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Hi ph0e and welcome.

I hope and wish this site will be of aid to you in your recovery process from cPTSD.

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Dutch Uncle.

From your story I mostly get you both dislike texting. It's probably one of the things you have in common. 

It might be a generational thing (I'm 50) but I hate texting. And many other forms of 'modern' communication. If I were at a physical social event (a party, a congress, at work or wherever) I would not butt into a conversation somebody else is having either, and expect the others to drop everything and start replying to me instantly.
Why should it be different with texting?

To be honest, I'm already offended if I'm having a conversation with somebody, their phone rings and they start answering the call without even saying to me: "Sorry, but this is a call I have to take" or asking me: "Is it OK if I take this call?" If they get the beep signaling a text or WhatsApp and they immediately turn their attention away I'm frankly infuriated. If it's that important, surely the other side would have called, no?
Again, it might be a generational thing.

Yes, I have this too. I've come to side with those who say it's the Inner Critic = the internalized voice of the abuser(s). Which was forcibly internalized, not by our own doing, I want to add.

One of the best Vlogs I've seen on it is this one: Flying Into Glass: The Narcissist's Voice In Your Head (specifically after 7:24, when it gets more general and less focussed on No Contact). His suggestion on asking yourself: "It this me, or is it my abuser?" has been helpful for me. It does take a lot of effort, but it helps.

Yeah, being heard matters a lot. I feel much calmer since.

Will they be providing mental health assistance (counseling, etc), legal help  or, could it be ::: crosses fingers, says a little prayer of hope ::: BOTH?

I don't know yet, but presumably this bunch will 'stay with me' until things are back on track. I have yet to speak to the people/agencies themselves, but I will enrolled in a program under a law that is specifically for those cases who fall through the cracks of the current climate of neo-liberal "you must take responsibility for yourself" as Steamy has put it. (Overal it's very neoliberal over here, even the social-democrats have turned neo-liberal. Think Tony Blair. (I guess  )
It's what I practically literally said in court: "I know I should be self-supporting and I'm ashamed I can't. But I really can't, and when I ask for help, I get shoved out of the door."

Hoping that the payoff for having to bare your soul three times in two days is that you, at last, can get the help you need to finally start on the good path you deserve to be on.   

Thanks, and I have hope. A spark, but that's all it takes.
I do hope therapy is an option, as I feel ready to go into therapy to rid me of the last vestiges of TherapistMom. I think I'm finally ready to take on my "need [for] therapy to get into therapy" as one thread on this board is so aptly named.

[is]

i don't know how to ask my therapist for one without feeling silly.

Never feel silly in front of a health-care professional. Be it physical health or mental health. (They already have encountered far more 'silly' than one can imagine.) Easier said than done though. But quite often underreporting by a patient is more detrimental to an accurate diagnosis and treatment than overreporting.

How do they test you?

I wanted to know this too, beforehand, but managed to keep my curiosity at bay. If you want to take the test, it's better, IMHO, not to know what you're up to. This is not a test one must 'pass'. You want to know whether you have/are NPD, right? Not on how to pass the test to make 'sure' you haven't, right?
There is no 'right' or 'wrong' in and after this test, there just is. And whatever there is, that's 'right'.

Were you relieved when you didn't fit the criteria for personality disorder?

On the one hand, yes. Having a PD didn't feel like 'fun'. (Although I had no idea of PD's at the time.)
On the other hand it was disappointing as I still didn't have a diagnosis (and therefor no viable treatment) for my not-so-functional behavior that got me there in the first place.
Overal it was a relief though.

It's so hard when you self diagnose. It's like trying to feel your way through the dark. I tick every box for covert narcissism (apart from I didn't think I was purposely trying to manipulate people...but maybe I am), but a few months ago I ticked all the boxes for kidney disease and I didn't have that hahaha.

It's practically impossible to self-diagnose. And that's probably extra-true for mental-health issues.
Mind you, for many symptoms there are usually many other possible causes as well. As with your kidney problems: those symptoms you 'ticked' may be related to all kind of other stuff.
Part of any diagnosis is ruling out other options.

I don't know if doctor Google is a blessing or a curse

Google is informative, which is a blessing. It's not "Universal Truth", though lots of stuff is presented that way. The latter is a curse.

I'm glad you have a therapist to talk this over with. Don't let her (or yourself) off the hook until you have an answer to your question "Am I a covert Narcissist?". Either way. Bring it up, if necessary, several times, and every time you get the idea again. Until you are convinced, either way.



