reactions dealing with those he need or have a very close interpersonal attachment to.
I am a heavy freeze type but when attachments are close I fawn. So rather then being a rather submissive Fawn- Freeze
I keep ruthless boundaries and break down into codependency when my trust is earned...
Pete kept his hybrid list to what he was an expert in but I think if you break own your traits and organize your tendencies to a close and far interpersonal distance and take a good look at your coping method with your FOO you will sort out your particular nuances... Between all of us we could prob make a complete hybrid list I bet
#17
Let them know why you feel so sick and are spacy at times or pretend to be normal because they dont really understand what it means anyway?

Its problematic and having people worried gets to be a hassle, worst when they assume your on drugs or something, maddening when explaining just gets you the "just get over it speech" as if your matter of fact explanation for your situation is whining.

And they wonder why I isolate... And spare me the every situation is different because the abuse I seem to get in turn for being sick is the same please, iv been living with this too long and working with people and certain situations I have to offer something sometimes Im not sure how to deal......
:fallingbricks:
#18
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 10, 2016, 03:30:58 AM
The Flight-Freeze Hybrid The Flight-Freeze type is the least relational and most schizoid hybrid. He prefers the safety of do-it-yourself isolationism. Sometimes this type may also be misdiagnosed as Asperger's Syndrome. The flight-freeze type avoids potential relationship-retraumati-zation with an obsessive-compulsive/ dissociative "two-step." Step one is working to complete exhaustion. Step two is collapsing into extreme "veging out", and waiting until his energy reaccumulates enough to relaunch into step one. The price for this type of no-longer-necessary safety is a severely narrowed existence. The flight-freeze cul-de-sac is more common among men, especially those traumatized for being vulnerable in childhood. This then drives them to seek safety in isolation or "intimacy-lite" relationships. Some non-alpha type male survivors combine their flight and freeze defenses to become stereotypical technology nerds. Telecommuting is, of course, their preferred mode. Flight-freeze types are the computer addicts who focus on work for long periods of time and then drift off dissociatively into computer games, substance abuse or sleep-bingeing. Flight-freeze types are prone to becoming porn addicts. When in flight mode, they obsessively surf the net for phantom partners and engage in compulsive masturbation. When in freeze mode, they drift off into a right-brain sexual fantasy world if pornography is unavailable. Moreover, if they are in intimacy-lite relationship, they typically engage more with their idealized fantasy partners than with their actual partner during real time sexual interactions.

Walker, Pete. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (pp. 125-126). Azure Coyote Publishing. Kindle Edition.

