San, I hope things are easier for you now than they were earlier and your T could be helpful, sending hugs if welcome 
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#48
Recovery Journals / Re: Panda's Journal
April 21, 2020, 04:06:40 PM
Marta, thank you for your kind and supportive words and the hug!
woodsgnome, thank you as well, I certainly hope I can forge a path that leads to meaningful change. I'm glad you found a therapist that works for you, that's great!
---
As for the actual journaling path of my journal...
I didn't do a great deal of mental health work the past two days, a bit of practicing visualing my internal safe space and disarming negative self talk.
But I'm holding on and I've got to learn to accept when that's all I can do.
On friday my wife is going back to work, she was on vacation for the last two weeks, and we're both struggling a bit with that. She's working as a nurse in a geriatric physical rehab ward (I think that's what it's called in English, please correct me if I'm wrong) so she's not directly at the frontlines but between the coronavirus situation still not under control and her being at risk due to her chronic health conditions, it's not easy.
I'm going to try to set up a schedule for myself for when she's at work so I have less "empty" time to overthink everything, but I don't have too much practice with that so we'll see how it goes. But I feel like that might be worth giving a try.
I'm not very good at taking care of my/our environment and since she works full time and I don't at all there's always some internal pressure on me to do all the things, making it really hard for me to prioratize because every single task feels super important.
Might just make a randomized task list on a website and do what it tells me.
Anyway, that's about what's going on with me at the moment, hope you are all doing okay!
woodsgnome, thank you as well, I certainly hope I can forge a path that leads to meaningful change. I'm glad you found a therapist that works for you, that's great!
---
As for the actual journaling path of my journal...
I didn't do a great deal of mental health work the past two days, a bit of practicing visualing my internal safe space and disarming negative self talk.
But I'm holding on and I've got to learn to accept when that's all I can do.
On friday my wife is going back to work, she was on vacation for the last two weeks, and we're both struggling a bit with that. She's working as a nurse in a geriatric physical rehab ward (I think that's what it's called in English, please correct me if I'm wrong) so she's not directly at the frontlines but between the coronavirus situation still not under control and her being at risk due to her chronic health conditions, it's not easy.
I'm going to try to set up a schedule for myself for when she's at work so I have less "empty" time to overthink everything, but I don't have too much practice with that so we'll see how it goes. But I feel like that might be worth giving a try.
I'm not very good at taking care of my/our environment and since she works full time and I don't at all there's always some internal pressure on me to do all the things, making it really hard for me to prioratize because every single task feels super important.
Might just make a randomized task list on a website and do what it tells me.
Anyway, that's about what's going on with me at the moment, hope you are all doing okay!
#49
Recovery Journals / Re: Panda's Journal
April 20, 2020, 05:09:49 PM
Thank you for being my first comment!
And thank you, I feel like I'll do it wrong but I guess there's no wrong way to talk about feelings, right?
I'm sorry to hear that you had a similar experience, I guess just because a therapist might be trauma-informed doesn't mean they're capable of handling clients with complex trauma. Too bad you couldn't gain anything from that therapist, but good on you to be aware of your own needs enough to know when to call it quits!
Thank you very much, I appreciate it. And than you for the hug
And thank you, I feel like I'll do it wrong but I guess there's no wrong way to talk about feelings, right?
I'm sorry to hear that you had a similar experience, I guess just because a therapist might be trauma-informed doesn't mean they're capable of handling clients with complex trauma. Too bad you couldn't gain anything from that therapist, but good on you to be aware of your own needs enough to know when to call it quits!
Thank you very much, I appreciate it. And than you for the hug
#50
Recovery Journals / Panda's Journal
April 20, 2020, 03:34:12 PM
Hi OOTS,
so this is my recovery journal. I've never had one of those, so please bear with me as I try to figure this out.
I am by the way fine with having people leave comments, I'd really apppreciate it actually. Sometimes I might post that I don't want comments on something in particular but I'll make it clear and obvious if that's happening. I hope that is alright.
I'm not quite sure how to start this to be honest. I've been on this journey for a long time, I'm 32 now, starting getting emotionally abused at 2 and the first time I had professional mental health help was at 13 (with a... not very good therapist). I've been in inpatient treatment 4 times and went to three different therapists before and after my inpatient stays.
My last time in therapy was from September 2018 to March 2019 and that was the first time I had a therapist I felt like I could open up to about all the things that have happened to me. Sadly, despite saying she was specialized in trauma she... wasn't really and seemed uncomfortable so we never really delved that deeply into the C-PTSD but she helped me a lot in giving me tools to improve my feeling of self worth and with managing anxiety symptoms.
She wasn't a perfect fit by any means but helped me keep it together when I felt close to losing it and I feel like after my past experiences with therapists and psychiatrists that was very helpful and made me more open to trying inpatient treatment again.
I'm still a bit scared, but I think it's only natural. The last times I was inpatient, I was still in the adolescent wards plus none of the places were specialized in trauma plus I didn't have the words to talk openly about my experiences yet, yet alone was fully aware of how wrong a lot of it was.
In the meantime, I've read and re-read "The body keeps the score", which helped me make sense of so much of my symptoms, the way I act and what I can do to improve while I'm waiting for both the Coronavirus situation to calm down and for myself to have worked myself to the point where I feel ready for an inpatient program.