PS: even after the test at some times my Inner Critic tells me: "What if they're wrong? What if you cheated? You say your mom and sis are narcs right? It's known narcs breed narcs! [evil laugh]"
The fact I did take the test blind (i.e. no googling what I would encounter) always puts my mind at rest I didn't cheat. How could I have cheated? I've never known what the 'right' answers were.
I want to encourage you to do the same.

No. I went in for a possible anxiety disorder.
When at some point I mentioned for the first time in my life I thought it was my TherapistMom who had installed in me the idea I was a total misfit, they offered a PD-test to me. Which I then took. After some hesitation, as the idea of having a PD did make me anxious for sure! But then I thought: what the heck, better know I have a PD than keep walking around knowing nothing.

You can get a psychologist to test you for a Personality Disorder. I had one done. (the result was I haven't got a PD)

[he]

So tough this is happening to you. 

It's hard to tell from this distance, but it all could be not as bad as you think.
As I understand she is your friend and he is hers. So your stuff is now at somebody's place you hardly know and/or have a connection with.
Perhaps he just want your stuff out of his house, and has been nagging her about it for some time now. Your request might have been a trigger for him (upon having heard about it) to say to your friend: "Well, let's get it all out, it's been here for too long already." Possibly your friend had told him it would be at his place for much shorter than it currently is, as you say your staying longer at the shelter than expected.

Can the shelter provide some storage for your stuff outside the actual place you are staying in?
Or do you have other friends with a garage or garden shed or something?

Wishing you well,

Dutch.

I have more than just one and mine is original thought and vision, unlike whatever she will create.

Thanks for sharing.

I'm glad you have found your faith, and not the poisoned faith of your abusive parents.

Wondering if everyone who has experienced religious abuse completely shunned it, or if I am not the weird one.  I don't judge, at all.    We've been through too much for that.

I never had much faith in the faith I was raised in, a calvinist protestant faith. The only part I did keep is the "protest" part of the "ism".  I've worked extensively in the Near- and Middle East where having no faith is a big NoNo, and I have always felt some pride in being able to write "Protestant" under religion, as literally speaking it's not even a lie.    My interpretation is just not very religious.

My dad is becoming very strict, religiously speaking, as he has learned himself Hebrew to be able to read the Torah in it's original text. He is very much in search of the Word of God. He takes the "In the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." very literally.

My mother has drifted into New-Ageism, which one might say, I shun. But I was not raised in that faith.

I keep replaying this one line in my head, over and over....

To the heart and mind, ignorance is kind, theres no comfort in the truth, pain is all you'll find.

The trouble is... you are not ignorant of it all. You already are in great pain. And you can't ignore it either... no matter how hard you have tried.

Whatever you are doing and have been doing for the last years, being ignorant of it has not been part of it.

I'm sorry to have to break that news to you.

Ok, well I stay angry, frequent panic attacks, and exhaustion with memory lapses. I have had 4 heart attacks in the last two years. No I don't have a therapist, it has been pretty much made clear any attention on myself is superfluous and egotistical therefore unfair to the kids. My mind races, it won't shut down, so I can't sleep, lots of flashbacks, etc.

[he]

I wrote him a really long list of the positive things that I do every day, in my life. 

Good on you!
It's a good exercise to do in any case, and all you have to do is keep sending that to yourself. If he can't see the positive you're doing, and the positive you are, that's his problem. Not yours.
Which isn't to say it doesn't hurt, or you 'shouldn't be hurt' by it. It bloody well does! Ouch!

Dear Johnny, are you seeking help for yourself? Are you seeing a therapist? Friends? I know your FOO isn't supportive (to say the least), but IMHO you got to find support for yourself as well. You can't keep up 'taking it all for your kids' without you having support for you on the side. You got to have a place to 'offload' all the crap 'wifey' is loading on you.

Possibly this website might be of help to you too: http://shrink4men.com "Helping men break free from abusive relationships since 2009"

I also want to ask you to share some on what this all is doing to you, apart from the direct effects. What cPTSD stuff do you recognize in yourself? How does all this affect your life outside your FOC-life?
Don't feel obliged to do so, but possibly it might be of help to share some of that here. Your focus is very much on your kids and 'wifey', which I totally 'get', but don't forget yourself.

You count! You're worth it!

Thank you!