If it helps...
#19
General Discussion / Re: Need advice?
June 09, 2016, 11:11:27 PM
Personally im stubborn, I fall apart, this destroys me, is become a bit of a way of life.
I refuse to fall back if I can help it, I want to change the name of Facebook to Streesor but I dont delete people that trigger me and I deal with the horrible flashback inducing memories app you cant escape from.
I take all the horrible and try not to hide, nurture avoidance, I treat every episode as an opportunity to try without expecting myself to make it through, if I fall then I am what I am because like for me is something pointless to escape from.
The down side of the down side is feeling like * starts to become not worth the efforts.
The upside is I find myself more resilient even if absent, conditioning myself to carry on to spite of feeling lie im coming unglued.
I think it only is working though because I dont force myself I give it a go and allow myself room to fail because to me not letting myself try is the worst failure, and Im going to feel sick over it all either way.
In your case I cant even imagine trying to write papers in that foggy haze following a panic though, Im sorry that really is awful  :hug:   
#20
Sounds like biological side effects dragging you down.. I find myself in that fog as of late..
#21
Recovery Journals / maybe its madness.
June 09, 2016, 08:39:37 PM
Iv been edgy this month.
I took off work its slow and 4 days in your head a week is too many days, nowhere to go. The creeping agony the romantic disappointments the overwhelming sense of stagnation and the attention from friends who want to be closer and know me better while I tremor inside and feel Im allready falling apart has been a bit much.
I live on a sailboat, I took a job delivering a sailboat to just get out for a few weeks, the city saw fit to impound peoples dinghys before tropical storm collin decimated the anchorage an those watching my home could not prevent it from destroying a city dock.
Its as sweet as it is sad.. I didnt want to go back in a way and the boat is my biggest stressor.
I am so thoroughly falling apart this catastrophe is just a small bleep in he background of these feelings recently coming to the surface in ways I feel I am starting to deal with. Perhaps its madness, I dont really feel like I can do the things I need to do without falling to pieces so I embrace when my world outside matches my world inside. My plans havent changed I deliver this boat north I meet up and work with the rest of the crew, I can get another boat..do I want another boat.. I am drifting and I dont care to find the ground right now, organize, all the while this hurt is just under my skin and a greater threat to my continuing. The next few weeks will be interesting, I get lost in the work I do for periods its the only thing tangible, money has lost its meaning as a motivator. Im so undone I really dont feel up to the tasks at hand, even so it seems to be working out on its own. Is this self abandonment is this all I have left to preserver?
#22
The physical effects of anxiety take a heavy toll for starters.
We become not us, loose connection to parts of our brains, and spiral into a numb depressive state.
It sounds to me like all the stress has been accumulating and is breaking you down, 4 days in seclusion could be just the thing you actually need to settle yourself and regain the strength and resolve to pick yourself back up again.
Id argue bouts of this sorta thing are a normal part of my recovery, I take a break, I take on much, I retreat recover, wash rinse repeat.
It was only after I really came to terms with the physical effects of my anxiety did I even find myself in the position to get at the core roots of my dysfunction, try to stay strong you are among firends here  :hug:
#23
I stumbled here a few years ago, I wasent ready then. I have been stumbling and sorting the physical ailments of this anxiety disorder breaking patterns of dysfunctional coping. Im past that phase and starting to really pick at and understand my core issues.
Im 31 and this is a specter that has shaped who I am, and affected my decisions my entire life, conscious or not of it.
I am the stepchild of a man who was so threatened by my existence he effectively severed my emotional connection to my mother my self my life. I shut down and spent the years untill I turned 18 and moved out in a sort of dissociative fog. Run by a deep anxiety disorder I withdrew I could not handle the bully at home at school, I wandered in a sort of auto pilot thru most of my life.
Even moving out with no support life is just a struggle I cant handle cycles of depression of falling apart of running from this thing that knaws at my insides..
That was my normal about 5 years ago things came to a head, my ex left me and a series of events left me homeless one November in Chicago shattered... my hands were shaking I felt physically Ill, adrenaline constantly flow from my veins, I didnt sleep, going forward was a wall I could not describe, the world is not kind to this.
I spent 3 weeks in a ward trying to get help, they gave me Paxil which numbed me further then I already was suffering and tried to sell me CBT when im plenty cognitive allready and emotions follow their own rules in the brain. Someone tried to sell me spiritual bypassing... the system as a whole is inadequate and disgusts me, if I kept following the path they would set for me Id be stuck in a victim mindset getting worst.
With it in my awareness I had to become knowledgeable as to how things work in my own body and where things connect I educated myself... I learned to stand up and see myself for what I was and stopped trying to live up to unreasonable expectations ignored those who ignorance invalidate my catastrophic amounts of damage.
My ex came back around I took her back I understood her damage greater then myself she did not act in malice and I showed er compassion because I loved her. We had a kid or more accurately I used to have a family, her family the situation Ill leave it at the cards get stacked against you to a point that can be ridiculous..and what ever I had going for me that was healthy was cruelly manipulated and stolen from me.... and I am alone again just another crushing layer of trauma. 
#24
I hear word that a serious look at CPTSD would reduce the DSM5 to nothing more then a pamphlet lol  ;D
#25
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 09, 2016, 05:15:26 PM
Iv had much to think about.
The fawning aspect of myself is something I never got a clear view into so I will post some insights that came about the last couple days personally. I dont know where this going to go...