I'm also working through the Complex PTSD workbook by Arielle Schwartz slowly. It's helped me make more sense of where I'm at currently and where I'd like to go. It's hard not to get overeager and want to do all the things at once, though.
Okay, I feel like that was a lot of text for a first post but I hope that's okay. I'll stop here for today and hope you all have a decent day
Edit: Already made a change of name, I used to be Shaun but this name feels closer to my heart
so this is my recovery journal. I've never had one of those, so please bear with me as I try to figure this out.
I am by the way fine with having people leave comments, I'd really apppreciate it actually. Sometimes I might post that I don't want comments on something in particular but I'll make it clear and obvious if that's happening. I hope that is alright.
I'm not quite sure how to start this to be honest. I've been on this journey for a long time, I'm 32 now, starting getting emotionally abused at 2 and the first time I had professional mental health help was at 13 (with a... not very good therapist). I've been in inpatient treatment 4 times and went to three different therapists before and after my inpatient stays.
My last time in therapy was from September 2018 to March 2019 and that was the first time I had a therapist I felt like I could open up to about all the things that have happened to me. Sadly, despite saying she was specialized in trauma she... wasn't really and seemed uncomfortable so we never really delved that deeply into the C-PTSD but she helped me a lot in giving me tools to improve my feeling of self worth and with managing anxiety symptoms.
She wasn't a perfect fit by any means but helped me keep it together when I felt close to losing it and I feel like after my past experiences with therapists and psychiatrists that was very helpful and made me more open to trying inpatient treatment again.
I'm still a bit scared, but I think it's only natural. The last times I was inpatient, I was still in the adolescent wards plus none of the places were specialized in trauma plus I didn't have the words to talk openly about my experiences yet, yet alone was fully aware of how wrong a lot of it was.
In the meantime, I've read and re-read "The body keeps the score", which helped me make sense of so much of my symptoms, the way I act and what I can do to improve while I'm waiting for both the Coronavirus situation to calm down and for myself to have worked myself to the point where I feel ready for an inpatient program.
I'm also working through the Complex PTSD workbook by Arielle Schwartz slowly. It's helped me make more sense of where I'm at currently and where I'd like to go. It's hard not to get overeager and want to do all the things at once, though.
Okay, I feel like that was a lot of text for a first post but I hope that's okay. I'll stop here for today and hope you all have a decent day
Edit: Already made a change of name, I used to be Shaun but this name feels closer to my heart
#51
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: Let's try again!
April 20, 2020, 03:03:55 PM
Thanks everyone for the warm welcome, that's so nice of you all!
Boatsetsailrose, thank you so much for sharing your experience with the community with me, that's all very reassuring to know. This feels like a very nice place.
Boatsetsailrose, thank you so much for sharing your experience with the community with me, that's all very reassuring to know. This feels like a very nice place.
#52
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Let's try again!
April 19, 2020, 07:18:28 PM
Hello everyone,
I've registered here about three years ago and managed to post an intro but never really got into posting more, I guess I just wasn't at that point in my journey then.
I'd love to give it another try and see what's up with this fascinating place!
I've registered here about three years ago and managed to post an intro but never really got into posting more, I guess I just wasn't at that point in my journey then.
I'd love to give it another try and see what's up with this fascinating place!
#53
Please Introduce Yourself Here / Re: I'm not sure I belong, but hi anyway :)
March 06, 2017, 08:25:33 PM
Hi everyone,
thank you all for the warm welcome and for letting me know I don't fail at making myself understood
. This seems to be quite a lovely place and I hope I can be a bit braver and post instead of lurk soon!
And Blueberry, thank you for the concern but no need to worry, Shaun isn't my real name, just the name of a fictional character I quite relate to.
thank you all for the warm welcome and for letting me know I don't fail at making myself understood
. This seems to be quite a lovely place and I hope I can be a bit braver and post instead of lurk soon!And Blueberry, thank you for the concern but no need to worry, Shaun isn't my real name, just the name of a fictional character I quite relate to.
#54
Please Introduce Yourself Here / I'm not sure I belong, but hi anyway :)
March 05, 2017, 11:38:19 AM
Hi everyone,
I never really know what to write in intro posts and I feel especially lost here. I guess I'll try to keep it short. I'm Shaun and I'm 28 years old.
I have dealt with a lot of traumatic stuff in my past which I'll try to elaborate on later but anyway, that has lead me to the point where I think there's a very big chance that I have C-PTSD but I haven't been professionally diagnosed (when your mental health issues stand in the way of you seeking therapy...). I hope I am welcome here anyway.
I guess that's the most important things for now, if there was anything else I was supposed to write in here or you'd like to know please just tell me ^^
Also, I'm sorry for any awkward phrasing, I'm not a native English speaker and sometimes my brain doesn't cooperate that well.
Thank you for reading
I never really know what to write in intro posts and I feel especially lost here. I guess I'll try to keep it short. I'm Shaun and I'm 28 years old.
I have dealt with a lot of traumatic stuff in my past which I'll try to elaborate on later but anyway, that has lead me to the point where I think there's a very big chance that I have C-PTSD but I haven't been professionally diagnosed (when your mental health issues stand in the way of you seeking therapy...). I hope I am welcome here anyway.
I guess that's the most important things for now, if there was anything else I was supposed to write in here or you'd like to know please just tell me ^^
Also, I'm sorry for any awkward phrasing, I'm not a native English speaker and sometimes my brain doesn't cooperate that well.
Thank you for reading