Iv allways been a strong freeze type, I am the most profoundly abandoned person, I isolate I keep a distance in my interpersonal relationships, Im allways ready to cut my losses. But something happens when people do get close to me, you cant really freeze when you have a close intimate relationship, its not effective and I have no desire too, a starving man will eat food off the floor without much thought.
Those who get past those frozen walls come at the cost of great amounts of trust, and when your world is so isolated just the warmth of a touch brings about an ecstasy of depth of emotion the ability to even process some hurt safely and comforted, which just presses that bond with a profound deepness that the other party may not even be aware of or experiencing. At that point if you made the mistake of drifting to a narcissistic personality (which is the tendency, when they desire you they do so in such a clear way its almost imposable not to fall into their comforts when you have such a disposition) your pretty much fcked. They become the only source of relief and humanity you experience, you give to them everything you know you need hoping for reciprocation, and the animals that they are they dont work that way. But somehow your ok with that because even a little bit of affection is better then the world of isolation numbness and pain you habitat without them.  Dependency becomes a choice, tearing away I think is even more painful to my type then those more balanced.
Ill share something embarrassing in its own way but also revealing because it confounded me for the longest time in myself and puts the nature of this all in a stunning perspective. 8 years with someone you develop a healthy sexual relationship. We tried new things she liked to tie me up. My own mind is a confusing thing, I found myself letting go without the elements of disassociation, being desired and not able to really go anywhere or do anything left me with no expectations to agonize over, no choice but to accept comfort and love, fully embrace a fawn response unhindered by freeze tendencies. Only to come out of it being shamed by your own inner critic for reasons your can put your finger on other then fear of being so open and genuine. A embarrassing self loathing at the triggering of a freer state like a switch to accept and take and fawn, and indulge in those emotions usually tied to pain.
Its not hard to grasp the emergence of a sub culture full of narcissists and freeze-fawn types, I dont think its a healthy thing either for everyone involved, but thats my opinion. I think Freeze-Fawns live in a world of two extremisms. I dont think Im capibal of having a healthy relationship anymore, even with good boundaries I give in great amounts what I need and the tendency for narcissism is culturally endorsed and measured on the rise. I cant give a little kindness is a trap I fall thoroughly into against my will and my frozen distrust and isolation just push me to hide to deeply into fawning making me Isolated and emotionally reliant on someone who doesnt understand me or my broken needs. I think Im going to give up on relationships Im not good for myself or other people and this is beyond regulation..
#26
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 08, 2016, 11:19:24 PM
Yeah its ironic isnt it?
The inherit mistrust that must be overcome is go great, that the trust you give that person you let in makes an idiot of you when that person takes you for granted or advantage.
And I say to myself I love you, so I would never have such and such an attitude, thus is trust, and maybe the denial because if they have such an attitude then they are not worthy of my trust and banished back to the other end of the spectrum.

I really love this right now.. just breaking it down and being able to relate is kinda forcing what I over look and take for granted in myself in a kinda awesome and horrible perspective. Much appreciation..
#27
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 08, 2016, 10:12:55 PM
Those 2 paragraphs:
Finally, there is growing evidence that a significant number of men also silently suffer domestic violence. A male client once told me that no matter how much his wife assaulted him, he couldn't stop himself from saying "I'm sorry" to her. This only made her madder, but not as mad as when he flashbacked into saying: "I'm sorry for saying 'I'm sorry' ", even though his wife would slap him in the face every time he did. Not surprisingly, further investigation revealed a borderline mother who still slaps him in the face when she is displeased with him. As a child he was required to keep his hands down whenever she slapped him. He then had to apologize for making her "have to" punish him. Unfortunately, he left therapy after only a few sessions because his wife looked in his checkbook, and then hit him repeatedly for "wasting his time and her money."

Walker, Pete. Complex PTSD: From Surviving to Thriving: A GUIDE AND MAP FOR RECOVERING FROM CHILDHOOD TRAUMA (p. 135). Azure Coyote Publishing. Kindle Edition.

Helper's High is the name for the positive emotional state some people experience after providing help to others. Studies have shown that helping others can produce feelings of happiness and can activate reward centers of the brain just like food or drugs. Research also suggests that being kind and generous benefits both physical and mental health. So if you feel great after doing volunteer work or donating to charity, you can say you're "high" on helping.

Read more: http://www.alleydog.com/glossary/definition.php?term=Helper%27s%20High#ixzz4B1kOtV4l

I just caved in and got the ebook version... that girl and her whole family were messed up, when I looked back and was still blaming myself I found the way I was handling my stuff healthy and all the stuff they say dont do described everything she did. Everyone in her house was a bit of a narcissistic cutthroat sociopath, and they did not like me one bit. lol Its hard for me to find any balance when it comes to relationships Im allways ready to cut my losses keep everyone at a distance,
I will never make the mistake of loving someone with no emotional intellect again.
Establishing boundaries, open discussion, made her so caustic.. she would lash out, take things out of context hold them and bring them up month latter. At the end my nerves were so done I suffered a lot physically and she took it worst then I did, all i wanted was for to be their that was enough, she couldent "fix" me.. but even being supportive was imposable for her. When she realized she could no longer put everything on me is when she decided to abandon me. Thats the type of person she was, but having someone to care about, provided a distraction, gave me focus some reason to still be living.
#28
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 08, 2016, 08:51:27 PM
Yeah thank you, It clears up much for me...
Its one of those things you feel but cant exactly put your finger on sometimes.
I think about my last relationship, she never thought beyond herself only thought of me when it had a bearing on herself.
Its only after the fact in these late hours I start to see the abuse in it. And that is still a bit of a struggle to actualize my heart is a door that is either completely open or shut. And that seems to be the hallmark of this hybrid type.

Which has me thinking, you ever here of helpers high, the reward you feel when you help and care for another. When you live in such a impoverished state even those tidbits are a significant something within a safe reach. I wonder if we dont find ourself inherently chasing that in some way...
#29
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 08, 2016, 06:06:07 PM
Im very much a freeze type in the way I handle boundaries, the more I pay attention those who have even a twisted source of affection will compromise to an extreme to get that cookie in that jar.
For me I was emotionally abandoned completely or enough that I severed myself from everyone. I have zero hopes and expectations, my boundaries are well formed trenches, land mines, barbwire fences and such.
With good reasons because instability in my attachments sends my world into chaos, my anxiety disorder to the point of intense physical suffering, and flood gates of the worst feelings.
But the whole freeze-fawn type resonates with me still... out side of boundaries, I ruthlessly self abandon not for gain but out of a sense of being totally lost, The effects of dissociation are strong in me, when I do have attachment I dont carry them lightly, I over invest, I cling to a necessity scarce in my world, and sometimes unwitting dissapear in the process I loose my sense of self I drift I fall apart I shut down again when this attachment causes me strife, I revert. I become blank and helpless. When I break it down it feels like two extremisms dictated by interpersonal distance to freeze and fawn those who are past those barriers.. or is this just the nature of freezing?
#30
General Discussion / Re: Freeze-Fawn Type
June 08, 2016, 05:28:47 PM
Hmmm I wonder at learned helplessness.
I wonder at what constitutes fawning, I have much doubt in my own self narrative on this. I want for those omitted paragraphs about males.
When people are kind, when people ask, weither its out of empathy or the fact that I can I just give without much thought or reservation. Simply because I can, which is a fine line because when you do kindness people are compelled to do kindness in turn and thats a slippery slope that leads to an uncomfortable amount of attention and prying at my vulnerability that my freezing can not allow. So I do things because I can, because I am so abandoned, like a cat content to have you in the same room but wont tolerate your affection I follow and keep a distance in some push pull. Is that a fawn trait, I never feel like what I do has any return or at least expect, or are these lies I tell myself... I dont know.. iv moved past being blindsided by the physical aspect of my anxiety disorder and have really started to pick at the core of my emotional lackings...